Letting Go to Be Happy

[trippi1432]

So, I've posted some threads out there about detachment, boundaries, trust/mistrust, all pertaining to the Alternative Methods of Mental Health Care today. This is the Biological, Social, Spiritual and Psychological of the four cores of our environment that must be maintained for a healthy mental balance.

 

The fact is, I've come to acceptance of the end of my 15 year relationship. Did he do wrong...yes. Did I do wrong...yes. Did we both have issues/baggage that we brought to the relationship (even from our childhood)....yes. The fact is, my STBXH is the man now he should have always been, but it was not something I could provide him...strength of character....and yes, my fault but I was not fully aware of my own issues at the time. Because of this missing element, neither of us were able to show much moral support.

 

Now, I could sit back in rumination and dwell on why life is better for him now...all the what if's...all those negative thoughts to cycle through the anxiety that I know it's going to cause. Or I can determine that it's time to think about someone I haven't been thinking about because I've spent all this time dwelling on someone else (happy or not, but are doing better than we are in some cases) ME.

 

I'm having to learn to live within a different element of life now....I'm hopeful with treatment, I can learn to live with Bipolar II without meds. (Like you Gunny, we have a gentleman who is going through PTSD and he reminds me of you. It's not easy to get over, if ever, but it's one hell of walk.) He never knew that he needed to heal from the inside as well as the outside. I think the hardest thing for the way back is when you have spent most of your life always looking to please someone else, live for someone else, lay your life down for someone else, you forget you. I know it's been posted on LS under many threads that you have to learn to love yourself so you can take care of the kids, the finances...etc. And it's true....but it's the one thing that we all forget so easily, mainly because some of us were told it was self-centered and selfish.

 

When I look back on my relationships, I know now that I need to stop treating myself the way others treated me if it was in an unhealthy and less desirable way, and vise-versa. If all we have known is to see ourselves critically and only being cared about or loved during certain conditions, then that is all we will know and the only way we will treat others as well as ourselves. Sometimes you just have to fake loving yourself until you make it (have it drawn on my mirror).

 

 

One thing that I know that has been hard for me is learning to give myself any self-respect, how to stop explaining and justifying myself. Sometimes mistakes are just meant to be let go. I laugh at this because my son broke some very precious items (accidentily) shortly after his dad moved out and was so worried about it. But to me, it was nothing...a simple mistake, an accident....where is that person now? Maybe it was the months of fighting after the separation that set it all off, but I need to go learn to stick my head in the sand again...LOL!!

[You Go Girl]

It should be standard in high school. A class on boundaries, trust, detachment, etc.

The mental health of every child out there who is about the cross the threshholds of dating, independence, conflict resolution with parents.

Why do we have to go through so much only to learn even the terms above, let alone how to use them?

I remember Psych 101 and 102. These simple yet oh so effective methods of understanding human relations were never discussed.

These tools could have saved many, if not everybody, a lot of grief.

[hopesndreams]

Or I can determine that it's time to think about someone I haven't been thinking about because I've spent all this time dwelling on someone else (happy or not, but are doing better than we are in some cases) ME.

 

Good. Just spend time with you, no one else, just you, and spoil yourself rotten. You deserve it.

[nobmagnet]

[yor a good mummy.

 

quit doubting babe i am sorry but i am taking time out for a while due to move and stuff. you an adoreable person because you are:love:

 

 

nobby xxxxxxxx

[trippi1432]

Thanks YGG and H&D. I just had to post this one though.....really hit close to home today:

 

"Willpower is not the key to the way of life we are seeking. Surrender is.

“I have spent much of my life trying to make people be, do, or feel something they aren’t, don’t want to do, and choose not to feel. I have made them, and myself, crazy n that process”, said one recovering woman.

“I spent my childhood trying to make an alcoholic father who didn’t love himself be a normal person who loved me. I then married an alcoholic and spent a decade trying to stop make him stop drinking.”

“I have spent years trying o make emotionally unavailable people be present for me.”

“I’ve have spent even more years trying to make family members, who are content feeling miserable, happy. What I’m saying is this: I’ve spent much of my life desperately and vainly trying to do the impossible and feeling like a failure when I couldn’t. It’s been like planting corn and trying to make the seeds grow peas. Won’t work!”

“By surrendering to powerlessness, I gain the presence of mind to stop wasting my time and energy trying to change and control that which I cannot change and control. It gives me permission to stop trying to do the impossible and focus on what is possible: being who I am,loving myself, feeling what I feel, and doing what I want to do with my life.”

