why can't I get over this?!?!

[ms.ac]

I was wondering if anyone else is in this situation and has any advice for me... its been about 6 months since the last time i was with my ex in "relationship talks".. we broke up 8 months ago.. and he moved on right away so it hurt me A LOT!! he called me a few times at first.. we hung out in march.. and now i find my self calling him.. i miss him soo much.. he is still with the other girl.. why cant i just get over this ... i have been through a lot with him.. and i understand some things that happened wont allow me to ever forget about us.. but is this normal.. i was with him for over 4 years.. and im still crying sometimes.. and think about him every day.. i miss him sooo much.. and he is a jerk for everything he put me through.. but i cant get over it.. a part of me wishes he would wake up and come back.. someone give me advice.. there were times i thought i would be fine.. i thought i was fine.. but it all comes back to me missing him even more.. ughh im just so miserable.. while he fills up his time with my downgraded replacement

[supersub]

I was wondering if anyone else is in this situation and has any advice for me... its been about 6 months since the last time i was with my ex in "relationship talks".. we broke up 8 months ago.. and he moved on right away so it hurt me A LOT!! he called me a few times at first.. we hung out in march.. and now i find my self calling him.. i miss him soo much.. he is still with the other girl.. why cant i just get over this ... i have been through a lot with him.. and i understand some things that happened wont allow me to ever forget about us.. but is this normal.. i was with him for over 4 years.. and im still crying sometimes.. and think about him every day.. i miss him sooo much.. and he is a jerk for everything he put me through.. but i cant get over it.. a part of me wishes he would wake up and come back.. someone give me advice.. there were times i thought i would be fine.. i thought i was fine.. but it all comes back to me missing him even more.. ughh im just so miserable.. while he fills up his time with my downgraded replacement

 

Hi Ms,

 

Firstly let me tell you that your feelings right now are very normal. Its okay to feel the way that you do. Go ahead grieve the relationship, I think that is fine.

 

You are feeling very confused, and bewildered. I would stop the contact right now. Its hard cos your in a tailspin, but just stop thinking for a minute, recalibrate. Show courage. Remember who you are? because its not the person you are right now is it?

 

Its okay, just let go a little, Just stop, its okay, trust me. I've been there.

 

I think at this time no matter how hard it is try to get yourself busy, just take it one step at a time, maybe go for a walk, or visit a friend. You will feel better because you will get a mental break from the situation, and not be obsessing and worrying about it. Even if its just for thirty minutes or an hour.

 

What I am trying to do is help you change your mindset. Maybe watch a funny movie, and have a laugh, anything that can show you temporarily that its okay. You are still breathing, the world is still spinning, and the fear and upset is just an illusion, a cruel trick your mind has you thinking that your ex is the omega. He is not. He's just a human being just like you and me. Raise your energy level. Don't give all your energy to him.

 

As I said earlier stop the contact, because there are two possible positive outcomes from it. Either a) You will move on, and not look back, or b) Your ex will come back around.

 

Of course as stated by many, NC should be used to work on you, not as a ploy to get the ex back. You need to do as much as you can to forget, because remembering is not doing you any good right now.

 

You need to do what is best for you right now.

 

When you get out of bed tomorrow, take a look in the mirror, say quietly to yourself and smile. I am above this. I am a love-able person, and tell yourself that you love yourself. I promise you will feel better, take your ex off the pedestal, and replace him with an image in your mind of you on that pedestal.

 

Also, google the law of attraction and learn how to raise your vibration thus feeling better about yourself.

 

You will feel better.

 

The good will out!

 

Hope this helps.

 

Supersub.

[Ilovecake]

I was wondering if anyone else is in this situation and has any advice for me... its been about 6 months since the last time i was with my ex in "relationship talks".. we broke up 8 months ago.. and he moved on right away so it hurt me A LOT!! he called me a few times at first.. we hung out in march.. and now i find my self calling him.. i miss him soo much.. he is still with the other girl.. why cant i just get over this ... i have been through a lot with him.. and i understand some things that happened wont allow me to ever forget about us.. but is this normal.. i was with him for over 4 years.. and im still crying sometimes.. and think about him every day.. i miss him sooo much.. and he is a jerk for everything he put me through.. but i cant get over it.. a part of me wishes he would wake up and come back.. someone give me advice.. there were times i thought i would be fine.. i thought i was fine.. but it all comes back to me missing him even more.. ughh im just so miserable.. while he fills up his time with my downgraded replacement

 

You would get over it a lot quicker if you stopped calling him, especially since he has moved on. As long as you keep him front and center in your mind you won't stop thinking about him.

