Devildog1981 Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 (edited) Hello LS. Meant to post an update to my situation 4 months ago:) Post can be found here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t220523/?highlight=Devildog1981 Just wanted to say first of all thank you for all the advice and support I received back in Feb. I do not think I would of saved my marriage if it was not for the people on this board that has dealt with these situations. Gunny, from one Marine to another I want to say thanks also! I last posted around feb 7th 2010. My marriage was over...done...dead....my world was turned upside down as you all can relate. I made a few common mistakes when I first heard the news from the wife but I stumbled upon this site and started putting together a plan to save my marriage. No matter how crappy I felt inside I had to do a 180! I changed everything. I stopped smoking, stopped drinking. I stopped calling her. I let her call me and I would not immediatley pick up if at all. I stopped moping around feeling sorry for myself. I started to take control of my life and started coming up with short term/ long term goals for myself. I honeslty felt it was over. When I accepted it was over that is when this huge burden was lifted off of me. I actually felt happy! I mean to the point where I had not felt in a long long time. I started doing the things I used to do when I was single that I loved. I started being "that guy" she fell in love with in the first place. I started to go to church and made a few guy friends for support. I even started counseling for myself. My work let me take a few weeks off which really turned the whole situation around and let me focus on myself. Want to thank the Marine Corps for that. They were concerned for me and did everything they could to help out. I exposed the emotional affair. She was pissed but I knew as long as it was hidden things could not move forward. No matter how mad she got I had to expose, so I did. I had e-mails, phone records, I did research and found the other married mans address, telephone, wides name. Who his boss was. I had instant messages I had it all and I exposed. I did not care how she felt I was being a jerk. I thought it was over. Your messing with a Marine by the way. I don't back down lightly. After I exposed the affair fizzled. It was no longer exciting and new. It was all laid out for all to see. And boy did it feel good:) The first major breakthrough was when me and the wife went out for a movie and dinner on Valentines day. No kissing, no hand holding, no pleading. Just dinner and a movie. It was hard but I did it and I could tell her walls were slowly falling. I honeslty thought it was over. Slowly we made small baby steps. She put her rings back on and eventually I would get back into sleeping in my bed. She eventually came around and we talked about everything. Got everything out in the open. We started to both go to marriage counseling, reading marriage books, date nights and just recommitting ourselves to each other. Agreed on more transparency ie who we hang around emails...boundaries that should never be crossed. Around Early March it felt like we were newlyweds! It as amazing. I don't recall sex being as great or frequent in one day. Truly amazing. Obviously this did not happen over night and a lot more details here and there left out. It was not like she came back to me on the same day. It was a slow process but one that had to be done. Again I thought it was over so I had nothing to lose but to do the 180 and get on with my life. I figure she is indeed gone forever, I save my marriage or I start my life anew with new goals with a new perspective on life. I have learned a lot from this ordeal. Again thanks LS. I will still be checking in from time to time. Just wanted to give some hope to anyone that may be going through what I went through. I recommitted my life back to Christ and life couldn't be better. From the depths of dispair to the mountain tops of joy. I hope this can happen for you! Thanks for reading. I'm typing on my iPhone so hope there is not that many spelling errors:) Edited May 28, 2010 by Devildog1981
tojaz Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Congratulations DevilDog!!!!!!!! :bunny: Nice to hear a success story for a change! Please tell us all about it, I'm sure were hanging on every word! Very happy for you! TOJAZ
heartbrokensj Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 Devildog, I am so glad you posted your update..I am a newbie to this site but just recently after a 2.5 month separation, my husband has come home and we are in the very raw stages of working on our marriage but I am taking all the steps you took with your wife, working on myself, getting my soul right with lords, working on being the woman he fell in love and i myself trying to get back to feeling like "me" in the best possible way. Your story is inspiring and I hope i will be posting in the near future the same happy rebirth of our marriage as well!
Gunny376 Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 Now you know just as the Corps has taught you! Its all about being proactive and not reactive! The Corps taught you ~ you don't wait for them to come to you, but you go out and find them! Your spot on when you got back to being the guy that she feel in love with in the first place? What it took to get her? Is what it takes to keep her! You've got to date your mate. And just as the Corps taught you? Its about being prepared! Its about being proactive. It means coming home and not turning off the radio, the stereo, the TV, looking trough the mail, reading the paper. Its about turning and tuning all of those things out ~ including the children for the first thirty or so minutes and communicating, talking to and re-connecting with your wife. Listening to her (while not trying to solve her problems nor issues ) ~ just listening. Saying simple things such as "I understand" or even "I don't understand? Or explain to me what your saying as though I was a four year old? Your not a woman, your never going to be a woman and literally your mind isn't wired liked a woman. You literally could not possibly think like a woman even if you tried. Women worry about a lot! Things about men could give a damn about! They pay attention to detail which is why my WM's (Women Marines) worked in the air conditioned office, and my male Marines sweated out in the heat! Men and women's minds are literally wired differently. Anyway you're back on the right track. If she stays or goes? You'll be alright. She's got more to lose in lossing you than you have in lossing her! Good men and women are hard to come by? Someone with a Marines training ~ be they man or woman are even harder to come by. It was that not just military training ~ but Marine Corps training that you by and through this. Everything past San Deigo or Parris Island? Is just a joke! Marine Corps boot camp isn't about making it through boot camp? Its about if you've got what it takes to make in the FMF! So keep reading the books, for her "Light His Fire" and for you "Light Her Fire!" (Sidenote you're not allowed to read each others books!) And then read "How Can We Light A Fire When Our Kids Are Driving Us Crazy!" First thirty mintutes home? no chores, no TV. no radio, no going through the mail and no children. Just you and her! Kiss and hug for the first sixty seconds. ( You're not going to believe how hard that is to do! And when you kiss don't ram your tounge down her throat! Learn how to kiss, and for women? Its not french kissing. Only about 19% of women like performing oral sex ~ most don't!~ guess what French Kissing equates to. Learn how to kiss! I'll give you a clue! Lip kiss, pull away, look deeply into one another eyes, perhaps gentytly bite her lips with your lips not your teeth, pull away and do the same. Repeat! Women are very emotional persons and beings! With women its all abouit antivation and respect! When a woman gives herself to you? (There are exceptions) She's giving her mind, body, spirit, soul and very being to you! The exception is that sometimes? Women just to have sex to!
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 God bless you and your wife DevilDog. You inspire many of us here at LS. Don't ever let yourself go back to your old ways & always expect the same from her. Don't take her forgranted. A successful marriage is (IMHO), the single most beneficial relationship a man will have in his life. Don't forget it. Good Luck!
seibert253 Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 Semper Fi Marine! Thank you for your service to our country. Your old marriage is now over Enjoy your new one.
habs53 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 May i ask how long you did the 180 before you started seeing results. I tryed doing this to my wife but slipped up. She started to wonder who is was talking to on the phone and everything. I will do it again and not give in this time to my anger.
What_Next Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 After reading what you went through it is amazing how close your story parallels mine. I was riveted by it when I read it. I am in awe and while I'd like to say it gives me confidence that my situation will work out the same I am at least 100% honest in saying that I am extremely happy for you! I wish you nothing but the best of luck
nicoleoctober Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 That is wonderful and I feel so much happiness for you! I wish you all the best!
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