Jump to content

Again a sexist post.... Do I have a blindspot????

Toodamnpragmatic

By Toodamnpragmatic
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Toodamnpragmatic Established Member

Toodamnpragmatic

Posted
Posted

I'll be honest that I may be sexist, certainly don't think so, but I do come down in support of men in many issues, though am also happy to call them out when need be....

 

But thinking of posts over the past year I certainly remember many men when explaining their issues and asking advice, admitting freely that they are not 100% blameless when talking about issues, infidelity....

 

So I really am racking my brains and honestly very seldom remember women coming here and saying that they are partially to blame with issues in their relationships/marriage/affairs.... Is this just me wearing blinders and reading what I want to read, but are men ready to accept responsibility more so then women?

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

IME, reading, there are plenty of female LS'ers who accept responsibility and reflect upon their mistakes, but the site is so predominantly tilted towards female membership (numbers) that their posts often get lost in 'the rest'. The number of male posters, especially regular ones, is comparatively tiny and, given the male psyche, polarized in two general directions, one of self-examination and the other of bravado and promoting the male 'agenda'. IMO, the 'typical' male who posts here, especially one in a relationship or marriage, tends to be more introspective than the 'common' (doesn't discuss relationship issues in general and/or on the internet) male in similar circumstances, meaning relationship/marital issues, and, thusly, tends to accept more responsibility.

Green Established Member

Green

Posted
Posted

IF you date any one women long enough you will realize "They are never wrong" and also thinkg "they know everything"

ADF Established Member

ADF

Posted
Posted

If you have a blind spot, it may be that you blame women's behavior on their gender, but not men's.

 

For example, if a man fails to take responsibility for something, you probably see it as an individual fault. You probably don't connect to the fact he's a man. However, when a woman fails to take responsibility, you take it as "evidence" that women in general have a tendency to dodge responsibility--.i.e. you connect to her gender right away.

 

At least, that is what it sounds to me like you're doing.

  • Author
Toodamnpragmatic Established Member

Toodamnpragmatic

Posted
  • Author
Posted
IME, reading, there are plenty of female LS'ers who accept responsibility and reflect upon their mistakes, but the site is so predominantly tilted towards female membership (numbers) that their posts often get lost in 'the rest'. The number of male posters, especially regular ones, is comparatively tiny and, given the male psyche, polarized in two general directions, one of self-examination and the other of bravado and promoting the male 'agenda'. IMO, the 'typical' male who posts here, especially one in a relationship or marriage, tends to be more introspective than the 'common' (doesn't discuss relationship issues in general and/or on the internet) male in similar circumstances, meaning relationship/marital issues, and, thusly, tends to accept more responsibility.

 

I also remember women posting, who are blameless (in my eyes) who do take responsibility or wonder if it is them. However in those cases I almost think it is a women who already have a "florence nightingale" complex and are trying to repair relationships with males who don't deserve it.

Kamille Established Member

Kamille

Posted
Posted

I can think of quite a few female posters who take responsibility for their share of problems in relationship. If you go to the coping section or the separation and divorce one, for instance, you'll see many female posters blaming themselves for the break up and wondering what they could have done differently.

 

So, yes, in my opinion you might have a blind spot.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
IF you date any one women long enough you will realize "They are never wrong" and also thinkg "they know everything"

Stbx admitted she was 'wrong' once in our marriage, and that was in MC, when pressed by the MC about particulars of how she treated me while I was caregiving. So, I can't say 'never'. She took responsibility then petitioned for divorce, IMO because she knew it wouldn't fly with me any more. She had gotten all she could get.

 

I also remember women posting, who are blameless (in my eyes) who do take responsibility or wonder if it is them. However in those cases I almost think it is a women who already have a "florence nightingale" complex and are trying to repair relationships with males who don't deserve it.

 

If one is in such a dynamic with a 'blame-shifting' person, regardless of gender, long enough, one begins to 'take responsibility for' the other's behaviors. It almost becomes a form of co-dependency. Others (friends) observed that in my M. The most common comment (aside) was 'Why are you apologizing for *her*?' I had to own that. It was true.

 

Perhaps this perspective is why I plainly can see when female posters take responsibility, since I'm sensitized to it. It stands out, perhaps skewing my perspective of the 'numbers' IDK.

Ronni_W Established Member

Ronni_W

Posted
Posted (edited)
Is this just me wearing blinders and reading what I want to read, but are men ready to accept responsibility more so then women?

There could be something else going on. Possibly some/many/most women take it as a "given" that they have responsibility in all their relationship problems so they don't feel a need to specifically say it. Almost like, in their minds, it would be "stating the obvious". (And I'm not talking about those women who are just looking to lay blame and find fault with their partners instead of seeking possible solutions -- there are those, too.)

 

Maybe, for some/many/most men it's a bigger deal to admit responsibility, so their urge is to "put it out there" that they're doing it? That is, maybe it's a bigger deal for these men than for women, in general and on average.

 

But of course. Just saying, "I screwed up" and "It's all my fault" and "I'm such a jerk/low-life" isn't really taking full responsibility, or it's only taking full responsibility for the cause. IMO, one also has to be involved in finding solutions and working to make whatever changes and improvements the partnership needs.