[ms.ac]

You would get over it a lot quicker if you stopped calling him, especially since he has moved on. As long as you keep him front and center in your mind you won't stop thinking about him.

 

I agree with you, but I'm not sure i will ever get over it because of something I went through that was pretty life changing.. and I guess he has moved on.. but every time he talks about her its like she is nothing to him, he makes fun of her.. he actually said to me that he didnt plan on being with her for much longer... pretty much like he just has her around for his "needs" and says that he is with her because there is no commitment.. she is divorced with a kid so doesn't want marriage or more kids.. he will admit he is a commitment phobic and that's why he ended things.. i know none of this matters and he shouldn't have done what he did.. he loses and so on.. it just still hurts.. and i don't contact him all the time,,, i have stopped calling him.. i have been nc for a long time.. he broke nc.. quite a few times where i didnt answer.. but i gave in .. and have recently gave in and called him because i miss my friend.. but i know i shouldnt have

[skydiveaddict]

I was wondering if anyone else is in this situation and has any advice for me... its been about 6 months since the last time i was with my ex in "relationship talks".. we broke up 8 months ago.. and he moved on right away so it hurt me A LOT!! he called me a few times at first.. we hung out in march.. and now i find my self calling him.. i miss him soo much.. he is still with the other girl.. why cant i just get over this ... i have been through a lot with him.. and i understand some things that happened wont allow me to ever forget about us.. but is this normal.. i was with him for over 4 years.. and im still crying sometimes.. and think about him every day.. i miss him sooo much.. and he is a jerk for everything he put me through.. but i cant get over it.. a part of me wishes he would wake up and come back.. someone give me advice.. there were times i thought i would be fine.. i thought i was fine.. but it all comes back to me missing him even more.. ughh im just so miserable.. while he fills up his time with my downgraded replacement

 

If you find out how to let go, would you tell me please

[christiw]

Hi Ms,

 

Firstly let me tell you that your feelings right now are very normal. Its okay to feel the way that you do. Go ahead grieve the relationship, I think that is fine.

 

You are feeling very confused, and bewildered. I would stop the contact right now. Its hard cos your in a tailspin, but just stop thinking for a minute, recalibrate. Show courage. Remember who you are? because its not the person you are right now is it?

 

Its okay, just let go a little, Just stop, its okay, trust me. I've been there.

 

I think at this time no matter how hard it is try to get yourself busy, just take it one step at a time, maybe go for a walk, or visit a friend. You will feel better because you will get a mental break from the situation, and not be obsessing and worrying about it. Even if its just for thirty minutes or an hour.

 

What I am trying to do is help you change your mindset. Maybe watch a funny movie, and have a laugh, anything that can show you temporarily that its okay. You are still breathing, the world is still spinning, and the fear and upset is just an illusion, a cruel trick your mind has you thinking that your ex is the omega. He is not. He's just a human being just like you and me. Raise your energy level. Don't give all your energy to him.

 

As I said earlier stop the contact, because there are two possible positive outcomes from it. Either a) You will move on, and not look back, or b) Your ex will come back around.

 

Of course as stated by many, NC should be used to work on you, not as a ploy to get the ex back. You need to do as much as you can to forget, because remembering is not doing you any good right now.

 

You need to do what is best for you right now.

 

When you get out of bed tomorrow, take a look in the mirror, say quietly to yourself and smile. I am above this. I am a love-able person, and tell yourself that you love yourself. I promise you will feel better, take your ex off the pedestal, and replace him with an image in your mind of you on that pedestal.

 

Also, google the law of attraction and learn how to raise your vibration thus feeling better about yourself.

 

You will feel better.

 

The good will out!

 

Hope this helps.

 

Supersub.

hi I am suffering from the same situation and leading a very miserable life as if heaven has fallen over me. I lost interest in life but i really grateful to you as i hope whatever you suggested may help me. loads of thanks.

[feelinggood]

I was wondering if anyone else is in this situation and has any advice for me... its been about 6 months since the last time i was with my ex in "relationship talks".. we broke up 8 months ago.. and he moved on right away so it hurt me A LOT!! he called me a few times at first.. we hung out in march.. and now i find my self calling him.. i miss him soo much.. he is still with the other girl.. why cant i just get over this ... i have been through a lot with him.. and i understand some things that happened wont allow me to ever forget about us.. but is this normal.. i was with him for over 4 years.. and im still crying sometimes.. and think about him every day.. i miss him sooo much.. and he is a jerk for everything he put me through.. but i cant get over it.. a part of me wishes he would wake up and come back.. someone give me advice.. there were times i thought i would be fine.. i thought i was fine.. but it all comes back to me missing him even more.. ughh im just so miserable.. while he fills up his time with my downgraded replacement

 

I'm in a very similar situation except that he didn't tell me about the new girl. But i got to know that they are not stable, the girl has broken up with him for hell lots of times, but went back to him after few hours as if nothing has happened. He still msg me, telling things as if he wants to get back together. But he's still with the girl. I totally understand how you feel.. Everyone tells me only time will heal your wound, but how do I make myself feel better at this moment?

