being the friend with benefits....

[donnamaybe]

Once an agreement has been made to be the FWB, you have placed yourself in that category, and there you shall remain. I'm not saying choosing to enter an FWB situation is a bad thing, but it is what it is and you can't expect anything more.

 

If you want the possibility of something long term with someone, you do NOT enter an FWB relationship with them.

[Gattica]

I am always upfront with what I am looking for when asked by a date. I am interested in finding a relationship. I am not into FWB or NSA, ONS, and the like. Yet I still have guys telling me they are on the same page, but when I don’t sleep with them within a month they disappear (except the one you work with…LOL).

 

What is the big deal in letting the woman know that you are only looking for a casual relationship? Why all the BS? I could save myself a lot of grief and a bit of a blow to my self esteem if the guy would be honest about it. I might be disappointed, but oh well…different strokes for different folks!

[guarded]

OOUCHH! the reality of it all has just hit me this morning! wow i feel like complete s***! argghh what was i thinking?

 

i really didnt want to just be an option! =(

 

i guess i was imagining there was something more between us.... i thought that his apologies meant something...

 

i didnt talk to him for about 2 months after he said he wanted to leave things alone....after those 2 months he messaged me and apologised for being an ass...

 

i didnt reply so he messaged me again and said that he wasnt expecting to hear from me and wished me well and all the best. and sorry again

 

then he sent a 3rd message and said that if i wanted to talk he was online

i didnt respond to these messages cos i vowed not to indulge in stupid games... about a week later he sent me a message saying he was really sorry and if i can just forgive him...i caved in and replied and that's when this all started again....

 

im not one to do this kind of thing and i certainly didnt want it all to happen the way it did... now i feel like complete crap and that was a complete hit to the ego! he said he couldnt go through with it cos he felt like he was cheating...

 

i know he had other girls who were throwing themselves at him for the opportunity... why the f*** did he choose to play with me?! i dont do this kind of thing... in fact i never! until him...i guess my curiosity got the better of me! but boy was he disappointing! he came as soon as he put it in! is that normal?

 

does this say alot about me? have i just lost all respect? i shouldn't even care anymore but its so hard to just forget about it! was this a huge rejection? was i just not good enough?

Edited August 11, 2010 by guarded

[guarded]

maybe i did? but i tried not to be so available whenever he messaged..

 

so he told me that when he cancelled on me it was because he was having second thoughts...what i dont get is why he even felt the need to 'convince' himself that he could go there with me when he was initiating?

 

he asked me out all those years ago, wanted a relationship with me and when that didnt happen he asked me to try being FWB..i declined and years after we come to this....ive never been easy, now i feel so trashy for doing what i did!

 

not to sound up myself but i honestly feel like i could give him so much more than his ex, does he really feel so much for her? i mean if he really did love her or whatever then even if they're on a 'break' i would imagine that running to another woman wouldnt/shouldnt even cross his mind right? when he got back with her months ago he messaged me and confessed that he just couldnt stop thinking about me and that he knows its wrong but he just thinks about f**** me alot and called me his 'forbidden love' wtf is that?

 

this might be a really stupid question but would u guys even consider that as sex? and whats with not being able to continue with the act but yet he was more than happy to get me there orally?

 

im soooooo confused

[guarded]

so he sent me a message a day later saying: hey u, we still friends, are you free tomorrow to meet and talk? he told me that it just isnt working with the other girl and its over. and he goes.. can we try again?

 

i agreed to meet up with the intention of showing that it is possible to be friends... long story short... we ended up making out.

 

i have seriously fallen so bad and so fast! when he kissed me it was so incredibly passionate and intense that i cant help but feel that he may have feelings for me too..but i don't wanna delude myself into thinking that there's something there when there isnt.

 

kisses as intense as this i only ever experienced with men i had a relationship with...

 

he is meant to be leaving this week to another state but he said he'll try and probably postpone his trip for another 2 weeks!

 

our catch up ended slightly earlier than we thought, his work called and he told them he couldnt come in and that they could do without him. but they called again and said they really needed him.. he asked me what i was doing later that night and told me to msg him if i finish dinner with friends early so i said yeah we'll see what happens ....after he left he sent me a msg saying: hey thanks lol. hopefully see you later...i didnt reply and a few hrs later he sent a msg saying: hey sorry i cant make it tonight im staying over a friends, ill let you know what happens... tc.

