I had a hard life growing up!! Please read and tell me what you think!!!

[Jesslynn]

Hello, I'll start this off by telling you that my name is Jessica and I am 18 years old. The reason I am posting this is for some advice. See when I was growing up I had a hard life. I never had anything nice or hardly any food on the table when I little. My mom and dad got divorced when I was like 3 years old. I lived in Florida where I was born with my mom and dad and my older brother which was 5 until she left my father and moved up here to Indiana! My mom tells me the reason why my father and her got a divorce was because he was cheating on her and was into real bad drugs. Well, then again, my father tells me that he wasn't doing bad things and that my mom had no reason to take me and my older brother and move clear up to Indiana. My father tells me the only thing that was wrong in there relationship was that they got married at a young age and things didn't work out and that they argued a lot. My mom packed up whatever she could while my father was at work and left without saying good-bye. Which is wrong, I do believe? But anyhow, when my mom moved up here to Indiana, she met a nice guy named Lester whom she married like 8 months later when I was 4. She had a kid with Lester and only stayed married to him 4 like a year. He was a nice guy and still is to this day. When she was married to Lester we didn't have it bad at all. For some reason, she didn't want to be with him anymore so they got a divorce and she left. Then she met this other guy named John which was a complete mistake, she had 3 kids with him so in all there was six of us kids. John didn't have nothing to provide to her and wasn't good to her from the start. When us kids was growing up we had to sit and watch our mom get beat every single day and it wasn't a pretty sight at all. John beat her for about 4 years. When me and my older brother, Chad got older we started to defend my mom and help her out anyway we could. It got to the point when me and Chad would do everything in our willpower to stop him from hitting our mother. 1 time Chad stabbed him in the back with a radio antenna and I once stabbed him with a fork. But it still didn't stop. We moved around a lot, was always on welfare, hardly had food, no nice clothes, and sometimes we lived in a house that didn't have any heat. So we had to put blankets over doorways and all the family slept in this one room that was heated by a kerosene heater. We sometimes had to heat up water to take baths or tried to take a bath in the sink which I remember and it wasn't any fun. But all I know is that my childhood was no good at all. My dad was hardly ever in the picture. Me and Chad would only see him in the summers which was like for one month of the year. Sometimes we wouldn't even see him for like 3 years at a time or even talk to him. He never sent us birthday cards, Christmas, or even just a phone call to see if we was doing okay or not. Now that sucked. I hated not haven my father around. But I do have to give Lester credit. He called me and Chad his own kids because when Timothy my little brother, his son: when he would come and get Timothy for the weekend he would take us to so we would go with him every other weekend like we was his own kids. Lester was a father figure to me and Chad for the longest time and did so much things for us. He would buy us Xmas and school clothes. He would sometimes bring us up food so we would have something to eat. Even though my mother and him was divorced and wasn't together for very long he still loved her and helped her out whenever she needed anything and still does still to this day. But back to her and John, John don't keep jobs, he's lazy, and just plain out a lowlife. He went to jail several times for hitting her but all she would do was when he got out was go back to him. I didn't understand her at all. But I still loved her cause she was my mother. She went through getting beat for like 5 years. Finally, John stopped beating her and started mentally abusing her. Which sometimes mentally abused is worse than being hit? But mom was with John since I was like 5. So I had to put up with him my whole childhood. Finally, when I was like 11 or 12 I stopped staying at home more and more. I came and went whenever I wanted to. Which I liked at the time because what teenager wouldn't want to have all the freedom that I had? I stayed out all hours of the night. I did still go to school. I went everyday. I was a good student who got A's and B's. But even though I still went to school I kept myself away from home as much as possible. When me and Chad became teenagers that is when we definitely didn't get along with John at all. Chad and John was constantly fist fighting an arguing. Me and John argued a lot and got into fist fights all the time to but not as much as Chad and John did. When I was at home I would sleep or try to sperate myself from my family because then I felt that it was best for me to. When I was at home, me and Chad had all of our friend's over there. My house was the neighborhood hangout everyday. We had so much friends over there that when we was at home it made it fun and hardly any drama. John would get so mad that we would have all kinds of people over there but my mother never said anything about it she didn't care! Everybody thought it was cool to hang out at my house because we could stay out all night and run the streets. So every weekend we would have a housefly. I did have a lot of friends some who would come and some who would go. But I didn't care I was always surrounded by friend's.I always had friends which was good because they helped keep me sane. My father when I was about 13 started to come back in my life which was good because when I was 13 I went to Florida to try to live with him but I didn't like it down there so I moved back up to Indiana with my mom. Don't ask me why because I had it good in Florida. It was a big mistake. But I did come back and things were still the same at my mom's. Staying out all night and doing what I wanted. We were still poor when I was a teenager and still to this day my mom still is poor. When I was 13 I started dating. I started smoking cigarettes at the age of 12 and tried weed at the age of 13. I did start doing drugs but not like heavy drugs just smoked weed and pop pills. I thought it was the coolest thing to do was to get high off pills and weed. I also got drunk. Remember when I said that I was a good student in school? Well, my mom didn't force me to go to school I went on my own. I dropped out of school at the end of 8th grade which was the biggest mistake that I have ever made. I tried home school but that didn't work out. By the time I was 15 we done moved like 20 times and never stayed in the same spot. The most time we stayed living in one spot was when we lived in crackville in a 2 bedroom house which didn't cost that much to rent.But when I did get new clothes I was lucky I got them. My grandma would help buy clothes for me or I would spend my money that I made on my first job which was workin for an older lady that had a little sewing shop. I would go every Saturday and clean her shop up for her for 20 dollars a week. I spent that money on clothes or saved up something I really wanted. I never got anything for Xmas, birthday's, or any other holidays so I had to do what I could with what little money that I had. Don't get me wrong my mom did give me 5 to 10 dollars here or there or when she got her tax check she would buy us at least one nice thing our gave us money but she only done that like 2 times. john always took her money. So that left us with nothing. But cleaning that ladies sewing shop was my first job. Then I got my second job working at a motel which my boyfriend's older sister. I didn't work there long because she was my ride to work and she quit like 2 months after I start to get a better job so therefor, I had to quit cause I didn't have a way to work. Of course, John wouldn't take me to work and my mom has never had her licenses and she is almost forty. But I didn't have a job there for a while until we moved to the westside of our town and I got a job like 10 blocks away from my house. I ended up working there for like a year. I was 15 when I got the job. I was 16 when I quit. But I quit because I had a real bad kidney infection and my mom wouldn't take me to the doctor and I couldn't move at all. See when U go to the hospital when you are under age you have to have your mom sign for you and she wouldn't. I hardly ever went 2 the doctor growing up. But when I had that job which was workin at a restaurant I had to give my mom more than half my check to pay her bills cause John wasn't working and all of her check went to bills and still didn't cover all of them. But I worked at this restaurant for a while when I met my boyfriend, Martin whom I still date till this day. He took me back and fourth to work. I was 16 when I met Martin. I had a lot of other boyfriends that I dated before and done me wrong but Martin was different he took care of me and treated me like a Queen. When me and Martin first met I weighed like 95 lbs. because I hardly ever ate! He would bring me food and kerosene to heat my room up cause it had no heat It was horrible. I moved out with Martin when I was 17. My mom didn't want me to but I did it anyways because I wasn't about to live that kind of life that my mom gave me. Me and Martin now live in a nice home. I weigh about 110lbs. I eat all the time. He takes care of me and supports me 100%. I think god sent him to me because I needed some1 by my side and help me along my way because I was on the verge of killing myself. He got me off drugs and from poppin pills. Makes sure I am safe. Do you blame me from moving out at a young age? Should I hate my mom for what she has put me through? I mean I still get depressed about my past and wonder how in this world could I have handled it. Is it wrong that I don't ever go see my mom? What should I think?

