Author tigressA Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 :lmao: How much life could he have possibly had at the ripe old age of 23? Seriously, don't you have a life of your own to tend to? Yeah, I do, but at the end of the day he's still my family. We grew up together; we're very close. I obviously can't tell him what to do, and I don't intend to, I'm just concerned. He hasn't lived a lot of life at his age and neither have I, of that I am well aware, but he has been in more trouble than most our age. I know him well, as St. Nick pointed out in a prior post, and some of the choices he's made have led him into pretty serious trouble. It's his life, sure, but that doesn't mean I can't or shouldn't be concerned for him.
janie423 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 SarahRose, I care about it because he's my brother. He has a lifelong history of making less-than-informed/intelligent decisions, and because of that I can't help but wonder if this is yet another one of them. I get the brother part, I am very protective of all three of my brothers, but I don't see how dating a woman who is older than him can hurt him, unless there is something I am missing . . .
Author tigressA Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 I get the brother part, I am very protective of all three of my brothers, but I don't see how dating a woman who is older than him can hurt him, unless there is something I am missing . . . St. Nick hit the nail on the head with his last (edit) two posts, as far as what I'm thinking. With the circumstances what I know them to be, it's just really really difficult for me to believe that they truly like each other without any underlying motive on either of their parts. Especially because of my brother's bragging. He's never said anything about her personality, or even her appearance. IMO there are red flags here.
SarahRose Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 That bolded part is exactly what I was gonna type to SarahRose. tigressA, you need to be wary of some of these responses because some posters got offended by your whole "cougar" post and are getting defensive. They're now trying to make it seem like you shouldn't worry about this relationship, that it could be true romance, and that you should feel ashamed for using the word cougar. I understand where you're coming from because you've given good reasons why you're concerned about your bro's relationship, and you basically just wanted other perspectives. Heck, you put the word "cougar" in quotes when you typed it in the title. So they have no business getting catty just because it's obvious you were just using the word to get people to jump into your thread. And I also understand the reason you used the term "washed up" to describe your initial reaction to this woman's pic is because you were expecting your bro's new gf to be around 22. But when you saw her pic you thought, "Huh, she looks pretty washed up for a woman in her early 20s" before you realized she was in her late 30s. See, this is the reason why Green and I said you should be wary about getting dating advice from women because women tend to get emotional when it comes to relationships. As a result, their responses range from the exaggerated, to the nonsensical, to blatant lies. Not to say that mean don't do that. But we're more liable to be blunt, honest, and calculating. It's that simple. Now I should get back to on topic. *ahem* Even though your bro may have a stable income, he likely understands that he can never have too much money. What's a little more gonna hurt, huh? So the woman provides the cash in exchange for sexual favors. From your description of her, she's not turning any heads. So attention from a younger man is something she'd be willing to pay for. However, she's desperate, and your bro should be careful about that. Even though he's old enough to live his own life, you, as a loving family member, should show interest in guiding him through life, whether he wants it or not. Ask him if the relationship is serious or not. If it's not serious, then he needs to make sure the older woman agrees with him. Because a desperate woman can be just as deadly as a desperate man. I don't give a diddly squat about the cougar term or any of it. I just don't get what the serious danger is in dating someone older than he is. He could be doing a lot worse things. This is why I think it is ridiculous. What exactly is so wrong with him dating an older woman? What if they fell in love and ended up married? What would be the harm in that?
janie423 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 St. Nick hit the nail on the head with his last (edit) two posts, as far as what I'm thinking. With the circumstances what I know them to be, it's just really really difficult for me to believe that they truly like each other without any underlying motive on either of their parts. Especially because of my brother's bragging. He's never said anything about her personality, or even her appearance. IMO there are red flags here. Sarah, I am done with Nick and Tigress. They are too young to formulate reasonable opinions . . . FYI, I am married to a younger man for 25 YEARS. He is a 6 figure earner. He is a knockout, just like me. You can banter all night, I am going to bed with my awesome younger hubby. You can call me what you want, but at the end of the day, it is me who will be getting out of my BMW and into my guard-gated golf course executive home. buh bye!!
Author tigressA Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 What exactly is so wrong with him dating an older woman? What if they fell in love and ended up married? What would be the harm in that? I wouldn't think anything was wrong if the circumstances weren't what I know them to be. If my brother wasn't the kind of person he is. But the circumstances are there, and my brother is the way he is. So yes, I am concerned that there's something wrong here. If their relationship ended in love and marriage, then good for them. I don't see the harm in that at all. I just find it highly unlikely given the circumstances.
SarahRose Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I wouldn't think anything was wrong if the circumstances weren't what I know them to be. If my brother wasn't the kind of person he is. But the circumstances are there, and my brother is the way he is. So yes, I am concerned that there's something wrong here. If their relationship ended in love and marriage, then good for them. I don't see the harm in that at all. I just find it highly unlikely given the circumstances. So what is the worst that could happen to him?
