bluesboy Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Every time I tell my gf something that's bothering me she turns it around and takes the offensive. She got a bikini with the a couple weeks ago and she's never had one before. She said that she would wear it with me the first time. Now, she did... In her house. I'm out of town and she's worn it twice to the beach. I told her that it bothered me and that I wanted to be with her the first time she wore it and she lashed out and said she wouldn't just not go to the beach and that we were going to go before but my plans changed. Basically, that I can't expect her to not go to the beach because I'm not there. However, she does have other bathing suits. I'm not sure if she knew how important it was to me to be with her the first time she wore it but it's not like she couldn't go to the beach and wear a different bathing suit. She does this kind of thing when I tell her something that bothers me... Any advice?
Author bluesboy Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 Every time I tell my gf something that's bothering me she turns it around and takes the offensive. She got a bikini with the a couple weeks ago and she's never had one before. She said that she would wear it with me the first time. Now, she did... In her house. I'm out of town and she's worn it twice to the beach. I told her that it bothered me and that I wanted to be with her the first time she wore it and she lashed out and said she wouldn't just not go to the beach and that we were going to go before but my plans changed. Basically, that I can't expect her to not go to the beach because I'm not there. However, she does have other bathing suits. I'm not sure if she knew how important it was to me to be with her the first time she wore it but it's not like she couldn't go to the beach and wear a different bathing suit. She does this kind of thing when I tell her something that bothers me... Any advice? And to add, she didn't tell me she wore it yesterday. So it came as a shock to me to find out she wore it yesterday and is wearing it again today.
TaraMaiden Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 One: Does she take OFFence or does she get DEFensive? There's a difference, but I think you're muddling the two..... Or maybe both, huh? Secondly - I think you're making way too big a deal of this. You seem to me to sound a little bit controlling. This could be anything, but in the big scheme of things - it's trivia. What will you do when the really big schyt hits the fan...?
Author bluesboy Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 She definitely takes an offensive and puts the blame on me, makes excuses that accuse me, and make me feel guilty or generally bad...
legallyblonde289 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 um why would you tell her that she can't wear a bikini unless you're there? sounds super controlling to me, no wonder she lashed out...
brainygirl Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Uhm, so she isn't allowed to wear her new bathing suit when you aren't with her? If I were her, I'd be mad too. And dump you for someone less neurotic and controlling. But hey, that's just me. You sound all of 14 years old so maybe in time you will mature.
legallyblonde289 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 this is the same girl that bothered you because she's been with 5 guys right? you might want to think about why this stuff bothers you because it's coming off as very possessive...
witabix Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Bluesboy, you really need to get control of this. You cannot demand that you be there when your gf wears something, its just not on. You are worried about her being looked at/approached when she is in her bikini and you are not there, right? Well, get this, you cannot be around her 24/7, she is attractive, she is in a bikini, she will get approached. Fact. You have to have faith in her. Not be all screwed up over it. It meant a lot to you be there the first time she wore it? I am not buying that, how much of a 'special' moment is it when someone wears a new bathing suit, really? You are trying to control what she wears and where she wears it, that is not right. Stop it.
Author bluesboy Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 All of you are missing the point. I could care less if she wear a bikini without me or not. But what bothered me was the fact that she promised that I'd be with her the first time, and then she did it without me.
witabix Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Well Bb, point missed then. This is still only a 'minor' promise, nothing to get worked up over. She made a promise and didn't keep to it. In the greater scheme of things a promise over the timing of wearing a bikini is a small thing. If she continually makes promises that she doesn't keep to then there may be a problem. But for this instance I would advise forgetting about the matter.
Ross PK Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Why did you feel you had to be with her the first time she wore it?
Author bluesboy Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 Ross, She made a really big deal at the store about it being her first bikini and my being there... Now, come to find out, when she wore it yesterday someone made fun of her (she's always been too self-conscious to wear a bikini in the past). So I'm torn between being upset and being sympathetic, the latter obviously predominates.
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