spiderowl Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I've been seeing this guy for a few months now. He's some distance away but wants to meet quite often considering the distance. I like him, he's genuine and kind and I think is interested in commitment. We have been intimate but sparks did not fly and don't seem to want to. I'm losing interest in that side of things. He wants to continue with a relationship and I'm not sure. I'm OK with being friends and maybe being intimate sometimes when I see him, but don't feel he's right for me long term. What to do? I'm not promiscuous but it's strange, I don't want to feel tied down but would be OK with sleeping with him on occasions. I'd like to feel free to date others if I want (not that there's anyone on the horizon). I don't want to hurt this guy and I suspect I would if I told him how I was thinking. What would a guy think in this situation if I told him? Should I just drift on but let him know I want it to be more casual?
Scarlett513 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Your only option is honesty. It's not fair to lead the guy on. Tell him you're not sure if this relationship is long-term material, but that you're having fun in the moment and like the casual nature of the arrangement. He should have all the information so that he can decide if it's also the right arrangement for him.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I was in a very similar situation a few months back, and I was totally honest with him about the fact that I didn't see long-term potential but would be happy to keep hanging out and having sex. This was my first time ever trying something like this. We agreed to try out a FWB situation for a while, which functioned more like a gf-bf relationship with no commitment. But he obviously wanted more and couldn't hide that fact. He basically admitted after it was all over that he kept hoping I'd come around to him. No guarantees your situation will be the same, but it seems to be a common result, so if you do proceed, watch out for it. My advice is to be totally honest. You can't go wrong with that.
Author spiderowl Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 Thanks. I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking like this. He's really a nice guy and I like the affection but physically the relationship is nowhere near ideal so I've been turned off a bit in that respect. This has made me step back and think it can't work long term. But I do like the affection. I'm not sure what to do or if I need to do anything. I do feel a certain pressure to give more than I feel able to emotionally so I guess I should say something. I have a feeling it's not going to go down well.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 It's tough. In all likelihood, he is going to keep busting his butt to impress you, you're never going to be impressed enough, so he's going to feel like crap and you're going to feel bad, too. Especially given the distance, it's probably best to let this one go.
doomage Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Thanks. I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking like this. He's really a nice guy and I like the affection but physically the relationship is nowhere near ideal so I've been turned off a bit in that respect. This has made me step back and think it can't work long term. But I do like the affection. I'm not sure what to do or if I need to do anything. I do feel a certain pressure to give more than I feel able to emotionally so I guess I should say something. I have a feeling it's not going to go down well. Hey spiderowl, can i ask you a question? What do you mean by physically the relationship is nowhere near ideal? Just asking because something similar happened to me with a girl i was dating, we would always hold hands (i initiated) and i was the more affectionette one but when the time to have sex came i didn't perform that well, and like in thirty minutes she was never the same and seemed to grow cold towards me and was just wierd. Basicaly had to bring it to her attention why she was acting wierd and she said she didn't see us being long term and that she didn't want anything serious, she said she would have still liked to hang out but no sex, because she doesn't have sex with random strangers, ya right. lol but i think just be honest with this guy, and if you can both handle a fwb type situation then do it but if he wants more cut it.
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