I was too clingy. I have changed and want her back. How can I do this?

[ClinicallyFrustrated]

I was seeing this girl for about 3 months and things were going amazingly. We were crazy about each other and fell for each other very hard, very quick. She had a boyfriend for 2.5 yrs, broke up w/him after he went to college, was w/another guy for 4 months before he cheated on her, and then she came to me. I had always liked this girl through high school and we were friends at school for 3 years before we started "seeing eachother". We were never an official couple because she was never ready, but I always pushed it on her a little bit.

 

We were never out of touch. Always texting when we weren't together and she didn't have a problem w/it. After 3 months though things got weird. She got very distant and didn't feel like hanging out anymore. I got a text right before we were supposed to hang out saying "Im sorry but I just haven't been feeling it lately." I immediately panicked and started begging/pleading for her not to end it like this because it would be a waste to ruin what we had and all that. Now that I look at the texts I sent her a month ago, I'm just embarrassed. I know why she was put off. I gave her too much of me at once and I was too available for her. I realized this after she said she needed some "space". It has been a month since we hung out, but we've been texting a little bit during that time.(mostly initiated by me). The past week it has been me texting her first so I decided to go no contact for a little bit. It's been 2 days and have heard nothing. I still see her at school and stop by her locker on my way to one of my classes but that's it.

 

A week or 2 ago I asked "do you even like me anymore?" and she replied "yes". But when I see/talk to her at school it doesn't seem like it. She always used to smile when I talked to her and now its nothing. I miss her SO much and just want her back. I love this girl. She's all I've been thinking about the month even when I've been busy. I've realized what I did wrong and I just want another shot w/her. She said that she always had a crush on me throughout high school (we're seniors now) and I always did too. This is the girl of my dreams. I can't even look at another girl w/out comparing them to her and none of them come even close.

 

My goal is to get her back. I NEED her back. I can't go on w/out knowing what we would have become. But I was too clingy.. How do I let her know that I have changed? We saw Dear John on our first date. She's babysitting next weekend and the weekend after that so I was thinking of asking her to see another movie like that when she isn't babysitting. We graduate in 3 weeks btw. This was my first real relationship and I have learned so much from it. I just want her to know that so I can have another shot. SHE came to ME 4 months ago and I played hard to get. When she finally had me, I made things too easy for her and she lost interest. I get it. I annoyed her w/my constant attention toward her and I have learned from this. What do I do? Is it too late for the no contact rule to work in my favor?

[WTRanger]

You don't need her back. What you need is to move on with your life. You've learned lessons that you can apply to someone new. Plus, a few months isn't going to really change you. By saying that you need to get her back, you are showing that you are still overly clingy. If you did learn anything, you'd know that you don't need her back. You haven't really changed. You understand things better, but as soon as you could you would revert back to your old self. There simply hasn't been enough time for what you realize to actually sink in and change you behavior.

 

No contact isn't some game to win someone back. It's for you to heal and YOU alone. No contact, at minimum is 90 days or 3 months. Only then can you actually make rational decisions.

 

You and her are both young. You have a lot of life to live, so get out there and start living. Experience new loves, and put this on in the past folder.

[ClinicallyFrustrated]

Idk. I can't help but think of her as the one that got away... I shouldn't have said I "need" her, but I do WANT her. badly. It hurts not knowing what she is thinking/IF she is thinking about us, but I cant control that. I eve told her "I cant force you to feel the same way about me again, but I hope you do." There's no doubt I will always have feelings for this girl, but right now I just feel rejected. It's like letting a dog sniff a cookie and then taking it away from him right away. She didnt WANT to tease me, but she did. It would help if she could at least communicate w/me on what she thinks went wrong so I could at least have some closure, but I dont even have that. I'm still just...nowhere. In this "break". Idk what to even call it anymore, but I'd like us to still remain friends. I care about her too much to cut her out of my life.

[WTRanger]

A few things..

 

How can you even begin to think she was the fabled "one" when you aren't even a wet behind the ears adult yet? You aren't even out of high school. You have so much life ahead of you to try to figure things out. If she was "the one" she'd feel the same about you, don't you think? You are acting like this is the end of your life, which is typical for young people. It's not. Move on, live your life to the fullest. What are your plans post high school? Focus on those.

 

You were a rebound to her. Plain and simple. It explains everything. She needed the male attention, and you fit the bill. She used you, when she was done she took the cowards way out.

 

Forget friends. That's just stupid. You have too many feelings to just be friends. Can you handle her dating in front of you? Can you handle her kissing another man? Can you handle her talking about another man, even in a sexual way? If you even hesitated to answer those questions, you are clearly not just a "friend." You are willing to sacrifice your manhood to put yourself in a holding pattern with her in the hopes that she'll finally fall for you. If you want to do this, donate your penis to charity so someone can actually put it to use.

 

What you did was a semi-natural response to when you think you might lose something you care about. Don't overly beat yourself up. You didn't want her to leave, and you tried to stop it. Maybe you went a bit overboard, but you learn from it. You learn that when someone checks out as she did, nothing you can do will bring them around.

 

Just move on.