 

what do you guys think is going on?

[Mad Max]

so he sent me a message a day later saying: hey u, we still friends, are you free tomorrow to meet and talk? he told me that it just isnt working with the other girl and its over. and he goes.. can we try again?

 

 

He referred to you as "hey you"? Guys like him are players. He'll tell you what you want to hear. Odds are the other girl is still around. He's juggling you and a few others.

 

 

i agreed to meet up with the intention of showing that it is possible to be friends... long story short... we ended up making out.

 

 

And you fell for it.

 

 

i have seriously fallen so bad and so fast! when he kissed me it was so incredibly passionate and intense that i cant help but feel that he may have feelings for me too..but i don't wanna delude myself into thinking that there's something there when there isnt.

 

 

Now he has you right where he wants. You've fallen for him.

 

 

kisses as intense as this i only ever experienced with men i had a relationship with...

 

 

*shakes head*

 

 

he is meant to be leaving this week to another state but he said he'll try and probably postpone his trip for another 2 weeks!

 

 

And he'll be gone and possibly have another woman lined up for him.

 

our catch up ended slightly earlier than we thought, his work called and he told them he couldnt come in and that they could do without him. but they called again and said they really needed him.. he asked me what i was doing later that night and told me to msg him if i finish dinner with friends early so i said yeah we'll see what happens ....after he left he sent me a msg saying: hey thanks lol. hopefully see you later...i didnt reply and a few hrs later he sent a msg saying: hey sorry i cant make it tonight im staying over a friends, ill let you know what happens... tc.

 

what do you guys think is going on?

 

 

What's going on? The same thing that's been going on. Nothing has changed.

[dispatch3d]

Why do girls automatically assume that if guys keep trying to put you in "friends with benefits" land its because you had sex with them too soon?

 

This doesn't ****ing happen. Lol. If I really like a girl for who she is+I think she's physically attractive it doesn't matter if I sleep with her the first time I see her or the fifth time I see her. I'll still want a relationship as an end goal. Yeah if you sleep with a guy after meeting and talking withhim for like 30 minutes, then he's going to think you probably aren't relationship material (why would he?). Then again is he really relationship material? Haha, moving on.

 

The major problem I can see is you're going after the WRONG ****ING GUYS. It isn't some kinda magical aura you put out or whatever. It's a function of them, and the situation not you. These guys become "just friends" with you then try to work the sex angle. They are looking for the easiest way to go out with you without any risk of getting rejected.

 

The answer is you need to start screening guys. You can't just go up to them and say "I want a long term relationship what do you want?". If they want to sleep with you they'll just tell you whatever the hell they think you want to hear.

 

The good news is guys aren't girls. We aren't very frigin clever when it comes right down to it and DON'T read into things. So use this to your advantage. Think of all the things a guy who wants a long term relationship would also want and SCREEN THEM ON THAT!

 

LOYALTY would be one. This will weed out players, or at least should as long as you are sly about it. Some things they can just demonstrate, like being funny. Don't worry about going up to guys and flirting with them. Screen them on your various criteria and if they don't meet it just leave them. Chances are they won't follow you around anyways. Although it's difficult for me to say because I'm not like most guys.

 

You probably want a guy to be caring as well.

 

One last point on "what to screen for". I realize other people think this is daft but quite frankly its right. You want to screen for things that are underlying personality traits. Examples of screens that are the wrong idea/not getting quite to the point:

 

(1) Not allowed to do any drugs.

This is too materialistic. The problem isn't the drugs. Mind you, hard drugs can be a very solid screen, but for now I'll talk about pot. I personally do not want to date a pothead, so this is a screen. However, it's only a screen because I wouldn't want to constantly be around someone who is high. I wouldn't be able to talk to them. So I'm not actually screening for pot. I'm screening for someone who wants to have intelligent conversations, and values doing that more than just getting high.

