GrayClouds Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 I'm sorry you feel that way. I am, in fact, deeply depressed, and ECT often works where meds have failed. (I've been on 27 different meds over the years, so yeah, I feel like I've given pharmacology a valiant effort.) I don't want to forget, I just want to not feel thisclosetosuicidal all the time. I want to leave my house again. Also, lobotomies are no longer done, and didn't universally make people forget. I'd highly recommend a book called The Lobotomist by Jack El-Hai and another called Shock by Kitty Dukakis if you're looking to understand the differences between the two. They might help you not to see the mentally ill who are desperate to feel better as "pitiful." What I find pitiful you refuse to see how you are feeding your depression by cognitively choosing a negative narrative about you and your life. How destructively you fight to hold on to that narrative rather then even acknowledging the fact you are doing it. I have deep understand of ECT. But the fact is no therapy, conversational, pharmacological, psychological or even physiological does not work until you choose to contribute to it working. It goes back to choice. It is very hard, I understand, but you deserve better but it starts with you.
mickleb Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Thank you for addressing the CP issue. You have perfectly described the behaviour of a PASSIVE commitment phobe. Did you read 'He's Scared, She's Scared'? Please do, if you have not. You need to give yourself a break, Sedge. But getting others to say 'that's terrible' isn't giving you a break. At all. It's binding to your pain. x
shadowplay Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 I don't know, SEDG. ECT might be an option to consider. I know it can have miraculous effects on some people according to my mother who works in a mental hospital. I don't know much about it, though. I have to say I admire how hard you've tried to move on through therapy, doing your book, moving, etc. But I sort of agree with people that you may be avoiding pushing yourself harder on an internal level. I know it probably doesn't feel that way to you, but I just get this sense that you're not pushing your mind as much as you could. That you kind of cling to this fantasy of him and your relationship and this negative narrative about yourself. That there's some sort of comfort in that and you can't seem to let go for that reason.
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