SarahRose Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Sarah, I am done with Nick and Tigress. They are too young to formulate reasonable opinions . . . FYI, I am married to a younger man for 25 YEARS. He is a 6 figure earner. He is a knockout, just like me. You can banter all night, I am going to bed with my awesome younger hubby. You can call me what you want, but at the end of the day, it is me who will be getting out of my BMW and into my guard-gated golf course executive home. buh bye!! You said it. It is a silly thread at best. My husband is a lot younger than me also.
Author tigressA Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 I'm making a call to Tony for this thread to be closed. So many people making off-topic posts, not to mention personal attacks...I'm bored of it.
TheBigQuestion Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 (edited) Sarah, I am done with Nick and Tigress. They are too young to formulate reasonable opinions . . . FYI, I am married to a younger man for 25 YEARS. He is a 6 figure earner. He is a knockout, just like me. You can banter all night, I am going to bed with my awesome younger hubby. You can call me what you want, but at the end of the day, it is me who will be getting out of my BMW and into my guard-gated golf course executive home. buh bye!! Yeah, they're too young and immature to form reasonable opinions, but they're old enough to not resort to needless and irrelevant bragging once they realize that the concerns of the ones they're debating are legitimate. You lost any and all credibility you ever had just by writing this post. Edited May 26, 2010 by TheBigQuestion
Author tigressA Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 Sorry. I wanted to help you and got sidetracked. In any case, you need to talk to your bro about this relationship. He most likely will get offended and think you're butting into his life. But you're his sister and you have every right to help him out. Let him know that he should make it perfectly clear with this woman that it's just a fling, if that's what he wants. If they are not clear about what kind of relationship they have then she might get too attached and get desperately violent when he leaves. Thanks for the advice, St. Nick. You were one of the few people in this thread who actually stayed on topic--for most of it--and tried to help. I will do that. But the desperate violence thing could happen with any person--regardless of sex, regardless of age--if they're the type to make a relationship one of few or the sole reason for their existence.
janie423 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Psst. FYI, janie423 is probably lying about being married to a much younger man who makes 6 figures for 25 years. I peeped her other threads: one says she's new to the dating scene, and another thread says she met some guy from her past in a sleazy motel room. If she's married to a wonderful 6 figure dude, then why is she worried about getting back on the dating scene and trying to get in bed with guys in a sleazy motel. Sounds to me like she's lying about her "marriage". FYI, tigressA, always be wary of the people who try to put you down on the internet. The biggest braggarts on the net are the biggest losers in life.(check out their threads)They have no business saying you're too young to comprehend grown up talk. These two have been skewering a perfectly good thread with b.s. the whole time. I think it's best if we put them on ignore. I don't care whether you believe me or not . . . actually the threads about the guys were true, they just didn't happen to me. It's called roll playing and married people do it all the time . . . being married for so long I had nothing to contribute that would be of interest . . . what is there to say? and I wanted to participate in these dating threads and get a taste of what dating is like after 25 years. . . since I have been out for a long time . . . but the bit about the sleazy motel is not accurate, and your mean spirited ways have turned me off to this site . . . you act like a little girl, digging up dirt on people, how sad you are . . . you're a jealous little girl.
janie423 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 (edited) Yeah, they're too young and immature to form reasonable opinions, but they're old enough to not resort to needless and irrelevant bragging once they realize that the concerns of the ones they're debating are legitimate. You lost any and all credibility you ever had just by writing this post. judging by the mean-spirited, evil responses I have gotten over what I consider excellent and helpful points, I don't think there was any credibility to lose . . . quite frankly. Does that statement bring you joy, to know that the crass and unfriendly responses to my good intentions has soured me to this site? Does that make you feel superior? Triumphant? but I did get one helpful thing from St. Nick . . . I can put him on ignore . . . and you . . . DONE!!! Edited May 26, 2010 by janie423
janie423 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Psst. FYI, tigressA, always be wary of the people who try to put you down on the internet. The biggest braggarts on the net are the biggest losers in life.(check out their threads)They have no business saying you're too young to comprehend grown up talk. These two have been skewering a perfectly good thread with b.s. the whole time. I think it's best if we put them on ignore. I love the Psst. love it. now didn't you brag about how great it was to be a man, and how easy it is to score sex with a woman? that makes you the biggest loser in life, by your own admission! Gawd . . . put me on ignore! then everyone else can see my response to your ridiculousness . . . and then maybe I will misquote your posts like you misquote mine . . . this entire thread is so evil it should be deleted . . .
Citizen Erased Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Yes so anyway, disregarding everything after the OP.... I'd have a hard time not being concerned if my brother was with someone that much older than him. He's my little brother, of course I don't want him to get his heart broken. Relationships where two people aren't at the same stage in their lives are rarely going to work out. That can happen even if they're the same age. In the end though, he's entitled to live his life how he pleases. Make his own choices, mistakes. And you and your family not accepting his new girlfriend will NOT help anything. My advice is keep your opinions to yourself and support him if this ends badly. And be happy for him if it goes well. If she treats him well and they are happy, he's done well with finding that with someone.
