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Boyfriend paying=male ego?

iheartlavalamps

By iheartlavalamps
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iheartlavalamps Member

iheartlavalamps

Posted
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How many of you men see it as your duty as the man to pay for your girlfriend, all the time?

 

I'm asking because 3 out of 4 serious boyfriends have told me that they always pay for me and I pretty much have to let them.

 

So now, I would really like to pay for something, but I don't see my boyfriend ever letting me. I think he would just be offended that I would try. He once made a comment about it being part of him being the man, and I think he means it.

 

But. . . I really don't mind.

 

Explain?

Lovelybird Established Member

Lovelybird

Posted
Posted

It is in men's gene that they can provide and protect the ones they care.

 

Enjoy it :D

Green Established Member

Green

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Posted

I personaly wouldn't mind having a wife who wanted to stay at home and clean and cook and take care of things... BUT if I have a gf who is working her own job then YES let her pay her own way. I still don't like seeing my gf lift anything heavy... and I of course will protect her from danger

marsle85 Established Member

marsle85

Posted
Posted
It is in men's gene that they can provide and protect the ones they care.

 

Enjoy it :D

 

 

The men's "gene" is a complex subject.

 

Unfortunately, many people follow a plethora of inaccurate and untested theories in effort to validate stereotypes and current social norms.

skydiveaddict Established Member

skydiveaddict

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I dont know, I always pay for everything on a date I dont know if it's right or wrong, that's just how I was raised

Pfiend101 Established Member

Pfiend101

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I like to always pay. However if the woman wants to pay on occasion its cool. I think you should always offer to pay. Then I know the woman is appreciative and enjoys spending time with me but I politely tell her no I got it.

Lovelybird Established Member

Lovelybird

Posted
Posted
The men's "gene" is a complex subject.

 

Unfortunately, many people follow a plethora of inaccurate and untested theories in effort to validate stereotypes and current social norms.

You mean when he pays for her, then she should analyze what motive of his, does he consider the issue of Equality? Does he respect her as a person?

BetterOffWithoutYou Established Member

BetterOffWithoutYou

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my bff's boyfriend is like that. he was raised to be a gentleman. i think it's sweet and romantic... you should enjoy it! find other ways to express your love and gratitude, maybe nice gifts or a trip if you feel you want to spend money on him. i'm sure just thanking him and being a great gf is enough for him though :)

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iheartlavalamps Member

iheartlavalamps

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@Green: I have a new question for you, or rather brought on by you. The trend today is the woman works, too. This makes her an "equal" financially (or something like that). Men seem to like this (or maybe it's just necessary) because it happens a lot. Yet guys always want to pay. Those two don't make sense. So do men (in general, I know there are differences in everyone) want a woman who goes to work and is his financial equal, or do they want a woman who does like you say (cooks and cleans and takes care of things)?

 

@Pfiend101: I stopped offering. He just keeps saying no, and I'm pretty sure it's not going to change. Instead, I always thank him and later I'll try to return the favor (offer to cook him something, offer to bring him some food because he works a lot), but he never lets me do that either. Does that sort of make up for not offering anymore? In your opinion, of course.

Green Established Member

Green

Posted
Posted
@Green: I have a new question for you, or rather brought on by you. The trend today is the woman works, too. This makes her an "equal" financially (or something like that). Men seem to like this (or maybe it's just necessary) because it happens a lot. Yet guys always want to pay. Those two don't make sense. So do men (in general, I know there are differences in everyone) want a woman who goes to work and is his financial equal, or do they want a woman who does like you say (cooks and cleans and takes care of things)?

 

@Pfiend101: I stopped offering. He just keeps saying no, and I'm pretty sure it's not going to change. Instead, I always thank him and later I'll try to return the favor (offer to cook him something, offer to bring him some food because he works a lot), but he never lets me do that either. Does that sort of make up for not offering anymore? In your opinion, of course.

