legallyblonde289 Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Okay, I read the other part, and maybe you have a point, but here's the part I don't get: you don't think it should be illegal but you don't think he should do it either. You're saying it should be legal for a 30 yr old and a 19 yr old to date, but they just shouldn't do it. Why shouldn't they do it? Because you think it's wrong? If you think it's wrong, then don't you think it should be legal? All the people who think that it's creepy and wrong for a 30 yr old to date a 19 yr old are basically saying it should be illegal. That's what I can see. i think its creepy and wrong but i dont think it should be illegal. i also think cheating is wrong but i dont think that should be illegal either. you can't regulate morality. they tried that with prohibition, didn't go over so well.
Author juniperjo Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 i think its creepy and wrong but i dont think it should be illegal. i also think cheating is wrong but i dont think that should be illegal either. you can't regulate morality. they tried that with prohibition, didn't go over so well. 100% agree its about morals and self respect. Any teenager letting a 30 something man touch them is gross and any 30 something man touching a teen girl is gross. Yes he is my brother and he can make his own descions but my whole point is he disgusts me and I am just torn over this cause I see a train wreck/co dependent life coming!
magda Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 EVERYONE KNOWS FULL WELL THIS GIRL IS GONNA CHANGE HER MIND SO MUCH IN THE NEXT YEAR THAT HE WILL BE BACK TO SQUARE ONE OR WORSE ALL ALONE WHEN HE COULD HAVE BEEN WITH SOMEONE READY TO SETTLE DOWN AND HAVE A FAMILY NOT A TEEN WHO JUST BEGAN LIFE! My parents got married at 19. So did my brother. They haven't divorced yet. Maybe they changed later but they stuck with what they started. Don't you think you're putting too much emphasis on age? If she's a little twit, blame it on that.
legallyblonde289 Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 It's not easy to monitor infidelity; but it's easy to monitor relationships. I disagree that it couldn't be regulated. The gov't could make it illegal and regulate it like they regulate adults trying to get into relationships with minors.Or like how they regulate prostitution. Stopping a 19 year old from dating a 30 yr old could be regulated easily. The big issue here isn't the chick's personality; it's the age gap. Despite the fact that they're both consenting adults, people don't think they should be allowed to make their own decisions. How about that? i dont think anyone's saying they shouldnt be allowed to make their own decisions, at least i'm not saying that. people can disagree with decisions while conceding that those making the decision still have the right to make it. in my opinion, usually when a 30-something is dating a teenager, regardless of gender, there is some sort of naivete on the part of the teenage and they are more suscpetible to control and manipulation since they don't have a lot of life experience behind them. it also seems a little creepy that just two years ago, he was a 30 year old man and she was a minor. however, while i disagree with it, they have the right to make that decision.
legallyblonde289 Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 It's not easy to monitor infidelity; but it's easy to monitor relationships. I disagree that it couldn't be regulated. The gov't could make it illegal and regulate it like they regulate adults trying to get into relationships with minors.Or like how they regulate prostitution. Stopping a 19 year old from dating a 30 yr old could be regulated easily. The big issue here isn't the chick's personality; it's the age gap. Despite the fact that they're both consenting adults, people don't think they should be allowed to make their own decisions. How about that? yes but prostitution still exists. people would still have these relationships, but more secretly. just like people still drank during prohibition, they just made their own liquor at home.
Author juniperjo Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 My parents got married at 19. So did my brother. They haven't divorced yet. Maybe they changed later but they stuck with what they started. Don't you think you're putting too much emphasis on age? If she's a little twit, blame it on that. Like I said back in the day age gaps lasted...today the divorce rate is high. My parents been married 35 years from a young age. And it wasnt easy. And divorce was a no no.Thats when men didnt think women should be independent. Now its a whole new ball game. Young women like myself needs to date a bit before settling. I frankly would get bored with an older man and Im assuming most girls would eventually considering my brother is a homebody and doesnt do the bar scene anymore. And she just started. Times has changed and people shouldnt settle just to keep from being lonely.
