Stockalone Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 Just an update. He never got back to me about today, so his last email was just being nice, as I assumed. I guess I can't blame him after the impression I left. Ah well. He might still call. Meeting a friend or even a date seems to be treated rather casually these days, so I wouldn't be surprised if he thought he didn't have to cancel (if he couldn't make it today) since your plans weren't concrete and rather of the casual/maybe kind. But something else bothers me. And maybe that's just me being the older brother, but shouldn't you be more worried about what lead to you blacking out and the immediate aftermath (how did he deal with the situation) instead of being a bit disappointed that he didn't call after what happened? I agree with Kamille. Where was this new guy when you blacked out and didn't return from the bathroom? Didn't he come looking for you? I just want to make sure that you understand that you are to be treated right, especially in a situation of need even if it might have been your own fault and you blacked out because you drank too much. But that isn't even clear yet, you might have been drugged. And even if you were a beggar, which I wouldn't agree with anyway, you should not just accept whatever you are offered. In the past, you put up with guys who often didn't treat you right just because they at least showed some interest in you and treated you right every now and then. You shouldn't be contend with a bare minimum of concern from the guys you date. From what you have shared so far, I have doubts about this new guy. Was he really concerned about you? Maybe he was, we don't know enough about how he handled the situation. But you said you called your ex after you had blacked out and he then came to get you. That sounds like quite a bit of time passed while you were in the bathroom. What was new guy doing while this happened? And then your ex talked to him while they were waiting for you to get cleaned up? Obviously, guys aren't supposed to be in the ladies' room, but that seems a bit strange to me too. Did the girl who helped you, talk to them or did you talk to them so they knew you were "okay" (as far as that was possible under the circumstances)? And in the email, he said he wished there had been a way for him to know that you were okay. What the heck stopped him from trying to talk to while you were in the bathroom or after you left the bathroom? And he could have send an email (if he doesn't have your phone number), asking if you made it home allright and if you are feeling better. Why didn't he do that? Granted, the situation was weird and it was a first date (or a first casual meeting of potential friends), but if he was really worried, there were ways to show he cares instead of waiting for you to contact him and then say It's okay, I just wish there was some way I could of known that you were okay. Are you okay?. That sounds really lame.
Author shadowplay Posted May 29, 2010 Author Posted May 29, 2010 (edited) He might still call. Meeting a friend or even a date seems to be treated rather casually these days, so I wouldn't be surprised if he thought he didn't have to cancel (if he couldn't make it today) since your plans weren't concrete and rather of the casual/maybe kind. But something else bothers me. And maybe that's just me being the older brother, but shouldn't you be more worried about what lead to you blacking out and the immediate aftermath (how did he deal with the situation) instead of being a bit disappointed that he didn't call after what happened? I agree with Kamille. Where was this new guy when you blacked out and didn't return from the bathroom? Didn't he come looking for you? I just want to make sure that you understand that you are to be treated right, especially in a situation of need even if it might have been your own fault and you blacked out because you drank too much. But that isn't even clear yet, you might have been drugged. And even if you were a beggar, which I wouldn't agree with anyway, you should not just accept whatever you are offered. In the past, you put up with guys who often didn't treat you right just because they at least showed some interest in you and treated you right every now and then. You shouldn't be contend with a bare minimum of concern from the guys you date. From what you have shared so far, I have doubts about this new guy. Was he really concerned about you? Maybe he was, we don't know enough about how he handled the situation. But you said you called your ex after you had blacked out and he then came to get you. That sounds like quite a bit of time passed while you were in the bathroom. What was new guy doing while this happened? And then your ex talked to him while they were waiting for you to get cleaned up? Obviously, guys aren't supposed to be in the ladies' room, but that seems a bit strange to me too. Did the girl who helped you, talk to them or did you talk to them so they knew you were "okay" (as far as that was possible under the circumstances)? And in the email, he said he wished there had been a way for him to know that you were okay. What the heck stopped him from trying to talk to while you were in the bathroom or after you left the bathroom? And he could have send an email (if he doesn't have your phone number), asking if you made it home allright and if you are feeling better. Why didn't he do that? Granted, the situation was weird and it was a first date (or a first casual meeting of potential friends), but if he was really worried, there were ways to show he cares instead of waiting for you to contact him and then say . That sounds really lame. I'm sort of foggy on the details, but I know he did come looking for me at least once because I vaguely remember him calling my name one time outside the bathroom and asking me if I was OK (and knowing myself I probably said I was because I was embarrassed, but I don't remember). But whatever I said, I'm sure it was clear to him that I wasn't OK, because, according to my ex, I was barely coherent at the time. Based on my phone records, at least 30 minutes passed while I was in the bathroom. It seems like this guy was just sitting at the table for most of the time. That's where my ex found him. As far as I can tell, he didn't seem like he made much effort at all to help me aside from calling my name that one time outside the bathroom. I'm not sure why they were chilling at the table and having a drink while I was in the bathroom. My ex never explained that to me, but I assume that the girl probably told my ex she was taking care of me and getting me ready to head out of the bathroom. According to my ex he didn't see the guy around when they carried me out. I agree that there's something lame about the way he acted. He should have at least checked on me later to make sure I got home alright. I guess I've been so focused on how I screwed things up with him, that I haven't really considered how he might have not acted in a decent manner. Thanks for pointing that out to me. Still, part of me feels like I didn't deserve better treatment because it's my own fault. I guess that's the kind of thinking I need to challenge. Also, I didn't start thinking about how dangerous what happened was until this morning. Again, over-focus on the other person, neglecting to consider my own needs. Edited May 29, 2010 by shadowplay
Hot Carl Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 I was kidding. But I don't think this is quite the personal disaster you are taking it to be. In the future I would recommend you don't do shots to calm your nerves before meeting someone. Just suck it up and be uncomfortable and deal with it. If you put yourself in those situations enough you'll develop the skills necessary to cope with them. If you drink your way through them, you'll just stunt your personal growth.