Author tigressA Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 Yes so anyway, disregarding everything after the OP.... I'd have a hard time not being concerned if my brother was with someone that much older than him. He's my little brother, of course I don't want him to get his heart broken. Relationships where two people aren't at the same stage in their lives are rarely going to work out. That can happen even if they're the same age. In the end though, he's entitled to live his life how he pleases. Make his own choices, mistakes. And you and your family not accepting his new girlfriend will NOT help anything. My advice is keep your opinions to yourself and support him if this ends badly. And be happy for him if it goes well. If she treats him well and they are happy, he's done well with finding that with someone. First of all: Yeah, I know right! Thanks CE. So far I haven't said anything to him indicating that I have concerns, and I'll continue to do that. The last thing I would want is to alienate him, especially if things do go badly--he may feel like he doesn't have anyone to turn to if he's spurned me. And of course I will be happy for him if it works out. I'm happy for anyone who is able to be in a good relationship, and it goes double for him since he's family.
donnamaybe Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 From the way tigressA described him and their relationship, From what I've gathered so far, all she knows about her AND their relationship is a little bitty picture on Facebook. Lots of assumptions based on what someone supposedly knows about a relationship they know absolutely nothing about. Why am I not surprised? I would say get to know the gal and how they are together and THEN draw a conclusion. At least then there might be a little bit of basis for your assumptions, TA.
Author tigressA Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 I sent him a message asking him about the new relationship and he bragged, saying she's "such a good woman, she treats me real good, takes care of me". From my original post. The picture isn't the only thing.
EasyHeart Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 With that big of an age gap, it's hard to imagine this as a long term relationship. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as both people understand the situation. The hurt in relationships comes when people have differing expectations, but don't talk about it.
donnamaybe Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 From my original post. The picture isn't the only thing. And her being good to him is a bad thing? Perhaps you mean he's the kind who would take advantage?
Author tigressA Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 (edited) And her being good to him is a bad thing? Perhaps you mean he's the kind who would take advantage? Heck yes! Perhaps you missed my other posts describing how my brother is: emotionally immature, lack of personal accountability/responsibility, petty lawbreaker, partier/heavy drinker, limited dating history. I also previously mentioned that when he told me about her, he said absolutely nothing about her personality or even her appearance. Yeah, I can't and won't tell him what to do, but I just have a wrong feeling about this whole thing. Once I see what they're like together then I could possibly dispel my concerns--or retain them. I do feel they're legitimate though, and many people who've contributed to this thread have missed that point altogether. St. Nick, surprisingly enough, when he wasn't viciously attacking others (which I vehemently condemn) or misquoting me ITT, has been the one to most thoroughly understand and further articulate my concerns. Edited May 26, 2010 by tigressA
donnamaybe Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Heck yes! Perhaps you missed my other posts describing how my brother is: emotionally immature, lack of personal accountability/responsibility, petty lawbreaker, partier/heavy drinker, limited dating history. Ahhh, sorry about that. I didn't read through all the threads I missed after last night. Well, I'd be much more concerned for the woman than your brother then. And, yeah. I agree that some posts have been downright ugly and disgusting. But, again, I'm not surprised by some posters. I'm getting used to their odd way of thinking. Unfortunately.
Author tigressA Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 (edited) Ahhh, sorry about that. I didn't read through all the threads I missed after last night. Well, I'd be much more concerned for the woman than your brother then. Yeah, very true. But at the same time, I really wonder what the appeal of all that would be for her at 38 years old. It makes me wonder what kind of woman she is. He easily falls into questionable crowds and can be led by the nose by manipulative people, and this could be yet another of those situations. Perhaps they're mutually using each other. I can't really find out more unless he talks to me (I've asked him questions about it but for whatever reason he won't tell me) or I witness for myself how they are together. Edited May 26, 2010 by tigressA
donnamaybe Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Yeah, very true. But at the same time, I really wonder what the appeal of all that would be for her at 38 years old. People can be VERY good at portraying who they want people to see them as if they WANT something. He sounds, from your description, like someone who might just want her to pay his way and be relied on for sex until he's tired of the game. If that's true, and if I were you, I'd want to smack the living CRAP out of him.
Author tigressA Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 People can be VERY good at portraying who they want people to see them as if they WANT something. He sounds, from your description, like someone who might just want her to pay his way and be relied on for sex until he's tired of the game. If that's true, and if I were you, I'd want to smack the living CRAP out of him. Yeah, my brother is definitely that type. I've wanted to smack the living crap out of him for awhile myself St. Nick, that was one of the questions I asked him--if they're both aware of the other's expectations. No response...yet...
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