lovetoloveu2 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I need advice badly! Help! Me and my ex do NOT speak AT ALL. But last week we spoke briefly over text and i decided to surprise him with an unexpected visit. Well what I didnt expect was a woman to be there-especially the woman he was with before me. They have been on and off for 11 years! Well, I didnt say anything, I just left and I called him asking how he could do that to me-I cried, and was really upset. Well he came over to talk about things and he spent the night. I was in heaven! He also told me that that woman was there to stay in his life-and that she was very important to her and he has deep feelings for her and has feelings for me but not enough to pursue me-WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!! Well he spent the night and like I said I was in heaven!! Well here we are today and I havent heard from him-its been three days. I called him and he said well ______, we dont speak, and i told u how i felt, its human nature to have feelings for someone you were once involved with but AGAIN i wont or will pursue you. Look at the whole pie and not just one night of me coming to visit you! WHat does all of this mean?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Scarlett513 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Sorry to say, but he meant what he said. His on and off girlfriend is there to stay, and she means more to him than you do. Apparently he's willing to keep you around as a side piece, but nothing more. If you are willing to settle for that, be my guest, but I doubt that's going to make you happy. Drop him and find someone who can give you what you need out of a relationship. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
MyNameIsJane Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 To be blunt, I think it means to get over him. Clearly there is already someone (even if that someone is one and off) that means MORE to him than YOU. You are fun to spend the night with, but nothing he wants for his future unless he is bored. Walk away. Find someone who wants to spend the night with you and talk to you the morning after - find someone who wants to be with you. He doesn't.
legallyblonde289 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 i agree with scarlett, unfortunately. he told you he wants to be with her not you, he probably cares for you as a friend but thats it. its rare that guys are this straight forward, count your blessings at least he's not stringing you along.
Mimolicious Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Love... your BF is now your EXBF. He couldn't be more clear that this, he is pursuing a relationship with his not-so-exGF. He basically broke-up with you and is staying with her. Keep strong and forget this guy ( I know that it is easier said that done but nobody dies from a broken heart. Life goes on).
txsilkysmoothe Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Assuming "spent the night" meant having sex, he means he likes to have sex with you on occasion, when it fits his needs, BUT he doesn't want to be your friend or romantic partner. And he certainly doesn't want you placing expectations upon him.
make me believe Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 WTF? You had no right to get upset when you randomly showed up at your ex's house and found him with another woman. He is your EX!!! He doesn't want to be with you and he is telling you clear as day. He also told me that that woman was there to stay in his life-and that she was very important to her and he has deep feelings for her and has feelings for me but not enough to pursue me-WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!! It means exactly what he said! He wants her, not you. He used you for a night of sex but wants nothing more. Sorry if I sound harsh, but really... open your eyes!! This man is telling you straight up that he doesn't want to be with you. Listen to him!
legallyblonde289 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 WTF? You had no right to get upset when you randomly showed up at your ex's house and found him with another woman. He is your EX!!! He doesn't want to be with you and he is telling you clear as day. It means exactly what he said! He wants her, not you. He used you for a night of sex but wants nothing more. Sorry if I sound harsh, but really... open your eyes!! This man is telling you straight up that he doesn't want to be with you. Listen to him! i was thinking that too. i was surprised he didnt get pissed when you showed up unannounced after speaking briefly over text.
Author lovetoloveu2 Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 Sorry to say, but he meant what he said. His on and off girlfriend is there to stay, and she means more to him than you do. Apparently he's willing to keep you around as a side piece, but nothing more. If you are willing to settle for that, be my guest, but I doubt that's going to make you happy. Drop him and find someone who can give you what you need out of a relationship. When someone tells you who they are, believe them. Thank you for your advice! Question though, am i side piece if we used to be together? And we have been texting yesterday and today. nothing romantic but i will text him and he will text me back-sometimes
legallyblonde289 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Thank you for your advice! Question though, am i side piece if we used to be together? And we have been texting yesterday and today. nothing romantic but i will text him and he will text me back-sometimes but why would you do that when he told you he wants to be with someone else? you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt...
Author lovetoloveu2 Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 To be blunt, I think it means to get over him. Clearly there is already someone (even if that someone is one and off) that means MORE to him than YOU. You are fun to spend the night with, but nothing he wants for his future unless he is bored. Walk away. Find someone who wants to spend the night with you and talk to you the morning after - find someone who wants to be with you. He doesn't. Thank u for your advice. We did talk the am after but its just like he said he had feelings for me AND spent the night so why bring up "we dont talk look at the bigger pie" just because we havent talked-we are now talking, i think that should show for something you know-or maybe I am wrong
Author lovetoloveu2 Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 i agree with scarlett, unfortunately. he told you he wants to be with her not you, he probably cares for you as a friend but thats it. its rare that guys are this straight forward, count your blessings at least he's not stringing you along. Thank U.
Author lovetoloveu2 Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 Love... your BF is now your EXBF. He couldn't be more clear that this, he is pursuing a relationship with his not-so-exGF. He basically broke-up with you and is staying with her. Keep strong and forget this guy ( I know that it is easier said that done but nobody dies from a broken heart. Life goes on). so talking and chatting these last couple of days and him spending the night doesnt resort to him maybe wanting to try it out again? He did say he had feelings for me, he admitted that. *excuse me im just trying to make sense of it all* thank you for taking the time to respond!