In recovery, we learn to stop fighting lions, simply because we cannot win. We also learn that the more we are focused on controlling and changing others, the more unmanageable our life becomes. The more we focus on living our own life, the more we have a life to live, and the more manageable our life will become.

Today, I will accept powerlessness where I have no power to change things, and I’ll allow my life to become manageable." (Beattie, 1990)

Beattie, M. (1990).Powerlessness and Unmanageability. In M. Beattie, The Language of Letting Go, Daily Meditations on Codependency (p. 148). Center City: Hazelden.

______________________________________________________________________________

Basically, I looked at this as the process of trying to get my STBXH to stop drinking and the powerlessness I had over that. He stopped on his own accord...why, the time was right, he found the right woman to give him strength...I don't know.

Same thing with my 1st ex....emotionally unavailable....until I figure out how to learn to love me, I will always follow these patterns. It really was looking back to that time when I was a child and understanding how that has affected me, my family and my relationships. Still on the road....

[trippi1432]

[yor a good mummy.

 

quit doubting babe i am sorry but i am taking time out for a while due to move and stuff. you an adoreable person because you are:love:

 

 

nobby xxxxxxxx

 

Thank you nobby......

[trippi1432]

I used to post these all the time, but got out of it for a while...this one is scary....

 

we believe God wants you to know .. that inevitable is best accepted with serenity.

There are times when you absolutely see no solution. When you've thought and thought and prayed and prayed; when you've sat still in meditation listening for an answer and still no answer comes. There are times when it's okay to just surrender.

 

This is no joke...this one is on the mark...today, I purchased a new keyring...at first I was going to get one with Strength imprinted on it, instead I put it back and bought the one with serenity on it. In addition, today's lesson was on powerlessness and that it is ok to be accepting to powerlessness and to stop wasting my time and energy to what is going on around me. By allowing myself to accept those things I have no power over, my life becomes manageable...Serenity.

[sugarmomma]

Hi Trippi, I am recovering from a lot of things and one of them being codependency. If you are like me you have to get 'The 12 steps guide for codependents' by Melody Beattie.

 

Life changing book for me. So peaceful being powereless over other people.

[trippi1432]

Thanks SugarMomma - I found the Beyond Codependency but I wanted to find the other one you are referencing before starting that one. Great tip...I also have her How to stop being Mean to Yourself....good for when you want to beat yourself up.

[sugarmomma]

'Codependent no more' came before 'beyond codependency. They are all wonderful. I'm gonna have to check the one ur referring to out. Her books are the TRUTH.

[Gunny376]

As I go though this self exploartion of myself ~ forced upon by either get "yourself straighted out or kiss your @ss and your job goodbye?"

 

Once you've reached a certain age ~ generally past forty but most certainly 50? You can pretty much hang it up working in the South.

 

I've set many a day in my recliner, and Thanked Almighty God that I wasn't married, I didn't have a GF, that my children were grown, own their own and self supporting! That the Good Lord Almighty gave my stupid dumn red-neck @zz enough sense and ability to do twenty years in the Marine Corps. (And Oh yea! I would have never made it through the Corps without Him!)

 

Bottom line? You did the best you could!

 

Quit beating yourself up!

 

You gave all you had to give at the time!

 

Its just this plain and simple!

 

I gave 110%! The best I had at the time!

 

At 53 compared to 23?

 

Could I have been a better Husband or Father?

 

You can bet that!

 

Same for you! Quit beating yourself up!

[Gunny376]

You know what? This applies to so many things that we go through and deal with in life?

 

I gave 110% of everything I had to give as spouse, a husband, a parent, a Marine, an employee, and individual, a person ~ and for some and many? It still wasn't enough!

 

You know what? You can just kiss my @ZZ! Not on the left not on the right, but right in the middle!

 

One of the last conversations I had with my dear dead Dad before he died basically came down to this:

 

"Did you do your absolute best?"

 

"Yes"

 

"Did you give any and everything you had?"

 

"Yes"

 

"Did you give everything you had to give ~ did you give it your 110%?

 

"Yes!"

 

"Then let it be, put it to rest, let it be ~ and let it rest! Quit digging up bones! What was? Was! What is? Is will be! What will be ~ Be!

 

I make no "bones" about it? Yea I'm seeing an MD and a psychologist and on antidepressants and anxiety drugs ~ and I've not seen nor been through half of what these kids coming out or Iraq and Afghanistan have been through.

