MrNate Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 In what dreamland do you live? We all wish this were true. Maybe, just maybe, it's more true then we think? Fate favors the bold.
Maxxx Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 I am a nice guy but I am NOT a wimp and I DO have a spine. If you would care to find out names and addresses please I will come smash the S@#$@ out of anyones head that wants some........ :|
Maxxx Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 I am a nice guy but I am NOT a wimp and I DO have a spine. If you would care to find out names and addresses please I will come smash the S@#$@ out of anyones head that wants some........ :| ooops I guess that would make me not a nice guy maybe I'm not then LOL
brainygirl Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 (edited) That's what I'd do, except reality for me is every year I'd be camping alone. I know I would never have a chance at a "yes" if I asked. I've behaved this way or similar time after time. I'm a bigger wimp than the guy in your example. I would never do this. It's more agressive than your first example. At best I'd get an angry "no" and at worst she'd scream and threaten to call the police. I can't risk losing everything I have. That guy must have had some "magical" charm. The wimpy guy got told no for two reasons. 1) he didn't come out and ASK ME, he hinted and left it to me to invite myself. I'm a female, I want to be invited. and 2) we've never even met for coffee yet, am I going to go out to a campsite with him? no way in h e double hockey sticks. And why would I or anyone call the police over being invited to breakfast? Rejection is part of life, a big part, but every rejection also teaches you something about yourself and the people you are pursuing, to refuse to act in avoidance of rejection is to refuse opportunities to grow. The second guy isn't agressive, he is direct. He isn't always after sex, sometimes we watch a movie or take our kids to a park to play (he has a child of similar age to my middle son the kids think its a playdate). This morning he was up and feeling a little alone. He wanted company as much as anything. When I needed to leave to get ready for work, he was gracious about it. When I got off and asked him if he was up for finishing what he'd started, he declined. Edited May 28, 2010 by brainygirl
brainygirl Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 I don't know how old you are, but I'm getting closer to 40. Maybe if I were 20 or 25, I'd be able to find a way out, but at my age it's nearly impossible. Has anyone come out of their shell at my age, or is it people that are 20 or 25? I talk to women, but never randomly. I know I am a creep if I talk to a woman randomly. It's worse than a fear of simple rejection. It's a fear of her crying or screaming if I say the wrong thing. People get offended at the tiniest things. As the first poster said, it makes me a wimp. If she wants to call me a wimp on here, fine. I don't want to be insensitive, but is it possible you have a condition? Social Anxiety? Asperger's? Depression? Have you talked to a professional about this fear that you will make a girl cry, scream or offended? In all honesty, we aren't that fragile. Go to a library, see a woman, any woman, holding a book or publication you read or have read and say "that's a good one". She will either nod and move along, smile and say "yeah, I like it" and then you have a conversation. Or she will disagree, "no, he's too formulaic these days" and then you have a conversation too. "Yeah, but his earlier stuff was great". I promise, it will work.
Kang Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 I'm a Nice Guy, well I like to think I am anyway, and I am by no means a wimp. A Nerd? maybe a bit seeing as I'm posting on a forum thats built to help people find love and experience relationships better. A Geek? Yeah I play a few video games. But a wimp? If I was a wimp I sincerely doubt that I'd have gotten as far as I have and accomplished as much as I did up to today. There are all kinds of people in the world, and sure some could stand to be more confident about themselves but just because they're polite or a gentleman that doesn't mean they're a wimp.
brainygirl Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 I just don't get it. It seems to me that if the first guy asked directly, he would have gotten a terrible negative reaction and not just a "no". I'd even expect a negative reaction even if I asked for coffee unless I'd already talked to you a lot. The guys asked you into his home in the second example. It would seem that would really frighten a woman unless you've been dating a long time. I imagine he must have been very charming or was great looking or had something about him that draws women in. My youth is gone. I'm approching 40 and am so lonely and hungry for attention, that it would scare off nearly anyone. Most people have built up huge networks of friends by my age. I know I'm whining, but what's a messageboard for? To the topic on hand, there is a differece between nice guys and wimps. I'm clearly a wimp, while some of the others who've posted here are nice guys. He didn't bother to ask me, so I haven't bothered to reply to the email. If he had asked me, I would have said, "I'd rather meet for coffee at hastings before camping with you, but I'm not opposed to camping with you in the future". The second guy, yes we have more history. But still, he didn't try to play games or insinuate things. He used what he knew about me (that I get up early in the morning) to formulate a plan (texted me and offered breakfast) and followed through (actually made said breakfast for me and watched me eat it) before getting around to the nooky, which didn't even happen. And we were both cool with it.
CLC2008 Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 There's another "umbrella term".... "Compulsive liars" comes to mind.
Kang Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 There's another "umbrella term".... "Compulsive liars" comes to mind. QFT and I agree completely.
brainygirl Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 It's possible I have all of those. I have social anxiety. I can't read other people's minds, so is that aspergers? I think anyone who has as few contacts as I do would be prone to depression. Yeah, I've been told that women won't do that, but I've read plenty of examples on forums like this one where they do have a strong negative recation. If I approach a woman at a library, I expect to be ignored or told to "go away" or maybe a one word answer. An earlier poster mentioned ingrained habits. I don't know if you are my age, but by the time you near 40, it's not easy to change them. You can go on thinking this way, or you can do some things that make you uncomfortable and anxious and grow for having done them.
ADF Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 If every man you've ever dealt with has treated you badly, the common denominator is you. Have you taken any responsibility whatsoever for your own poor choices? I can't see that you have. You heap contempt on so-called "beta males," call them "wimps." What, exactly, do you want? If you're looking for a guy who is a bad boy on the outside but who has a heart of gold, good luck. You might as well be looking for bigfoot. I can't say for certain he doesn't exist, that you cannot find such a person. But they are pretty rare at best.
Chicago_Guy Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 When I was in college there was a guy who roomed on my floor during freshman year who would frequently hang around in a group with a couple girls. I always thought he was gay, but apparently he wasn't. I heard him complaining one day that one of his female friends slapped him right in the face one time because she was mad about something unrelated to him and was just "letting off steam." This guy just took that abuse and kept hanging out with her for some reason. Now that guy was definitely a wimp.
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