persona Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Hi, I am a 24 year old virgin...I know I shouldn't be ashamed of it but every once in awhile it does get to me about how long i've waited. I just want to make sure its with someone I really care for or possibly marriage, not just "some guy" to get it over with. I have been in a relationship for a little over a year now with a sweet guy, he has been extremely paitent with me for awhile and i'm starting to feel a little bad for making him wait so long. This is one of the most serious relationships i've ever been in, I love this guy dearly and I feel he is the one but a few things are making me hesitant. For one, this guy is the most touchy feely person i've ever come to know, is this just due to us not having sex or is this a warning sign of him just sticking around for me to give it up? We do oral just not full sex, yet. But as the time progresses he drops "hints" and relates almost everything we do to having sex but soon after says "but your not ready so thats ok." I cannot tell if hes just acting childish/joking or trying to rush it. After those comments I do feel really bad and it usually leads to arguements. I need some advice on what to do, is this guy worth it?
Ellezz Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Since you have been dating for over a year, he is clearly not the kind of guy who only want sex. But if he really respect you, he shouldn't rush you into having sex and make you feel unconfortable, he will wait until whenever you are ready. And for the touchy part, I think it's nothing to do with you not having sex, it's probably who he is. If you don't like that, you might want to rethink whether he is "the right one". And it's nothing wrong with being a virgin, I'm a little younger than you are and I'm one too. I totally get your feeling, since we have waited so long, really want to have it with someone special.
bac Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 You might choose to do what you want according to your values. Ask yourself what you want and what your priorities are. Then, go into the direction towards your priorities. If you are sure/right about your values and goals, you will feel great. I knew a woman who was a virgin, 36. She was sure about her values. So, she first got married, then she lost her virginity. She has been happy for many many yrs with her husband. I do not mean that stories like that are common. People are different and they can do whatever works best for them.
Knittress Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I'm loads less promiscuous than, oh... just about everyone on this board, it feels like. This isn't necessarily true, but it seems like the predominant message from one and all is that everyone is always going at it, and if sex means anything to you in an emotional or spiritual context than you're uptight and not worth shagging. So keep that in mind when I say this, I have a big problem with the whole virginity-cult. Why? Because waiting around for the perfect so-and-so is always a mistake. Perhaps you're not going to start that new project until all the stars align, you're not going to go after that scary new venture until you're absolutely sure you're better prepared than any boyscout, you've read all the books, and carefully plotted the actions to take on a three page spreadsheet, and you won't sleep with that person until you're absolutely sure that they'll never leave you. If you approach life like that, then you'll NEVER be ready, because that feeling of readiness and perfection is IN YOUR OWN MIND. You can always find an excuse to 'never be ready' - it's easy! It is you wanting this person to be special to you that makes them special. Did waiting for some deadline to give it up (marriage) make Jessica Simpson's life any better? Nope! Things might not work out, but that doesn't make relationships meaningless - the two of you could be friends for life, regardless of what happens. Also the idea of what losing your virginity is 'worth.' Commoditizing it as something you 'give' someone when certain conditions are met, just... it's not exactly prostitution...but it guts the whole PURPOSE of sexuality - which is a mutual energy exchange (which can further babies, intimacy, or merely a good trip). If you think of sex as some kind of divine revelation rather than a special kind of dance, or hug, or conversation with someone you want to let close to you - it's likely going to be a letdown anyway. It's your choice, but what exactly ARE you waiting for? Think about that, and if it's realistic.
reservoirdog1 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Virginity is such a blurry line. Once you've started doing oral with each other, frankly, the word is meaningless. Not to be too graphic (or disrespectful), but if he's already had his johnson in one part of you, is it REALLY that far removed from him putting it in the "holiest of holies"? You're basically just talking about bodily geography by this point. You've been with him for a year, so presumably you care about each other. If he's just cunningly biding his time, he's the most patient man alive. Especially considering that he could pretty easily have found somebody with whom he WOULDN'T have to wait during the past year. So yes, the fact that he's stayed with you indicates that he cares about you. He's definitely beyond the "just some guy" category. A lot of people -- more women than men, I'd say -- hold off on sex because they want their first time to be "perfect". IMHO, this just sets the stage for disappointment. Few things in life go according to plan. Maybe the two of you will get married. Maybe not. But you love the guy, and he loves you. As far as first-time scenarios go, that's pretty damned good. For what it's worth, I say go for it.
