OWoman Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Sometimes I think sharing my struggles here actually hinders the recovery process. It's as if posting about my situation, or even reading about the trials and tribulations of others, causes me to focus on the pain even more. Anybody else feel this way? I've not had anything to recover from, so perhaps I don't find it toxic in the same way... but I find that everyone's role here shifts over time. As a noob, people typically come seeking information / advice / support / a community, which they typically find to at least some degree. Their needs change as they act on what they find (or not), and as their circumstances shift and change, and the tone of their posts changes... as does their participation in the threads of others. From using other threads as a springboard to talk about their own situations, they start focusing in on the issues of others, and slowly lose the focus on their own stuff and move into the ranks of the LS sages. People like Reeb, Owl, GEL, HN and others use their experience and insights to shed light for others whose experience may resonate. They've moved from seeking to sharing - and that happens to many, or most, posters over time. Perhaps the OW / OM board starts feeling claustrophobic as you stop defining yourself in terms of the A - and you start clicking around the other areas of LS where you can still chat with friends you've made here, but on lighter, less angsty issues, or perhaps you kill off your username and reinvent yourself as someone new, or perhaps you just take a break and come back when / if you're ready - but it needn't be a trap. And it needn't feel like one. Does LS prolong the agony? For some, perhaps. For others, it prolongs the good stuff, too - there've been several RL friendships started on LS...
Pink_orchid Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 I think that visiting LS can be quite difficult because it is a reminder of the whole thing; the MM, the affair, how it started, how it ended (painfully usually) and how you felt when you first posted on here. I have been trying to get on with my life and do things to put MM out of my head as much as possible... it's been hard... and coming on LS does actually bring thoughts of him and the whole situation into my head. It's been constantly in my head anyway I guess but the forums do take me right back in there. So I have days at a time where I don't look at LS. I feel a little stronger now than I did a couple of months ago (when I first joined) but sometimes I still feel such pain about what happened. But reading about other people's stories has also helped me too. And reading how others are going through the same things - I thought I was the only one left sad and hurt and puzzled and unsure what to do or how to deal with my feelings. Clearly I am not, from what I've read, it's seems very common so in some respects LS has helped me too. I am glad I joined and thanks to everyone who has posted either in response to mine or who has told their stories on here, it's a pretty brave thing to do when you think about it, to be opening your heart out in public.
Author joey66 Posted May 28, 2010 Author Posted May 28, 2010 I thought I was the only one left sad and hurt and puzzled and unsure ... " ... sad and hurt and puzzled and unsure ... " That pretty much covers it. And you are not the only one. For me, that's the most valuable thing about LS, knowing that there are others who can empathize. I am glad that you are getting better.
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