 

(2) Intelligence

I do screen for intelligence. But it's not actually intelligence I'm screening for. I don't give an IQ test, or something of that sort. What I'm really looking for is someone who can have non-airy conversations about semi-complex things. I'm not asking for the person to understand how a stripper works, or be able to talk about the various problems of nuclear waste disposal. I just don't want to feel like I'm talking to a dummy whose only interested in shoes etc.

 

edit: Lol I just realized this. I wasn't talking about the kind of stripper you find in grundgy bars that dance on poles. I was talking about an absorption tower, that are used for stripping and scrubbing. It's actually a technical term used in industry.... I have an engineering background. I left it in as is cause I find it hilarious.

[dispatch3d]

The other thing I think you need to do (which kinda runs counter to how I want to run things anyways), is do date like things that are in-line with a long term relationship.

 

So you want to do semi-traditional stuff, like go bowling with them, or a movie date, or dinner, or whatever. Something that in movies would stereotypically lead to a long term relationship. If you are only hanging out with them to get drunk, and occasionally going to their house to watch movies, they are going to assume on some level you are OKAY with friends with benefits. You aren't really putting up any kind of demands or anything. You could suggest one of these things if they are like, "Hey why don't you come over" or whatever. Or you could just weed out the ones who aren't willing to take you out on a date.

 

This is fun looking at it from the other side. It's making me realize some fundamental flaws I'm doing.

[robdrm32]

The guy is keeping you around for sex. Sucks but thats the reality.

 

guys like FWB because its a confidence booster. You won't care about striking out with some new chick so much if you have something waiting for you, so it takes that edge off.

 

Do yourself a favor, stop talking to him, your not his friend you are a piece of meat (to him) and your letting him play you.

[dispatch3d]

He sounds like hostility and confusion, wrapped up in a big package of drama. If that excites you, then go for it and let this guy vent his issues about past unrequited love for you by dragging you into a situation that's going to encourage you to feel worthless.

 

Look forward to lots more 2am calls about whatever dream he just woke up from. Did that not strike you as completely disrespectful? By entertaining a stupid call like that at such an unearthly hour, you're giving him the message that you're on tap for the most trivial of purposes at any hour of the day or night.

 

lol **** okay i'm not going to pick apart every single post in this frigin thing. However, why is it disrespectful for a guy to want to have sex with a girl at 2 in the morning? There's nothing disrespectful that happens at 2 am jeezus. Girls can have sex with guys and not be disrespected. They can have sex with each other cause they like ****ing sex and want to ****. Anyways /endrant.

[dispatch3d]

so he sent me a message a day later saying: hey u, we still friends, are you free tomorrow to meet and talk? he told me that it just isnt working with the other girl and its over. and he goes.. can we try again?

 

i agreed to meet up with the intention of showing that it is possible to be friends... long story short... we ended up making out.

 

i have seriously fallen so bad and so fast! when he kissed me it was so incredibly passionate and intense that i cant help but feel that he may have feelings for me too..but i don't wanna delude myself into thinking that there's something there when there isnt.

 

kisses as intense as this i only ever experienced with men i had a relationship with...

 

he is meant to be leaving this week to another state but he said he'll try and probably postpone his trip for another 2 weeks!

 

our catch up ended slightly earlier than we thought, his work called and he told them he couldnt come in and that they could do without him. but they called again and said they really needed him.. he asked me what i was doing later that night and told me to msg him if i finish dinner with friends early so i said yeah we'll see what happens ....after he left he sent me a msg saying: hey thanks lol. hopefully see you later...i didnt reply and a few hrs later he sent a msg saying: hey sorry i cant make it tonight im staying over a friends, ill let you know what happens... tc.

 

what do you guys think is going on?

 

Ok so for whatever reason you figure playing games is going to get what you want better than actually being real with him.

 

Why would you wait 2 hours and not respond to a text, when he said "text me later if you are done dinner earlier". One thing guys are constantly looking for is if a girl actually likes them. So if you do **** like don't text him for 2 hours, don't respond to a text, yadayada. Guess what? He's going to think you don't like him. Then he may try to take the friends with benefit route because he thinks YOU ARENT INTERESTED but why the **** not try for the fwb, what's he have to lose afterall. Continually doing **** like this is why guys flake out. The reason this one isn't is because on one hand you are making out with him still, so there must be SOME interest there. Even if you constantly play games.

