What Would Make a Woman Think That a Straight Guy is Gay...?

[USMCHokie]

Ok, previous thread got deleted for obvious reasons...but I'm actually still curious and would like to continue the discussion...

 

Background: Hung out with a lady on several occasions, and on numerous occasions, women have approached both me and her and asked if I was gay, which I am not.

 

So here are the questions laid out again.

 

 

- What characteristics, other than behaviors and mannerisms stereotypically attributed to gay men, would make a woman think that a straight guy is gay?

 

- Would this affect how they perceive this guy? Would it prematurely throw the guy in the friend zone?

 

- The lady I was with told me that these women actually said great things about me...so does being a decent guy make one gay in today's society...?

Edited May 28, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Lakeside_runner]

- What characteristics, other than behaviors and mannerisms stereotypically attributed to gay men, would make a woman think that a straight guy is gay?

 

The way he talks, the way he moves around, the way he sits i.e. speech pattern and body language. However I can't imagine you coming from the marine corps have any of these...

 

- Would this affect how they perceive this guy? Would it prematurely throw the guy in the friend zone?

 

Yes. Certainly. The first impression was - "He's gay." and no matter what you do it'll stick.

 

- The lady I was with told me that these women actually said great things about me...so does being a decent guy make one gay in today's society...?

 

Unfortunately - yes. Just because I grew up in Europe and don't bulge, fart, or sneeze loudly I've been called gay. For some reason people started associate good manners with being gay...

 

I mean no disrespect but can it be that the lady you were with has a very strong personality is may be perceived as a lesbian ergo you, hanging out with her, are going to be perceived as her gay friend?

Edited May 28, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Confusedalways]

- What characteristics, other than behaviors and mannerisms stereotypically attributed to gay men, would make a woman think that a straight guy is gay?

 

- Would this affect how they perceive this guy? Would it prematurely throw the guy in the friend zone?

 

- The lady I was with told me that these women actually said great things about me...so does being a decent guy make one gay in today's society...?

 

I once met a guy who I REALLY thought he was gay. He is/was very well dressed and talked much more than I did (and I talk A LOT). He had a lot of 'the mannerisms' and his accessories (scarf, shoes and glasses) screamed gay to me. I was really taken aback when I understood he was hitting on me.

 

Yes, it will throw them into the friend zone. I don't want to date someone that I thought they were gay. But, I'm into "manly men" as opposed to some women who are into "metros."

 

After I heard great things about the guy I would probably think "thats nice, for someone else."

[sagetalk]

Sadly, the following:

 

 

• you don't burp in public
  
• you don't scratch yourself in public
  
• are in good shape
  
• don't grab them physically after a few encounters
  
• you don't like them as much as they think you should
  
• you want to wait to have sex
  
• you don't stare at their intentionally exposed cleavage
  

I blame feminism, but then again, I blame feminism for most of the bad crap that happens in the western world.

[Lakeside_runner]

Sadly, the following:

 

 

• you don't burp in public
  
• you don't scratch yourself in public
  
• are in good shape
  
• don't grab them physically after a few encounters
  
• you don't like them as much as they think you should
  
• you want to wait to have sex
  
• you don't stare at their intentionally exposed cleavage
  

I blame feminism, but then again, I blame feminism for most of the bad crap that happens in the western world.

 

big, BIG F**K!!! I fall in 7 out of 7 categories. I'm screwed!!!

[Kang]

Sadly, the following:

 

 

• you don't burp in public
  
• you don't scratch yourself in public
  
• are in good shape
  
• don't grab them physically after a few encounters
  
• you don't like them as much as they think you should
  
• you want to wait to have sex
  
• you don't stare at their intentionally exposed cleavage
  

I blame feminism, but then again, I blame feminism for most of the bad crap that happens in the western world.

 

Wait.. Really?

I employ 6 out of 7 of those things (Yes I do stare at intentionally exposed cleavage) and one of them is a sometimes maybe depends on the girl thing.

But I have never been flat out called gay or been asked if I was gay. I dress like a normal guy, have a deep enough voice, etc to avoid it I guess..

 

@Op exactly how do you carry yourself when you're out with her? Are you constantly tickling her? Anything to better understand how you dress/act would help greatly.

[Taramere]

Women are forever being disappointed by the discovery that the man they took a shine to is either already coupled up and/or is gay. Two things you want to know about a man before you decide to take an active interest in him:

 

1. Is he single?

2. Is he straight?

 

Hence the enquiries into your sexuality, I would imagine.

[TaurusTerp]

Sadly, the following:

 

 

• you don't burp in public
  
• you don't scratch yourself in public
  
• are in good shape
  
• don't grab them physically after a few encounters
  
• you don't like them as much as they think you should
  
• you want to wait to have sex
  
• you don't stare at their intentionally exposed cleavage
  

I blame feminism, but then again, I blame feminism for most of the bad crap that happens in the western world.

 

Those would be red flags to me if I were a girl. Just my 2 cents, anyway.