[moimeme]

PULEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZEEEEEEEEEEE cut that thing up into paragraphs!!!!!!

[Kriz]

My answer will be shorter than your thread.

 

1. Nope I don't blame you.

2. Never hate your parents.

3. You are becoming a strong person in your current situation. Make sure you feel strong enough and then confront the demons from your past, and reconcile with your mother.

4. You should keep in mind that you are living NOW, not yesterday. Enjoy your life, you've earned it if anyone ever did.

[quankanne]

Jess, you've been through a lot, a pretty bad lot, but you've been blessed with good people in your life who care so much about you that they want to help you. Like Timothy's dad, and the seamstress who gave you odd jobs and now Martin. I don't condone living together, but I think this might be the exception in my book, because Martin is doing his best to give you a normal lifestyle, and he gets a big pat on the back from me for caring that much about you.

 

you've got a lot of things to mull over when it comes to your past: you ask about moving away from home so young, for hating your mom or not wanting to see her, for being depressed about the life you'd been given ...

 

the way I see it, you have two choices. You can either be part of the problem (staying within the viscious cycle perpetuated by your mom) or a part of the solution (moving on, but learning to forgive). I say, be part of the solution, otherwise this shxt will haunt you for the rest of your life.

 

your leaving home is not the same as some pampered youth leaving because he/she doesn't feel that people "understand" him/her -- you left because it pretty much was a matter of life or death. YOUR life or death. and I think you were pretty dang lucky to get out before things got to a point where you were hurt even more badly than you have been. you're in a better situation now, so try to improve on it. go to your local literacy council and ask for help in getting your GED. someday you might find something that really turns you on, something that calls for a college degree and you'll be ready because you've gotten your basic education out of the way. this is something only you can do for yourself, and believe me, when you get that GED -- and later, that college degree -- you're going to feel so proud of yourself for slaving away for them. an education is something that can never be taken away from you ....

