Woggle Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Hey, if I could honestly live my life this way, I would (minus the sexually unmotivated part. I'm pretty much insatiable). I see little value in being part of the rat race and having my career consume my life instead of pursuing my hobbies and spending time with my loved ones. If I could sleep in on the weekends after nights of partying and have that be a regular part of my life, I absolutely would. Of course, I'm starting law school in August which pretty much makes me a giant hypocrite, no? I agree. Keeping with the Jonses and trying to win a rat race that you never really win are not my idea of a good life.
phineas Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Well, i'm not an ass-hat that uses women for sex. I'm also not a doormat. I don't take crap from anyone. Man or woman, I know how I want to be treated (the same way I would treat you) If you can't manage to do that your history. I don't obscess about one woman or any of the women I meet not interested in me. 8 months ago I met a woman who wanted to "just be friends" ok. were friends. She's got guys tripping all over themselves to do her favors. Not me. I'm going to my cousins wedding this weekend. She wanted to know why I didn't ask her to go as my date. I told her because I don't introduce "just friends" to my family & I can't pick up my cousin's friends if I bring a date. LOL! This agitated her. She tried to hide it. I'm not being a jerk, I'm not being a doormat. I'm telling her how it is. Why cock-block myself by bringing a chick who wants to be "just friends"
crimsonmike Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 I think I'm a pretty nice guy, but you can't be a wimp. If I see a woman I want to ask out, I do it. I just kind of have a don't give a damn attitude. I am myself from day one. If she don't like that, then we both save lots of time. Women like alpha males. Most dominating females don't really want to be that way, they just end up taking the male role because the guy they're with is a total puss. Over the years, I've found being confident in yourself and taking initiative will get you more shots than looking like Brad Pitt. My buddy is way more fit and attractive than me and gets way less action because he is too chicken to take initiative.
rewe4reel Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Excuse me, but this whole "nice guy/jerk" thing is so much b.s. At least when you haven't really gotten to know someone yet. It's just a superficial evaluation, a way of easily labeling someone. "Nice guy" is often being simplistically defined as someone who is too shy to reach over and kiss the girl without asking on the first date. I'm sorry, but that's just ridiculous. You don't really know anything about another person until you have been involved with them for at least several months on at least a semi-regular basis. Making quick, superficial judgments and jumping into relationships too quickly is why people have a lot of the relationship problems that they have. "OMG, he asked me before he tried to kiss me, he must be a wimp!" is LOL outrageously ridculous as a way to judge someone's character.
crimsonmike Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 I agree, but it's an easier said that done thing for many guys. I guess chicken is a good word to decribe not only me, but millions of men. I don't take harsh rejection well, so I don't ask for much. I've been called chicken, but I'd rather have that than a woman screaming at me. I think you'd be better off to just take a don't give a f' approach. Who cares if some chic you don't even know rejects you? If she's harsh about it, give it back. I guess I just don't understand the mentallity.
carhill Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 I'm looking forward to a woman rejecting me harshly. The devil will be in the smile she sees OP, I join you in your burgeoning bitterness, and I'm probably twice your age. A lot for you to look forward to The cool thing is you (and I) can make different choices. We own our path. Hope it works out.
donnamaybe Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Hey, if I could honestly live my life this way, I would (minus the sexually unmotivated part. I'm pretty much insatiable). I see little value in being part of the rat race and having my career consume my life instead of pursuing my hobbies and spending time with my loved ones. If I could sleep in on the weekends after nights of partying and have that be a regular part of my life, I absolutely would. Of course, I'm starting law school in August which pretty much makes me a giant hypocrite, no? And I believe when the OP began this thread she was talking about "nice guys," not nice guys. You know the ones - they're all over LS whining about how they're so wonderful but can't get a date and it's alllll because women want: Tall guys Guys with money Bad boys etc. etc. etc.
Lakeside_runner Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 I'm just looking forward to the day we will have the following on LS: - nice guy - 'nice guy' - "nice guy" - '"nice guy"' - ""nice guy"" - '""nice guy""' ...you get the pattern...