 

 

I think it's all about mannerisms. Honestly, I have some pretty fruity/girly habits. I own about 20 pairs of dress shoes, my warddrobe is larger than 99% of womens, I like stupid pop music like taylor swift, i like musicals, I cook, I'm in good shape, etc.

 

I have never once been asked if I was gay by a woman.

[skydiveaddict]

Hokie, it's all because Erica is with you. Since she is a very attractive girl and you two aren't dating, I can see why some girls might think you're gay and she is your wingman. (woman)

[USMCHokie]

@Op exactly how do you carry yourself when you're out with her? Are you constantly tickling her? Anything to better understand how you dress/act would help greatly.

 

 

The girl I hung out with is strictly a friend. We are essentially each others wingperson...so no, there is no tickling...or really any other behaviors that would imply that we were together, except the sole fact that we showed up at the same time and sat at the same table...

 

As far as dress, I'm normally in a fitted solid color t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. If I'm going out some place nicer, I'll replace the t-shirt with a fitted dress shirt with neatly rolled up sleeves. I don't wear any accessories other than a watch. So in essence, I dress very plainly, but my clothes fit well.

 

I don't feel that I act out of the ordinary or in a stereotypically gay fashion when I'm out. To describe it in another way that LS members will surely understand, I'm a nice guy without being a nice guy...so it's like being a truly good guy is so far out of the ordinary that women go straight to thinking you're gay...?

[USMCHokie]

Women are forever being disappointed by the discovery that the man they took a shine to is either already coupled up and/or is gay. Two things you want to know about a man before you decide to take an active interest in him:

 

1. Is he single?

2. Is he straight?

 

Hence the enquiries into your sexuality, I would imagine.

 

 

Understandable. But as I stated in the previous thread, the women who ask me (with an exception or two) are those that I have not approached in the dating sense or are those who are already taken or haven't shown an interest in me. (e.g., my friend's friend's mother...)

 

So do women question the sexuality first...?

[USMCHokie]

Unfortunately - yes. Just because I grew up in Europe and don't bulge, fart, or sneeze loudly I've been called gay. For some reason people started associate good manners with being gay...

 

Indeed, which is why I wonder whether being a good person can create this preconceived notion...

 

 

I mean no disrespect but can it be that the lady you were with has a very strong personality is may be perceived as a lesbian ergo you, hanging out with her, are going to be perceived as her gay friend?

 

Hahahah, no, we are not each others beards...

[Kang]

The girl I hung out with is strictly a friend. We are essentially each others wingperson...so no, there is no tickling...or really any other behaviors that would imply that we were together, except the sole fact that we showed up at the same time and sat at the same table...

 

As far as dress, I'm normally in a fitted solid color t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. If I'm going out some place nicer, I'll replace the t-shirt with a fitted dress shirt with neatly rolled up sleeves. I don't wear any accessories other than a watch. So in essence, I dress very plainly, but my clothes fit well.

 

I don't feel that I act out of the ordinary or in a stereotypically gay fashion when I'm out. To describe it in another way that LS members will surely understand, I'm a nice guy without being a nice guy...so it's like being a truly good guy is so far out of the ordinary that women go straight to thinking you're gay...?

 

Well I'm guessing the colours are usually black, blue, green, you know.. Man colours, so I really can't see why people call you gay.. I feel for you man, that must really suck. Especially not having a reason.

[Taramere]

Understandable. But as I stated in the previous thread, the women who ask me (with an exception or two) are those that I have not approached in the dating sense or are those who are already taken or haven't shown an interest in me. (e.g., my friend's friend's mother...)

 

So do women question the sexuality first...?

 

Well...the sexuality would be more of a problem. Recently I received a group-sent email (a hacker hoax, as it transpired) from a guy I used to be interested in, announcing that he was gay. I definitely felt more of a "damn" than I would if he was announcing that he was in a relationship. Relationships can end, but gay is gay until the day you pass away.

 

Perhaps your friend's friend is interested in you, has confided in her mother and got her mother to do a bit of digging on her behalf. Any one of these inquisitive souls could be acting as detective for an interested party.

[USMCHokie]

Hokie, it's all because she is with you. Since she is a very attractive girl and you two aren't dating, I can see why some girls might think you're gay and she is your wingman. (woman)

 

So is it going out with an attractive female friend what causes other women to think this? Now that I think about it...last night I was out with the friend and a bunch of her friends...all women...out of the 8 or so of us, only 2 guys...myself and a boyfriend of one of the girls...so I can see how I could easily be looked at as "one of the girls"...

[USMCHokie]

Well I'm guessing the colours are usually black, blue, green, you know.. Man colours, so I really can't see why people call you gay.. I feel for you man, that must really suck. Especially not having a reason.

 

Oh, don't get me wrong...these women aren't calling me gay and walking away...it's not like that at all...it's usually when either my friend or I are talking to them that they casually ask if I'm gay...my friend tells me that she sees it as a compliment...as the question usually follows the women telling her how "great" they think I am...and they learn that I'm not gay, I usually get a 'oh, cool.'

