Author Butchannon Posted May 29, 2010 Author Posted May 29, 2010 I miss my girlfriend and daughter so much I am so sorry for telling her to leave... If I wouldn't have done that we would be still together... I think that I should control my feelings more... And now I am alone... Without them...
Author Butchannon Posted May 30, 2010 Author Posted May 30, 2010 (edited) I am thinking... Maybe I should have taken in account that we have a child together and that's why I shouldn't have told her to leave. But I was so angry... I reacted impulsively, I admit it... And I feel a great remorse now... Edited May 30, 2010 by Butchannon
xxoo Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 What, and accept her behavior? Just take it because you have a child together? No, that's not the right choice. We are only hearing you side. I start wondering when you say you should "control" your feelings more--is there more to this than you are saying? Did you hurt her/threaten her? That would be a game changer... But if this is as straightforward as you are suggesting, then you need to stay strong and focus on getting fair custody of your child. Your girlfriend will never respect you if you take her back under these conditions. You will never have the happy little family you crave. If you stay strong, she may come to you in time--and you can consider taking her back under YOUR conditions (counseling, transparency, putting you before her parents, etc).
Author Butchannon Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 We are only hearing you side. I start wondering when you say you should "control" your feelings more--is there more to this than you are saying? Did you hurt her/threaten her? That would be a game changer... No, with controlling my feelings I just mean that I shouldn't say her to leave. That is all I have done. I said that because I was angry. I should have immediately talked to her and worked things out. But I told her to leave and I was prepared to talked about the next day. But they didn't understand why I told her to leave and they found that cruel. All the people asked me what I did to her that they have now such behavior.
Author Butchannon Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 Do you think there is a possibility her parents will get over it?
stillafool Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I can see my daughter only once per week for 8 hours. What!? She cheated on you and you can only get 8 hours once a week to see your daughter? I don't understand this.
stillafool Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 We have a daughter together... I think that every responsible mother would try to reconcile especially if it was her fault... But I think that I meant and mean nothing to her obviously. Even if she didn't want to reconcile with you she should allow you more time with your daughter for her daughter's sake. Can't you sue for more custody time?
stillafool Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Do you think there is a possibility her parents will get over it? Dude, the point is your gf cheated on you. She may do it again. Are these things your gf told you her parents said or did you hear them say it? How do you know your ex isn't still seeing the guy she was f--king when you two were together? Maybe she is using her parents as an excuse and really doesn't want to come back. Afterall she is only 23 years old and may want to date around.
Author Butchannon Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 Even if she didn't want to reconcile with you she should allow you more time with your daughter for her daughter's sake. Can't you sue for more custody time? Yes, I can sue, but before that I am trying to reconcile. We have got a document from a social center where it describes I can see her on Saturdays from 10 am till 6 pm. I must be in her room.
Author Butchannon Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 Dude, the point is your gf cheated on you. She may do it again. Are these things your gf told you her parents said or did you hear them say it? How do you know your ex isn't still seeing the guy she was f--king when you two were together? Maybe she is using her parents as an excuse and really doesn't want to come back. Afterall she is only 23 years old and may want to date around. Her parents told me that I am cruel for doing those things to her. And they don't wanna talk to me anymore.
Author Butchannon Posted June 1, 2010 Author Posted June 1, 2010 I think I have overreacted... I feel so guilty
Owl Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I think you need to man up a little bit here. What's happening is her parent's are manipulating this entire situation, and you're sitting there accepting it, and even learning to embrace it. She cheated, several times at the beginning of the relationship. That's all you need to know. She cheated when the relationship should have been at it's peak, emotionally. When the rosy "in love" feelings should have been flowing, she was already unfaithful. There are no bigger red flag indicators of an unhealthy relationship partner than this. I agree with the other posters. There is no way that you will EVER have a healthy relationship with this woman. It's not going to happen. She is not capable of it. With her parent's still ruling her life, and dictating her every action and feeling...you'll never have a stable relationship with her. Given that she's also a serial cheater, who did so EARLY in the marriage... This just isn't viable. Man up...recognize the situation for what it is...and cut your losses and walk away. Sure, you may have to pay child support for you daughter. But given that, you need to also INSIST on visitation rights...and the negotiation of these rights alongside the child support needs to be handled by the proper legal means. Go back and reread the bolded parts again. Then think about what life is going to be like with this woman (and her parents) long term. Then call your lawyer.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Owl's words are wise & true - mull them over. I wish you luck moving forward.
stillafool Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Yes, I can sue, but before that I am trying to reconcile. We have got a document from a social center where it describes I can see her on Saturdays from 10 am till 6 pm. I must be in her room. I doubt she wants to come back to you. You need to face facts that this is a young woman who wants to date around. I'll bet you anything she is dating now. She is back home with her parents acting like a teenager, has a built in babysitter and she probably doesn't want the restraints of a marriage anymore. Now you have to think about your daughter instead of your wife. If you know you can sue for more time with your daughter that is what you need to be working on instead of trying to get back a cheater. She will probably give you more time with your daughter without a suit because then she will have more free time for herself.
stillafool Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I think I have overreacted... I feel so guilty You did not overreact and shouldn't feel guilty about anything. She cheated on you and you were right to make her leave.
Author Butchannon Posted June 2, 2010 Author Posted June 2, 2010 (edited) ............ Edited June 2, 2010 by Butchannon
Author Butchannon Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 (edited) She said she will talk to her parents and in 1 week she will move in with me and our daughter... I think she won't be able to do this... Some friends don't wanna talk with me anymore because all I can talk about is this situation... I have very little support now... Even mum told me it is my fault that situation is like that because I told her to leave... I have a question: If she really loved me would she come to my place and ask to reconcile? Edited June 24, 2010 by Butchannon
scatterd Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 She cheated you had the right to ask her to leave.I get the feeling your girl friend has said many things to make you the bad guy.Her parents are letting her know its OK to cheat.Go to a attorney get your rights to see your daughter.It sounds like she is not ready to grow up and be her own person yet.Parents stick by their children but wrong is wrong.Take care of you and your daughter she needs to take responsibility for cheating Good Luck
Author Butchannon Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 My mother doesn't support me when it comes to suing her for custody. She said that mother is important to child and that I shouldn't sue her. I think that joint-custody is fair because child deserves to be with both parents. My mother thinks that things now are OK. I am 8 hours a week with daughter and she finds that OK. It's said I don't really have any support from my family members... I will be alone in all that... I think that I did nothing wrong and that me as father has some rights... She cheated on me and if that's the reason our daughter has no father... I don't think it's a good reason...
Author Butchannon Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 She is cheating on me again!!! I found on FB!
hopesndreams Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I am 8 hours a week with daughter and she finds that OK. Of course she finds that OK. You gotta remember, and never forget, her needs come first!! dang it.
Author Butchannon Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 (edited) ............. Edited June 27, 2010 by Butchannon
Joe Normal Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 I think I have overreacted... I feel so guilty Overreacting would be to kidnap them all, stick red hot pokers up their asses, then barbeque them slowly over a bonfire before cannibalizing them whilst still alive. You have UNDERreacted if anything. You need to man up, grow a set, and show them who's boss.
Joe Normal Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 She is cheating on me again!!! I found on FB! A leopard can't change its spots.
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