with body language

[reservoirdog1]

Hey everybody... trying to decipher this.

 

Went on a first date tonight with a woman I'd met once before. That first meeting (i.e. not tonight) -- which wasn't a date, we met at an event -- ended somewhat awkwardly, and I figured I'd blown it. (Long story short, I think she got the impression that I was rejecting her.)

 

However, I sent her a friend request on FB, which she accepted. I then sent her a light and friendly message in which I made some small chitchat about the awkwardness of the previous meeting, said I figured I owed her, and proposed dinner. She responded very enthusiastically, didn't mention the awkwardness from the first meeting, we chatted on the phone and set a date.

 

Anyway, conversation at dinner tonight was very friendly, not much in the way of uncomfortable pauses. What made me uncertain was her body language.

 

For the first half, she was sitting back in her chair quite a bit, arms crossed. I know, not a good indicator. Not much eye contact from her, despite a lot of it from me.

 

For the second half, she was leaning forward more, making more eye contact (but still a lot less than me, and looking away a lot), and fiddling a LOT with the little umbrella from her drink.

 

After dinner it was kind of late, so I drove her home, we hugged goodbye, asked if she'd like to do this again, she said she would, I told her I'd call her soon.

 

So, the body language analysis. Since she probably felt rejected when we first met, she's keeping her guard up for the moment, hence the crossed arms and leaning back. She broke eye contact or avoided it because she was nervous, and was playing with the little umbrella for that same reason. Over dinner, however, she gradually relaxed more.

 

But that's just my analysis. Can anybody else chip in? Do I have a shot with this girl? Or am I totally misreading.

 

Thanks...

[reservoirdog1]

Bump... really could use somebody's input! Thanks people.

[Confusedalways]

You sound spot on, which is why you're probably not getting much response here.

 

this woman sounds a LOT like me- if I perceived someone as blowing me off at first (at the event) I'd probably be embarrassed and such. Then if they messaged me and asked me to go out I'd feel like they thought they 'owe me' and be on guard at the beginning of the night, but still not totally warmed up even by the end.

 

I play with my necklace a lot, which is probably what her umbrella was to her. I'm really nervous on dates especially when I feel originally rejected. I don't think you've blown it, I think she just needs to get comfortable with the situation and you.

 

As I said, your analysis was right on. Sounds like she was just nervous but warmed up for sure. Just have fun with it good luck!

[2sunny]

she may have been defensive at the start... arms crossed - leaning back.

 

after she felt more comfortable (you may have been discussing something she was interested in at that time, can you remember what made her lean forward?) she became distracted at one point - or less interested (the umbrella fiddling).

 

either way - as the conversation advanced - she still was disconnected... to the point of playing with an umbrella... not a great sign of engaging in your evening together.

 

she's guarded - then distracted - but still interested enough to agree to another date.

 

she sounds like a gal that has her heart in another place but is bored enough with her life to get out and do things with folks that ask to keep her busy and occupied...

 

i'd be looking for someone to date that is genuinely interested enough to ENGAGE and participate in an evening out - instead of someone who acts defensive and distracted while we're trying to have a good time.

 

if THIS is the best she's going to give you on the first few dates - expect a lifetime of the same as the years go along... she's into herself too much to appreciate having fun in the moment and enjoying it for the fun it could be... she's willing to make you uncomfortable enough to question whether she's having a good time or not = life is too short to wonder if someone is having fun with me or not.

[make me believe]

I think it was mostly nerves. I do some of the same things when I'm nervous -- less eye contact & looking away when there is eye contact, crossing my arms, and especially fiddling with things.

[crimsonmike]

You interpreted it the same way I would have. Sounds like you're in. Good luck.

[reservoirdog1]

Thanks guys -- most appreciated. I'm going to wait a day or two and then call her. Further updates to follow...

[reservoirdog1]

Update -- called her last night and asked her out again. She said yes, sounded enthusiastic. Onward and upward!

[Cracker Jack]

Good stuff, man! I'd say you're on the road to victory.