JoboF4i Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Backstory: Ok so a little over a year ago my ex girlfriend broke up with me, leaving me for some other guy who she then dated for about 2 months before leaving for a long 10 month internship in FL. Needless to say i was crushed and did all the wrong things trying to get here back, which led her to taking advantage of me and making me feel worse. But after a month or so my sadness hardened to something like anger so i just stopped talking to her and avoided thinking about it altogether. However, in the 10 months or so up till now she has begun trying to get in contact with me, trying to IM, text, facebook, whatever to start conversations with me. Its not at a creepy level, but enough that it made me suspicious. Anyways I have been a ignoring them completely. But now a mutual friend told me that my ex has been telling her how i wont even talk to her, how she feels bad about what happened to us, how im being childish, etc. i would like to add that she currently has another boyfriend back in FL. Anyways i heard the other day that shes is back in town and i want to know why shes trying to contact me? Call me childish, bitter, whatever, but i dont see the point in meeting or talking to her because its a subject that isnt pleasant for me to think about. Dont get me wrong, she was my first love so part of me does want to be in contact, but maybe its just not worth it? I just feel like theres an angle here somewhere that shes trying to play... am i wrong, what do you guys think?
saudades Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I don't think you're wrong. She hurt you and you are trying to move on with your life. I think talking to her would make it worse, however it might be a good idea to talk to her one last time and let her know that you have no interest in getting caught up in this mess, and that you need to heal and that her IM's, etc, aren't helping. Good luck!
Ronni_W Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 a mutual friend told me that my ex has been telling her how i wont even talk to her, how she feels bad about what happened to us, how im being childish, etc. That's just your ex trying to control and manipulate you by (trying to) "shame" you into doing something you don't want to do. You have the free will choice and right to talk to, or not talk to, anybody on earth. Or in heaven, for that matter . Exercising your assertive rights and not doing what you don't want to do doesn't make you "childish"...it means you have good self-esteem and firm boundaries. Your ex is "childish" -- in the sense that she appears to have under-developed social skills and is unable figure out when her company is not wanted or needed. It is also your assertive right to let your mutual friend know that you're over the pain, past the drama, and don't want to hear anything more about your ex.
Author JoboF4i Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 i appreciate the responses. And i dont plan on having any contact with her (unless of course i run into her somewhere). But im confused about why this is all happening in the first place, whats the motive??
Ronni_W Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 But im confused about why this is all happening in the first place, whats the motive?? Only she knows for sure. We can only guess. One guess is that possibly she's been feeling guilty and hoping that developing a platonic-friendly relationship with you would help to ease her own guilt feelings. That is, her motive is purely self-interested (is the guess.) And, like I said, her name-calling is to control and manipulate you. Which is also a function of pure self-interest. If she genuinely cared about your well-being and was interested in a genuine friendship with you, she'd not be stooping to such tactics. What is your guess as to her motive?
Author JoboF4i Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 I would have to completely agree with your diagnosis of the situation. My ex used to pride herself on being a caring/helpful individual to other people and the way she treated me was completely out of character (apparently everyone's capable of cruelty). So i think after awhile she realized it and felt guilty (probobly after a few mutual friends took my side). Anyways im going to take your advice and continue to ignore her, the hell if im gonna be friends so that SHE can feel better about herself.
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