 

We've each our own different level of Hell.

[Gunny376]

Yea letting go to be happy is the way to go!

 

Finding inner peace and happiness!

 

Time to catch the bus to Mexico.

 

Time to let go of the past!

 

Time to put the past behind you!

 

Time to start living your life for yourself, instead of your ex or what-ever your children.

 

Time to get out into sunshine and rub some sunshine on your face!

 

You know what? I gave 110% in everything I did? And for most of it? I got damn near zero credit for it. I impoverished myself for my children.

 

I doubt I can avoid to get married again ~ simply because I doubt that I have the years to provide for myself in my aging years. I simply don't have the years and the money to go back to WalMart, Sears, JC Penny to

buy all of that crap that I've already bought.

 

But you knoe what? Its all good!

 

I've an issue coming up with a co-worker tomorrow about he said ~ she said. But I know I can look my boss in the face and tell him, "Yea I screwed up here and there, made this mistakes or that?

 

But in six years of knowing me? You know for an absolute fact? I never lie to you about anything! (Marines believe in Honor, Integrity and in Keeping thier Honor Clean)

 

No matter the consquenses, the outcome, the hurt I will bring upon myself?

 

I WILL NEVER LIE!

[trippi1432]

Hugs Gunny, hope you are doing well. Things are turning around, while I know that I will have high days and low days, I know how to manage it. When it gets really low, that's when I know to look for help now.

 

One thing I know, when it's time to let go, it's just time to do it and reflect on being a better YOU. There is absolutely nothing that I can do to change the past, nor his or my view of it, it is what it is. Doing the right thing is letting him live the life he wanted and chooses now for himself. That's giving him the 110% I couldn't give him before.

[You Go Girl]

[quote=trippi1432;

Basically, I looked at this as the process of trying to get my STBXH to stop drinking and the powerlessness I had over that. He stopped on his own accord...why, the time was right, he found the right woman to give him strength...I don't know.

Same thing with my 1st ex....emotionally unavailable....until I figure out how to learn to love me, I will always follow these patterns. It really was looking back to that time when I was a child and understanding how that has affected me, my family and my relationships. Still on the road....

 

You know Trippi--I see you beating yourself up AS IF! AS IF you could have done something different, and the ex would have stopped drinking while with you instead of now with her.

Furgitaboutit!

Roommate H hasn't stopped drinking and is still a porn addict (although I don't blame him as much for porn now that we've only been roommates for 14 months--but do blame him for when he had a spanking new wife that never told him no).

Maybe the next gal he's going to clean up his act for. And you know what? I would only feel happiness for him, glad that he would have taken that monkey off his back.

Do I wish he would have cleanup for me? Naw, not anymore. It hasn't been the time in his life to do that, while married to me. I suppose the dynamics were never right to motivate or change him that way. Live and let live...whatever is in his head are his demons and his alone now, no longer mine. Whatever he is happy with being himself, if he chooses to drink until his dying day, that's the story of his life...no longer the story of mine.

I couldn't put up with it. Maybe I didn't love him enough? Eh...pfffft, I'm not wonder woman, neither will be the next gal. Doesn't matter. His monkey is off MY back. Gawd I hated carrying that thing around, this monkey I had no idea the dynamics of, where it came from, how to fix it, etc. The burden is lifted. And he may quit for the next gal, or not, or quit and then start up again someday. Doesn't matter. My personal hell of trying to control him, understand him, fix him, it's all over. Whew! What a lighter feeling I have...only MY demons to deal with now, and they are coming into focus and beginning to become something I can manage, as I'm no longer in the fog of his issues.

I lived in the scariest place I have ever known for the better part of 4 years. I was angry everyday, ALL DAY. I was the unhappiest person I have ever known. And all because--I thought that my love for him, and his love for me, would make him change, and I couldn't understand why it wasn't working!

While with me (I consider us separated although we are still in this house together) the love wasn't enough. He chose the alcohol, the porn, the lies. HIS love wasn't enough. Shoot I know mine was! That means that I do think I gave 100%. His opinion may differ, doesn't matter. I loved him without reservation, the love was tested, his contribution failed, in my not so humble opinion. I still view myself as a woman who went into this marriage giving 100% of herself, and he entered the marriage hiding demons, knowing darn well he was hiding them from me, knowing darn well that he wasn't giving 100% of himself.