Enema Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Think about what kinda guy would be willing to be in a relationship for over a year without sex while in his early 20's. Some adjectives that spring to mind: loser, desperate, insecure, beta, gay, religiot. Sometimes waiting can have the adverse effect... scare off the real men and leave you with the dregs at the bottom of the barrel that you don't really want at the end of the day either. For me, sex is normal, fun, healthy part of any adult relationship.
jakinbandw Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I would kind of like to think that being religious doesn't make me 'bottom of the barrel'... Waiting for a year can also be signs of dedication, commitment, you know, this little thing called Love.... And I think that it is good that you are waiting. I think the nervousness that you are feeling is just because you have waited so long and you are afraid that it will change your relationship. Your virginity is part of you, and I can understand your reluctance to lose it.
Pfiend101 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 If hes waited a year he definitely isnt only about sex. Personally I wouldn't wait that long but would never want the woman to do something she isnt ready for. Either way best of luck.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 I'm loads less promiscuous than, oh... just about everyone on this board, it feels like. That's hot...
impz Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 Think about what kinda guy would be willing to be in a relationship for over a year without sex while in his early 20's. Some adjectives that spring to mind: loser, desperate, insecure, beta, gay, religiot. Sometimes waiting can have the adverse effect... scare off the real men and leave you with the dregs at the bottom of the barrel that you don't really want at the end of the day either. For me, sex is normal, fun, healthy part of any adult relationship. How about understanding and caring about the woman who is clearly not ready? He probably wants it a lot (if not, they won't have sexual interactions) but is holding it for a woman who is not ready as yet.
Enema Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 How about understanding and caring about the woman who is clearly not ready? He probably wants it a lot (if not, they won't have sexual interactions) but is holding it for a woman who is not ready as yet. I don't see how any of this contradicts what I said. Sure, maybe 1% of guys that will wait are genuinely valuable guys, but that's just an exception to the rule. Most of those that are willing (or have to) wait for a woman, fit one or more of my adjectives above.
Green Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I would never date a girl this long with out sex. I once dated a girl who said she was waiting for mariage. I told her I am not waiting for mariage. We ended up having sex, and it was FUN. She wasn't really a virgin though because JUST LIKE YOU she had been naked with men and given BJ's to guys including me before we ever had vaginal sex.
MisUnderstanding Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Ok so I was going to be nice... I'll try. What is wrong with you? How can you even ask if the guy is "worth" the price of your virginity? What kind of exchange rate is that? Do you like the guy? Love him? Then do it. There is no need to put your virginity on a pedestal. It's nice and cute when you are 17, when you are 24 then you are waiting for the wrong thing to happen. Nobody will judge you for not being at virgin. And like green said, if you do oral and are naked with a man, the line of being a virgin has been long gone. You are missing out on a very intimate connection with your boyfriend and he may not have the patience forever.
Gentlemen_shadow Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I agree with misunderstanding... to a point There is kind of a leap of faith with giving your V card away. Now what I would say is even if you don't go all the way then try some smaller stuff to help that way his pressure valve is not about to pop off yet you can take your time with the big stuff. Personally I believe that sex is a great thing and it's a good idea to really feel it with the one you've married if you ever do marry. That having been said You'll only know once you're married who that is and that might not even work out so it's more of a fairy tale than anything in my option. I am personally really glad I did it before the girl I'm with now. I know a lot more about myself because of it and more than just what I like in bed though that is a great thing ta know because what happens when you marry then you're sexually incompatible? And even if you have an idea what you like in sex it could be nothing more than a fantasy or you could like so much for than that and if you're with a snob or prude good luck getting it In closing the main part is have fun with it and be safe. As long as you've got birth control and both safe then after that make it fun and don't forget to laugh and make your partner laugh too not at you but make jokes it will lighten the mood and maybe you'll be more open to talking and trying more
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