GrayClouds Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Thanks, mickleb. I'm actually already signed up with them, with only 2 groups. I'm really nervous about trying it, but I know what you're saying. I can't tell if its too early or not, all I know is I feel like total crap most of the time, and I don't wanna feel like this anymore. There's only 2 groups that I found on there, though... but maybe I just need to try harder. Congratulation, trying beat hoping every time. If you wait until you feel better, you may be stuck forever. Again remember: The first step is understanding you are going to feel like crap for some time. Not feeling it is at the end of the process not at the beginning. Keep trying. I can guarantee the more you try, the better you will feel.
Author aeren944 Posted June 3, 2010 Author Posted June 3, 2010 Well, I'm up to 4 Meetup groups now... but that's about it available anywhere near me. That was the easy part, but I keep telling myself that I actually have to GO to a meetup. That's going to be the really hard part. I hate feeling like crap... that's why I smoke the pot. I'm almost DESPERATE to not feel it... this morning, I felt so terrible. I was crying all morning, and I'm at work. I went to my doctor's appointment, cried when the doctor wasn't in the room, and I wanted to text her so bad!! I didn't, though, but I was desperate... so, after my doctor's appointment, I went back home and smoked some pot. Now, I feel better... I feel, at least, like I can function... and I'm not crying my eyes out. What does that mean? Is the pot helping or am I just trying not to feel the pain? This morning was TERRIBLE, though, and I really, really don't think I can handle that pain.
mickleb Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Having done just a *leetle* research on your old threads, aeren, I'm feeling more sure that pot isn't helpful for you, at this time. There was a suicide attempt recently and you described your feelings for her as an 'addiction'. It HAS only been a month for you and it was a very significant relationship of 7 years. You shouldn't really be feeling much better than you do. Obviously, you shouldn't be trying not to feel better but I think you are feeling overwhelmed and turning to the pot to keep you sane. You are not going insane. The pain you are experiencing is perfectly normal. But you may well be at risk of becoming clinically depressed, considering your recent history. I think you should consider a more controlled form of medication, if you haven't done so already. I think you should talk to your doctor about anti-depressants. I'd prefer a professional to be handing out the substances you're taking at the moment. You will move through this but it is hideous, almost unbearable, at first. I also, get from you that you sense something is dangerous about your habit. What do you think? x
Author aeren944 Posted June 3, 2010 Author Posted June 3, 2010 Having done just a *leetle* research on your old threads, aeren, I'm feeling more sure that pot isn't helpful for you, at this time. There was a suicide attempt recently and you described your feelings for her as an 'addiction'. It HAS only been a month for you and it was a very significant relationship of 7 years. You shouldn't really be feeling much better than you do. Obviously, you shouldn't be trying not to feel better but I think you are feeling overwhelmed and turning to the pot to keep you sane. You are not going insane. The pain you are experiencing is perfectly normal. But you may well be at risk of becoming clinically depressed, considering your recent history. I think you should consider a more controlled form of medication, if you haven't done so already. I think you should talk to your doctor about anti-depressants. I'd prefer a professional to be handing out the substances you're taking at the moment. You will move through this but it is hideous, almost unbearable, at first. I also, get from you that you sense something is dangerous about your habit. What do you think? x Well, in fact, that's why I was at my doctor today anyway. I've been on anti-depressants but they weren't helping at all, obviously. So, he switched my medication. If these work, it will be better, but if not, I have to get through another 3 weeks somehow... because that's how long I have to wait to feel a difference. I completely FEEL like I'm going insane. She lives about a block away from me... she moved a block away from me. Every night I wanna walk by her house... I completely feel like I'm going insane. I just don't know... this morning, I was totally a wreck. I was crying so much, and it wasn't helping at all, and I was at work! I'm still at work right now. They've tried 2 different anti-depressants with me, and neither have worked, so I don't even know how those pills are going to help. I'm serious when I say I really feel like I can't do this... I can't handle this, you know? I don't want anyone to be scared and tell me to go to a suicide councilor... I just don't know... I appreciate your going back and looking at some of my posts, mickleb. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing... but at least you've got some history... What should I have done this morning, if not smoke pot? I might be here at my desk, fighting back tears... I might be crying my eyes out in the bathroom... I might be sent home for not doing my job well or for being preoccupied. Honestly, I don't think it's dangerous, I guess... I might think that it's not the best thing for me to do now... and maybe that's why I created this thread in the first place... but, again, I'm just trying to feel better.
mickleb Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Have you discussed the smoking with your doctor? It could be affecting the medication. If he/she thinks it's ok and it works for you better than anti-depressants, there's no problem. I guess the thing you need to get a grip on is to not become phsycologically addicted to it. I am concerned that you have an addicitive personality, so that's my main issue with it, for you. You know it doesn't help with the obsessive/paranoiac thoughts that are symptomatic of a break-up, also, I'm sure. I appreciate your frustration. If it the medication that works for you, then, why not? But there are a few 'why nots', as have been discussed. So, keep your doctor informed of your use, instead. Whilst I am not going to suggest a suicide counsellor for you, therapy can't be a bad option, at this stage. BTW - I feel irresponsible giving advice without checking on a member's history. It's always better to have a clearer picture if you're advising anyone. x
What_Next Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 I do understand where you are aeren944. I am doing the same thing with alcohol. Right now it is the only thing that dulls it for me. Honestly it is the only thing that is allowing me to sleep. Or maybe I am just telling myself that. I personally don't do pot all that often, but my brother does. I believe it is less harmful than booze actually. Be careful, don't overdo it though.
