Karma611 Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 About a year and a half ago I started a affair with a coworker it started out just as fooling around and then turned serious she was single and I am married my marriage has been bad for a few years my wife and I decided to stay together for our children and financial reasons, I would meet with my coworker once a week and we would get a room and it was always great as the months went by we would see more and more of each other wenade the mistake of falling in love she would always ask me to leave my wife and I would think it over and one time I told her I would and she said that she didn't want to be tied down in a relationship. We stopped seeing eachother for ahwhile and then started up again and feelings grew deeper she would mention that she wanted more or me and it would scare me because of what happened before, just a few weeks ago we got into arguement and i told her it wouldn't work out in a relationship with her. Her response was fine. After a few days of not talking I started to regret saying that and texted her to apologize she responded by telling me she couldn't do this anymore and that what I said hurt her.. I started to feel horrible tried calling and texting to which she wouldn't respond finaly I got a hold of her and she acted very cold be distant saying she can't go on like this.. I understand and I did this to myself I just can't stop thinking about her I find reasons to text or call then feel like crap afterwords my hours changed at work and I see her very rarely but in the past week I been going out of my way to see her when she leaves for the day, I don't know how to get her out if my head because I'm so used to talking and seeing her I'm just out of options and don't know how to move past this and forget her
Spark1111 Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Karma, oh boy! My husband lived this scenario. He got caught. I threw him out, enraged, sobbing, out of control. Our children were devastated, our lives shattered. Do you want this in your life? What do YOU want? Divorce your wife and go be with your new love. Or, get found out and watch the depression you spiral into. Or cease all contact with your OW. Grieve the loss. Re-commit to your marriage. Go to counseling and figure out what you need to be happy. I wish you peace, my friend.
whatcanidonow2 Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Karma, Put your co-worker to one side, and look again at your marriage. Look at the things that were lacking in it that led you to become involved in an affair. Most likely, these things can be addressed & resolved if both of you want a better marriage. You may be able to save your marriage. I don't think your wife knows about the affair? Keep it that way - you will find it harder to repair your marriage with her knowing what you've been doing & for how long. You've picked a good handle - what goes around comes around. But you still have the chance to save it all.
Hard2Think Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Karma, Put your co-worker to one side, and look again at your marriage. Look at the things that were lacking in it that led you to become involved in an affair. Most likely, these things can be addressed & resolved if both of you want a better marriage. You may be able to save your marriage. I don't think your wife knows about the affair? Keep it that way - you will find it harder to repair your marriage with her knowing what you've been doing & for how long. You've picked a good handle - what goes around comes around. But you still have the chance to save it all. That's good advice on paper, but the key phrase there is "if both of you want a better marriage". Too many times it seems one spouse thinks everything is OK despite being told they are not. We see evidence of that here in this board all the time. The problem is, and I tell you this from experience, that if you get caught, the focus will all be on the damage you did. It could take years to get to the point to where you get to address issues in the marriage that led to this. If you think you already tried to fix everything in your marriage to no avail, and she won't take what you say seriously, then tell her that you may consider having ana affair and that you know someone who is interested. That might be enough get you both to sit down and try really to work things out. That's what I wish I had done really instead of having the affair.
DadofTwoGirls Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 If you're going to have an affair with a co-worker..please keep it purely physical!!!..if you don't all you get is 2 screwed up relationships:eek:
Hard2Think Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 If you're going to have an affair with a co-worker..please keep it purely physical!!!..if you don't all you get is 2 screwed up relationships:eek:That never seems to work. Best intentions and all that ..
stillafool Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 About a year and a half ago I started a affair with a coworker it started out just as fooling around and then turned serious she was single and I am married my marriage has been bad for a few years my wife and I decided to stay together for our children and financial reasons, I would meet with my coworker once a week and we would get a room and it was always great as the months went by we would see more and more of each other wenade the mistake of falling in love she would always ask me to leave my wife and I would think it over and one time I told her I would and she said that she didn't want to be tied down in a relationship. We stopped seeing eachother for ahwhile and then started up again and feelings grew deeper she would mention that she wanted more or me and it would scare me because of what happened before, just a few weeks ago we got into arguement and i told her it wouldn't work out in a relationship with her. Her response was fine. After a few days of not talking I started to regret saying that and texted her to apologize she responded by telling me she couldn't do this anymore and that what I said hurt her.. I started to feel horrible tried calling and texting to which she wouldn't respond finaly I got a hold of her and she acted very cold be distant saying she can't go on like this.. I understand and I did this to myself I just can't stop thinking about her I find reasons to text or call then feel like crap afterwords my hours changed at work and I see her very rarely but in the past week I been going out of my way to see her when she leaves for the day, I don't know how to get her out if my head because I'm so used to talking and seeing her I'm just out of options and don't know how to move past this and forget her Well since your wife agrees that you have a bad marriage and the two of you are only together for the kids; maybe you should have another talk with your wife and tell her you are in love with someone else. Maybe she will give you a divorce so you and the OW can be together. My advice, tell your wife.
rewe4reel Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Karma611, you need to realize that you have a bad marriage because of you. You're wasting all your energy on the OW. You're neglecting your wife and your kids for the extramarital relationship. No matter how "bad" you believe your marriage to be, your wife gave you your children. If you love your children, you should be thankful you had the opportunity to marry the woman who carried them and went through labor to give birth to them, as well as most likely doing 99% of the day to day work of taking care of them and raising them. I don't care what little problems you think your wife has caused in your marriage....overweight, eating crackers in bed, nagging you....she's THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN. [i can never understand why men like the OP don't seem to "get" this idea.]
scatterd Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 You did not say much about your wife its unfair for her not to know let her go so she can find someone loyal and that will give her the love she needs.good luck
secretlady76 Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 I wouldn't recommend telling your wife. What I would recommend is, if you are serious about your marriage is NO CONTACT with the OW. No seeing or contacting her. Nothing. Zilch. It's the only way. Any slight contact prolongs the pain. It's torturous.
reboot Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 I wouldn't recommend telling your wife. What I would recommend is, if you are serious about your marriage is NO CONTACT with the OW. No seeing or contacting her. Nothing. Zilch. It's the only way. Any slight contact prolongs the pain. It's torturous. I didn't see him say anything about being serious about his marriage.
