Scarlett513 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I started dating this guy in October and broke up with him last month. We also broke up twice before that - once it only lasted a night and the second time it lasted a month. which we spent together trying to "work on things." When I broke up with him last month it was literally only one week after we had made things official again. I've posted on here about him before, so if anyone has read my previous thread they may remember that I broke up with him because I felt like he wasn't considerate or respectful of my opinions/feelings on numerous occasions. The straw that broke the camel's back was him wanting to take another girl to a baseball game, and calling me ridiculous, jealous, and controlling when I very calmly expressed my reservations about the situation. Anyway, when I ended it last month I asked him not to call me. I haven't heard from him since until this morning. I feel like I should know rationally that he's not good for me but this guy has some kind of pull for me where I can't help but want him back anyway. Anyway I thought this discussion this morning was going to just be about getting closure which was fine. During that part of the discussion I offered to mail his things to him and he asked if he could instead come over to pick them up. I said ok, at which point he also makes it clear he wants me back and wants to talk. So now this guy is coming over tomorrow to talk and I am so nervous. I'm nervous I might get sucked in again to something that's not right for me, but I'm also (stupidly) hopeful that maybe he's changed and will say something that makes sense and things could work out for us. Please talk some sense into me before I do something stupid!!! Also, any advice on yo yo relationships like this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
spiderowl Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 He's been pushing his luck with you basically. If you really like him, you need to teach him how to treat you. What he has been doing is not acceptable. He should not imply you are stupid because you have reasonable objections to him going out with other women. What else has he been doing that has upset you? You have already tried calmly explaining your boundaries but he's been dismissive and mocking. Personally, I don't think he's worth it. If you really do want to give him another chance, you need to sit down alone and decide what your boundaries are, what you will and won't accept. Don't be wishy-washy or he won't respect you. When you speak to him, tell him how you want him to treat you. Tell him nothing else will do. Have a mental checklist and check off all of the points. Make sure he agrees not to do these things again before taking it further. Make it clear it's his last chance. When you've done the above, he's got three options: 1) to realise he's got to respect you and that you are not going to be pissed around like other women he's known; 2) to agree with you and then later break his promises; 3) to give up on you. I don't know what he'll decide to do, but if he breaks his promise you need to give up on him. I think because he's started out being disrespectful, he'll keep pushing you, if not in the ways he's already done but in new ways. You'll need to be firm with him as these 'tests' pop up, if you can bear the hard work that is. Good luck whatever you decide.
make me believe Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 You guys have broken up three times in 6 or 7 months! What does that tell you?? This "relationship" is going nowhere. He will continue to treat you like crap and come crawling back to you because you let him. At 6 months into the relationship you two should still be in the honeymoon phase, not breaking up over & over again! Personally, I'd leave his stuff on the front porch and tell him to come pick it up at his leisure. No need to get together to "talk", which you know is probably just going to lead to sex & getting back together until next month when you break up yet again..
Mimolicious Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I had a relationship like this when I was a teenager. To be frank, every morning when I was taking a shower I would say "I want to break up with ____". Preferably on Thursdays, to spend the weekend wild'ing out! I used to feel the Sunday blues, call him and we were back on. Basically, I was testing how far I could take it and how far he would let me. It became a joke on my part, one day he snapped and beat me up. Never saw him again- True story. It's called playing games. If you don't see yourself being in a serious relationship with this guy then don't even bother. Tell him that you can mail his things, change your number and don't see him again.
Recommended Posts