[USMCHokie]

Perhaps your friend's friend is interested in you, has confided in her mother and got her mother to do a bit of digging on her behalf. Any one of these inquisitive souls could be acting as detective for an interested party.

 

Heh, as cool as that might be, the friend's friend is engaged.

 

So if a woman confirmed that a guy was single, what would make her even consider the second question of your paradigm...? Do you make this determination with every guy you encounter, or do you assume all men are either straight or gay until proven otherwise?

[Star Gazer]

...so I can see how I could easily be looked at as "one of the girls"...

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Add to that the politeness, that you're well groomed, and have a hot bod... and you have a gay prototype.

[Taramere]

Heh, as cool as that might be, the friend's friend is engaged.

 

So if a woman confirmed that a guy was single, what would make her even consider the second question of your paradigm...? Do you make this determination with every guy you encounter, or do you assume all men are either straight or gay until proven otherwise?

 

Well, I don't assume anything. In the course of conversing with a guy who I find attractive, I'll make subtle enquiries that help me establish things I need to know - like age, relationship status and sexuality.

 

I was talking to a German guy once, and using my subtle interviewing techniques to gently pull out important clues. He suddenly announced "I'm 35, unmarried and heterosexual. Is there anything else you would need to know about me?" I said thanks for the rundown, and I think that about covers it for now. We went on a couple of dates, but it didn't end well. My fault for forgetting to add "are you a sh*t?" onto my need to know list.

 

You should try that. Pre-empt the subtle questions by telling women you're in conversation with "I'm (age), unmarried, heterosexual and I'm not a sh*t."

[USMCHokie]

You should try that. Pre-empt the subtle questions by telling women you're in conversation with "I'm (age), unmarried, heterosexual and I'm not a sh*t."

 

 

Hahah, thanks, I think I'm going to write that down. And saying something like that would fit my personality to a T...especially that last part...

[TouchedByViolet]

The problem is clear to me... you are spending time with Erica (a hotty) and you act like FRIENDS.

 

Even if you are just friends you MUST to be flirty with her! You need the other women to see you interacting with Erica so they will get envious of her. Then they will know you are straight and they will definitely want to get to know you.

 

As a wing lady her job is to make you appear flirty, sexy, and a catch. Her acting like a friend in public will not do any of those, but it will make you look gay.

[EricaH329]

Oh - I meant to ask, does this only happen when you are out with this 'lady friend'? Or does this happen all the time that you go out?

[4givrnt4gtr]

You know I dated two men that after a while i got a very strong "you're gay" feeling about them.

 

What gave me the feeling was, well one was REALLY into himself, as in, clothes, hair cuts, facials, (even I dont get facials for the love of buddah). After we broke up I saw him posting pictures of himself on facebook and myspace that scream gay (you know like the type of pictures high school girls take of themselves? yeah...he never did come out but i am sure a little (or big) part of him is gay.

 

The second one....I guess mannerisms, that he wouldnt have sex with me claiming he just either wasnt feeling ok, or felt insecured and ultimately, that one of the last times we were together, we were both drunk and he asked me to put "it" in him....

As drunk as I was I told him i didnt have an "it" and he would need to get someone else to help him with that....That one is still not out yet either but he did move to San Fran...so it wont be long im sure.

 

Actually I was musing about this same subject this morning when I was hanging out with my boyfriend. As sensitive and loving as he is, there is not a hair or bone in his body that feels gay....in fact he "feels" extremely masculine without having to try....i honestly think mostly is just the vibe you give off.

 

I think is kind of like when you see a feminine girl, no matter what she wears, whether is overalls and a dirty cap, you'll "feel" her femininity, just as a more tomboyish, manly woman, can dress up but still give the masculine feeling...

[Jilly Bean]

Hokie - I looked at your profile pics, and I can kinda see why people make this erroneous assumption.

 

You are very smooth shaven, clean cut, and have a broad, wide smile with high cheekbones. Plus, you are very lean. Which can be viewed as feminine, or twinky-ish. Most men aren't as well put together. lol

 

If it really bothers you - try some facial hair. Might give you a more rugged look.

 

But still, as I wrote on your other thread, who cares? And I do think it's exceptionally crass for someone to walk up to you and ask if you're gay. Next time, I would respond with, "No, do you have a yeast infection?"

[MrNate]

Hahah, thanks, I think I'm going to write that down. And saying something like that would fit my personality to a T...especially that last part...

 

Dude, you have a six pack and like 0% bodyfat. Who cares if some women think you're gay?? I know I wouldn't care.

 

 

But it does say something about a lot of us guys out there, if women are constantly disappointed that all the sexy guys are usually gay, ha

 

Maybe more of us need to take care of ourselves better?

 

And It's always funny how some women think you're gay if you don't return their interest. That one cracks me up the most?

 

Girl A: 'Girl, I pulled out all the moves, and he totally rejected me'

Girl B: ' He MUST be gay.'

 

L.O.L