OnlyJake Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I have a friend who has been with her BF for 2 or 3 years. The BF had a live-in GF that he dated for a few months before he started dating my friend. The ex-GF still gets important mail (not junk mail) delivered to the BF's house. My friend HATES it, because her BF then hand delivers all the mail to the ex-GF. She wants to know why the hell the ex hasn't done a change of address. Her BF says that she has, but it's the government, and they're slow (obviously not THAT slow, come on it's been like 3 years, and they want their money!!). In other words, chances are the ex hasn't done it and BF is in denial defending her. I told my friend that when she gets the mail (she lives with her BF) she should just write "Not at this address" and send it back. She won't do it because she's afraid her BF will get angry if he finds out. What would you do? Are there other options? She has already told her BF that she wants him to stop delivering the mail to his ex.
Author OnlyJake Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Nice guys get the short end of the stick There are no nice guys in this story, unless you're referring to my friend. True story, I think she's too nice - I suspect her BF is spinning it so she's being petty for not liking him delivering mail for the ex.
FitChick Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 When I occasionally get mail for someone who isn't me, I write "Return to Sender, not at this address." If you know her address, go to the PO and fill out one of those change of address cards for her.
CLC2008 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I have a friend who has been with her BF for 2 or 3 years. The BF had a live-in GF that he dated for a few months before he started dating my friend. The ex-GF still gets important mail (not junk mail) delivered to the BF's house. My friend HATES it, because her BF then hand delivers all the mail to the ex-GF. She wants to know why the hell the ex hasn't done a change of address. Her BF says that she has, but it's the government, and they're slow (obviously not THAT slow, come on it's been like 3 years, and they want their money!!). In other words, chances are the ex hasn't done it and BF is in denial defending her. I told my friend that when she gets the mail (she lives with her BF) she should just write "Not at this address" and send it back. She won't do it because she's afraid her BF will get angry if he finds out. What would you do? Are there other options? She has already told her BF that she wants him to stop delivering the mail to his ex. She can have her mail automatically forwarded via the usps.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 3 years? That's a lame excuse. I think he's just lazy. I have letters delivered to me for my old neighbor but it's been like more than 5 years... So I'm pretty lazy myself. But yeah, the girlfriend does have a say because it involves the ex.
Author OnlyJake Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 She can have her mail automatically forwarded via the usps. You mean the current GF can do that for the ex, if she knows the ex's address? Just trying to get other ideas for what's appropriate in this situation. I feel very strongly that she should do SOMETHING, since clearly the other two are happy with things the way they are, but she's afraid to use my suggestion.
Author OnlyJake Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 3 years? That's a lame excuse. I think he's just lazy.. LOL I just think he's too "nice"...since he's doing something nice for the ex at the expense of the current GF.
CLC2008 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 You mean the current GF can do that for the ex, if she knows the ex's address? Just trying to get other ideas for what's appropriate in this situation. I feel very strongly that she should do SOMETHING, since clearly the other two are happy with things the way they are, but she's afraid to use my suggestion. The ex gf, can go to the USPS, and have it done. In other words, there is no valid reason, why old mail is still going to her previous residence to such an extent that an "ex" has to get it and bring it to her.
Mimolicious Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 She can even do this online. Tell her to fill-out the USPS "Change of Address" form. All the mail will be forwarded to the new address. End of story. The exGF can still be using the address (when filling out new paperwork) though. Regardless, anything that is being delivered by USPS with her name will be forwarded.
MyNameIsJane Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 LOL I just think he's too "nice"...since he's doing something nice for the ex at the expense of the current GF. I think he may feel uneasy if the situation was reversed and it was the gf hand delivering mail to her ex. My bf would be unnnnhappy. If it was me, I would return to sender that mail all day and night. If he gets mad at her for it, tell her to tell him to tell his ex (lol) to tell the post office she has moved.
txsilkysmoothe Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Assuming it's the USA, anyone can fill out a new address card and submit it to the post office. Poof - the mail would just stop. The exGF would get it instead. She would know that it had been forwarded. It would be interesting if the BF notices he isn't getting her mail anymore. I'm sorry but I don't understand why the two of them (BF and his EX) are comfortable with the situation. It's almost like their way of maintaining a bond with one another........?
alphamale Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 What would you do? i would go to the united states post office and fill out a change of address form for her. don't do it online cause they ask for a credit card and charge a $1 and the card must be in the name of the person whose mail is being forwarded.
MyNameIsJane Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 i would go to the united states post office and fill out a change of address form for her. don't do it online cause they ask for a credit card and charge a $1 and the card must be in the name of the person whose mail is being forwarded. Why don't they ask for your ID at the post office? anyone could mail their roommate's mail off to Taiwan!
Mimolicious Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 In the US, you can pick it up at the post office, fill it out and give it to your mailman when he comes around. Have done it several times... I moved my business and actually did the request online, not too long ago.
make me believe Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Assuming it's the USA, anyone can fill out a new address card and submit it to the post office. Poof - the mail would just stop. The exGF would get it instead. She would know that it had been forwarded. It would be interesting if the BF notices he isn't getting her mail anymore. I'm sorry but I don't understand why the two of them (BF and his EX) are comfortable with the situation. It's almost like their way of maintaining a bond with one another........? Yeah, the new GF could fill out a change of address card or write "not at this address" on a piece of the ex-gf's mail, but that doesn't address the real problem here. Obviously the problem is that the BF isn't willing to take action to make his GF comfortable. It seems like he doesn't want to step on his ex's toes, or still wants to maintain that little bit of contact with her, just in case. I personally think this is a big problem. The fact that the BF isn't willing to change this situation says a lot. Oh, and the fact that he then hand delivers it to her. Uhh... NO, not ok.
alphamale Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Why don't they ask for your ID at the post office? anyone could mail their roommate's mail off to Taiwan! yea they don't ask for proof but the old address does get a notice the mail will be forwarded
Author OnlyJake Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 (edited) The resolution is: My friend told her BF she's going to the P.O. to do a change of address form for herself (she's been picking up her mail at her place still), would he like her to do one for the ex also. BF said that last time he gave ex her mail she said that she had done a change of address, but if current GF wanted to write "Not at this address" she could. (He doesn't know the ex's current address either.) I do know that the only mail that still goes to the BF's house is stuff from the government (child support, taxes), so I personally think that she didn't do a change of address; she probably just individually changed the address on her bills, as clearly all her other mail is going to her current residence. Now I wonder if he was being difficult before because he was feeling defensive or something. Either way, problem solved. Edited May 26, 2010 by OnlyJake
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