skydiveaddict Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 that after six months of NC , I still think about her everyday. That's just not rational I know, but I dont know what to do about it
TaraMaiden Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Because thoughts roll. The problem probably is not that you think about her every day, but that you permit yourself to linger on the thought and permit it to expand from a thought into a story. You'll find if you spot the thought popping into your head, and you change the course of your thinking, it will become easier to deal with things.
Heatemyheart89 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 It's been nearly 10months for me.he still dominates my thought.it's become like a bad habit.even though we wouldn't work and Im not sure even how much I like him I still think of him.:(it's stupid I'm never going to see him again anyway don't know why I bother.
BetterOffWithoutYou Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 are you still thinking good things about her? have you explored all her faults and flaws, or all the things she wasn't that you want in a partner? try focusing on the bad things, write them down, and look at them when you start to reminisce. you are mostly likely missing who you thought she was, and not who she really is. the list should bring you back into reality and out love's blindness. best of luck!!!
nomad0792 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Yep...been 6 months for me and I still have a level of melancholy in my mood...everyday. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't hope for a phone call, text or email. It's a shame really, but it's the way it must be. I find when my day is going good and I'm busy with my business, I'm fine. But, if I'm alone and have some idle time on my hands, that's when things are still a little rough.
txsilkysmoothe Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I'm doing the same thing about a man I dated for only two months and it ended 8 months ago. I think it's more about not having met someone new rather than about him being a good partner for me. Could the same be true for you? Also, out of 10 - 15 men I've dated, he is the only one that seemed like husband material. Maybe that is why I've had a hard time letting it go. I didn't get good closure either. What a cliche'. And THANK YOU for the compliment in that other thread a few days ago. That was really nice to read.
USMCHokie Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Skydive, we've already have several conversations about this. I have nothing further to add.
bluz73 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 sky I feel for you its been 6 months for me also and I think about him often, mainly how he could start a life with a teenager when there is a 90% chance she will grow and change soon and leave him heartbroken. And i think about her alot and why she would want to settle for a man of his character like I did. I think you and I both need to finally meet and date other people and see there is a better match for us out there and that the ex is just a void we miss not the actual person I hope u feel better soon!
GrayClouds Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 permit it to expand from a thought into a story. ^I love that.^ And most likely it is just the hook to hang the hat on. The EX can be a great place to go when you have other feeling that may not even be directly related to them...bad day at work, a sad show on TV, a disappointing grade on a test or general loneliness. Whatever the unwanted emotion is it slips to a unhappy place, the EX.
Author skydiveaddict Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 Skydive, we've already have several conversations about this. I have nothing further to add. I know and you're right . but it's still difficult
just1guy Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 (edited) About the same for me. It's been five months and although it's definitely not as bad as I was in the beginning, I still think about her. I tell myself all the bad things about the relationship, about her, and yet, I'll still go back to missing her. I'm hanging out with friends, working out at the gym, staying busy at work, so I'm still staying NC and busy. It'll get better...it has to. Edited May 26, 2010 by just1guy
Author skydiveaddict Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 About the same for me. It's been five months and although it's definitely not as bad as I was in the beginning, I still think about her. I tell myself all the bad things about the relationship, about her, and yet, I'll still go back to missing her. I'm hanging out with friends, working out at the gym, staying busy at work, so I'm still staying NC and busy. It'll get better...it has to. I hope you're right
Author skydiveaddict Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 I'm doing the same thing about a man I dated for only two months and it ended 8 months ago. I think it's more about not having met someone new rather than about him being a good partner for me. Could the same be true for you? Also, out of 10 - 15 men I've dated, he is the only one that seemed like husband material. Maybe that is why I've had a hard time letting it go. I didn't get good closure either. What a cliche'. And THANK YOU for the compliment in that other thread a few days ago. That was really nice to read. I'm sorry you're going through it too. Hang tough. I've heard that Texas girls are the toughest around, and thank you for your kind words
EricaH329 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Hang in there Skydive! These thoughts will come and go, you just cannot allow them to consume you. You're a pretty tough guy, you'll get through this. No doubt in my mind.
Author skydiveaddict Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 Hang in there Skydive! These thoughts will come and go, you just cannot allow them to consume you. You're a pretty tough guy, you'll get through this. No doubt in my mind. Thank you Erica
USMCHokie Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I know and you're right . but it's still difficult No one ever said it wasn't tough... It's experiences like these that make us that much stronger...you know the drill...blah blah blah...
