bluesboy Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I've been faithfully dating this girl for about 14 months. We're in love but I can't get over her past. I'm naturally insecure and passive, but so is she. My mind pictures her with other guys and such all the time and it makes me, quite literally, sick. I don't know what to do. I can't talk to her about it because she feels similarly. But even that is unfair. She's been with about 5 guys before me, and I've been with just one girl before her. I feel like I can't breath sometimes... Worse off, a couple of the guys from her past text her or call occasionally. She generally ignores them when I'm there or texts back in a cold way, but I'm afraid that when I'm not there she may be more receptive. Now, I trust her completely, but this is all so much... Any advice?
amymarieca Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 The problem is not her, it's you. Five guys is not a lot and you can't expect that there is a woman who exists that does not have a past. If you are worried about her comparing them to you, I will put it to you this way- I've been with 40+ men and I don't recall once ever comparing them in my head. It seems like a waste of time to me.
sagetalk Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 5 is not alot, but it's not all that small either depending on her age. If these guys are still texting her I would be very upset. Have her change her number or get another phone. Any guy she has had sex with is bad news for you.
jenifer1972 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 There have been I think 3 threads lately about this topic, and the issue here, as one poster enlightened the rest of us, is something called 'retroactive jealousy'. Check it out. Some good advice in those threads.
MyNameIsJane Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 What kind of texting is it? I have been in a faithful relationship in the past 12 months and have been with much more than five guys (4 serious past relationships). So I have had past men text me or call me before... is it a call to go out/hang out... do they share many mutual friends? do they see one another in social situations? These are all things to keep in mind. The fact is... she isn't with her exs for a reason - and she has been with you for 14 months for a reason. The older we get, the more everyone has a past. It is normal.
Mimolicious Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I've been faithfully dating this girl for about 14 months. We're in love but I can't get over her past. I'm naturally insecure and passive, but so is she. My mind pictures her with other guys and such all the time and it makes me, quite literally, sick. I don't know what to do. I can't talk to her about it because she feels similarly. But even that is unfair. She's been with about 5 guys before me, and I've been with just one girl before her. I feel like I can't breath sometimes... Worse off, a couple of the guys from her past text her or call occasionally. She generally ignores them when I'm there or texts back in a cold way, but I'm afraid that when I'm not there she may be more receptive. Now, I trust her completely, but this is all so much... Any advice? This is the real problem. Her past still having some involvement. Sweetie, everyone is going to have a past, so there is nothing you can do about making that disappear. What you can control is what those past BF's are doing in the present with your GF. Tell her how this makes you feel and take it from there. You would carry these insecurities into other relationships if you don't address them now.
Scarlett513 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Everyone has a past. The important thing is that she is with you now, and hopefully, faithful. My concern would be with the contact she keeps with her exes. I understand there are a lot of differing opinions on appropriate contact with exes, but as far as I'm concerned, exes should be in the past. There are exceptions of course but as a general rule I wouldn't be happy with my SO keeping in contact with his previous partners. The only way for her to know that this is bothering you would be to be honest with her and have a frank discussion about it.
brainygirl Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I agree with scarlett, she can't know if it bothers you if you don't (calmly) talk with her about it. Also, there may be reasons she is still in contact. (are you in school, same social circles, work, projects, kids ect)
Green Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 The 5 guy thing wouldn't bother me to much... not really much of a past... There were some girls I dated where I never even found out how many guys they had been with... The thing about random dudes txting her is pretty weird though. You just need to talk to her about all this. Don't be afraid to say something like "I'm not cool with random guys txting you, I really feel disrespected by it... how would you like it if I had random girls txting me?" DOn't be afraid to leave this girl if its whats best for you
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