 

don't hate your mom for not breaking out of that self-damaging lifestyle she's in. a cycle like that is hard to break away from when you're beaten down so much, and I wonder if she hadn't fled her first two marriages because she didn't feel "worthy" of the love or care your dad or Timothy's dad had given her, only the crap that her current husband flicks out makes sense. at this point, YOU just might have to step in and be HER role model, grabbing the bull by the horns and going after those goals you've set and becoming the strong woman you want to be, you know? you don't have to approve of the life she's chosen for herself, but you also don't have to turn off the love you feel for her, even if it's dwindled down to a mere trickle right now. part of growing mature is recognizing that you can hate what someone does without having to hate them. pity her, if anything, and try to encourage her through your actions ... if that means laying low and not talking to her for a while, at least until you are capable of seeing her without lashing out in fear or anger or hurt, then by all means, wait. in the meanwhile, though, just don't let those feelings squelch the love you feel for her.

 

yours is a pretty damned depressing tale, but the good news is, you have enough balls to pull yourself out of that situation to become whatever you want in life. your past doesn't necessarily mean your future will be the same, because the only thing standing between you and success is a lack of imagination to pull it off. you can do anything you put your mind to.

 

the best of luck to you, and let us know how you are doing from time to time, okay?

 

quank

[AprilFool]

[demi]

what i find interesting is how your mom left two perfectly good sounding men and stayed with them for only short periods but stayed with this abusive jerk for many years.

 

she must suffer severe low self esteem and some intense counseling would behoove her and yourself as well to deal with these issues.

 

i wish you so much luck, love and happiness, God bless you!

[Jesslynn]

Hey everyone~! It's just me Jess!! I really do thank everyone of you from the bottom of my heart for replying back!!! I am doing okay!!! I just want to let all of you guys know that I am in school. I am in the process of getting my high school diploma!! I should recieve it in about 2 months at the most. It's just taking me a longer time than I expected because of my money situation. I plan on attending college next fall and studying in sociology!!

 

I do want to say one thing and that is I am not gonna grow up to be like my mother. I know that for a fact. I mean you can only do a little bit at a time and I am just taking one day at a time and trying to live my life and be happy. Martin is my angel!! He helps me out on everything. He is helping me live a wonderful life. Making me see the good part of life and giving me things that I have never had before. I thank god for him everyday and thank him for giving me the life I have now. I know I am to young to be so in love but if you guys was in my shoes you would so understand how much I love Martin and I hope we spend the rest of our lives together. I mean being 18 you never know what is gonna happen in life but for now I am gonna enjoy every minute I have with him.

 

I talk to my mother about once a week. She will get on the computer and send me an instant message sometimes and sometimes she calls me. I only reply to the instant messages every once in a while and when she calls I'll answer the phone but tell her I am busy or something. I just don't feel right talking to her all the time. But don't get me wrong I still love my mother and I always will because she brought me into this world but I sometimes still don't think I can forgive her for what kind of life she gave me!! Ya know! And my father I don't really have any hate for him because he didn't put my life through hell but than again he was never there!! But he still does things for me and we talk alot. Were gettin closer day by day which is a good thing. I talk to Lester every once in a while to I went to his family's Christmas party and it was great!!

 

My uncle died the other day so that was a shocker. I am doing alright with that. We were pretty close. I just think of all the good times we had. But I got to go so I can get ready for his showing. I do want to say thank you to everyone and I'll respond soon ok!!! God bless all of you~! ~*Jess*~

[flannelpajamas]

Jessica, you have a strong spirit and a huge heart. Keep us posted sweetie. Congratulations on your graduation and keep up the good work. You're awesome.

[Jesslynn]

Hey Everyone!!! I am still doing really great!!! I am starting a new job soon and planning on attending college in the fall.......I can't complain about my mom to much....I talk to her everyonce in a while still and when she does start getting smart with me or start bringing up my past I just tell her listen mom "I got to go okay call me back later when we can talk about something different" UM.....I havent seen her in like 3 months but hey I choose not to so there wont be any problems. The way I look at it......is that the longer I stay away from her the more I will miss her and when we do see each other maybe we can get along but hey who knows.....Me an Martin are still doing wonderful.....Still love him with all my heart an he is still here for me no matter what....All I got to say is my life is going great.....and I am doing really good. god bless you all, Jess

[faux]

Originally posted by moimeme

PULEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZEEEEEEEEEEE cut that thing up into paragraphs!!!!!!

 

Oh snap! No she didn't!