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So I did it...


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Posted
But what does it matter if they care? If it makes you feel better? Some people may be deluding themselves (thats a personal issue) but depending on how YOU feel, it isn't necessarily wrong. If you're sending a message for your benefit because it liberates or helps you, then whats to regret? We have 1 life to say what we want to say and do what we want to do. Any one of us could die tomorrow. And that is how I see life. I don't believe bottling up emotions, blocking off what you want to say and misdirecting it into other avenues can help. It doesn't mean that you and the ex will become friends, or even that you'll find any resolution or 'ending' but that shouldn't be the expectation. We have the freedom of speech, if there's something you need to say because its your truth, say it. Obviously not in every case. But why regret what you DO? I believe you can only regret what you didn't do. If you communicate with an ex NOT to get them back or beg or abuse them, but just to be a kind person by your own standards, that is nothing to regret, whether they reply, laugh at you or ignore you. It really doesn't matter what they do, its what YOU do. If you contact and ex with an expectation or a hope, then that may not be right, but even then, thats for the individual to decide. Sometimes by not breaking NC people are allowing unresolved words, thoughts, feelings and possible resolutions to go to waste. It depends on your ex, your relationship and what is best for you to move forward. In fact, breaking NC can sometimes help move you forward.

 

I agree with you.

I sent the birthday text and I feel liberated.

I feel that I can move on.

I feel that I did it for me.

I let go of some of the anger which helped ME.

Honestly, if he asked me to come back the answer would be no.

I have no regrets.

Had I not sent it, I would have had regrets.

Nicki is right....not all of our ex's are monsters. Not all of them cheated, sometimes life just happens.

I am the type of girl who does nice things for people. It's who I am.

Not sending a text would have made me feel like a mean-spirited person who is going to walk around holding a grudge.

 

If one has TRULY "moved-on" then one wouldn't still be holding a grudge and thus would be able to wish an aquaintance "good luck or happy birthday....

I think that is actually more of a stronger sign that you HAVE moved on if you are capable of being cordial and not walk around with such anger and resentment.

Anger is right across the line from love/passion now isn't it?

Posted

Anger is right across the line from love/passion now isn't it?

 

No, the opposite of love is indifference.

 

Sending a text like this is about trying to prove something. Trying got prove something to yourself or the EX; I am a kind person, I am a generous person, I am over my you, I have moved on, I am better then you, I am not angry, or I willing to us you to get over my pain. Ironically the fact you feel the need to do so reiterate one has not moved on.

 

As the someone smarted then me said: "We are so clothed in rationalization we can not recognize the impulses that motivate us"

Posted

If I bumped into my ex in the street, would I be cordial? Absolutely. I genuinely wish him the best. (Have my doubts whether he's headed in the right direction but that's now his problem, not mine.)

 

Would I go OUT OF MY WAY to contact him to be cordial? No. That would be ridiculous.

 

As you are trying to get over a 10 year relationship, freckles, I'm presuming it is tough to accept that contacting him now is, basically, inappropriate. And I can appreciate why that would be the case.

 

Don't presume that those who practise NC are holding onto hate or anger, though. They are usually holding onto the most important person in their lives: themselves. Then, the others who are happy to be part of their lives.

 

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