Author aeren944 Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 I'm trying, What Next. Also, I'm sorry for what's happened to you... I read your other post about it. I do feel for you... and you're not alone, obviously. I'm scared to drink much, because I have a feeling I'd call her at 3 AM and cry and beg her back... even after SHE cheat on ME. The loss of inhibitions would be bad for me. I'm finding it really hard to sleep, too, though. You'd think the pot would help that, but it doesn't. I used to go to bed at 11 or 12 sometimes, if I had to work the next day... now I can't get to sleep until around 2 AM. Not only that, I wake up at around 5 AM, even when I DON'T have to work that day.
What_Next Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Right, in some ways I wish I did smoke pot, as when I do I usually turn into a GMO (genetically modified organism) . I only drink beer and it's light beer so there's little chance that I'll "drunk dial", or more accurately "drunk walk upstairs". If I drink enough climbing 2 flights of stairs won't happen anyway... I know it isn't good for me, but it has kept me sane; at least I think so. I do have to get up for work every day at 7 and I do that, no matter what the night before held for me. Also I bring my 11 year old to school and that time is precious to me. Thanks for your empathy. I've only stumbled onto this forum by accident, but it has helped. It's nice to know you're not alone. PM me if you need to.
You Go Girl Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 meetup.com, check it out. I'm going through a divorce and will be moving shortly to my cottage. It is in a somewhat rural area whereas now I live in the city. I will be alone a lot. But then, I look forward somewhat to being alone. I have always wanted to write a novel. I have been very afraid of the idea of being alone. I'm getting used to it. Some organized social events are necessary though. Some pot and gaming, don't beat yourself up over. But it can't become your life. And if you don't feel churchy, maybe that's not for you.
ihateusernames Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 Mate, for what it is worth - I reckon burn one down. So what, you smoke a bit of pot. Are you beating anyone up? Are you screaming and yelling at anyone? Has your life started to spiral out of control? If you still have the rest of your your life together then enjoy. Hell that is half the battle - learning to enjoy life again. Take care
marilyn80 Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 Wine has been a life saver for me. As long as it doesn't become an addiction, I think it's great to have a little mind altering experience to take the edge off.
pureinheart Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 Yeah... that's what I told myself yesterday... it seems like I'm self-medicating. It really does help, from what I can tell. You're right, breakups cause people to search for anything that will make the pain die down. I feel like I''m self-medicating, but is that so much a bad thing? People tell me I need to take care of myself, so that's what I feel like I'm doing. Thing is, I don't feel like I'm getting out, or meeting new people, and I don't have many friends... obviously. I feel like I need to get some friends, instead of doing this... but I'm trying to take it a day at a time, and this is what's helping right now... Being an old time partier, thinking that if it "owned" you there would not have been a break inbetween...meaning you would have kept using...it is a crutch and that is it. When we break a leg we have to use "crutches", when it's healed we throw them away. Man dude, these last two years have been a total downer. I was being hit on ALL sides and had two periods during this that I drank wine and/or beer everynight for about a month...just wanted to numb out. Life can hit us real hard, and we might have these crutches for a period of time, but they don't own us...we will succeed and come through them to better times...it's happening to me right now. Seriously, I didn't think life would ever get better and it is....(((((((((hugs))))))))
pureinheart Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 Is it "normal"?. I would tend to think because of its illegality that the answer to that question would be no. Does it work? It's hard to give a one-size-fits-all-answer to that. But in my experience, pot or hash have properties, some of which can be beneficial in ways that can not just be imparted in speech. The hallucinogen (THC) can augment the power to visualize and find reason not normally at all obvious. After a heart-breaking break-up with my then fiancé, I took to hard drinking and hard drugging. Then one day I smoked some marijuana and it all but saved my spiraling-out-of-control life. I had this sort of collective perception of all the bad things I was doing to myself which I don't think would have come to me any other way. I flushed whatever alcohol I had in the house and destroyed all drug paraphernalia. My resolve to get a hold of myself was sudden and total. Some may condescend and damn me for switching one drug for another but the change to pot from booze and base is one I'd take any time. You can really hurt yourself and decline in many ways by boozing. And smoking cocaine is like playing real Russian Roulette. The worst pot can do is turn you into Seth Rogan. It's better to be alive and believe in the possibilities of the future and then make and achieve some goals, than to self medicate with eyes and mind on nothing but the moment. No different than doctors using methadone(I think) to come off of heroin. All I have to say to those that would judge harshly would be, "hey be thankful that your not where I'm at, and hope you never are"....
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