JohnnyBlaze Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 You're making all these assumptions, but you're not her and you're not him. They're both grown adults and can make their own decisions; they don't need you playing Jiminy Cricket for them. Say she does split with him in a few years? So what? Any relation carries that possibility, regardless of age. Personally, I think you're being a very horrible sibling to him; you're putting him in a rotten position. If he doesn't leave her, you'll continue to harp on him. If he does leave her, he'll beat himself up over it. He has a difficult decision to make, and both ways, he'll lose. As may you. If he leaves her because of you, he'll have plenty of room in his heart to hate himself and you. Just food for thought. So stop trying to impose your morals on him and just trying being happy for him for once.
samspade Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 It's funny how everyone assumes that a 32 year old man dating a 19 year old woman is "creepy," and that she is "naive and susceptible." This is a classic shaming technique based on social mores that have absolutely no foundation in any real morality, let alone legality. They are reinforced, usually by women of equal or greater age than the man in question, because it forces them to question their own value in the sexual marketplace compared with a teenager's. It's funny to me that our society has come farther on accepting homosexual relationships of any age than it has on heterosexual May-December relationships, particularly when the man is older. Meanwhile, the notion of cougars sexing up younger men is celebrated in our culture - because it reinforces sexual market value for women who have passed their physical peak. Certainly, there is potential for manipulation from both sides, but in the end, how is that any different from any other relationship? Women and men sift through partners and learn from mistakes all of the time, regardless of age. Your brother is in his 30s and enjoying his own sexual value, which - surprise - is attractive to younger women, the same types who probably eschewed him when he was 22 for an older guy because he wasn't mature in their eyes. The only thing I would talk him out of his the notion of marriage, since he is in a time and place where he can enjoy a variety of women before making that decision.
magda Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 I agree ^ It's totally natural and normal for girls to be attracted to older guys, and guys to be attracted to younger girls. It's not gross. When I was 19 I dated older guys... no one got hurt. I just liked mature guys and they thought I was fun to be around. :shrug:
Lindsey Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 I usually browse but don't log on but this thread made me want to. I was just barely 21 when I met my husband who was 32 at the time. We had known each other for a couple years at work (not really friends, just had to deal with each other in work related situations). I do have to say that I was a very mature 21 year old - had been living on my own for over 2 years, own car, job, rented my own apartment, etc. I am now 28 and he's 40. The age difference wasn't a problem then and isn't a problem now. But it does sound like this girl may have some issues. If they aren't harming anyone, let him be!
Mimolicious Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Can it be that your bro is the immature one that can't get a older chick? I'm just saying... A 19 with a 32 yr old... creepy for sure! But I guess they may be meeting each other's needs.
Mimolicious Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Let me back the F up.. beep beep beep. JuniperJo- can it be that your bro used to spoil you before and now he has another "baby" to cater to? First of all, if you're in the states... a 32yr old man dating a 19yr chick- LEGAL! Sorry she would have to be under 18 to be illegal. There is nothing "illegal" about it. It's creepy because they are basically out of each other's "style". He's a 70's baby and she is a 90's baby. He was in HS when she was born! Decade wise sounds totally off for each other, but only they know if they have much to relate.
Jersey Shortie Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 If she was 25 and he was 32, totally acceptable! But 19 and 32? I won't say it's "creepy" parse, but it's not exactly the most healthy ideal situation either. Even the most mature of 19 year olds haven't had the life experience a 32 year old person has. I remember what I was like at 19 and I know what I am like now and I am very different. OP, try talking to your brother and asking him whats going on. How do your parents and his friends feel about the situation?
samspade Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Dating a 32 year old man - the right 32 year old man - is great life experience for a 19 year old.
rewe4reel Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 OP you do realize you're jealous of this girl, right?
