tigressA Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 At 22, my brother's a year younger than me. He's been living/working in a large city for the last 4 years or so. I looked at his Facebook recently and it said he was "In a Relationship with __________________". I clicked on the woman's name and it went to what it could show me of her profile, including her picture. I thought she looked a little strange--like a bit washed-up, if you know what I mean. But then I just came to the conclusion that she was a plain-Jane. Turns out, she's 38 years old. I sent him a message asking him about the new relationship and he bragged, saying she's "such a good woman, she treats me real good, takes care of me". And I'm thinking, "Uh-huh...sugar mama." I was just really surprised by him doing that. He never seemed like the type. But then I realized that there were several advantages for him in that sort of relationship--he gets a constant ego boost from an experienced older woman finding him attractive, he gets "taken care of", gets a woman who more than likely has a hearty sexual appetite since she's going after a younger man in the first place, and on top of that, there's less risk of pregnancy because of age. I don't think my brother ever wants kids. I guess I'm happy for him, but I still wonder. I'm a bit concerned that eventually he'll get bored but may have trouble breaking it off with her. I still can't believe they put it on Facebook...
janie423 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 At 22, my brother's a year younger than me. He's been living/working in a large city for the last 4 years or so. I looked at his Facebook recently and it said he was "In a Relationship with __________________". I clicked on the woman's name and it went to what it could show me of her profile, including her picture. I thought she looked a little strange--like a bit washed-up, if you know what I mean. But then I just came to the conclusion that she was a plain-Jane. Turns out, she's 38 years old. I sent him a message asking him about the new relationship and he bragged, saying she's "such a good woman, she treats me real good, takes care of me". And I'm thinking, "Uh-huh...sugar mama." I was just really surprised by him doing that. He never seemed like the type. But then I realized that there were several advantages for him in that sort of relationship--he gets a constant ego boost from an experienced older woman finding him attractive, he gets "taken care of", gets a woman who more than likely has a hearty sexual appetite (1) since she's going after a younger man in the first place, and on top of that, there's less risk of pregnancy because of age. I don't think my brother ever wants kids. I guess I'm happy for him, but I still wonder. (2) I'm a bit concerned that eventually he'll get bored but may have trouble breaking it off with her. I still can't believe they put it on Facebook... (1) how do you know she went after him? maybe he went after her . . . in earnest . . . it happens. (2) worry not, if anyone gets bored first it will be her and what's with the label "cougar"? she's a woman, just like you . . . believe me, there are enough labels from men for women out there (w- - - - , s - - - , etc.) . . . the last thing women need to do is label each other.
donnamaybe Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 You find someone at 38 looking "strange - washed up?" Wow.
Author tigressA Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 (edited) You find someone at 38 looking "strange - washed up?" Wow. I said I didn't know until after I saw her picture that she was 38. I automatically assumed that she was around my brother's age but just looked older for it; that's why I used those words. Perhaps it was an unflattering picture, but it was all I had to go on. Edited May 25, 2010 by tigressA
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 LOL 38??? halle berry is in her mid forties and smoking hot!!! I like me some cougar coochie, but they are real hesitant to dating me. They dont want to be so called robbing the cradle. lol. I want some sex i dont need their money i can buy my own. So that's a positive.
norajane Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 and what's with the label "cougar"? she's a woman, just like you . . . believe me, there are enough labels from men for women out there (w- - - - , s - - - , etc.) . . . the last thing women need to do is label each other. I am so with you on this. Why do we have this label for older women when we do not have a label like that for older men? Older men have been dating and marrying women much younger than themselves for centuries, so why don't they have a pejorative name, too? Instead, even in those cases, the woman is yet again labeled - trophy gf or trophy wife, or gold-digger, or she "has daddy issues".
Jersey Shortie Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 and what's with the label "cougar"? she's a woman, just like you . . . believe me, there are enough labels from men for women out there (w- - - - , s - - - , etc.) . . . the last thing women need to do is label each other. Totally agree. Someday, I'll be 38. Someday, the OP will be 38. Why don't we stop labeling women for their sexuality. Whether it's cougar or slut. I sincerely believe society does this in some fake attempt to "knock women down". Stop aiding to it. Now, 23 is kind of young but if it was a 23 year old girl and 38 year old man, the men would be patting this guy on teh back like he just invented the cure to AIDS. Why do we have to pull women down who do the same? What do you get out of making humilating comments about a woman and situation you don't know about beyond facebook?
