Author Arasae Posted May 28, 2010 Author Posted May 28, 2010 I'm not entirely sure how much is "a lot" to be perfectly honest; preliminary guesses are twice a week, but the same way I don't like dating alcoholics, I don't necessarily want to date someone who is a stoner, either. I live in Denver, where it's legal if you have a card, and he does not have one, nor would I advise him to get one, considering his career is a high school teacher.. ha. As for long term potential, I have no idea. Really don't. I was mostly curious if people thought I should cut and run before I even knew, but there seems to be some dissent on that matter. My issue with it is firstly, that I hate the way it tastes and smells, and secondly, my ex boyfriend used to lie to me about doing it, and eventually started doing cocaine, x, and meth, so.. Clearly I have some stigmas attached. He's definitely not lazy; he does live with his parents, but pays them a decent rent (since they lost their jobs), is in school, and was taking seven classes last semester, so he's certainly driven. I think I might just be predisposed to be prejudiced. Hmm.
ADF Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 I am a little worried about the fact that you emphasized that he smokes weed a lot. Plenty of people smoke weed without any serious problems. However, there is a subset of pot smokers--clinical studies have found they are often a subset of alcoholics--who obsess over it. They are preoccupied with getting high, and often need a hit or two of weed just to feel "normal." I don't know if tis applies to his man or not. But it is something to watch for.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Oooh, guys from the West are so sexy. I say spend a little more time with him and see. I think your feelings will become clearer to you with a little more time. My last bf, the stoner, cut way back when we were together, because he knew it concerned me. He also quit smoking cigarettes almost entirely, and I believe would just have one now and then when I wasn't around, which wasn't a big deal. Since you referenced your glorious make-out session (I'm jealous), I must add that stoned sex is totally amazing.
carhill Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 OP, considering his profession (teaching children), I'd be cautious if looking for anything long term. Where I live, it's the land of cash crops (MJ) and meth labs, so the USMS has forfeiture sales regularly out here. I've seen whole farms go. Bye-bye. All for making a few bucks off of weed. When they burn the plots (rare these days), if the wind is blowing right, it's a pretty good contact high. I've felt the draw of attraction to someone who's a user (coke, MJ, acid), but I value my business, assets, livelihood and life too much to get involved with someone like that. Boundaries
yume Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 My ex smoked weed regularly with his friends (like once every other week) and I never really had an issue with it...it's not like he was shooting up cocaine in an alley or anything like that - as well, who was I to think I could stop him? He was adamant that he would keep me away from it though, so...he meant well. Does your bf smoke around you? If he does, at most you'll have to ask him not to then mention your concerns. Doesn't have to be a huge deal, as long as he knows how you feel about it.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 He was adamant that he would keep me away from it though, so...he meant well. My guy was a sneaky devil, twirling his tail and enticing me toward the fire. I had some fun times in the underworld, though.
mixwell Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Hey all, so last night I finally, FINALLY got to make out with my crush from work, and it was glorious. He told me this morning that he'd talk to me and see me again soon; this is pretty awesome, I think he's a cool guy, but there's only one problem... He smokes. A lot. Not cigarettes, but weed. I'm very anti-drugs, while at the same time, maintaining that some (weed) should be legal. It sucks and is kind of a conundrum for me. I don't know if I should just let it go, try to "change" that (HAHAHAHAHA, right--the only time a woman should think she can change a man is if he's in diapers), or hang out knowing it'll never go anywhere. Thoughts? Would you ever give up weed for someone? Have you ever dated someone who smoked/drank more than you were comfortable with? Should I not even try to hang out with him? I just don't know! I don't think you should (or anyone should) try to change anyone.. The question I will pose is this.. If he continues to smoke weed can you see yourself in a relationship ? In all honesty I don't think it is a big deal but you shouldn't continue hanging out or possibly seeing him if the weed issue is enough to make you not want to.. After all that is who he is and if you cannot accept him for who he is I don't think you should go into this with expectations of changing him because you might end up unhappy with the outcome.. Just my 2 coins.. Peace
homersheineken Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Weed regardless of personal opinions is Illegal, period. There are 6 billion other people on the planet to choose from. It's not always illegal (or more accurately or punishable crime). It depends where you are.