 

Secondly, if a guy can't really be platonic friends with you it's because he likes you too much. Looollll this should be so ****ing obvious. Guys who don't like to keep girls around who they legitly like (this means me), will refuse to be "just friends" with those girls. I like those-girls too much, so I don't truly become friends with them.

 

If he leaves in two weeks is this not a permanment leaving? You need to get him to take you out on a few dates, get to know him better through talking a bunch, and slowly progress on the physical side. The games aren't helping or doing anything for you. If you want to be more-sure this will progress to a relationship, then you need to get him to wine-and-dine you more and hold off some physical stuff. This will get him invested in the entire thing, and not want to get up and leave right after.

 

Last point:

 

"long story short he went down on me and i tried to return the favor and as soon as i bobbed my head down twice he stopped me and said he didnt wanna come so fast.. so we swapped positions and he put it in and he made one thrust (ok maybe two) and pulled out and rushed to the bathroom....he came back and went down on me again and when i tried to move him so we could try again he said he couldnt and wanted to just stick with oral...(wtf?- so would u guys even say we did it?)"

I would ask him candidly why he did this. Pick apart the details so you know why. This is odd behaviour and should be explained in some way.

[dispatch3d]

here I'll give you the cliffs of your problems:

 

You need guys to be invested time wise+(possibly if they are willing) money wise. The idea of getting a guy to pay for some things for you, do some favours, etc. isn't that he has alot of money or whatever. It's to get him emotionally invested so that he doesn't want to just one and done you.

 

Real life examples:

Ever work really really hard to get one particular job? You took 4 hours to write a resume, 3 hours to write an individual cover letter. You dressed up in a suit and went down to the company to drop it off. You asked to see the manager and managed to talk them. Lucky you, they put you through a second screen where you come in and write a test. They don't tell you how you did on the test, but you come in again and they interview you with two people. They ask hard questions. They tell you you're on the short list and to come for a second interview. The second interview goes great it seems and it really looks like you'll get the job. You do several follow up calls as well, and the boss seems very responsive to you.

 

However, you DONT get the job.

 

You see a job on MonsterJobs.com. You apply through email with a standard cover letter+resume form. They call you once and you get a phone interview that lasts about 10 minutes. You don't get the job.

 

Which is more upsetting? Here's the important part - WHY?

 

Which is exactly why it doesn't matter if you have sex early on or later on. The sex is a seperate issue which depends on your comfortability with having sex with a particular individual and what you are looking for in a relationship. If you want a long term relationship+having sex will get you so emotionally involved (job example 1) that you NEED one. Then don't have one until after they've gone through (the guys) job example 1 as well. If sex is not that big of a deal for you, and you are in a situation similar to job situation 2, then you can be free to have sex much earlier in the relationship and at less of an emotional cost.

[guarded]

Ok so for whatever reason you figure playing games is going to get what you want better than actually being real with him.

 

Why would you wait 2 hours and not respond to a text, when he said "text me later if you are done dinner earlier". One thing guys are constantly looking for is if a girl actually likes them. So if you do **** like don't text him for 2 hours, don't respond to a text, yadayada. Guess what? He's going to think you don't like him. Then he may try to take the friends with benefit route because he thinks YOU ARENT INTERESTED but why the **** not try for the fwb, what's he have to lose afterall. Continually doing **** like this is why guys flake out. The reason this one isn't is because on one hand you are making out with him still, so there must be SOME interest there. Even if you constantly play games.

 

I really don’t like the games and I don’t intentionally wait hours to respond to a text lol. Sometimes I’ve actually been so stumped because he would send a message here and there just saying ‘hi’! I mean seriously wtf? How are you supposed to respond to that! Lol.

 

When he asked me to meet up, we ended up going for a drive and talked… we kinda went quite for a bit and I jokingly said talk to me, tell me what’s going on etc. and he’s like I don’t know what to say, I don’t wanna say or ask anything out of line and I said you can ask whatever! So first thing he decides to ask was when I broke up with my ex and I stupidly said ‘do we have to talk about this’ and then I tried to just cover that with we broke up awhile ago and told him why it didn’t work.. then he asked me if was after a relationship and I didn’t know how to answer so I just said I don’t know (but really I am- with him) because I was thinking if I said yes I might scare him away.

