I'm still hurt over long ago fuel with MIL

[wannaforgetbutcant]

Hi I wasn't certain where to post my story so please bear with me. I have known my now wife for a total of 11 years. In two weeks from now it'll marked our 8th anniversary of our marriage.

 

However, during our whole 3 years of dating her mother made my life a living her. There wasn't a day I can live without false rumors made about me to others, hanging up the phone on me every time I called my then girlfriend, overly calling me a loser, and how I'll never fit in.

 

At the time, my girlfriend would come crying to me about things she would hear. One time, she heard her mother telling a friend how she hopes we don't end up getting married or her daughter will get disowned.

 

Fast forward: It got so badly that her mother was very close at not getting invited to our wedding for lying about me cheating on her daughter. About a month prior, I received a call from her explaining all the reasons why she behaved in that manner. It was her daughter's first relationship and she was scared of being left alone once married (it still was no excuse to treat me poorly). Basically I get a long apology and blessing from her. She's being trying hard to make it up to me since but I haven't really let it go completely as the years went by.

 

Present-day: My MIL wasn't given me any problems (no nasty comment, rumors nor set-ups) during our marriage but I'm still hurt about everything that occurred when we were dating. I haven't told my wife about it because I don't want to frustrate her nor bring it up.

 

So should I finally get over it? I have a wonderful wife, a stable job, comfortable home and great relationship with her mother. I like her now but I don't like her past behavior.

Edited May 27, 2010 by wannaforgetbutcant

[Cinnamon2000]

Hi I wasn't certain where to post my story so please bear with me. I have known my now wife for a total of 11 years. In two weeks from now it'll marked our 8th anniversary of our marriage.

 

However, during our whole 3 years of dating her mother made my life a living her. There wasn't a day I can live without false rumors made about me to others, hanging up the phone on me every time I called my then girlfriend, overly calling me a loser, and how I'll never fit in.

 

At the time, my girlfriend would come crying to me about things she would hear. One time, she heard her mother telling a friend how she hopes we don't end up getting married or her daughter will get disowned.

 

Fast forward: It got so badly that her mother was very close at not getting invited to our wedding for lying about me cheating on her daughter. About a month prior, I received a call from her explaining all the reasons why she behaved in that manner. It was her daughter's first relationship and she was scared of being left alone once married (it still was no excuse to treat me poorly). Basically I get a long apology and blessing from her. She's being trying hard to make it up to me since but I haven't really let it go completely as the years went by.

 

Present-day: My MIL wasn't given me any problems (no nasty comment, rumors nor set-ups) during our marriage but I'm still hurt about everything that occurred when we were dating. I haven't told my wife about it because I don't want to frustrate her nor bring it up.

 

So should I finally get over it? I have a wonderful wife, a stable job, comfortable home and great relationship with her mother. I like her now but I don't like her past behavior.

 

Get over it. You the one who's sleeping with her daughter every night now, aren't you? You won!

[rewe4reel]

Well you are entitled to your feelings but you have to direct them in a manner which is minimally disruptive/destructive.

 

What I suggest is that you allow yourself, perhaps very gingerly, to make "fun" of how your mother in law was way back when, when you're with your MIL, your wife, or whatever.

 

That's the "payback." At birthdays, anniversaries, and so forth, you have a big smile on your face when people are reminiscing...and you pull out an anecdote about some crazy stuff your MIL did. But it's half and half, you're really trying to needle her but in a way which seems ambiguous, which will make her seem like a "bad sport" if she doesn't laugh at herself along with everyone else.

 

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

[wannaforgetbutcant]

Get over it. You the one who's sleeping with her daughter every night now, aren't you? You won!

Yes after 3 long stressful years but you want to understand, I tend to be a sensitive person. Haven't you ever gotten hurt so badly before?

 

Have to let it go as it's pointless now and don't want my wife to get irritated. If only she would have understood that I always loved (still do) her daughter back then and considered me as a human with feelings.

[Cinnamon2000]

Yes after 3 long stressful years but you want to understand, I tend to be a sensitive person. Haven't you ever gotten hurt so badly before?

 

Have to let it go as it's pointless now and don't want my wife to get irritated. If only she would have understood that I always loved (still do) her daughter back then and considered me as a human with feelings.

 

Punish your mohter in law by punishing her daughter by spanking her tonight. Make your mother in law some grandkids and keep them away from her say by suddenly canceling scheduled visits once in a while. Whatever it takes. Just remember, you won, you married the daughter.