Ross PK Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 In the eternal debate about "bad boys" and "nice guys", I have come to the conclusion that there is the bad boy whose definition is rather obvious : has an element of danger about him, often times gets into more trouble than not, can't get it together, drinks too much, treats women badly, etc. But I would like to end the "nice guy" debate once and for all. I have determined that there is no such thing as a "nice guy". Those who are not under the Bad Boy umbrella are not automatically in the Nice Guy arena. Quite honestly, thanks to tens of hundreds of thousands of experiences, I do not see them as being good. They are wimps, the Beta males. Those "Non Bad Boy" males are wimps. They don't go after the things they want because they are too afraid to. They have no spines, and yet they are self centered enough to make everything all about them. Nuts? Well there have been a few who were truly unstable in the past, but even they were insecure enough. They are, now that I read this, rather sociopathic and contradictory. They never stand behind their principals, rarely if ever follow through on anything (not just relationship wise), and waffle on their promises. None of these things just described make a man be a "nice guy", but neither do they make a "bad boy" either. I guess I am becoming more and more bitter as time goes on. I can't stand the abuse anymore than I already have or how much people don't seem to care enough or show enough courtesy to each other. I'm reverting back to my pubescent years, I'm going to put up posters of my old teen idols and have them as my "pretend" boyfriends again. Not every wimp is an abuser, and not every wimp deserves the hate you're spewing in your post.
MrNate Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 I personally think there are literally TONS of lonely, beautiful women out there who don't need a man, but would like to one to share their life with..the good, bad, funny, ups and downs. The problem is, however, the nice guys don't do anything. The jerk does. So of course the woman is going to at least check the jerk out, because he at least made himself known. I think it's silly for a nice guy not to do anything, then get upset when some jerk has the nerve to approach the woman. The cool part is that all the 'nice guys' have to do, is drop the whole innocent act, acknowledge and embrace your desires, then go up to that chick that strikes your interest (that one with a nice, plump, thick ass maybe? ha) and say 'hi'. No tricks, no gimmicks, just living in the moment. After all, who cares what others think? They don't know you.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 So according to this logic, all the guys might as well just be eliminated, since they are either "bad" or "wimps." Neither category seems very useful.
You'reasian Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 In the eternal debate about "bad boys" and "nice guys", I have come to the conclusion that there is the bad boy whose definition is rather obvious : has an element of danger about him, often times gets into more trouble than not, can't get it together, drinks too much, treats women badly, etc. But I would like to end the "nice guy" debate once and for all. I have determined that there is no such thing as a "nice guy". Those who are not under the Bad Boy umbrella are not automatically in the Nice Guy arena. Quite honestly, thanks to tens of hundreds of thousands of experiences, I do not see them as being good. They are wimps, the Beta males. Those "Non Bad Boy" males are wimps. They don't go after the things they want because they are too afraid to. They have no spines, and yet they are self centered enough to make everything all about them. Nuts? Well there have been a few who were truly unstable in the past, but even they were insecure enough. They are, now that I read this, rather sociopathic and contradictory. They never stand behind their principals, rarely if ever follow through on anything (not just relationship wise), and waffle on their promises. None of these things just described make a man be a "nice guy", but neither do they make a "bad boy" either. I guess I am becoming more and more bitter as time goes on. I can't stand the abuse anymore than I already have or how much people don't seem to care enough or show enough courtesy to each other. I'm reverting back to my pubescent years, I'm going to put up posters of my old teen idols and have them as my "pretend" boyfriends again. Some men prefer to live low-key and not be attention whores, doesn't make them bad. They're just the more reserved or silent types. That's too bad that you feel you are being abused, for that I would check your own internal motivations and behaviors. Qualities that excite you about men are drawing you into abusive relationships. Part of being in a committed relationship involves exposing your entire self to that person. You state that there aren't nice guys, just wimps. Is your behavior drawing out the wimp and instability in guys that might otherwise treat you right? Aggressive, Assertive women often but heads with bad boys and seem to have no respect for nice guys. Time to rethink what you're putting out there or enjoy being single and uncommitted
bac Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 When you try online dating, you start disliking any guy whoever he is nice or jerk. They all pretty much are the same deep inside. I like jerks because they are open, sincere about being bad. At least you know that he is bad, and it is a good thing. As for nice guys, they wear a mask of a nice person and lie all the time. So, you believe that they are nice, and it is not good because at some point they will take their mask off and you are going to feel terrible. I have recently recieved a email from a guy, 24 who stated in his profile that he was a nice guy. Strangely, he wrote me that he had a serious GF but he also wanted to find more girls just for short-term fun. I asked him what was nice about him if he wanted to be this way. He send me a bunch of excuses of how badly he was treated by his GF. I guess he believed that he was a nice guy.