SadandConfusedWA Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 I would also see a doctor for a check up just to be safe. The amount of alcohol you drank shouldn't have affected you that much. There are certain conditions such is diabetes that make you less tolerant to alcohol... As for the new guy, don't worry I don't think you are ready to date as you still need to heal from the most recent ex. At least you are sexy enough to be asked out
Author shadowplay Posted May 29, 2010 Author Posted May 29, 2010 I would also see a doctor for a check up just to be safe. The amount of alcohol you drank shouldn't have affected you that much. There are certain conditions such is diabetes that make you less tolerant to alcohol... As for the new guy, don't worry I don't think you are ready to date as you still need to heal from the most recent ex. At least you are sexy enough to be asked out I don't know I'm still down on myself because I'm worried he just wanted to be friends all along.
SadandConfusedWA Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 I don't know I'm still down on myself because I'm worried he just wanted to be friends all along. 99% of the guys don't bother initiating frienships with new females unless they are attracted to them.
SadandConfusedWA Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 He might have lost interest now because of the drinking and even more because of the ex. I mean calling your ex bf to bail you out would make anyone uncomfortable. He was/is attracted but it's probably all too much drama before you even started dating.
Citizen Erased Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 I was kidding. But I don't think this is quite the personal disaster you are taking it to be. In the future I would recommend you don't do shots to calm your nerves before meeting someone. Just suck it up and be uncomfortable and deal with it. If you put yourself in those situations enough you'll develop the skills necessary to cope with them. If you drink your way through them, you'll just stunt your personal growth. Yep, this. Anyway, find something better to do shots with, vodka is my bestest friend but it has an awful taste straight. And I'd probably pass out after 5 shots too. Just glad you're ok shadow.
Author shadowplay Posted May 30, 2010 Author Posted May 30, 2010 Yep, this. Anyway, find something better to do shots with, vodka is my bestest friend but it has an awful taste straight. And I'd probably pass out after 5 shots too. Just glad you're ok shadow. Thanks. Yeah, it tasted pretty awful. I'll be staying away from the booze for a long time...
Author shadowplay Posted May 30, 2010 Author Posted May 30, 2010 Maybe I'm being paranoid, but is it possible I did permanent damage to my brain? I've been feeling stupid since Thursday. My memory is kind of lapsing.
Author shadowplay Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 Hmmm.... Just got this: Hey Shadow, Sorry about not getting back to you sooner; crazy few days. Don't worry about the drinking stuff, I understand. Just glad to hear you're okay. I have to be in Belgium this week for work and I don't have much time until after I get back. I'll give you a ring then if you're still up for it? -M I can't decide whether to meet him again or not at this point. I mean I feel like it was kind of lame for him not to get in touch with me about Saturday. I find him attractive, and he seems like an interesting person, but I don't know. I certainly don't want to do it if he's just trying to be nice because he feels bad. What do you guys think?
sb129 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I think you are thinking too much about it. As some of the others said- he could end up being a friend, and you could meet other people through him. I have met so many of my friends through people I didn't always keep in touch with. Sometimes we need to get out of our comfort zone a little to ensure our social lives stay intact. If he wasn't interested or was just being nice, he wouldn't have bothered to tell you he was going to Belgium... It definitely sounds like you may have had your drink spiked though- especially if you are still feeling rough now. So if you DO decide to go, keep your wits about you.
Author shadowplay Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 That guy never got back to me after he returned from Belgium as he said he would. Then this afternoon I was walking down the street in town, and we crossed paths at a street corner. We weren’t directly face-to-face because he was walking in a perpendicular direction, but I’m still sure he saw me. I didn’t recognize his face until he had already passed. Yet he must have seen me, because his face was more turned in my direction. So he basically snubbed me on the street. I had nothing invested in him, but the clear rejection and flaking on me still stings a little. Why did he go out of his way to say he still wanted to hang out and would get back to me twice and then not only not follow through but snub me when we ran into each other? Again, it’s not about him, but the fact that guys always seem to do this to me. Aside from my ex, the last three guys I’ve interacted with have led me on and then flaked. This is to the point of sending me messages spontaneously that they wanted to hang out and asking me when I was free, or even setting up a time in one instance, and then never getting back to me or canceling at the last minute with a lame excuse. Why do guys do this? If they’re not interested, why lead the girl on? Sigh.
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