 

I told him that im not one to sleep around and that I hope he knows that and he was like ‘yeah I know, me either’. I tried to hint at the fact that it takes a lot for me to sleep with someone…. And he jokingly said wow u must be really horny if you’re callin me and I joked and kinda said something along the lines of I have options (stupid I know) and he kinda mumbled and said well I hope you want mine/me and I just smiled like you have no idea……

 

He wanted me to take him to my place and I said I cant my roommate’s home and he was like its ok we don’t have to do anything we can just go to yours and hang. I couldn’t take him home though because someone was home and I kinda said I cant it’s embarrassing (don’t ask me why I said that) and I made up a story about how my roommate was home with her boyfriend that I don’t get along with (not true) and he sounded unimpressed and that’s when he asked me what I was doing that night and invited me over his place if I got out of dinner early…..

 

Did I screw up at some point?

 

Oh is it ok to be the one who initiates a text once in awhile or am I supposed to wait for him?

 

Secondly, if a guy can't really be platonic friends with you it's because he likes you too much. Looollll this should be so ****ing obvious. Guys who don't like to keep girls around who they legitly like (this means me), will refuse to be "just friends" with those girls. I like those-girls too much, so I don't truly become friends with them.

 

I know that seemed like a stupid question but I really didn’t know what to make of it because when we talked about all this he was saying that he didn’t think could feel the same way he did for me all those years ago and then went on to say that maybe we should go our separate ways because being around was just hard because of our history, ie. The attraction and the possibility of rekindling old feelings… that’s when I questioned him and said that he wasn’t making sense because if he knows he cant ever feel that way for me (romantically) then being friends shouldn’t be a problem right?

 

Anyway, at some point he referred to me as ‘forbidden love’ lol.

 

If he leaves in two weeks is this not a permanment leaving? You need to get him to take you out on a few dates, get to know him better through talking a bunch, and slowly progress on the physical side. The games aren't helping or doing anything for you. If you want to be more-sure this will progress to a relationship, then you need to get him to wine-and-dine you more and hold off some physical stuff. This will get him invested in the entire thing, and not want to get up and leave right after.

 

how do I get him to take me out without being so obvious and looking desperate?

 

And should I just come out and tell him how I really feel or should I just settle for this if I want him in my life?

 

"long story short he went down on me and i tried to return the favor and as soon as i bobbed my head down twice he stopped me and said he didnt wanna come so fast.. so we swapped positions and he put it in and he made one thrust (ok maybe two) and pulled out and rushed to the bathroom....he came back and went down on me again and when i tried to move him so we could try again he said he couldnt and wanted to just stick with oral...(wtf?- so would u guys even say we did it?)"

 

I would ask him candidly why he did this. Pick apart the details so you know why. This is odd behaviour and should be explained in some way.

 

Before this all happened….we chatted earlier that morning and he asked what I was doing, where I was and I said I was in his area he goes:

 

Well….u wanna come over.

itll probably be our last chance

come

we might not get another chance

i leave soon and not sure whats happening with my ex

 

when he pulled out and whatever he confessed and said that he actually came so quick.. and said if it’ll be ok for him to just go down on me and get me there that way… I asked him what was wrong and he said he really wanted to but he felt like he was cheating…

 

but a day after this happened he sent me a msg saying that it just wasnt working with his ex and that its over..

[guarded]

i really dont sleep around and i find that i cant have sex with a guy unless it means something to me. and im known to be a bit of a prude. i dont know what it is but i let my guard down and i felt so comfortable to just go there with him.

 

when we made out, he was so turned on and i went down on him and stopped before i got him there.. he kissed me and told me about some kind of dream he had about coming in my mouth and i whispered and said 'why dont we make it happen' and well he just blew!

 

i really tried not to get physical but i just kinda lose myself when he kisses me.. aarrrghhh omg what am i doing?! is this so wrong?

 

its safe to assume that he's at least attracted to me right?

[dispatch3d]

I really don’t like the games and I don’t intentionally wait hours to respond to a text lol. Sometimes I’ve actually been so stumped because he would send a message here and there just saying ‘hi’! I mean seriously wtf? How are you supposed to respond to that! Lol.