homersheineken Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Long term, he'll never hold a meaningful job (unless he's self employed) as long as he smokes. This is one of the silliest things I've read. I know many attorneys and judges (not to mention professors, financial analysts, chemists....) that smoke.
donnamaybe Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 And most serious government agencies drug test upon hiring, and randomly throughout careers. Have you ever worked for a government agency? I have - for two separate state agencies in two different states for over 25 years. If you don't REALLY know what you're talking about, better to not speak with authority.
donnamaybe Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 (edited) Big deal. I know factory workers who also get drug tested. That doesn't mean there are NOT government agencies (serious ones, even ) who do NOT drug test. Some of your posts come across as rather Reefer Madnessish. Ever have a cocktail at the end of your work week? Edited May 28, 2010 by donnamaybe
donnamaybe Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Granted, the ones who are really screwed up are the ones who smoke daily and waste tons of time and money on it. Yup. Sounds JUST like my ex. Hence, he is the ex. It's like anything in life. Too much of anything is NOT good. Too much food; too much alcohol; too much time on video games.
mickleb Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Some people can smoke, some can't. Just like some process alcohol better than others. Doesn't matter what your profession is. It does matter what your heart says, though. I would take a look at your signature, OP and talk to the guy about how you feel. IMHO twice a week is no biggie but in your, more important opinion, in this case - it appears to be. So ask this guy how important it is to him. It's quite likely you two aren't compatible enough. But maybe you are. What have you got to lose by being straight with him about your reservations? Take care. x
This Hurts Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Some people can smoke, some can't. Agreed. It's all up to you, though, and it also depends on what kind of smoker he is (irresponsible, lazy, etc. or the complete opposite). Ask yourself what you're okay with, and feel comfortable with. Just keep in mind it IS possible to be a good person, as well as successful, while smoking pot. I would suggest just going with the flow right now. If you find yourself becoming more accepting of it, then keep on going, but if it really bothers you, then there are a lot more people out there for you to date.
Jilly Bean Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 It's never advisable to compromise your own ethics and morality in order to date someone. I vote walk from him. Plenty of other non-stoner guys out there.
homersheineken Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 My dad worked in the CIA and state department for 15 years, and my boyfriend is interning with the government next summer. He is going to be drug tested, and has spoken to other students who have had the same internship. They give you a polygraph test for clearance and ask if you have done drugs. These are my boyfriend's best friends; they wouldn't make this stuff up. I also have friends who couldn't work as census workers this year becasue of failed drug tests. Heh. Now I know you're stretching the truth. I work for the census now in a mgm't position and was never tested. The CIA and state do test upon hire, but after that it's quite lackadaisical (I know people who work there too). The FBI, however, is different.
homersheineken Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 Yup. Sounds JUST like my ex. Hence, he is the ex. It's like anything in life. Too much of anything is NOT good. Too much food; too much alcohol; too much time on video games. What about sex? :bunny:
Engadget Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 The ignorance towards cannabis in America still makes my head spin. Drug tests are stupid too, and really easy to beat. If you smoke weed once a month before they hire you, is that really proof enough that you shouldn't be working there? How about being an alcoholic? You can just not drink the day before the test and you'll pass, in fact many heavy drugs will be out of your system in days, when marijuana can take weeks. It's so stupid.
nuke88star Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 weed should not be an issue. in fact i dont even concidor it as a drug if it is i think cigs should be too. any ways i'm a full time college student engineering major, i'm very active and i do smoke a lot by a lot i mean a LOT and the school i go to is full of nerds who smoke. aso for not holding the job part how old is he if he's in his later teens or early twenties i dont see whats wrong wiht that he jsut nees a little bit encouragement
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