 

I constantly browse the internet for ways to get back my ex. I don't know if I still want him back later, but right now I do. The opinions posted make me calmer, and think things more rationally. And talk more to your friends, and find ways to make you stop thinking about him, even if it's just for awhile. Remember what you used to like before you met him, the things that you can't do when you are with him? It's time for you to do them now! And most importantly, show him that you can live without him! I hope this helps. Please tell me if you have better ideas, cause I'm facing this now, too.

[yume]

One thing one of my friends said to me once was a line from Sex and the City...something like "You can grieve for half the amount of time that your relationship lasted"

 

oh, here it is

 

Miranda: Just when exactly do you think you're gonna be getting out of this hostage situation?

Charlotte: Miranda...

Miranda: What? Am I wrong?

Charlotte: Don't listen to her, Carrie, it's only been a month. It takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them.

Carrie: I always like a good math solution to any love problem.

Charlotte: It's the break-up rule -- you and Big only went out for a year so that means that she's got five more months to get over him.

 

so for you....you might have a ways to go yet. 4 years is a long time to be with someone, so try not to expect yourself to move on and heal quickly. Healing slowly is healthy. Some days will definitely be harder than others.

 

I'm not saying live by the rules that a tv show dictates but it does make some sense. If you set a boundary for yourself that allows you to grieve, by a certain point you will have to say "I'm done with this and moving on with my life."

 

You need to make sure that you're doing all that you can to be NC with him, which includes stalking facebook, etc. Go out with friends, read books, EXERCISE, do whatever things you need to to stay upbeat.

[stillafool]

One thing you all can do to get over them is to tell yourself "they are never coming back to me." Believe it or not this is the truth. Rarely do people get back together when one has broken up with you to be with someone else. No matter how much they complain about their new loves the fact remains they are still with them. Even when they finally do break up the ex usually moves on to someone else new. So the best thing you can do is not to ever expect them to come back and give up hope. Hope will keep you holding on.

[ms.ac]

One thing you all can do to get over them is to tell yourself "they are never coming back to me." Believe it or not this is the truth. Rarely do people get back together when one has broken up with you to be with someone else. No matter how much they complain about their new loves the fact remains they are still with them. Even when they finally do break up the ex usually moves on to someone else new. So the best thing you can do is not to ever expect them to come back and give up hope. Hope will keep you holding on.

 

I get this.. it is very unlikely. This actually happened to my older sister, he came back after being with 2 other girlfriends, one for 2 years, but they had children together.. but besides all of the great advice that i will take and have been taking.. i dont stalk.. he doesnt go online in any way so no way for me to online check... i just miss him.. and i dont konw how long it will take.. i think i may have something for him forever.. i think my situation is far more than most are seeing in the writing.. im very very hurt.. and not just by the break up... i regret something in the past... that i hate myself for and probably always will.. i have so much resentment towards myself.. and i feel i will always be sad that i cant somehow make it better... im extremely scared that i may always be miserable but a part of me feels i deserve it.. i think i need professional help really.. but im not sure even that will help.. im sure some of you may have an idea of what i am talking about.. or maybe not.. but its a very debated topic and i hate saying or writing it because then im facing it.. and allowing others to make me feel worse.. im a mess.. i have a broken heart in more ways than one..

[Ilovecake]

I agree with you, but I'm not sure i will ever get over it because of something I went through that was pretty life changing.. and I guess he has moved on.. but every time he talks about her its like she is nothing to him, he makes fun of her.. he actually said to me that he didnt plan on being with her for much longer... pretty much like he just has her around for his "needs" and says that he is with her because there is no commitment.. she is divorced with a kid so doesn't want marriage or more kids.. he will admit he is a commitment phobic and that's why he ended things.. i know none of this matters and he shouldn't have done what he did.. he loses and so on.. it just still hurts.. and i don't contact him all the time,,, i have stopped calling him.. i have been nc for a long time.. he broke nc.. quite a few times where i didnt answer.. but i gave in .. and have recently gave in and called him because i miss my friend.. but i know i shouldnt have

 

1. Everyone went through life changing things with and without their exes. Births, deaths, divorces, children, abortions, miscarriages. You are the only one that is putting all this significance on whatever this thing was. It's all just part of life and in the long run has nothing to do with some guy who doesn't want you in his life. I guess it wasn't as significant to him since he dumped you.