Author tigressA Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 It wasn't my intention at all to be degrading. Just because I posted this doesn't mean I'm against older women and younger men and don't care about older men and younger women, or whatever else. I don't care for the term "cougar" either, just thought it'd get more attention. Clearly it worked. Yeah, it's clear from my post that I have some preconceived notions about this kind of relationship, especially in terms of how it starts (thanks janie423). It's nice to have other perspectives; that's primarily why I posted about this.
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 It wasn't my intention at all to be degrading. Just because I posted this doesn't mean I'm against older women and younger men and don't care about older men and younger women, or whatever else. I don't care for the term "cougar" either, just thought it'd get more attention. Clearly it worked. Yeah, it's clear from my post that I have some preconceived notions about this kind of relationship, especially in terms of how it starts (thanks janie423). It's nice to have other perspectives; that's primarily why I posted about this. Tell us the truth, is she pretty and you feel sort of jealous about her??? I mean damn why arent you happy for your brother. There are some older women who treat men right because young girls are stupid sometimes. And we dont need to deal with it.
Jersey Shortie Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 No one uses the word "trout" to talk about an older man who dates a younger woman. In all the threads on this topic I never heard that come up once. I have heard many men make disparaging comments about older women and calling them cougars in popular society. It's ironic that women are complaining about something created by the pro-women media that's supposed to "empower" them. The term "cougar" was created merely because it's more convenient to give it a name, rather than constantly saying older women, younger men. So if anyone wants to blame the term on anyone then blame the women who originally embraced the term and posted it all over the media. While the intention might have been "empowerment", it was the wrong way to go about it. It's jsut another term to label women into a box. And you know it. what man here thinks the term cougar is that empowering? Yes, women are to blame for everything. Men are just like children who are easily lead around and have no minds or responsiblity for their words and actions themselves. Why don't we worry less about "blame" and more about what we as individuals choose to do, the words we choose to use. Man or woman.
janie423 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Older men who date younger women do have a name. It's called a trout: Trout --An older man who dates a younger woman. A trout swims downstream hence the term. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_disparity_in_sexual_relationships Besides, the whole "cougar" thing was created by (1) America's pro-feminist/pro-woman media that wants to make women feel better about themselves (usually at the expense of men). The media pushed the agenda that old chicks should date young men to show that "they've still got it". It's why we have stupid shows like "She's Got The Look" on TVLand. (2) It's ironic that women are complaining about something created by the pro-women media that's supposed to "empower" them. The term "cougar" was created merely because it's more convenient to give it a name, rather than constantly saying older women, younger men. So if anyone wants to blame the term on anyone then (3) blame the women who originally embraced the term and posted it all over the media. (1) I read your clip and it said nothing about "pro-feminist/pro-women media" - that is your take, and older women don't need men to make them feel better about themselves . . . that is an arrogant pro-male concept. (3) more like a TV producer exploiting older women . . . (2) name these women . . . name them.
Author tigressA Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Tell us the truth, is she pretty and you feel sort of jealous about her??? I mean damn why arent you happy for your brother. There are some older women who treat men right because young girls are stupid sometimes. And we dont need to deal with it. Being as objective as possible, she's not a knockout from what I can see (again, maybe it's not the most flattering picture, and it's only a head/shoulders shot) but she's cute. I don't know how to say "She looks good for her age" without getting flamed , so I'll just leave it at that. I'm happy for him, just a little concerned. He's really rather inexperienced in relationships; none he's had have lasted more than a few months. Perhaps she'll be the one to teach him things? Despite him being self-sufficent for the last few years, he still has a lot of growing up to do. I wonder about her maturity level compared to his. Or maybe that doesn't even matter in their relationship.
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 ...These women do EXIST janie. We're not blind to not see it happening. Look at demi moore, Michelle phifer, Even Halle berry.
janie423 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 (edited) ...These women do EXIST janie. We're not blind to not see it happening. Look at demi moore, Michelle phifer, Even Halle berry. I think you misunderstood my last post. Nick is blaming women for labeling women. I asked him to name the women who are responsible for the Cougar label. Are you saying the women you mentioned used the label? if so, I don't agree with their choice to do that. Edited May 25, 2010 by janie423
janie423 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Courtney Cox, whos starred in a movie called "Cougar Town" said it's great being a cougar: http://www.inquisitr.com/32643/courteney-cox-loves-being-a-%E2%80%9Ccougar%E2%80%9D/ Vivica A. Fox: http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/2009/11/07/2009-11-07_vivica_a_fox_on_being_a_bona_fide_cougar_and_what_she_loves_most_about_new_york.html And it's not just celebrity women who embrace it. It's also regular women: http://www.urbancougar.com/p-520-i-love-being-a-cougar-i-have-more-fun.aspx The term trout isn't used as much because it's becoming more taboo for older men to get with younger women. The pro-women media wants to give women attention while singling out or demeaning men. And (2) can you read properly? I never said men think the term cougar is empowering. I said the pro-women media thinks it empowers women. Here's the link: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/21775795/ (1) they are selling a product . . . if it sells movies and TV, show people will do and say anything, and some women will follow along blindly . . . but enlightened women will not. I am not the pro-women media (write that down) (2) you just can't resist the put-down, can you? second nature to you . . .
