Confusedalways Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I have so many questions! I have been doing a lot of searches on this site but the answers are old, or hard to find. So, here they are: 1. I know people say it's better to meet sooner rather than later, but how many exchanges would be considered "right?" 2. Who suggests meeting? Is this normally done by the man? 3. At what point do you give them alternative contact information, for example personal email, phone numbers, screen names and/or facebook? Is this a natural progression? Do people often offer up this sort of thing, or wait to be asked? Basically I'm in the middle of an exchange with a guy I'm definitely interested in. I'd be fine with giving out my info if he asked but I don't want to be presumptuous in offering it up. Additionally, I contacted him first and therefore don't want to be the one to suggest alternate forms of communication and/or a first actual date. Any other tips or tricks? thanks everyone
FitChick Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Use your intuition. I like to wait until I have most of my questions answered to see if there are any red flags or to catch someone in a lie. Usually if the man is keen he will ask for your phone number. After about three weeks, you could suggest he set up a phone date. I'd never meet someone without talking to them on the phone. You can tell a lot by their voice and manner of speaking.
sagetalk Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 What I've read says three messages then get the number so: message 1: Hi, I read that you like Big Bird, me too! He's definitely the coolest muppet on Sesame Street. Blah blah message 2: I've always felt that chocolate and gummy bears were underrated too. blah blah blah message 3: Hey, I think we really click. I'd like to give you a call sometime and maybe setup a time to meet. That way you're not wasting time on a girl that isn't interested or has way too many guys messaging her. If she won't give the digits up by then, odds are that's all you need to know. She's probably just stringing you along and has alot of other guys to.
Ellezz Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 You could start from befriending with him on facebook, that way you could explore him in real life and it's not too much to ask, I have some facebook friends who I met from dating site too. Or you can use an excuse to exchange emails or phone numbers, like you are busy and can't go to the dating site too often, if he gives you his, then you'll know if he is interested too. It works well, from my own experience. You are probably overthinking about this anyway:p If he is interested too, he wouldn't mind who suggests exchanging other ways of communication. Good luck!
brainygirl Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 first, the answer is different for every situation. I tend to avoid long term emailing back and forth. Two or three back and forths and suggest meeting for coffee to discuss your favorite authors or movies or politics or what ever you can find. I've found that some people will literally string you along for months with no interest in meeting in person. If the goal is a relationship this is a blatant waste of my time. I have suggested meeting and had guys suggest meeting. IT depends on your personality. I tend to be rather blunt and forward because I hate knowing what I want and waiting around for someone else to act, if a guy can't handle being invited for coffee by a woman he isn't the guy for me. I actually tend to be pretty free with my email and phone numbers. Less so with my address of course. I've never had a problem with guys sending my stuff or calling when I didn't want them to. But again, trust the instincts. I am facebooks friends with only a few of the people I've met through online dating. Again, never been a problem.
bac Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I have so many questions! I have been doing a lot of searches on this site but the answers are old, or hard to find. So, here they are: 1. I know people say it's better to meet sooner rather than later, but how many exchanges would be considered "right?" 2. Who suggests meeting? Is this normally done by the man? 3. At what point do you give them alternative contact information, for example personal email, phone numbers, screen names and/or facebook? Is this a natural progression? Do people often offer up this sort of thing, or wait to be asked? 1. It is not about # exchanges, it is about your questions which you want him to answer. The point is that if he answers wrong, there is no reason to meet. As for me, I would send about 4 emails before the first phone conversation. 2.The one who feels ready for the meeting suggests it first. Typically, it is a man because men are ready pretty fast. 3. I give my email when I feel that a guy has some potential for the meeting. In other words, if he is serious/personal about emailing forth and back, you might want to give him your email. It makes online emailing more personal. As for your phone #, you give it before the meeting. In other words, it is good to have a phone conversation before the first meeting. The natural progression is to move forward when you feel ready. Either of you who is first ready for the next step initiates it.
someotherguy Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Don't over-complicate things. Chat over email/IM for a week or so. Personally, my max was a week before moving on to the phone, I don't like to waste time online. Don't play games, if you want him to call you, just give him your darn phone number. It isn't 1955 anymore. After you talk a couple times, you should be meeting for coffee or ice cream or something. Once it's "real world" then you'll know if you want to see him for something more substantial, you know, an actual date.
Author Confusedalways Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 thanks, you're totally right. He gave me his # today, I think I'll call him and not worry about the "rules."
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