Author skydiveaddict Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 No one ever said it wasn't tough... It's experiences like these that make us that much stronger...you know the drill...blah blah blah... true words devil dog. I do know the drill. This time just seems harder. But I know you are going through it too.
Perhaps Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I realized that I usually think about my ex or "miss" her when I feel like i can't deal with something in me life or doubting my abilities... because thinking of her is like a "safe haven" for me... I can think that when i had her, my life was better blah blah blah, but I've realized it's just a shell i tuck myself away in when I feel that i dont have the energy to deal with the situation at hand. Perhaps, that's why?
Author skydiveaddict Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 I realized that I usually think about my ex or "miss" her when I feel like i can't deal with something in me life or doubting my abilities... because thinking of her is like a "safe haven" for me... I can think that when i had her, my life was better blah blah blah, but I've realized it's just a shell i tuck myself away in when I feel that i dont have the energy to deal with the situation at hand. Perhaps, that's why? Good points , perhaps that's why. But to be honest, I really dont know why. I should have been over this long ago
USMCHokie Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I realized that I usually think about my ex or "miss" her when I feel like i can't deal with something in me life or doubting my abilities... because thinking of her is like a "safe haven" for me... I can think that when i had her, my life was better blah blah blah, but I've realized it's just a shell i tuck myself away in when I feel that i dont have the energy to deal with the situation at hand. Perhaps, that's why? Perhaps, Perhaps... (I've been wanting to say that for the longest time now... ) But I agree...as time goes by, we generally only hold onto the positive memories of our broken relationship...so when we hit a rough patch in our life, our minds automatically go to the last "good moment" we had, which is often the time we spent with our ex, as a defense mechanism to comfort and ease our minds... But the problem is that when our mind travels back to the past, we start to associate those good feelings from our past with the more recent feelings of anguish from a love lost...which brings us down even more...it's a vicious cycle...
Author skydiveaddict Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 Perhaps, Perhaps... (I've been wanting to say that for the longest time now... ) But the problem is that when our mind travels back to the past, we start to associate those good feelings from our past with the more recent feelings of anguish from a love lost...which brings us down even more...it's a vicious cycle... That's for sure
Perhaps Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Thing is, I've caught myself doing that so much that I've started to realize how I feel when I do it. And it has happened frequently enough that my mind can tell me when my heart longs for someone to just talk to. I guess, deep down, you too, just long for someone to connect with and since you don't really feel that connection with anyone else at the moment, your heart goes on autopilot and starts to reminisce about your ex. You should take notice of how you're feeling when you start to miss her... if it's a certain place, or a certain time or any similarities. My best advice is to take that longing and channel it at the gym. It can motivate you to work harder ... you look better and when you look better, you get this confidence. Set constant goals for yourself and challenge yourself. Realize that any time spent not working towards your goals is time wasted - this includes thinking of your ex. It's like hiking up a mountain... your legs may start to hurt but once you get to the top, you'll realize every step that hurt got your closer to the top. And while you may miss walking on level ground as you climb the mountain, it's only when you get to the top do you realize the view is much better up there. Stay strong.
ginyi1111 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 its the same for me...6 months of NC and im still obsessing over him...i wonder if i'll ever get over him... maybe its time for a rebound??
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I still think of my ex daily and get caught up in stories but I think in my particular case thats partly because the whole 'story' was so long, confusing, complicated and painful. I'm sure I would still be acting this way regardless but the bizare, confusing and fickle behaviour on his part which I permitted, has caused me to really confuse my thoughts and feelings about him. I think about him and feel things for him but I can't distinguish whether its love, hate, like, dislike, admiration, annoyance. Its all mixed together and become a hybrid emotion, but something so intense because it is so complicated, that its hard to ignore. I feel its something I have to get to the bottom of, even though there is no end to this story. I keep busy but my mind still goes back to him. Even if my head doesn't, I seem to feel a tug. Something is missing and not right.
sedgwick Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 It's been two years NC for me (and before that it was one year, but he called me and I answered so I counted NC as starting over after that call.) I think about him every second of every day. I still say good night to him before I fall asleep. How's THAT for irrational? I've kind of just learned to live with it at this point. I've never gone through anything like this before so I have no idea if or when it will ever end.
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