 

I find many of those (men and women) who are prone to "I screwed up; It's all my fault; I'm such a jerk and low-life," seem to be under the misguided impression that that is enough. They get stuck in their self-indulging self-recriminations and guilt...and forget about, or just don't bother trying to fix anything. It's like they use their "admission of responsibility" as some distorted 'badge of honour' and a free pass to not do anything else.

Edited by Ronni_W
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted
So I really am racking my brains and honestly very seldom remember women coming here and saying that they are partially to blame with issues in their relationships/marriage/affairs.... Is this just me wearing blinders and reading what I want to read, but are men ready to accept responsibility more so then women?

 

I can immediately come up with some examples of women accepting blame, and also of men not seeing their obvious, glaring faults (and vice versa, of course).

 

But I also don't believe that there is always responsibility on both sides. Life with an addict, for example, is crazy-making, as is life with an abuser, no matter how carefully you plan your approach. Are men more likely to be abusers and addicts? (honest question--I don't know the answer)

 

IF you date any one women long enough you will realize "They are never wrong" and also thinkg "they know everything"

 

That would be a good indication that you have not found the right woman. It can also be general immaturity. I wonder if your partners feel the same about you?

 

I'm happy to admit when I'm wrong, and recognize that "two heads are better than one". We are stronger and smarter as a team!

  • Author
Toodamnpragmatic Established Member

Toodamnpragmatic

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I'm happy to admit when I'm wrong, and recognize that "two heads are better than one". We are stronger and smarter as a team!

 

But that is why you have a very good marriage and are here offering guidance, not asking questions.....;)

 

I don't have time to read other sections, so I don't know about the Separation/Divorce Subsection for instance.....

 

Here though, and Ronni_w maybe right, that men want to absolve themselves and share blame, and at the same time not do much to improve the situation, just admit their fault. Just the other day, and it may have been on LS or in the paper, a man said his wife basically told him she no longer cared for him, she will move, not interested in dating, just wanted to be on her own. He then admitted that he was to blame, as he had a dour, intellectual, not very emotional personality and was not outgoing. He didn't have a bad thing to say about her, but was lost now and admitted his personality after 20-25 years was to blame.

 

I found it sad that they never seemed to talk that this was an issue.

Ronni_W Established Member

Ronni_W

Posted
Posted
I found it sad that they never seemed to talk that this was an issue.

Sadder still that she probably DID try to talk about this issue with him. Despite what so many people think, women do NOT give up on their marriages and families easily.

 

Only psychopathic women -- and men -- do that.

 

And also not saying that those (men and women) who do try to talk about and/or resolve issues do it effectively...but I think we'd find that most who end up leaving did try, to their very best ability and skills, to first work things out.

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted

I really notice a trend in divorced people of both genders to really blame and vilify the other party. It's a huge turn off.

 

Honestly, I know many women who take responsibility for problems in relationships that are not theirs at all (like their husband's drinking, for example). I consider that "co-dependent" behavior and both sexes do it, but society pre-disposes women to assume the caretaking roles and to feel like failures if their efforts don't work.

 

Another generalization, but lots of men don't notice or want to deal with problems as they are happening in relationships and then feel completely blindsided when the marriage implodes.

 

I can't stand the common "men are dogs" threads here posted by women ... but then usually quite a few men will pipe in to validate exactly what the women were saying.

 

I don't think I'm a sexist, but I admit I'm hypersensitive to sexist posts from men and always seem to notice them, while maybe not seeing those from women.

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted
IF you date any one women long enough you will realize "They are never wrong" and also thinkg "they know everything"

 

There's a nice concise example of a sexist post from a man ...

You Go Girl Established Member

You Go Girl

Posted
Posted

Quote:IF you date any one women long enough you will realize "They are never wrong" and also thinkg "they know everything

Originally Posted by Green viewpost.gif

IF you date any one women long enough you will realize "They are never wrong" and also thinkg "they know everything"

 

 

 

There's a nice concise example of a sexist post from a man ...

 

Mme...you're right...as usual ;)

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted
There's a nice concise example of a sexist post from a man ...

 

It's true though. Women are never wrong about anything according to them. They always blame the man.

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted
It's true though. Women are never wrong about anything according to them. They always blame the man.

 

Well, we wouldn't do that if it wasn't always the man's fault. Duh.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted
Well, we wouldn't do that if it wasn't always the man's fault. Duh.

 

Case in point.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted
It's true though. Women are never wrong about anything according to them. They always blame the man.

 

Your wife holds this attitude?

 

How often do you accept blame for a relationship issue?

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted
Your wife holds this attitude?

 

How often do you accept blame for a relationship issue?

 

I think that if there is a god he took male brain and put it into a woman's body and that is how my wife came to be.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted
But that is why you have a very good marriage and are here offering guidance, not asking questions.....;)

 

That's right :cool:;)

 

But seriously, why marry someone if you don't value their intelligence, gifts, and perspective? I don't get it. I see it all the time (yes, it most often is women) but I just don't get it.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted
I think that if there is a god he took male brain and put it into a woman's body and that is how my wife came to be.

 

:)

 

That's sweet, Woggle, in your own misogynistic way.

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted

I absolutely assure you that if I am ever wrong, I shall be the FIRST one to admit it.

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted
I think that if there is a god he took male brain and put it into a woman's body and that is how my wife came to be.

 

Hm. That might be considered a halfway gay perspective.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...