It's my logic. It certainly isn't his logic, and he'd argue that paragraph, no doubt. But, that's my conclusion. What a wonderful word--conclusion--my mind is made up as to what happened, I don't doubt myself, I don't doubt my view of the reality of it all.

You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and neither did the new woman in his life control it, or fix it. And who knows, he could be back on the bottle next week. The important thing is that you are free of his demons. And don't think they have some storybook romance--the 'ism' of his alcoholism will be a part of him to work through for years to come, if not his entire life.

[You Go Girl]

I doubt I can avoid to get married again ~ simply because I doubt that I have the years to provide for myself in my aging years. I simply don't have the years and the money to go back to WalMart, Sears, JC Penny to

buy all of that crap that I've already bought.

 

But in six years of knowing me? You know for an absolute fact? I never lie to you about anything! (Marines believe in Honor, Integrity and in Keeping thier Honor Clean)

 

No matter the consquenses, the outcome, the hurt I will bring upon myself?

 

I WILL NEVER LIE!

 

Gunny--you doubt you can avoid to get married again? :D

Little slip there?

Aww shoot. You may just find her afterall. Maybe she'll have her own pile of stuff and then you'll have two of everything and going to the stores to buy it all won't even be a concern, you'll be having a yard sale to get rid of duplicates.

You'll have your gal and a pitcher of iced tea on the porch. Simple best things in life desires like those do come to people who want them--because they're not unreasonable, over the top, ego trip requests. Life's simple pleasures are the ones to aspire for.

You may decide to invite her for a glass of tea, or she may just come up to you and ask for one (especially if she feels you are too slow to ask her and she's waited long enough for an invitation!) And then something will start that will be grounded in a reality of a fine discussion over a glass of tea...and will go from there. I think there's a woman in gunny's future!

 

And must remark on the honesty --I too can't say enough about the value of honesty. The world is so full of people that go down the wrong path, take others with them, and the sad thing about it is that the honest path is still the only truth in their lives, no matter how long they avoid it. I can overlook a lot of flaws in life, but as I tell people, but lie to me!!!!!!!! grrr the wrath of me will swoop down in avengeance and fight the good fight, for truth, because I won't have anyone wasting my time nor even sit quietly while they waste their own--they will hear my opinion on that. And I've finally found that peace that once I reveal the truth, out their lie, I will walk away peacefully. State my peace, and move on back to my path--an honest one. At that point they may do with their life, their lies, their truth, as they wish. But I won't be going down their path of lies with them, uh huh!

[trippi1432]

You know Trippi--I see you beating yourself up AS IF! AS IF you could have done something different, and the ex would have stopped drinking while with you instead of now with her.

Furgitaboutit!

 

 

Thanks for the feedback YGG - and every situation is different. I don't really look at my situation as beating myself up, not even a defeatist positioning. An AS IF would be the same thing as a WHAT IF....what if I had been a better wife, mother, what if he had stopped drinking....etc would things have been different? Maybe, maybe be...not something I can control or take back now. And it's not living with a remorse, but living with the God-given RIGHT to find myself and be happy within without needing a man in my life to do that. Yeah, that's not easy, but I see a huge need for true compatibility and a soul-mate in my future...not just someone to fill a need.

 

A few weeks ago, my STBXH told me to just open my eyes to the world around me and I could see how to be happy. We just realized that we knew we couldn't do that for each other. I can't say that either of us gave 100% percent to our marriage or relationship. Honestly, I don't think we did and it was because we truly were not meant to be together. I saw potential in him, he saw a woman who wasn't afraid of working for a living....exact words....not going to lie. But where was there love, respect, giving and taking...compatibility...it was never there.

 

It's not about giving up, it's about giving into what I control now...me. I know right now it seems easy to feel jaded, but eventually, that will change when a better man comes along or when you find the real you.

[Gunny376]

Gunny--you doubt you can avoid to get married again? :D

Little slip there?

Aww shoot. You may just find her afterall. Maybe she'll have her own pile of stuff and then you'll have two of everything and going to the stores to buy it all won't even be a concern, you'll be having a yard sale to get rid of duplicates.

You'll have your gal and a pitcher of iced tea on the porch. Simple best things in life desires like those do come to people who want them--because they're not unreasonable, over the top, ego trip requests. Life's simple pleasures are the ones to aspire for.