DadofTwoGirls Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 and to add to what secretlady posted...TAKE IT TO YOUR GRAVE!!!! If you want any chance of the marriage working sometime in the furture.
bentnotbroken Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Oh yeah, that's real fair to his wife. Dontcha just love the way a person's life is decided by a person with not an ounce of respect for them. And encouraged to continue the lying until the grave. REAL FAIR.
2long Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Karma: Maybe what it will take for you 2 pull your head out of your nethers is for the OW 2 report you 2 the police and charge you with felony stalking. I'm not going 2 help you "fix" your affair. But if you want 2 know how 2 make amends with your wife, I'll respond. Think about it. -ol' 2long
CrayonAngel Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Funny how the cheaters always respond with "take it to your grave" and "don't tell your W" :sick::sick: How happy are you guys again? Oh yeah, your not...living a lie is a miserable life! Divorce your W and set her free to be with someone who will respect her and her vagina!! maybe if you put the effort into your marriage that your putting in your affair (getting on a relationship site and asking for advice) you wouldn't even be here. be a big boy.
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 (edited) I 100 percent agree with Rewe4Reel! You only have a bad marriage with your wife because you have to justify this affair in your head! After catching my husband in an affair over a month ago...I still don't know if he's worthy enough to be with me any longer! Now had he been upfront and told me when I many a times gave him the opportunity to fess up...he denied it till he was blue in the face mind you...I think my outrage would've been a lil different! Just put yourself in your wives shoes. How would you feel if she was sleeping with some young hot guy at work? I have had MANY opportunities in my life to sleep with men and have never taken that risk...because I thought it was the right thing to do...and it still is. Don't think your just cheating your wife either...cause your not! Your cheating your own self..and your kids as well. Have some morals and if you truly aren;t happy in your marriage...do you really think your wife is too? Just tell her before your found out..cause that will be ten times worse then if your upfront. Start off by telling her you screwed up...BIG TIME!!! Edited May 28, 2010 by PortuguesePrincess80
Author Karma611 Posted May 28, 2010 Author Posted May 28, 2010 not that it is right but my wife has had a affair on me about 2 years ago, i found out about it we decided to stay together for our kids because finacially we couldnt afford to seperate, i by no means got into this relationship for revenge its just something that happened i dont see the point of telling my wife either and creating a whole new problem i just need help letting go of this and moving on..
pollyanna22 Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Well since your wife agrees that you have a bad marriage and the two of you are only together for the kids; maybe you should have another talk with your wife and tell her you are in love with someone else. Maybe she will give you a divorce so you and the OW can be together. My advice, tell your wife. Being someone of experience..most like the wife does not agree or "know" the marriage is that bad, most likely you tell yourself this so it does'nt seem so bad to have the affair, and I'm quite positive OW thinks it's bad too.
scatterd Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 You are married and want this other woman well my husband asked for devoice I found out why Ow I cried and I am still crying Im leaving him soon I found out he is not the man I married.My husband died he is abusive and defensive he does not want me to leave when I want to go but when I stay he acts horrible.Im lonely but I could be alone with out drama.I will meet someone when Im healed but the door Will be permanently closed for him. after we half everything and I had to go.The grass is always greener on the other side isn't it but once you go its not as it seems.I say move on let your wife fine a trust worthy man.I never cheated I wanted him forever but we had talked about cheating this he knew it would not fly with me.Have a good life.maybe you will be mor happy with a person like you.What I meanis good luck.
pollyanna22 Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 not that it is right but my wife has had a affair on me about 2 years ago, i found out about it we decided to stay together for our kids because finacially we couldnt afford to seperate, i by no means got into this relationship for revenge its just something that happened i dont see the point of telling my wife either and creating a whole new problem i just need help letting go of this and moving on.. Why did'nt you mention that in your original post? not that it's right, like you said:confused:
Author Karma611 Posted May 28, 2010 Author Posted May 28, 2010 Being someone of experience..most like the wife does not agree or "know" the marriage is that bad, most likely you tell yourself this so it does'nt seem so bad to have the affair, and I'm quite positive OW thinks it's bad too. yes the last time i spoke to the OW she said she realizes what she did was wrong and was feeling bad about it
pollyanna22 Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 No I meant OW thinks the marriage is really bad because you've lead her to believe the worse, am I correct?
Author Karma611 Posted May 28, 2010 Author Posted May 28, 2010 Why did'nt you mention that in your original post? not that it's right, like you said:confused: because i got myself involved with something and am having a hard time getting past it, like i said i didnt do it out of revenge or anything. i know getting involved with someone else is wrong but it happened and i want to let it go and move on and am having a hard time doing so. the problems that happened with my wife are in the past where they belong i thought mentioning that situation would make it look i was justifing my bad decisions.
Author Karma611 Posted May 28, 2010 Author Posted May 28, 2010 No I meant OW thinks the marriage is really bad because you've lead her to believe the worse, am I correct? i guess so yes i basically told her the truth about my marriage and all the things that happened in the past.
Recommended Posts