 

2. As far as making fun of his girlfriend what a horrible, immature thing to do. Wow, he sounds like a real winner (or should I say weiner?). I wouldn't even consider being friends with someone like that. What makes you think that he's not saying the same stuff about you to her? I bet you a thousand dollars he is.

 

3. There is no such thing as commitment phobia, he was commitment phobic when it came to being with you but one day he'll meet someone who he'll commit to.

 

4. You can call him or not call him. This has no bearing on my life so don't waste your time making excuses. You wanted to know how you can stop hurting and people have told you exactly what it is you need to do and all you did was come back with excuses for why that's the one thing you're not willing to do. That is your choice; you really do not need to excuse your actions to anyone. You're an adult and make your own decisions.

 

Godd luck, I really hope you can move on.

[Ilovecake]

One thing one of my friends said to me once was a line from Sex and the City...something like "You can grieve for half the amount of time that your relationship lasted"

 

oh, here it is

 

 

so for you....you might have a ways to go yet. 4 years is a long time to be with someone, so try not to expect yourself to move on and heal quickly. Healing slowly is healthy. Some days will definitely be harder than others.

 

I'm not saying live by the rules that a tv show dictates but it does make some sense. If you set a boundary for yourself that allows you to grieve, by a certain point you will have to say "I'm done with this and moving on with my life."

 

You need to make sure that you're doing all that you can to be NC with him, which includes stalking facebook, etc. Go out with friends, read books, EXERCISE, do whatever things you need to to stay upbeat.

 

This is exactly why so many people fall apart after a breakup because they believe all this unrealistic fairy tale crap they see on TV and read in women's magazines. That stuff doesn't happen in real life and it is evil and will melt your brain. There are no formulas when it comes to love. It does not take half the time, it takes as long as you let it take. You have to do the work to get over someone it doesn't just happen on its own.

[ms.ac]

1. Everyone went through life changing things with and without their exes. Births, deaths, divorces, children, abortions, miscarriages. You are the only one that is putting all this significance on whatever this thing was. It's all just part of life and in the long run has nothing to do with some guy who doesn't want you in his life. I guess it wasn't as significant to him since he dumped you.

 

2. As far as making fun of his girlfriend what a horrible, immature thing to do. Wow, he sounds like a real winner (or should I say weiner?). I wouldn't even consider being friends with someone like that. What makes you think that he's not saying the same stuff about you to her? I bet you a thousand dollars he is.

 

3. There is no such thing as commitment phobia, he was commitment phobic when it came to being with you but one day he'll meet someone who he'll commit to.

 

4. You can call him or not call him. This has no bearing on my life so don't waste your time making excuses. You wanted to know how you can stop hurting and people have told you exactly what it is you need to do and all you did was come back with excuses for why that's the one thing you're not willing to do. That is your choice; you really do not need to excuse your actions to anyone. You're an adult and make your own decisions.

 

Godd luck, I really hope you can move on.

 

 

ok... i am not making excuses.. i agree with everything.. i have been following everything.. and I just somehow need support.. The thing is i am just realizing how deep these problems really are.. i didnt have a great childhood which im sure many can relate too.. i have been through a lot and it is part of life.. but i realize that i really need to forgive myself before i ever move on and i am really looking into seeking professional help.. again.. because although you may see it as "it happens to many" and like its you who does it to yourself and so on... i know people can be harsh and real on here... and i have never went against a thing.. it has actually helped me a lot.. but i cant depend on it.. everyone is different.. and something may effect one person in a whole different way than the next... many outsiders can say whatever they want.. we all fall victim to harsh criticism.. without really knowing what that person is going through... i actually dont see myself as making excuses.. because I can sit here and admit that I need help.. that I have problems and need help..

[sedgwick]

2. As far as making fun of his girlfriend what a horrible, immature thing to do. Wow, he sounds like a real winner (or should I say weiner?). I wouldn't even consider being friends with someone like that. What makes you think that he's not saying the same stuff about you to her? I bet you a thousand dollars he is.

 

3. There is no such thing as commitment phobia, he was commitment phobic when it came to being with you but one day he'll meet someone who he'll commit to.

 

Totally agree with the first, totally disagree with the second!!

[ms.ac]

Totally agree with the first, totally disagree with the second!!

 

ok.. thank you for that comment because that 2nd one was bugging me.. I know so many people afraid to get married and know some that are older and single for that simple fact.. many actually regretting there choices because of their fear..