Author lovetoloveu2 Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 Assuming "spent the night" meant having sex, he means he likes to have sex with you on occasion, when it fits his needs, BUT he doesn't want to be your friend or romantic partner. And he certainly doesn't want you placing expectations upon him. Thank you for your response! We didnt have sex but its like after I cried to him and told him how I felt about the other girl-he did tell me she meant alot, but he also told me he still had feelings for me just not to pursue. I thought that him spending the night meant something. He didnt speand the night with the other woman, but he did me to talk things over. He did mention like i said look at the bigger pie and see that we dont speak or have any relationship, but i thought now that we are talking even if its briedly we are building a relationship again or at least a friendship. I guess I am wrong..
Author lovetoloveu2 Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 i was thinking that too. i was surprised he didnt get pissed when you showed up unannounced after speaking briefly over text. I agree with you-I shouldnt of came unannounced, but its like my ex so i thought it was ok-never thought anyone would be there. The text were so cool, its like we still liked each other enough to speak so i thought we may continue a relationship of some sort
Author lovetoloveu2 Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 but why would you do that when he told you he wants to be with someone else? you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt... he didnt say in so much words that he wanted to be with her-he just said she was very important to him, and she was never leaving his life and that he cared for her deeply, but he also told me he had feelings for me as well (u see my confusion lol) I was thinking we could be okay and build a relationship-him texting me I thought he wanted the same thing-i guess thats why they say men are different
legallyblonde289 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 he didnt say in so much words that he wanted to be with her-he just said she was very important to him, and she was never leaving his life and that he cared for her deeply, but he also told me he had feelings for me as well (u see my confusion lol) I was thinking we could be okay and build a relationship-him texting me I thought he wanted the same thing-i guess thats why they say men are different honestly, it sounds like he was trying to let you down easy. he said she was very important to him and she wasnt go anywhere and then he said he won't pursue you. he pretty much said he wanted to be with her. he knows how you feel and wont pursue you because he doesnt want to be with you (sorry). he's not the right person for you, there is someone else out there whose right for you.
Pfiend101 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 How would you feel if he got back with you and left this other girl? What if she does the same things your doing? If its meant to be it will be. I think you should leave him alone though. He knows where to find you if he wants to.
Author lovetoloveu2 Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 honestly, it sounds like he was trying to let you down easy. he said she was very important to him and she wasnt go anywhere and then he said he won't pursue you. he pretty much said he wanted to be with her. he knows how you feel and wont pursue you because he doesnt want to be with you (sorry). he's not the right person for you, there is someone else out there whose right for you. Again thank you for your response! Thank you so much for your imput! So what do you think about the texts and him spending the night? Thats nothing?
Author lovetoloveu2 Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 How would you feel if he got back with you and left this other girl? What if she does the same things your doing? If its meant to be it will be. I think you should leave him alone though. He knows where to find you if he wants to. I wouldnt like it all. But when I was upset, I did tell him I hope him and her have a happy life together. He told me i was being too emotional, so i thought okay he doesnt want to be with her, because of his response to what i said.
legallyblonde289 Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Again thank you for your response! Thank you so much for your imput! So what do you think about the texts and him spending the night? Thats nothing? that he cares for you as a friend. i think the best thing you can do for yourself is let him go so you can find someone that really does want to be with you.
Author lovetoloveu2 Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 that he cares for you as a friend. i think the best thing you can do for yourself is let him go so you can find someone that really does want to be with you. Thank you legallyblonde289! My mind is still all over the place, but I will try!
txsilkysmoothe Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Lovetoloveu2, Does he initiate the texting? If he doesn't, he may be responding due to politeness only. You seem to be focusing on a couple of things he has done that indicate he is interested. There is nothing wrong with that, but don't read too much into it. Watch for a consistent pattern of interest from him before you start believing you have a genuine friendship, relationship, etc. I hope it works out.
Author lovetoloveu2 Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 Lovetoloveu2, Does he initiate the texting? If he doesn't, he may be responding due to politeness only. You seem to be focusing on a couple of things he has done that indicate he is interested. There is nothing wrong with that, but don't read too much into it. Watch for a consistent pattern of interest from him before you start believing you have a genuine friendship, relationship, etc. I hope it works out. Thank you for your response! Usually its me texting him or calling him. After the initial text I thought, we are okay, thats why i went over in the first place. Consistent pattern? I understand that-its like what he said -look at the whole pie, dont take a couple of texts and a night as anything. it just makes me so mad and confused!
sagetalk Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 WHat does all of this mean?!?!?!?!?!?!?! It means that men like him play women like you all day long. These kinds of guys nail girls by the boat loads because they are complete jerks, but know exactly how to turn a woman on physically. One day women will wake up and want more quality men. That day will probably be 1 day after the world ends . Tell him that since he treats you so badly, you just want to be friends, but no more sex. I'm not holding my breath on that one though, but man would the look on his face be priceless .
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