What exactly is wrong with a woman who has had many partners?

[MrNate]

Maybe it's just me, but I really don't see what the big deal is. If she is able to focus 100% of her energy on you and is clean, what's the big deal about her having been with more than one person?

 

I don't see why they should be disqualified from relationships just because she's a sexually active woman. Sometimes I wondered where the double standard started. As far as the whole 'innocent'/'sex kitten' dichotomy goes, it's irrelevant to me. Being the horny human I am, I can't blame women for getting it on. If no one wants the sex kittens, just give them to me. We can save the innocent stuff for another day.

 

Maybe I'm just too laid back, but I think we miss out on a lot of quality women when her sex history is the only thing on our minds.

 

Thoughts?

[donnamaybe]

Totally agreed. Too many people assume that a lot of past sexual partners is indicative of a future cheater. I don't understand how they equate an enjoyment of sex with sneaking and lying.

 

In my opinion, guys who get all worked up because they come upon such a gal are merely insecure and worried they won't measure up.

[TouchedByViolet]

As long as a women has shown a history of HONESTY I don't care how many partners she has had.

 

I don't see the double standard very much. There are so many women out there just trying to hookup and society is totally accepting. I am looking for a relationship and couldn't care less about that ONS and FWB life style.

[BeautifulMan]

Kind of signifies she gets bored easily or not being able to be content without a lot of people feeling attracted to her/giving her a attention.

[laRubiaBonita]

In my opinion, guys who get all worked up because they come upon such a gal are merely insecure and worried they won't measure up.

 

I concur with DM's above statement

[Ihavenoidea]

Whats your definition of a lot?

 

I have dated women with 7 partners and I was with a partner for just under a year who had 28 but was completely honest. She admitted that she was sleeping with multiple guys at the same time, and the guys new it.

 

She was honest but it bothered me.

 

There is a degree of a double standard but for me I have standards. I only have sex with people I am in a commited relationship and I prefer women with the same beliefs.

 

Contrary to popular belief some people stil have standards and look at sex as an expression of love and not just something to do for fun.

[donnamaybe]

Kind of signifies she gets bored easily or not being able to be content without a lot of people feeling attracted to her/giving her a attention.

 

Or maybe the guys she has met don't measure up to her idea of relationship material, but she still wants to get laid once in awhile.

[laRubiaBonita]

Kind of signifies she gets bored easily or not being able to be content without a lot of people feeling attracted to her/giving her a attention.

 

How so?

 

Isn't that like saying just because you go see many different movies- you must get bored easily or not be content with watching only 1 or 2 movies?

[northstar1]

Ordinarily no, I don't care. The past is the past.

 

However, if the number is very high because they've got past issues fr attached to sex (ie. abuse) and use it to validate themselves through being insecure, or they treat sex like currency, then it could be a sign of bigger things to come.

[RedRussian]

Well if a guy does not want to get some SDT's he should think a little before putting his willy in to a men-hole.

[Ihavenoidea]

 

Maybe I'm just too laid back, but I think we miss out on a lot of quality women when her sex history is the only thing on our minds.

 

Thoughts?

 

Depends on your definition of a lot again but I dont consider women with a lot of sexual partners "quality" women.

 

Again I have standards.

 

People have a past and make mistakes but its not that hard to keep your legs closed.

[donnamaybe]

Well if a guy does not want to get some SDT's he should think a little before putting his willy in to a men-hole.

A person can get an - and it's STD, not SDT - from their first sex experience.

[donnamaybe]

Depends on your definition of a lot again but I dont consider women with a lot of sexual partners "quality" women.

 

Again I have standards.

 

People have a past and make mistakes but its not that hard to keep your legs closed.

 

So apparently you haven't been with very many women - and only when in a committed relationship.

[MrNate]

If the wan is of sound mind and able to dedicate 100% to her partner, I really don't see what the big deal is. At least you know she'll be able to rock your world. Mmm mmm.

[carhill]

Most of the ladies I've seriously dated (enough to know an idea of 'numbers') or had sex with have had 30-50 lifetime partners.

