scatterd Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I am wondering about when you go MC do they know when someone has cheated how does it come up or is it kept a secret? because I know my husband cheated and he wont admit it.He was going to I think one night he asked me to sit down we need to talk then it ended up not being anything really.what is your opinion?Thanks
Owl Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 My opinion is that he'll lie in front of the marriage counselor just as he's lied to you. And MC without honesty is an expensive waste of time and effort. Doubly so in the face of infidelity. MC won't cause him to admit the truth if he's refusing right now. It also won't create any real improvements in the marriage while he's lying about the affair, either. I personally don't see how reconciliation would be likely in this case, unless something caused him to change his ways and admit the truth.
2sure Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 A MC should be able to facilitate improved communication and relationship skills to you and your H. When that happens, ideally, an envirmoment will exist where he will want and be able to come clean.
Snowflower Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I am wondering about when you go MC do they know when someone has cheated how does it come up or is it kept a secret? I'm assuming when you say "they" you mean the MC. Any MC worth their salt will be able to detect that something big-like infidelity-lies just beneath the surface of your husband. It depends on the MC if they will try to get the WS to divulge the affair in therapy. Sometimes the MC will not force the issue. That being said, MC is pointless if one spouse is keeping such a huge, potentially deal-breaking secret to themselves.
redtail Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I am wondering about when you go MC... I have to go with Owl on this one, MC without complete participation by both, is a complete waste of money. I went to MC after I found out about my (now) ex wife was cheating. She agreed to go but did not participate, thought it was "not doing us any good" and so we quit going, she continued to cheat and I got a divorce. Good Luck!
Author scatterd Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 I could forgive if I knew it was over and he would tell the truth it would take time to build trust but as it is I dont trust.I hate being lied to we have been married 17 years and thats because I trusted him completely its been so hard.I pray everyday he will come clean or something I think hes afraid I will leave.Thanks for your opinions.Will I know if he is taking counseling serious?
anne1707 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 You only get out of MC what you are prepared to put into it. If something as huge as this is being held back then MC will achieve absolutely nothing. The whole point is that MC provides a safe environment for you to talk through and work your way through ALL the problems in your marriage. How can you work on something that is not discussed (let alone deal with issues of honesty and trust).
Author scatterd Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Should I ask him if he plan on putting his all into it or just let it be and hope for the best.I will be completely honest I want it to work wish us luck we go tomarrow.
Owl Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Should I ask him if he plan on putting his all into it or just let it be and hope for the best.I will be completely honest I want it to work wish us luck we go tomarrow. Why ask? Do you think it'll change his participation in MC? Or do you think he'll just keep lying and covering his butt?
redtail Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Should I ask him if he plan on putting his all into it or just let it be and hope for the best.I will be completely honest I want it to work wish us luck we go tomarrow. I wish you the best of luck, I really do. If it were me, I would ask to get his reaction. But, it will give him another opportunity to lie. And I agree with you, the lying is what really sucks, I too hated being lied to. My (ex) wife lied right up to the time I had proof by reading a journal she was keeping. When I confronted her, she said, "how could you?". That was rich, how could I have dared to read her journal about her still bopping some other guy? Please, be honest but also get what you can out of this. You want the truth, you want assurance of fidelity and his commitment to open honest communication. Those should be your goals.
Recommended Posts