 

I never accused you of liking playing games I just said you played them and you should stop it.

 

I have no response to the hi texts. If you figure out a way to respond let me know! haha

 

When he asked me to meet up, we ended up going for a drive and talked… we kinda went quite for a bit and I jokingly said talk to me, tell me what’s going on etc. and he’s like I don’t know what to say, I don’t wanna say or ask anything out of line and I said you can ask whatever! So first thing he decides to ask was when I broke up with my ex and I stupidly said ‘do we have to talk about this’ and then I tried to just cover that with we broke up awhile ago and told him why it didn’t work.. then he asked me if was after a relationship and I didn’t know how to answer so I just said I don’t know (but really I am- with him) because I was thinking if I said yes I might scare him away.

 

Way to continually dodge important questions and instead of laying out what you expect of him in a relationship (this is the CORRECT mindset to get what you want out of things), you try to just fit your beliefs into his views. Not ****ing cool. This is one of your problems!!

 

Look you need to assume he's into you if you want to have any power/say over the way your relationships go. Bending to everything he demands isn't going to make him like you MORE. It's just going to make him respect you LESS. Stop having a hidden agenda. Your agenda doesn't have to be ****ing hidden. And I thought you already realized earlier in this thread you don't WANT to be friends with benefits. Saying you want a relationship, and then NOT backing it up means your word means NOTHING! Think of it this way - a simplified example. Say a guy comes up to you and says lets have sex, you reply "No! I never have sex with strangers!". he's like "alright, I'll buy you ice cream then we'll have sex". You two agree and bang. What did he learn here? Well, he found out that your words means **** ALL. He also learned that if he wants to get something from you, all he has to do is BUY YOU A ****ING ICE CREAM. He definitely doesn't need to cave to any kind of demand or need you might have. **** that, I'd just buy you an ice cream too and get what I want.

 

This was a bit of a tangent so reread the first paragraph. At some point you need to give him the impression you are a RELATIONSHIP type girl. You don't do one night stands - ever!! (say this even if it isn't true, you're a girl you can definitly get away with it) Talk about x-boyfriends and say they had a major problem with "commitment".

 

I told him that im not one to sleep around and that I hope he knows that and he was like ‘yeah I know, me either’. I tried to hint at the fact that it takes a lot for me to sleep with someone…. And he jokingly said wow u must be really horny if you’re callin me and I joked and kinda said something along the lines of I have options (stupid I know) and he kinda mumbled and said well I hope you want mine/me and I just smiled like you have no idea……

 

You actually (accidently) left an embedded command here. One you didn't intend to leave, and it slips subconciously. I want you to realize there is not such a thing as a purple elephant. What are you thinking of right now? A purple elephant. One has to think of what a purple elephant in order to realize what NOT a purple elephant is. The only way he can think of you NOT sleeping around, is to consider you sleeping around. Don't talk about NOT sleeping around, talk about x-boyfriends and how awesome their commitment was to you, yadayada. In other words, talk about what you WANT not what you don't want.

 

 

 

He wanted me to take him to my place and I said I cant my roommate’s home and he was like its ok we don’t have to do anything we can just go to yours and hang. I couldn’t take him home though because someone was home and I kinda said I cant it’s embarrassing (don’t ask me why I said that) and I made up a story about how my roommate was home with her boyfriend that I don’t get along with (not true) and he sounded unimpressed and that’s when he asked me what I was doing that night and invited me over his place if I got out of dinner early…..

 

 

 

Lol jeezus here he tries to slow things down and you manage to prevent him (somehow!) YOU WANT HIM TO MEET YOUR ROOMATE AND HAVE HIM TRY TO IMPRESS HER!!!! Lol jeezus. You need to do things COUPLES DO! Sneeking around having sex isn't a thing couples do (although its more fun!). Meeting each others friends, having to get along with them, spending quality time with each other, etc. is things people in relationships DO!!!!

 

 

Did I screw up at some point?

 

Oh is it ok to be the one who initiates a text once in awhile or am I supposed to wait for him?