 

If I found a woman who was HAPPY to stay home and COOK AND CLEAN AND RAISE CHILDREN that would be cool... and maybe thats what I would rather have... I don't know if I'll find that so if a girl works and makes as much money as me then let her pay her half of everything... I still believe in lifting heavy stuff for her and proteting her ect.. but let her take care of her own finances if she works

crimsonmike Established Member

crimsonmike

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I never let a woman pay. It's just a male thing I guess. Provide and protect. I'd never let it happen. NEVER.

 

I don't like to let the woman drive either, but that has to do with the fact most of you can't drive for sht, and I value my life. :D

Chicago_Guy Established Member

Chicago_Guy

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I totally disagree with this thinking. I am successful and make good money myself, but I have dated some women who were also professionals. Some of those women seemed to feel like they were entitled to free entertainment and didn't even thank me for paying for dinner. Women who refuse to ever reach for their wallets seem to me like they are taking advantage of men. I would probably have a different viewpoint if the woman made a lot less money than me, but someone who makes around $100k herself should pay for something sometimes.

Ihavenoidea Established Member

Ihavenoidea

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I do it to be a gentleman

 

HOWEVER, after a certain point I back off because I remember at one point I was spending like $400 a month just on dinner dates and what not. I was like welp she needs to pitch in lol.

mixwell Established Member

mixwell

Posted
Posted (edited)
How many of you men see it as your duty as the man to pay for your girlfriend, all the time?

 

I'm asking because 3 out of 4 serious boyfriends have told me that they always pay for me and I pretty much have to let them.

 

So now, I would really like to pay for something, but I don't see my boyfriend ever letting me. I think he would just be offended that I would try. He once made a comment about it being part of him being the man, and I think he means it.

 

But. . . I really don't mind.

 

Explain?

 

 

When I was in a serious committed relationship we used to split everything BUT I wasn't working at the time.. After a 7 year relationship with my ex, we have just gotten back into contact and I do find that when she says "i have money if you wana go 1/2s" I find myself saying " naw don't worry about it I got it"... I think it is more of an instinct for some males and I have no problem paying but it is nice to receive a counter offer to know that your chick (or in this case my friend) thinks enough to make a counter offer.. Honestly if you're a female and a guy offers to cover the cost I would let it be.. At times if my ex/friend offers to pay for 1/2 at certain times I will take the offer and say "ok" I do know her financial situation so if i ask her to the movies or out to do something and she says " I cannot afford it" I usually will offer to cover everything (if i can afford it without becoming broke myself)

 

To wrap it up I would say that if you're dating/seeing someone and IF you make the counter offer to pay or go 1/2 and they reject it then let them pay because if they couldn't afford it they probably wouldn't offer it...

 

Ps.. this is just from my own personal experience.. I did have a g/f (not for long) who literally expected the guy (me) to pay for everything but what left a bad taste in my mouth was that she expected it and NEVER counter offered to pay so initially when we were dating I kinda took it as she though of me as a "free ride" so I would say if you're truely interested you should at least (at times) make counter offers to pay or at least split the tab just to at least show you aren't selfish. that's just how I feel personally so take this info and pick it apart to what fits your scenario so to speak.

Edited by mixwell
Mr White Established Member

Mr White

Posted
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I've accepted the expectation that men pay for most things, and don't make a big deal out of it, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. That said, I would have been *extremely* pissed off if my gf never, ever, offered to pay. Once in a blue moon she does, so that's good enough for me.

 

In general, I have no trouble with being 100% financially responsible for everything, but if that was to be the case, I'd expect a totally docile and traditional gf/wife in return. If no deal - then she should bear at least some of the financial load. That is the price of progress, thank you very much.

crimsonmike Established Member

crimsonmike

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Last part was a joke dude.

 

I tend to take charge. The women I date seem to like it. I'm sure some don't.