Author juniperjo Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 Dating a 32 year old man - the right 32 year old man - is great life experience for a 19 year old. well, my brother isnt exactly the right 32 year old. He never finished college and just got his own place after living with me and mom for 5 years and has alot of issues. He shouldnt bring a niave lil girl into his life with all his issues. this girl just got kicked out of her parents home and had no where to go so she jumped head first in with my brother. But i am staying out of it. They bothe disgust me. Her family is against him for not dating someone closer to his age. he is ready to settle down with a family and she is still running wild. If she does marry him without exploring the world first im sure it wont last and my brother just wasted his time
Green Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 well, my brother isnt exactly the right 32 year old. He never finished college and just got his own place after living with me and mom for 5 years and has alot of issues. He shouldnt bring a niave lil girl into his life with all his issues. this girl just got kicked out of her parents home and had no where to go so she jumped head first in with my brother. But i am staying out of it. They bothe disgust me. Her family is against him for not dating someone closer to his age. he is ready to settle down with a family and she is still running wild. If she does marry him without exploring the world first im sure it wont last and my brother just wasted his time Your judgemental attitude toward your brother disgusts me
Author juniperjo Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 Your judgemental attitude toward your brother disgusts me I would feel this way toward brother or a stranger, I think men or women who seek out teenagers has deep deep issues. When the poor teen is say 30 he/she will look back and feel robbed of their youth all to benefit the need of someone elses ego!
linwood Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 To the OP. Family like you is why I haven`t spoken to my family in over a decade. Life`s never been better.
You'reasian Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 My brother who is 32 is dating a 19 year old girl and he says he is in love with her and would marry her in a heartbeat, and I am quite disturbed considering I am the baby of the family at 20. I just think he has such low self esteem that he went for whoever available and this girl needing a place to stay shacked up with my brother within the first month...what is he thinking? She will change in the next few years and he will be heartbroken when she leaves him for a hot young stud! That's silly. Despite the age difference, dating is dating. They'll probably break up by summer's end.
Author juniperjo Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 To the OP. Family like you is why I haven`t spoken to my family in over a decade. Life`s never been better. Good for you...Im trying to protect my brother from humiliation and her from a train wreck. I read alot of other posts on her about age gaps with men with teens and 99% is against it...i dont see why you all think its a good thing!
Green Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 I would feel this way toward brother or a stranger, I think men or women who seek out teenagers has deep deep issues. When the poor teen is say 30 he/she will look back and feel robbed of their youth all to benefit the need of someone elses ego! Poor teen? are you for real?
Chicago_Guy Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 My brother who is 32 is dating a 19 year old girl and he says he is in love with her and would marry her in a heartbeat, and I am quite disturbed considering I am the baby of the family at 20. I just think he has such low self esteem that he went for whoever available and this girl needing a place to stay shacked up with my brother within the first month...what is he thinking? She will change in the next few years and he will be heartbroken when she leaves him for a hot young stud! Does your brother look young for his age? I think this would be more likely to work out if your brother looks young and/or the girl looks older than 19.
Author juniperjo Posted May 28, 2010 Author Posted May 28, 2010 Does your brother look young for his age? I think this would be more likely to work out if your brother looks young and/or the girl looks older than 19. he looks maybe 27-28 she looks 15-16 you know how teens dress, shes into partying and drinking he hasnt drank in years. she likes country music he likes rap/classic rock..he is atheist and she is full blown christian...its just desparation on his part maybe midlife crisis and her same desperation to leave the parents nest...idk its all awkward. I may sound judgemental but itsmore out of concern. he just got clean from a drug addiction and if she breaks his heart i see him spiraling back into that life. Im just concerned for both.
Author juniperjo Posted May 28, 2010 Author Posted May 28, 2010 Poor teen? are you for real? yes poor teen shes a young girl caught up in an older guys attention daddy issues maybe idk....but teens should not settle and want babies and marriage this young like her.
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