 

Main 'negatives' in my experience have been pesky ex'es/FWB's/ONS/whatever, (there's 'more' of them, since more sexual partners), a more cavalier (potentially incompatible) outlook on sex and intimacy, and a more generally casual attitude towards relationships and marriage.

 

I speak from the perspective of historically 'having an open mind' and 'not judging' and report my observations of the last thirty years. In the midst of it, I truly thought it made no difference, but, upon reflection, perhaps that perspective needs reconsideration. One path of many.

[Ihavenoidea]

So apparently you haven't been with very many women - and only when in a committed relationship.

 

Yup I think 7 to be perfectly honest.

[donnamaybe]

Yup I think 7 to be perfectly honest.

 

Ahhh. Gotcha.

[Ihavenoidea]

Ahhh. Gotcha.

 

To some people its a lot and to others its less that what they had in high school.

 

Me personally Im a relationship guy, i don't like putting out to some random girl im never going to see again. And generally im not confortable with a woman who would do the same, over 30 to me impies DNA dumpster lol

[donnamaybe]

To some people its a lot and to others its less that what they had in high school.

 

Me personally Im a relationship guy, i don't like putting out to some random girl im never going to see again. And generally im not confortable with a woman who would do the same, over 30 to me impies DNA dumpster lol

 

At least if you're going to hold a potential partner to those standards, you adhere to them yourself.

 

Makes perfect sense.

[MrNate]

OP, what's your definition of many sexual partners?

 

I don't have a definition of 'many' bud, I just find it pointless ( due to various reasons) to try to put an exact number to it. I just don't care, really.

[donnamaybe]

I don't have a definition of 'many' bud, I just find it pointless ( due to various reasons) to try to put an exact number to it. I just don't care, really.

 

I get you. Say someone says 30 is too high. But 29 is okay then? Someone who's had 29 sex partners suddenly becomes taboo after that one more experience?

[MrNate]

I get you. Say someone says 30 is too high. But 29 is okay then? Someone who's had 29 sex partners suddenly becomes taboo after that one more experience?

 

Exactly, babe.

[somedude81]

The main factors would be her age and how many partners she's had. If she's 20 and has slept with that many men, then something is definitely wrong with that. I highly doubt someone like that cares much about relationships.

 

I'd say her numbers would be OK if they averaged out to her sleeping with two new men a year. Say she got sexually active at 18. When she's 20 she'd have 4, 25 she'd have 14 at 30 she'd have 24. Hopefully she'd get married by then and just stick with one guy.

 

So if the number of men was 5 or so higher than she should have been for her age, that might be an issue.

[carhill]

At 50+, my perspective now is to pay attention to what a lady has *learned* from those many partners, both sexually (as in being an accomplished lovemaker, both in an out of the bedroom) as well as in the area of relationship skills. Essentially, apply the same criteria to her as she necessarily applies to me. If I sense incompatibility in those areas, no hesitation. Exit. This is a great lesson women have taught me. Thanks

 

In another of the voluminous threads on this topic, I opined it isn't the number itself, but rather what the person takes away from those experiences, as well as what they put into them. Bluntly, a woman merely needs to say 'I need sex' and a line of willing candidates forms up the street. She *can* go through many 'partners' without ever really gaining any sexual, intimacy or relationship skills along the way. Her 'numbers' mean little wrt her viability as a loving, intimate partner. A man, looking at that reality, can see someone who can and will replace him, quickly and easily, and at a whim, without forethought or consideration, simply because she *can*. It's on his mind and is reflected in many of the male posts here. An average male, or even an attractive one, cannot generate the shear sexual numbers a woman can, especially without concerted effort, so his 'numbers' come in a completely different way.

 

Would a high numbers male and similar female be compatible? Would they consider each other compatible sexually? Some female respondents have said 'yes' in the past. Sounds good.

[phineas]

Or maybe the guys she has met don't measure up to her idea of relationship material, but she still wants to get laid once in awhile.

 

ding! ding! ding!