 

 

You can text him first. Guys don't hyperanalyze **** like this for the most part. I do and that makes me ****ing weird honestly. Even then I don't super care if some girl texted me first. There is nothing to read into with it. If you want to see him feel free to text him. He's texting you with inane bull**** like "hi" so I'm pretty sure you're good to do the same (maybe he'll realize that's hard to respond to?).

 

I know that seemed like a stupid question but I really didn’t know what to make of it because when we talked about all this he was saying that he didn’t think could feel the same way he did for me all those years ago and then went on to say that maybe we should go our separate ways because being around was just hard because of our history, ie. The attraction and the possibility of rekindling old feelings… that’s when I questioned him and said that he wasn’t making sense because if he knows he cant ever feel that way for me (romantically) then being friends shouldn’t be a problem right?

 

Did you read what I wrote at all? Pay attention! No I am not okay with being FRIENDS with a girl I want to DATE! If I really like a girl I WONT be friends with her. A friendship built on one person REALLY liking the other, and the other person TAKING ADVANTAGE of that (it can't be helped), isn't a FRIENDSHIP! No, I will not be just friends with a girl I really like. Stop trying to rationalize it being okay with all guys.

 

The confusing part is some guys are willing to be "just friends" with the actual intentions of attempting to sleep with you. They figure as long as they are just friends there is some glimmer of hope. It's actually a good thing he doesn't do this bull****.

 

 

Anyway, at some point he referred to me as ‘forbidden love’ lol.

 

how do I get him to take me out without being so obvious and looking desperate?

 

And should I just come out and tell him how I really feel or should I just settle for this if I want him in my life?

 

Do not tell him how you really feel. You will lose all sense of power in the relationship. You will also become more of an option than something he has to work toward. This would be another reason you are becoming friends with benefits rather than relationships.

 

Definitely not ****ing hard to get a guy to take you out. How the hell does this make you look desperate? You would do it in a baiting manner. You are a girl right? Like seriously.

 

"Oh WOW I've wanted to see THAT MOVIE FOREVER!! OMGGG I wonder when it comes out.. blablabla, eventually he'll think "Humm maybe I should invite her to it".

 

Or like say he says lets go hang out at your house, and it turns out your roomate is there so he knows there is no way he can get any. Well maybe you two can have a date there instead and get him to cook something or you both cook something, then watch some kinda tv show with the roomate. This would be especially easy to get him to do if he indicated he was actually okay with just hanging out. This has to feel familiar .

Edited August 16, 2010 by dispatch3d

[dispatch3d]

i really dont sleep around and i find that i cant have sex with a guy unless it means something to me. and im known to be a bit of a prude. i dont know what it is but i let my guard down and i felt so comfortable to just go there with him.

 

when we made out, he was so turned on and i went down on him and stopped before i got him there.. he kissed me and told me about some kind of dream he had about coming in my mouth and i whispered and said 'why dont we make it happen' and well he just blew!

 

i really tried not to get physical but i just kinda lose myself when he kisses me.. aarrrghhh omg what am i doing?! is this so wrong?

 

its safe to assume that he's at least attracted to me right?

 

To address this. You are definitely not a prude. There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to get physical with a guy as much as guys always do. Society has fed these bull**** lies to you that it is BAD to have sex with guys. There is NOTHING wrong with hooking up with guys. Feel free to have fun and enjoy yourself.

 

It's a GOOD thing you aren't a prude. I wouldn't want to date a girl who doesn't have an active sex drive. Where the **** would be the fun in that?

 

All of that said, if you make out like you are "using him for sex", more than you are using him for companionship then you are giving him the impression you actually WANT friends with benefits. This is basically the sex without the commitment. If that's what you want, there's nothing wrong with that. However, you need to set things up differently than if you want a relationship. You need the two of you to be under the impression that you like him for the SEX ANDDD because he's a great guy and you REALLY like spending time with him! If you spend all your time doing the first reason, and none doing the second he's going to assume the opposite!

 

That's also why a blanket statement such as don't get too physical too early/don't have sex too early works. Because it forces the two of you to get to know each other a little bit first. Anyways, no there is nothing wrong with getting physical early on if thats what you want. Just make sure you convey what you are looking for, and force him to align with your beliefs (it's a demand not a request, if he wants a FWB tell him to GO TALK TO A GIRL WHOSE OKAY WITH IT!)