Els Established Member

Els

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OP: If the man insists on paying, I find that the gracious thing to do would be to accept, and do your best to show gratitude and give in other ways. Doesn't mean that you shouldn't offer... just don't make a fuss if he refuses. Why does it bother you?

 

I think the male ego is a large part of it, yes. Some men want to feel like the provider, protector, stronghold, breadwinner. They may feel 'emasculated' if they allowed a woman to pay for them. I don't think that is a bad thing, it's just like a woman wanting to look good for her man, or cook for her man, or give him the blowjob of his life... stuff like that.

A O Established Member

A O

Posted
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How many of you men see it as your duty as the man to pay for your girlfriend, all the time?

It's an expectation more than a duty. I'd be wary of a man who sees it as a duty as they'd more than likely be staunch traditionalists, meaning a woman's place is in the home. I'd also be wary of women who insist that men pay without showing any interest in replicating one tradition for another.

 

So now, I would really like to pay for something, but I don't see my boyfriend ever letting me. I think he would just be offended that I would try
He/they, like most men (and women for that matter), needs educating. The days when women didn't do (paid) work are long gone, therefore the need for men to pay for almost everything has gone with it. Alas, few people see things this way, especially men.

 

He once made a comment about it being part of him being the man, and I think he means it.
Old habits die hard. Not necessarily a bad thing especially if he isn't a staunch traditionalist. The gender roles are being redefined. The jury's out as to whether that's a good or bad thing.

 

So do men (in general, I know there are differences in everyone) want a woman who goes to work and is his financial equal, or do they want a woman who does like you say (cooks and cleans and takes care of things)?
A financial equal - interesting terminology. I have a feeling that men should be wary of women who use such terms! Most men will always value a woman's nurturing ability ahead of their ability to bring home the bacon.

 

 

.

flc Established Member

flc

Posted
Posted
If I found a woman who was HAPPY to stay home and COOK AND CLEAN AND RAISE CHILDREN that would be cool... and maybe thats what I would rather have... I don't know if I'll find that so if a girl works and makes as much money as me then let her pay her half of everything... I still believe in lifting heavy stuff for her and proteting her ect.. but let her take care of her own finances if she works

 

Just remember that if you find that women she may become unhappy after 15-20yrs and then when you divorce you are stuck with permanent alimony since you supported her for all those years.

 

To the OP I'm older and I always pay but my GF will treat me with dinners, vacations and presents. But I generally pick up the weekends.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

Boyfriend paying = male generosity

 

Watch how he handles other aspects of his life in this regard. If it matches up, he might be husband and father material. Look for the quietly generous man. :)

malala7 Member

malala7

Posted
Posted
How many of you men see it as your duty as the man to pay for your girlfriend, all the time?

 

I'm asking because 3 out of 4 serious boyfriends have told me that they always pay for me and I pretty much have to let them.

 

So now, I would really like to pay for something, but I don't see my boyfriend ever letting me. I think he would just be offended that I would try. He once made a comment about it being part of him being the man, and I think he means it.

 

But. . . I really don't mind.

 

Explain?

This is a very interesting topic. Different girl have different views on the subject. I find my self discussing 'who pays' with my friends and I am one of the only ones who feel that is important for the woman to pay, at least sometimes

I know girls who will never even practice the 'I'm taking my wallet out move but I expect you to say no' thing. This girls usually go out with a guy for a free dinner or free drinks. If the guy spent a good amount of money on them they feel appreciated.

Other girls go to bars expecting guys to buy them drinks left and right and make a huge deal when they can't find a sugar daddy/idiot who will put up with that.

And of course there are those who have a platonic male friend who buys them anything they want. These girls usually give him 'some' sex or play games.

Of course, this are the worst of the worst.

Now, regular girls who like when the man pays and appreciate his actions.

I, on the other side do not enjoy a man paying for me all the time. I am an equal. I don't believe on traditional sex roles. If I can't afford to go on a date I just won't go. If I want to be treated equally in all other aspects of life, why be a hypocrite when it comes to dating.