janie423 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 1. You said name them. In fact, you said "name them" twice. I named the women. You never said explain why they embrace it. That's not the point. The point is that women do embrace the term, enlightened or not. The so-called enlightened women seem to be in a minority. Because the prevalence of cougar dating sites is huge. Google search "cougar dating" and you'll see tons of sites dedicated to cougar relationships. If these women found the term cougar derogatory or demeaning then they wouldn't be on those sites. Just like a Native American person wouldn't be on a site called "Injun dating" because that term is derogatory. Like I said, the many women who embrace the term are responsible for it's spread. Who cares if they're enlightened or selling a damn product? What matters is that women are helping to spread the term as much, if not more, than men are. it is my point . . . they embrace them because these women feel embarrassed for dating younger men and by giving it a label and a web site and a movie and a TV show and a star endorsement somehow it validates the concept of older women/younger men. it is sad that women need to be validated for following their urges. men don't need such validation, there is no such embarrassment. that is why I don't like the label cougar. I don't need validation for what I want to do. I will do it in spite of what the norms are.
janie423 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 How is asking someone if they can read a putdown? Did you not read her put down first? I say that because you never make such a comment when a man misreads your post. you are rather transparent. and I cannot locate her put-down.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Your post comes across very catty to me. All these comments about her appearance and age. This does not surprise me. Many sisters are weird and territorial about their brothers. But I find the bashing of older or younger women tedious. You'll be there yourself someday. Wait till 20-somethings are calling you "washed up".
Woggle Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Your post comes across very catty to me. All these comments about her appearance and age. This does not surprise me. Many sisters are weird and territorial about their brothers.But I find the bashing of older or younger women tedious. You'll be there yourself someday. Wait till 20-somethings are calling you "washed up". That's because deep down they know what many women are like and while they might high five their friends about it if one of their male family members is hurt they will hunt the woman down. It is the same reason why many men go to strip clubs but don't want their daughter or sister stripping.
janie423 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 It wasn't my intention at all to be degrading. Just because I posted this doesn't mean I'm against older women and younger men and don't care about older men and younger women, or whatever else. I don't care for the term "cougar" either, just thought it'd get more attention. Clearly it worked. Yeah, it's clear from my post that I have some preconceived notions about this kind of relationship, especially in terms of how it starts (thanks janie423). It's nice to have other perspectives; that's primarily why I posted about this. I didn't mean to come off chastising. what I mean is: the term cougar means (to me) a woman who specifically targets younger men. This 38 year old probably likes your brother without regard to his age. This may have been just a happy accident! it's funny, I have 3 brothers and I am skeptical of their wives/girlfriends/SOs as well . . .
janie423 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 That's because deep down they know what many women are like and while they might high five their friends about it if one of their male family members is hurt they will hunt the woman down. It is the same reason why many men go to strip clubs but don't want their daughter or sister stripping. nah, that's a bit extreme, it is what she said: territorial. even if the woman is a saint, they don't want to give up their brothers. believe me, I have 3 brothers!
Author tigressA Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 (edited) I didn't mean to come off chastising. what I mean is: the term cougar means (to me) a woman who specifically targets younger men. This 38 year old probably likes your brother without regard to his age. This may have been just a happy accident! That's likely. I don't know a whole lot about the situation itself, how it started, whatever. I asked him but he never told me. I just worry about him sometimes because it's easy for him to be influenced by other people. No matter how much he says he isn't, he is. Once he got to where he lives now (he was going to a vo-tech school) he fell in rather easily with a bad crowd, got really into drinking (arrested twice for underage, once got alcohol poisoning, had to get his stomach pumped) and drugs like pot and hallucinogens. He was kicked out of school and he's cleaned up his act somewhat, but he's still very immature emotionally--has problems taking personal responsibility, etc. I'm not sure what a woman his girlfriend's age would see in him. Edited May 25, 2010 by tigressA
Recommended Posts