JadedHeart Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Hey, I'm sort of in a predicament. There's this one girl who likes me (very evident) yet I don't feel attracted to her. Whenever we're out with our friends she's always trying to talk to me and stand/sit right next to me. Now here's the thing, I don't reply to her texts, pick up her phone calls, keep conversations to one word responses. Now I'm starting to get very irritated, to the point where I don't even want to hang out with my social circle anymore. The last time I tried to be respectful of a girl's feelings and tell them I'm not attracted she turned it around and made me look like a jerk. "Oh you thought I was attracted to you? Does your ego tell you everyone must want you?.." etc.. I definitely don't want to be friends because I know that will only give her false hope. Quite honestly I don't want to be her friend anyhow, because I'd rather spend my time with someone I'm actually interested in. I think it would be a waste of both our time. So I'm not going to put myself in that position again to look like a jerk with a big ego. I told myself I'm not going to let her ruin my fun, so whenever I do go hang out she's always near me. It also deters other girls away from me because it looks like I'm not single. So I've resorted to simply ignoring her. I don't even acknowledge her presence after I say hi. I know there's got to be a better way, since I know ignoring someone is extremely rude but I don't know what else to do. She just can't take the hint that I'm not interested? If I tell her I'm not attracted and she turns it around I'll be the jerk. If I act like a jerk to make her not like me anymore, I'm the jerk. My situation epitomizes catch-22. Any and all input would be appreciated thank you.
onedayatatyme Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 I wouldn't let the last girls response deter you from doing the right thing. You ignoring this girl is making her feel like crap and may be making her try harder. You need to figure out how to be gentle and respectful but clear verbally about your feelings. Maybe you could head off the response you got last time by admitting up front that you may be interpretting things wrong, "Excuse me if I've got the wrong idea..."
whichwayisup Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Just be nice about it. You can tell someone you're not interested without being mean about it. Be honest, tell her you like her but aren't interested in her that way, and then leave it at that. Continue to ignore her texts, emails, etc, eventually she will get the hint.
Ronni_W Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Maybe the other girl who said that to you was just trying to save face? In any case, you didn't act like a jerk towards her -- you were considerate and thoughtful. Don't keep it in your head that you acted or looked like a jerk, cos that's not correct. SHE reacted like a jerk is the only truth. Whenever we're out with our friends she's always trying to talk to me and stand/sit right next to me. Maybe you could pull her aside and try something like, "Hey. I just wanted to give you a heads up that some people might start talking that we look like a couple cos we're always in such close proximity. I know, it's just stupid of them, right? But still I don't wanna give anyone the wrong impression -- you neither, right? -- so we should probably just keep a little distance between us. I figure that's gonna be better than trying to explain we're not into each other. Right?" Which, she's probably gonna agree, and then you go, "Cool. I knew we could fix it before it became a problem. Thanks." And run back to the rest of the group. Make sure it's private and try to do it in a sort of conspiratorial tone (practice first, if you have to ) You want to come across like you're looking to save HER from being linked to YOU. Also see if you can get her to agree with you at those places where you say "right?" Just pause for a split-second, and look her in the eye and as if you're expecting her to respond. She ain't gonna say, "no, not right" -- so you also end up with her agreement that you're not into each other. It's not dishonest if you say, "people MIGHT start talking." And it's kind: you're giving her the info she needs (that you're not into her), and being as kind as possible under the circumstances.
Author JadedHeart Posted May 28, 2010 Author Posted May 28, 2010 Thanks everyone for your responses. I will definitely let her know that I don't want to give our group the wrong impression when it comes between us two. Although I won't feed her the just friends line. Because like I said I don't want to waste either of our time (Okay maybe just mine). Thanks again everyone.
runner Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 or.... is it really that difficult to have a mutual friend of the group say something to her in private ? what are friends for, after all ? this method might save either of you from some potential embarrasment.
Author JadedHeart Posted May 29, 2010 Author Posted May 29, 2010 or.... is it really that difficult to have a mutual friend of the group say something to her in private ? what are friends for, after all ? this method might save either of you from some potential embarrasment. I'm man enough to tell her myself, I don't need someone else to do it for me. I just wanted opinions on the best way to approach the situation. If I really wanted to I'll tell her straight up I'm not interested in you don't call me anymore. Besides, what if she just goes into denial if she hears it from a friend. Anyways I'm learning how to be more sensitive and mature about things. So this is also a learning experience for me
Ronni_W Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 Anyways I'm learning how to be more sensitive and mature about things. So this is also a learning experience for me You are doing GREAT learning! I'm really hoping that your friends (girls and guys) will look to you as a role-model. Congrats, and continued success in all your endeavours.
LoveLace Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 Ask a girl you ARE into to come along on one of the social gatherings where she will likely be present. Introduce your new girl to everyone and stay close and attentive to her. If this doesn't send a message that you are NOT into whats her name, then she's seriously living in a delusional world...just saying that if she thinks you are heavily involved with someone, hopefully she'll be respectful enough to keep her distance and perhaps not even text or call anymore. You can't look like a "jerk" this way because you have not established or agreed to any kind of close friendship with her what so ever. If anything, it might just make her feel kind of stupid..and if she does, oh well...she obviously doesn't get the hint when you ignore her so in my opinion she's asking for a harder hit.
Recommended Posts