Now, I am a student and work full time. I would benefit from a boyfriend who paid all the time, but I don't like it.

My last relationship lasted for 2 years. For a great part of it my bf lost his job and was having a hard time finding a new job. He broke up with me several times because he didn't like the fact he couldn't take me anywhere or offer me anything. I couldn't understand his behavior. I wanted to be there for him and I didn't mind paying for our him when we went out or just staying in. When he finally got a job he kept telling me how I was going to enjoy him taking me out as much as possible. He paid for our vacation, took on weekend getaways and just felt so much better about himself. I accepted it all because I had been the one paying for awhile.

Now I am dating other guys and decided to let the man pay the first dates but I would invite him out on the 3rd or 4th date and pay for everything. I want the man to know I appreciate the gesture BUT I enjoy his company and I can pay as well. We are the same and he shouldn't feel like he has to pay.

With the guy I am currently talking to, the first date he paid for dinner and I insisted on paying for drinks afterwards. The second date I paid for drinks but he paid for the tickets. Third and fourth time he paid most of the stuff and by the 5th date I took him to a baseball game. He was so thankful and appreciate it the gesture, but he wouldn't let me pay for anything the next time we went out.

I don't think it's fair for a guy to pay. Even if he makes more money than me. If I get invited on a date I can't afford (even if the man offers to pay) I won't go. I just need to know I can pay if I want to.

A few days ago, I think I took things to a bit over the top. I went out with my friend and this guy bought me a drink. We talked for a bit but I dodn't enjoy his company at all. He insisted on talking and hanging out and I just gave him a 10$ bill and said thank you. I know, it was just a drink, but I didn't want him spending his money on someone who didn't even like him as a person.

marsle85 Established Member

marsle85

Posted
Posted
Boyfriend paying = male generosity

 

Watch how he handles other aspects of his life in this regard. If it matches up, he might be husband and father material. Look for the quietly generous man. :)

 

yessss, I completely agree with this.

BS76 Established Member

BS76

Posted
Posted
How many of you men see it as your duty as the man to pay for your girlfriend, all the time?

 

I'm asking because 3 out of 4 serious boyfriends have told me that they always pay for me and I pretty much have to let them.

 

So now, I would really like to pay for something, but I don't see my boyfriend ever letting me. I think he would just be offended that I would try. He once made a comment about it being part of him being the man, and I think he means it.

 

But. . . I really don't mind.

 

Explain?

 

Sounds like they have ego issues as if paying for "their woman" is somehow the manly thing to do.

skydiveaddict Established Member

skydiveaddict

Posted
Posted
Sounds like they have ego issues as if paying for "their woman" is somehow the manly thing to do.

 

 

Actually, I think it is the "manly" thing to do

BS76 Established Member

BS76

Posted
Posted (edited)

Personally I think that women paying their fair share, pursuing men, etc. is refreshing and in line with the times. Chivalry is benevolent sexism when it comes right down to it and I don't ascribe to the idea women are dainty weaklings that can't do anything for themselves. Equality, true equality, is incompatible with special treatment, although most guys are oblivious to it because of how they were raised.

 

Actually, I think it is the "manly" thing to do

 

If by "manly" you mean domineering, ego stroking, and possessive then I agree. Doting on women for no other reason than their gender is by definition a form of sexism.

 

I totally disagree with this thinking. I am successful and make good money myself, but I have dated some women who were also professionals. Some of those women seemed to feel like they were entitled to free entertainment and didn't even thank me for paying for dinner. Women who refuse to ever reach for their wallets seem to me like they are taking advantage of men. I would probably have a different viewpoint if the woman made a lot less money than me, but someone who makes around $100k herself should pay for something sometimes.

 

Couldn't agree more. And that entitlement mentality is really pervasive these days too. I hate it because it automatically disqualifies the woman from LTR material in my book.

Edited by BS76
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