Teffy79 Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 ...I am having a very hard time with my broken engagement. The reason for the breakup, in addition to some emotional abuse by him, was that he had been lying to me about relationships he had with other women. I was not a perfect partner, but I was devoted to him and to our relationship, and it really hurt me that he did things that repeatedly violated my trust. After I caught him in the final lie, I decided I'd had enough. The invites were out, people had made reservations, but I still cancelled the wedding. Now I'm having a hard time with my decision. He keeps calling and emailing, wanting to know if there's anything that can be done to change things. I never knew he cared this much when we were together. He never acted like he cared this much. I actually feel bad for him! I have tons of friends and a huge family, and since they've heard about the breakup, they're inviting me on trips and just doing all kinds of nice things for me. He has no friends or fam, and the only friend in town that I know of is one woman he had an inappropriate relationship with. He has no one and is all alone. OTOH, I know it's the bed he made for himself. I'm so sad that I've hurt him by breaking up with him, which just sounds nuts, doesn't it?! I know we can't get back together, but is it wrong to still talk to him? Be a friend to him? Let him know that he is not relationship material for me but that the friendship we had maybe can be salvaged someday? I feel like that may make him feel better. Am I being ridiculous? Why am I thinking about taking care of him when I should be thinking about taking care of myself? I'm driving myself crazy with doubt about a decision that I know was the right one.
saudades Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 You're not being ridiculous, you're being kind. However, I don't think that contacting him is a good idea. Even though you mean well, I think it could end up hurting you--if you are always in contact with him, you will have no chance to heal and move on with your life. As difficult as it sounds, I really think it is best to just try to move forward without him to complicate things. Good luck.
Green Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 You're not being ridiculous, you're being kind. However, I don't think that contacting him is a good idea. Even though you mean well, I think it could end up hurting you--if you are always in contact with him, you will have no chance to heal and move on with your life. As difficult as it sounds, I really think it is best to just try to move forward without him to complicate things. Good luck. I agree with this post. Basicaly what you are feeling is normal, I mean love doesn't just go away. The thing is you need to break all contact with this guy and move on with your life. He will never be your FRIEND. Just think about what your next seriouse bf will think if you have this FRIEND who you just happened to almost get married to... and would have got married to had he not treated you so badly... YOU NEED THIS GUY OUT OF YOUR LIFE FOR GOOD. THIS GUY COULD HAVE HAD YOU... ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS LOVE YOU... INSTEAD HE DISRESPECTED YOU Love yourself enough to break all communications with this guy... Move one... he is probably feeling sorry enough for himself for the both of you. He will probably never learn his lesson
Author Teffy79 Posted May 28, 2010 Author Posted May 28, 2010 I took your advice. He called last night, and I talked to him. But I let him know this morning that it was the last time. I told him I have a lot of forgiving and healing to do and that I can't do it while we continue to talk. It's going to be tough, but I know i have to do it. Thanks guys!
Green Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 I took your advice. He called last night, and I talked to him. But I let him know this morning that it was the last time. I told him I have a lot of forgiving and healing to do and that I can't do it while we continue to talk. It's going to be tough, but I know i have to do it. Thanks guys! Good for you. The truth is you obviously enjoyed him and had fun and good times. Why not forgive him. But in my mind forgiving and forgetting him is the best plan. You will forget him the longer it goes with out talking to or seeing him.
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