You may decide to invite her for a glass of tea, or she may just come up to you and ask for one (especially if she feels you are too slow to ask her and she's waited long enough for an invitation!) And then something will start that will be grounded in a reality of a fine discussion over a glass of tea...and will go from there. I think there's a woman in gunny's future!

 

And must remark on the honesty --I too can't say enough about the value of honesty. The world is so full of people that go down the wrong path, take others with them, and the sad thing about it is that the honest path is still the only truth in their lives, no matter how long they avoid it. I can overlook a lot of flaws in life, but as I tell people, but lie to me!!!!!!!! grrr the wrath of me will swoop down in avengeance and fight the good fight, for truth, because I won't have anyone wasting my time nor even sit quietly while they waste their own--they will hear my opinion on that. And I've finally found that peace that once I reveal the truth, out their lie, I will walk away peacefully. State my peace, and move on back to my path--an honest one. At that point they may do with their life, their lies, their truth, as they wish. But I won't be going down their path of lies with them, uh huh!

 

 

Perhaps I'm strange but at 53? I wamt that hug, that snuggle, that smile, that smile across the breakfast table.

 

Don't get me wrong? Sex is still a great way to start the day and to end the day? But that cup of coffee with some hazelmut creamer setting on the swing in the morning, with the song birds chirrping and singing in the oak trees!

 

Carolina in the morning in the Spring!

 

Like I said, its not having sex for a half or two thirds of an hour of a day? But what you do with the other 23 or 24 hours of each day.

 

I wished Dawn and I could have made it work out. But I had to make it back it back to Alabama and she couldn't make the move. I couldn't give up my family and she couldn't give up hers.

[You Go Girl]

Perhaps I'm strange but at 53? I wamt that hug, that snuggle, that smile, that smile across the breakfast table.

 

Don't get me wrong? Sex is still a great way to start the day and to end the day? But that cup of coffee with some hazelmut creamer setting on the swing in the morning, with the song birds chirrping and singing in the oak trees!

 

Carolina in the morning in the Spring!

 

Like I said, its not having sex for a half or two thirds of an hour of a day? But what you do with the other 23 or 24 hours of each day.

 

I wished Dawn and I could have made it work out. But I had to make it back it back to Alabama and she couldn't make the move. I couldn't give up my family and she couldn't give up hers.

 

You take care of that smile across the breakfast table, and the sex will take care of itself and never become an issue.

You and I get it...the young'uns usually don't yet.

Ah, the joys of wisdom and getting those laugh lines!

 

I'd start a thread on this but it would be in the wrong forum, and rather off topic, but I don't know where I'm going to be in a few years. I have my cottage on the lake, but my choices will be open. One thing I've never experienced is the southern lifestyle. I am going to a family reunion in NC this summer, and I'm going to take a harder look at it. I wonder, maybe I'll sell the cottage in a few years and head on down where it's warmer, even though the bugs are HUGE. Toying with ideas of what to do with my life. Thought about the western life, Montana or some place,then thought the really cold winters and lack of antiques to find and sell crosses that one off the list! Shoot...I was having cowboy fantasies for a minute there....

 

What I want to find is the simple life. I think that's what you're talking about. I'm at the age where I can appreciate that, and know it's the only answer perhaps.

[You Go Girl]

You know Trippi--I see you beating yourself up AS IF! AS IF you could have done something different, and the ex would have stopped drinking while with you instead of now with her.

Furgitaboutit!

 

 

Thanks for the feedback YGG - and every situation is different. I don't really look at my situation as beating myself up, not even a defeatist positioning. An AS IF would be the same thing as a WHAT IF....what if I had been a better wife, mother, what if he had stopped drinking....etc would things have been different? Maybe, maybe be...not something I can control or take back now. And it's not living with a remorse, but living with the God-given RIGHT to find myself and be happy within without needing a man in my life to do that. Yeah, that's not easy, but I see a huge need for true compatibility and a soul-mate in my future...not just someone to fill a need.

 

A few weeks ago, my STBXH told me to just open my eyes to the world around me and I could see how to be happy. We just realized that we knew we couldn't do that for each other. I can't say that either of us gave 100% percent to our marriage or relationship. Honestly, I don't think we did and it was because we truly were not meant to be together. I saw potential in him, he saw a woman who wasn't afraid of working for a living....exact words....not going to lie. But where was there love, respect, giving and taking...compatibility...it was never there.

 

It's not about giving up, it's about giving into what I control now...me. I know right now it seems easy to feel jaded, but eventually, that will change when a better man comes along or when you find the real you.

