HowCouldShe Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 (edited) Well i've posted my story in another thread awhile back but I wanted to give those a quick summary who don't already know.... Story: Dated a girl. She accidently got pregnant 3 months into the relationship. I really did fall in love with her and tried my hardest to make it work. We got a house, I got a better paying job, went back to school fulltime... etc. Our baby comes in January of this year and she packs up w/ my baby boy and leaves 2 weeks later. This didn't come out of nowhere. There was constant arguments throughout the relationship. We said we would do counseling in November for the baby, never did. What made it so bad is that she has been diagnosed bi polar and wasn't able to take her anti-psychotic medication during the pregnancy. This led to HELL. During the relationship she cheated on me w/ an ex. Technically she doesn't think it was cheating...but since we were only broke up for 1 day, I do. She also, started talking intimately with a guy from her work last summer. When I questioned her about it, she said they were just friends. Fast forward, 5 months later, we are in the middle of a custody battle. She leaves my baby boy in the hands of her new boyfriend alone. She's now "in love" with the guy who she was talking to last summer and has made him her whole world. My parents do the daycare and I have to see this guy with her everytime I drop my son off on Sundays. (I get my son every weekend btw) I'm in therapy because i'm also dealing with a dependency/abandonment disorder (which is why i'm the type of person that would stay w/ someone like that) as well as the loss of my family that I so desperately wanted and tried to do everything right for. The ex says I am verbally/emotionally abusive (which is why she said she left) but my therapist tells me that my ex is what you would call borderline personality disorder and not to look too deep into what she tells me because she projects what SHE did onto me to relieve herself of the guilt. ANYWAYS.... Here iam... A codependent person missing (and yes I still miss her after everything she's done) someone who has BPD. She's always starting arguments with me so I had to block her on txt msges because it was ruining the time I had with my son. I have kept the regular line open for emergencies/logitistics (dates, times, etc. for our son) And right in the middle of it all is my baby boy. Only 4.5 months old and I just thank god every day that he isn't old enough to know what is going on. I have hired a good lawyer and I am going for full custody. Things are really starting to get nasty between us. At one point she was my best friend and now we can't even talk without arguing. I offered to seek counseling for us so that we could get along for my son's sake. She showed up, and 2 minutes later we were argueing. She left before the appointment ever began. Ever since she started dating this guy from work she has neglected to tell me about pediatrician appointments, left my son alone w/ this guy, and had him call me from private numbers. It's hell because I can't beat the piss out of this guy or i'll lose my custody case and all future with my son but she throws him in my face (figuretively) at every chance she gets. It's funny (well sad really....) When I found out she got pregnant last summer all I wanted to do was step up and be a man about things and take care of her. But it all went to ****. I guess the road to hell really was paved with good intentions. I guess I dont have a question of sorts just wanted to vent and wonder if anyone out there has ever been in a situation like mine. Words of encouragement would be kind of nice too. It hurts to know that our relationship wasn't even worth counseling to her but then again i'm dealing with someone who is mentally ill. But then again, i'm also sick because of my dependency disorder. I just assumed that when you have a child it might be worth ONE shot. (and yes, I did get a paternity test... and he is in fact mine.) Edited May 26, 2010 by HowCouldShe
xpaperxcutx Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I'm not a lawyer ( although I'm certain someone with a law degree will comment) but wouldn't a judge grant custody to the most stable parent? I know it's common for judges to grant custody to the mother, but if a psychologist or medical records are brought into the case, I would think the judge would rule in your favor? Anyways, I can't give any definite advice but I hope your lawyer is good enough to look for loopholes. In the meantime, continue with therapy, and work on your problems. As far as the ex is concerned, you're only reminded of her because of your boy. I can however tell you that you'll make a great father.
Author HowCouldShe Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 I'm not a lawyer ( although I'm certain someone with a law degree will comment) but wouldn't a judge grant custody to the most stable parent? I know it's common for judges to grant custody to the mother, but if a psychologist or medical records are brought into the case, I would think the judge would rule in your favor? Anyways, I can't give any definite advice but I hope your lawyer is good enough to look for loopholes. In the meantime, continue with therapy, and work on your problems. As far as the ex is concerned, you're only reminded of her because of your boy. I can however tell you that you'll make a great father. So far she's been granted full temporary custody. That was a mistake on my part because I didn't hire a good enough lawyer at first. She's also playing the "abused" woman card even though i've never laid a hand on her. The closest I ever came was when I came home from work one day and found out that she had sent our dog and cat away to the humane society because she said she couldn't handle all the stress with a new baby. I was pissed to say the least because I never got to say goodbye to them and i'm a HUGE animal lover. Not to mention I was the one who took care of them. Anyways, when I found out I was pissed and kicked a clothes hamper and knocked a towel out of her hand. Not my best moment but I never touched her. I wasn't raised that way. Anyway, with this abuse card she's playing she was able to get temporary full custody. I've sinced got a better lawyer and have decided to fight back for my son. I'm truly scared for his life if she manages to win this custody case.
Author HowCouldShe Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 so yeah.... any help would be truly appreciated....
silic0ntoad Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Sometimes it takes a while to get quality advice. Here's mine. When you're not with your son, work on you. What YOU genuinely WANT to do. Not for anyone but yourself. When it comes to custody, get a good lawyer and bust her ass with the BPD card. That can lead to neglect in the future. Otherwise, try to do for you and the kid. This other guy isn't even worth your time. He'll get his from her eventually.
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