GrayClouds Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 In the eternal debate about "bad boys" and "nice guys", I have come to the conclusion that there is the bad boy whose definition is rather obvious : has an element of danger about him, often times gets into more trouble than not, can't get it together, drinks too much, treats women badly, etc. But I would like to end the "nice guy" debate once and for all. I have determined that there is no such thing as a "nice guy". Those who are not under the Bad Boy umbrella are not automatically in the Nice Guy arena. Quite honestly, thanks to tens of hundreds of thousands of experiences, I do not see them as being good. They are wimps, the Beta males. Those "Non Bad Boy" males are wimps. They don't go after the things they want because they are too afraid to. They have no spines, and yet they are self centered enough to make everything all about them. Nuts? Well there have been a few who were truly unstable in the past, but even they were insecure enough. They are, now that I read this, rather sociopathic and contradictory. They never stand behind their principals, rarely if ever follow through on anything (not just relationship wise), and waffle on their promises. None of these things just described make a man be a "nice guy", but neither do they make a "bad boy" either. I guess I am becoming more and more bitter as time goes on. I can't stand the abuse anymore than I already have or how much people don't seem to care enough or show enough courtesy to each other. I'm reverting back to my pubescent years, I'm going to put up posters of my old teen idols and have them as my "pretend" boyfriends again. This is all about you but it is easier to make it all about the people you pick then it is look at the person who is picking.
TheBigQuestion Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 In what dreamland do you live? We all wish this were true. The only way to break free from being eternally self-conscious about your desires with women is to repeatedly put yourself in vulnerable situations. See a pretty girl? Walk up and say hello and start a conversation about nothing. If she walks away, calls you a creep, of course you'll feel bad. The repetition is what will make it easier. If you at least try to talk to women on a regular basis, you'll slowly but surely get more comfortable with them. To be honest, I'm a lot like you in a lot of ways. I've let COUNTLESS opportunities for hook-ups/potential relationships slip by me because I didn't really have the cojones to "go for it" on a regular basis. A little alcohol usually boosts the confidence, but I struggle with the fear of approach and fear of rejection just like you do. Almost all men do (the exceptions being complete naturals and players/pick-up artists). What matters is how you deal with it and whether or not you try to proactively work through it. The only difference between you and me is that I realize there's a way out, and it's a "learn by doing" process. There's no point in referring to it as fantasy, because there are many people on this message board alone who have been able to come out of their shells just by breaking out of their cycles of negative thinking about the subject.
samsungxoxo Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Honestly there would be nothing funny about an alcoholic, lawbreaker who gets into fight with others. I think the labels are overly confused. No sane person would want a troublemaker nor the other extreme either (low self-esteem who never talks). In life... all extremes are bad...
brainygirl Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Example of a "nice guy" -> In an email he mentions that he usually camps with people but this year he's camping alone. He doesn't come out and ask me along, but the implication is there. Also, we've never been on a real date so its weird to be asked camping with him. I'm not going. Example of a guy who is nice while being rough around the edges -> knows I get up early and texts me "I'm up and can't sleep, come over and I'll make you breakfast. I went over and he made me bacon, eggs, and coffee. We talked, hung out a while, and then I came back home got dressed, got my kids up and went to work. If he calls me this weekend am I going out with him? Absolutely.
alphamale Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Example of a guy who is nice while being rough around the edges -> knows I get up early and texts me "I'm up and can't sleep, come over and I'll make you breakfast. I went over and he made me bacon, eggs, and coffee. We talked, hung out a while, .... did you sleep with him?
brainygirl Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 did you sleep with him? We occasionally have sex with eachother, but he was tired and it wasn't happening right then.
shadowplay Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 A friend of mine says she gives a guy 3 months before his true colors come out. Not trying to derail but is this true. Is there some kind of change at around 3 months or so or in that general time frame, im sure it various but still? Yes, I'd say 3-6 months.
alphamale Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 We occasionally have sex with eachother, but he was tired and it wasn't happening right then. i see so you like the aloof bad boy who can cook?
brainygirl Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 i see so you like the aloof bad boy who can cook? I like him because he's fun to hang out with, we like the same movies and music, and he doesn't BS around about what he wants or doesn't want. And yeah, cooking me eggs at five am is a nice perk.
Recommended Posts