 

Well Gunny and I both seem to think you are beating yourself up! Maybe we see something you don't...or then again, maybe we're not reading you as we should.

I think eventually you find somebody else who gets it. Gets that it is the simple respect, love, giving and taking. With those, perhaps the compatibility works itself out, because the priorities are already straight!

 

I didn't give up on my H either. I gave in to letting him be who he is. He didn't have those values mentioned above. So he can find his way, and I'll find mine. Maybe he'll find a way to make it all work without those values. I wouldn't know how.

So what is true compatibility? Maybe it's those values above for me, and you, or maybe, just maybe, they are universal values that are larger truths that simply can't be toyed with, manipulated, abused. Maybe in the law of love, they're non-negotiable no matter who the people are.

[Gunny376]

Both sets of Grandparents had less that a sixth grade education. Most of my relatives dropped out with less than a seventh grade education. I'm one of few that graduated from HS let alone attend college.

 

When I retired from tha' Corps my intention was to go to college and then law school.

 

Fifteen years later? Its to find a piece of ground, build a simple house, and live a simple life!

 

There's a lot to be said for living a simple life. I'm not a "tree-hugger" but I was raised by grandparents that got married in 1922, went through the Great Depression, sent three sons off to WWII and one to Korea.

 

My Aunts and Uncles bought my GM an electric stove. She seldom used it because she was so use to cooking off a wood burning stove. She burnt everything up using the electric one.

 

Me? Myself and I? I've lived one Hell of a Life! Been here, there and everywhere.

 

Really no regrets!

 

Wished I'd known thirty years ago what I know now ~ but such is life!

 

But yea? I'm ready for the simple life. Sitting on the porch swing, drinking coffee or drinking sweet tea. Having the smile of a good woman, the touch of the same. The faithfulness and devotion of the same.

 

And not to compare the two, but a good dog or two, (a daschund ~ their such the clowns of the dog family) a Labrador Retriever and just because I'm a retired Marine? An English Bulldog (The official mascot of the U. S Marines) named Gunny

 

Shawshank Redemption? 20 years in the Corps? Institutionalized?

 

Montana, New Mexico, the Carolinas, Mexico?

 

Yea its time to get on the bus ~ the Big Grey Dog!

 

Get busy living or get busy dying!

[trippi1432]

You know Trippi--I see you beating yourself up AS IF! AS IF you could have done something different, and the ex would have stopped drinking while with you instead of now with her.

Furgitaboutit!

 

Well Gunny and I both seem to think you are beating yourself up! Maybe we see something you don't...or then again, maybe we're not reading you as we should.

I think eventually you find somebody else who gets it. Gets that it is the simple respect, love, giving and taking. With those, perhaps the compatibility works itself out, because the priorities are already straight!

 

I didn't give up on my H either. I gave in to letting him be who he is. He didn't have those values mentioned above. So he can find his way, and I'll find mine. Maybe he'll find a way to make it all work without those values. I wouldn't know how.

So what is true compatibility? Maybe it's those values above for me, and you, or maybe, just maybe, they are universal values that are larger truths that simply can't be toyed with, manipulated, abused. Maybe in the law of love, they're non-negotiable no matter who the people are.

 

I appreciate what you are saying, but maybe I am saying it in a way that is not being understood. It's not placing blame on myself, it's just saying that there are times when two people are truly not compatible, bring out the worst in each other.....that is what my ex and I did. It's not beating myself up to see him living the life he wanted to live with someone else, it's acceptance that he always knew what he wanted. If it were an OW, yes, there would still be some angst there in a way, but it's the fact that he wanted to simplify his life and he is doing it.

 

This has worked to my favor as well, with him out of the picture, my life has become much more simple as well. Now that things have simmered down, it's time for me to learn more about the real me so I will know when the right man comes along. First time, shame on you....second time shame on me....what do you call the next one....:o:o Insanity!! LOL!! It's not about being emotionally detached, it's about letting someone live their own life by the choices that they made. Be those bad or good. I put a positive spin on the fact that he is happy, but I would not want him back, because I would worry that things would go back to the same old way. I am not the her that brought the good out in him.

 

It's not really about what you and Gunny are thinking, it's settling for better things by knowing who I really am, by finding someone who enjoys the same things I do....it's not really about settling for less, it's about expecting more out of myself as well as anyone else that I get into a relationship with.

Edited May 27, 2010 by trippi1432