bhobel123 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. We lived together for the past 6 months. We had a few moments here and there, but our relationship was good and strong otherwise. After a year of dating, I was laid off a job and had a pretty rough 2009. Towards the end of 2009 I decided to take on a new career in fire fighting and paramedic. I love this girl more than anything, and she knows me better then anyone in the world. When she moved it it got kind of hectic. There was not fighting or arguing, but it got stressful. We were both making a lot of decisions and I was having a hard time giving energy to the relationship. Wanting to give her so much more, but I was not able to. Which I think most relationships will go through at some point. She was wanting to move, and I did not want to hold her back and told her if she gets a job she should go. We mutually agreed on taking a break and focusing on ourselves. And she got the job and moved to Seattle a week ago. About 2 days before she left I was really regretting not committing to making the move with her, and that is all I want to do now. Is make the move out there with her and have a life with her. She knows how I feel, but is sticking to the idea of focusing on ourselves. She said it actually kind of hurts that after 2 or 3 months of low energy relationship, that I am expressing myself so much. When she left it triggered so many deep thoughts and feelings. These are all things I felt in the past, but this was reality. She told me on the phone the other night when she got there, to get my **** together! She misses me and still loves me but needs some time and space. I am asking for some advice. Did I make a mistake and let her go? Is it on her terms now? Do I try to continue to look for jobs in Seattle and come up with a solid game plan and show her that I want to make the move and to get our relationship going agian, or is it all on her?
DustySaltus Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 One thing i've learned is that you cannot let other people define your happiness. You HAVE to be happy with yourself before you can be with anyone else. I've given up everything to be with someone I cared about and it wasn't enough. Unless the issues that lead to the mutual breakup are corrected a second chance won't work. Do you really picture yourself in Seattle with her? Do you think you could get a job as a paramedic over there? Is she the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? No one can expect you to be at 100% every single day of the relationship. It's impossible to know what you should be doing to support you partner at every second of the day. Sometimes we care about the other person so much we want to try to be perfect and we get wrapped up in ourselves. All I can tell you is that if you feel that she truly does love you and you love her, you're going to have to go and tell her. I believe everyone deserves a second chance under the right circumstances. But DO NOT go if you feel that being in Seattle is more about a temporary fix than a long term solution. That's where you will be for a while. Take some time to really see if you are ok with that. Do or do not, there is no try. Good luck.
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