weeble78 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Hello my fellow Loveshackers! Question for you guys (or gals!): BF of 6 months dropping hints about moving in together for past month. After one too many hints I call his bluff. We chat about it. He says he wants to but to leave it for another six months/year as he views living together as a precursor to marriage. I say I would like to now, but will wait for six months. Afterwards he keeps saying how excited he is about us getting a place, and what we'll do with it, how things will be etc. Next he starts asking me questions about how many children I want, how I want to bring them up etc. I'm getting a little annoyed. I feel disappointed he isn't at the same stage of commitment as me. I wonder whether I should call things a day and if I wait six months will he still say no. I want to be in a committed relationship which is going somewhere. I feel six months is long enough to know how serious a relationship is. Can anyone relate to this? Does anyone have any advice or opinions on the thoughts I'm voicing? Thanks for reading
You Go Girl Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Me thinks you are rushing things. What's the hurry? 6 months? Do you know how long the eternity of marriage is?
Crazy Magnet Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 First I hope people understand that 6 months in one relationship is not 6 months in another relationship. Some people do the casual thing for the first 4 months, some people jump in right away. That said, the OPs 6 months may not be rushing things for her relationship. I'm basically going through the same thing. Boyfriend of 6 months started dropping hints a few months ago about wanting to live together. I ignored them for a while, then called his bluff. Turns out he wasn't bluffing. We spent the last month talking about living together in great detail. For us, we don't really have another 6 months to wait. It was either move in together when my lease was up this year, or wait an entire year after that. For my BF his rush to get it done this year is that he doesn't want to have to wait until 2011 before we can live together and he can propose (I know, how many women wish they had this problem?!? He knows I'm uncomfortable getting engaged to someone I have never lived with.) The fact that your bf discussing things like kids, etc means the relationship is in fact going somewhere. These are questions that need to be discussed prior to making the commitment to live together. Both of you need to be on the same page about all of the big issues, as well as the smaller ones like division of household duties, etc. Honestly I wish I had until December or so to keep talking about all the big important things, but I don't, so I have to make do with the time line I have been given. Your boyfriend says moving in together is the next step towards marriage and mine said the same thing. You probably need to ask what his time line is with regards to that. I know how you feel though. It's hard to have someone offer something you really really really want, and then tell you that you have to wait another year to get it. Just talk to him about it. Tell him you prefer the 6 month over the 1 year time frame. Give yourselves plenty of time to find the right place, plan the move, talk about the issues.
Author weeble78 Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 Hey crazy magnet and you go girl - thanks for both your responses! I do wonder if things have moved quickly and maybe they have, but we both have been thinking the same thing for a while. We both know we want to think about marriage and children, and that we feel happy and contented together. We've gone through 2 arguments and a few misunderstandings and now know each other a lot better. We had a chat at lunchtime and he said he didn't want to wait a year or even the whole six months. He wants to give it another two/three months (I'm pretty sure this has to do with his new boys' house and the world cup) and then move in, but that if I want to live with my friend first then he would wait. He also said that he's known for a long time how serious he is about me and that it's a permanent thing. I feel it's a good thing to wait a little longer and discuss things through properly, like you said crazy magnet. We've already been talking attitudes to living, children etc, and there's much more to talk about. I'm meeting him later and we'll chat further about it all. I'm excited and a little daunted at the same time, but feel happy. I'm still trying to be a little careful though, and not blow plans with anyone else.
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