VinnieTB Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I have been dating a girl for 4 months and everything is great apart from one issue. We both drink almost every day but just one or two beers for me or a glass or two of wine for her. I am always very careful about how much I drink if I am driving and my girlfriend seems to be resonably aware although when she is out with her friends perhaps not quite so much although I know she is very unhappy about a friend of hers who drinks way too much & drives on a regular basis so I know that she is mindful of it. The issue I have is that when she is heading over to friends house for a BBQ, drinks by the pool or out to the beach on a weekend she wants to take an drink in the car - usually a beaker of vodka tonic or a beer. I have absolutely refused to allow this when we are together but I know she still does this when she is by herself or with girlfriends. She seems to drink until she is slightly buzzed and not much more and but I am very unhappy about the whole thing. We had a conversation recently and she insists that I have to accept this about her and it is her way of relaxing. I love her and am trying to ignore this. In all other ways she is very caring and thoughtful and I feel very close to her.I tell myself that I am worrying too much but if she tries to push this and bring a drink into my car I feel that it will probably result in a break up. We are both in our mid forties. Any advice is appreciated.
ComeUndone Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Will you be prepared to stand by her when she gets a DUI, or kills someone while driving intoxicated? Will you also be prepared to help her out with the thousand of dollars in fines she will have to pay. Will you be prepared to chauffeur her around when she loses her license, or crashes her car? She is in the routine of having to take it in the car with her when she drives, amongst other examples... sounds to me like she has a real issue with alcohol. Look, you're not happy with this after only 4 months. We have addressed it with her and she is unwilling to bend her behavior. This will not get any better.
tigressA Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Under no circumstances should you ignore this. It's a serious red flag. Not only is she willing to disregard the law, but she also doesn't seem to care about the fact that she could seriously harm herself and others. Driving while at all impaired by the influence of alcohol or other drugs is incredibly reckless and irresponsible. I say dump her. This will cause more serious issues in your relationship down the line, I guarantee it.
Engadget Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Bad news, my ex was an alcoholic and got a DUI. Either she changes, or you need to get away.
LittleMissWonder Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Yes, this is you looking out. That is an illegal act and can get her in serious trouble. As a loving boyfriend, it is your responsibility to NOT "accept it".
Mimolicious Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Yes, this is you looking out. That is an illegal act and can get her in serious trouble. As a loving boyfriend, it is your responsibility to NOT "accept it". F getting her into serious trouble!! She can KILL someone!!!! Agh! You would think this person is some 18y/o when you start reading the post. 40??!?! That is a bit too old to act this carelessly. If you haven't noticed, she has a drinking problem and if the both of you are driving after throwing a few back, you are enabling her. I have a feeling that your GF is not going to stop until she is in cuffs or someone is seriously injured (God forbid). Either she gets help, you leave her or put up with the mobile cocktails.
2sure Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Look, I'm not a member of MADD...but your GF is gambling with the lives of OTHER PEOPLE'S LOVED ONES. Years ago I got my own DWI...so I'm not throwing stones but you know...she is old enough to know better, she has read a few newspapers, watched the news, no longer lives by the code it wont happen to me, at 40 she should have some empathy, no longer believe in the immortality of youth. People DIE. This is out of the freaking question and speaks volumes about something. You know her, you decide what.
stillafool Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 If she has to take a drink in the car and can't even wait until you two reach your destination-WITHOUT A DRINK-she's got a problem. I see women drinking so much these days it's incredible. Alcohol is not good for us anyway according to recent medical studies. I think you had better step back a bit and observe before you go further with her. If she is in her 40's and drinks like this she has probably been doing it for a long time.
Mary3 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Remove alcohol from her life for one month and see how she reacts. She sounds like a functioning alcoholic. I was married to one. Any questions , just ask us. Did your first date consist of alcohol ? Do most things you do center around that being in there ? My advice : RUN ! It won't ever get better unless she gets help.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Yep, she sounds like an alcoholic. You might not be able to help her, but you can have a go at it.
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