reboot Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Since you don't want statistics, I won't give them, but the correct answer is MW. Hands down. And people who say "look at this site" aren't being very realistic.
Author JustJoe Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 BNB, what I want is opinions, and reasons. Facts tell nothing about the individual situations.
2sure Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Women will leave. Its ironic too since being wives and mothers they are generally the main care taker of the family and usually have less independence and income. But women will leave. Men want both . If they find they cannot have both, they still dont leave and will fight being booted.
reboot Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Women will leave. Its ironic too since being wives and mothers they are generally the main care taker of the family and usually have less independence and income. But women will leave. Men want both . If they find they cannot have both, they still dont leave and will fight being booted. You are exactly right. And the numbers support this.
Author JustJoe Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 2sure, with respect, do you think that this is because women cheaters have already , MENTALLY, checked out of the M? I have always thought that women take their marriage vows much more seriously than men do, but that doesn't seem to jibe with the answers I'm getting. My thought was that men take their wedding vows, with no intention of keeping them, except on a superficial level, while women take them, intending to keep them, forever. This allows men to cheat without the crushing guilt many women have shown, here on LS.
Doing it Since '78 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 (edited) Not only do women leave after discovery, they ususally never come back. As if something inside of them was liberated, this "victory" inside of them does not subside, until years and many heart breaks later. Sometimes at the peril of their own childrens futures, families opinions, and at the expense of their own self worth. That is usually when that second round of validation comes in (mid life crisis), and begins to usually destroy whatever new they have going on: Check it: Married during the twenties Cheated, walked away and divorced early/mid thirties Party animals/new relationships with OM mid to late thirties Serious implosion via MLC early to mid forties, leaving whatever poor schmuck who is either married to her, or in on LTR with her in tears, same pattern all over again Some eventually snap out of it, but some can repeat this cycle for the remainder of their lives, when the looks start to fade, they either settle for some poor clown, or try and slink back to their LTR or second husband who is still in shock and awe about his wifes new found "youth", rinse wash repeat Edited May 25, 2010 by Doing it Since '78
Spark1111 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Since you don't want statistics, I won't give them, but the correct answer is MW. Hands down. And people who say "look at this site" aren't being very realistic. I agree reboot! Women yearn for emotional connections with the man they love. If a woman has an affair, I believe she justifies it by saying, well, I fell in love. She leaves at that point. Women are obssessed with their romantic relationships; they nurture it, care for it, talk about it and nag for the improvements they want cause they need to feel it on a very intense level. When they stop nagging for change, it is a huge red flag. The guy is now relieved she's stopped complaining, but she probably has a mental suitcase packed already. When she falls in love again, she has felt disconnected for way too long, and leaves, IMHO. It's too late. I think men like a variety of sexual partners, ego stroking and intense validation, but they also like to return to the cave for a hot meal, clean clothes, see their offspring, chat up the wife, and enjoy all the extended familial and friend relationships she has nurtured for him for years. If he chooses his AP, all that goes away and now has to be recreated with a new woman. I do not believe a man willingly wants to ever leave his cave; his kingdom; the familiar aspects that make him feel grounded and admired in society. But a woman, she doesn't care so much because she's leaving for "true love." Generally, men do so much worse emotionally and physically following divorce than women do.....based on what I have read.
reboot Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 2sure, with respect, do you think that this is because women cheaters have already , MENTALLY, checked out of the M? I have always thought that women take their marriage vows much more seriously than men do, but that doesn't seem to jibe with the answers I'm getting. My thought was that men take their wedding vows, with no intention of keeping them, except on a superficial level, while women take them, intending to keep them, forever. This allows men to cheat without the crushing guilt many women have shown, here on LS. The problem is, this forum is not fairly represented by all the sides of the triangle. There are few WS and even fewer MM. OW and BW make up the preponderance here, with BH coming in a distant third. Observations made based on the answers you get will thus be skewed.
Author JustJoe Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 That's very true, Reboot. I wish that more WW"s and MM's would post, to get a better cross-section.
reboot Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Maybe WW and MM are too busy shagging each other to post here?
Spark1111 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 2sure, with respect, do you think that this is because women cheaters have already , MENTALLY, checked out of the M? I have always thought that women take their marriage vows much more seriously than men do, but that doesn't seem to jibe with the answers I'm getting. My thought was that men take their wedding vows, with no intention of keeping them, except on a superficial level, while women take them, intending to keep them, forever. This allows men to cheat without the crushing guilt many women have shown, here on LS. Emotionally, JustJoe....She has checked out emotionally. I have read that when a man is just done with the relationship, he becomes distant, uncaring, unphased. When a woman is just done with a relationship, her signifigant tone is...contempt. Huge difference, IMO. He feels nothing, she still is feeling too much; anger and total disrespect.
reboot Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Oh and I almost forgot OM, who are probably the least represented of all.
Author JustJoe Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 I'm the OM, so I guess I'm representing myself.
reboot Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I'm the OM, so I guess I'm representing myself. You are a real rarity here. You, stampdaddy.... I know there've been a few others, but I can't recall them off the top of my head.
Woggle Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Emotionally, JustJoe....She has checked out emotionally. I have read that when a man is just done with the relationship, he becomes distant, uncaring, unphased. When a woman is just done with a relationship, her signifigant tone is...contempt. Huge difference, IMO. He feels nothing, she still is feeling too much; anger and total disrespect. That is because when a man is done he just wants to get out of there as fast as he can. He wants it over and done with so he can move on with life. Women tend to blame their men for all the unhapiness in their lives and resnt them for ruining it so they want to twist the knife even further. You read threads on here where walkaway wives are angry that a man is taking the divorce too well and that he is not fighting for their marriage hard enough. He is denying her the chance to crush his heart.
2sure Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Since you ask, IMO: Ok, MW cheaters , MM cheaters - who will leave? My answer was women because men who cheat usually really really want both. To go deeper - why will the women leave? No one is going to like this theory, and what do I know anyway, but I think it has something to do with: Women ultimately seem more comfortable with uncertainty involving big change whereas a man has a harder time with that. Maybe it is because they really think the family will fall apart without them, or they dont want to look like a bad guy. But women? They know life will go on, they know they can do it, they dont care so much about image. Maybe Men often have more unrealistic societal expectations to strive for. Or something. Like I said, what do I know but it seems like women (based on emotion or lack thereof) are more willing to toss it all and start over. I mean sure, we are scared but thats often nothing new for a female (see unrealistic societal expectations...lol) . Maybe its harder to leave someone that you feel depends on you...than it is to leave someone you are dependent on? Wow. Guess I'm just all over the place.
reboot Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Wow. Guess I'm just all over the place. You may be all over the place, but you're still mostly right on target.
Author JustJoe Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Really good, 2sure. A man is conditioned, societally, to view himself as "the head of the family", so to abdicate his real or percieved position is a far bigger decision than for a woman, who is not considered in the same light. Very good point.
ComputerJock Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 (edited) I agree reboot! Women yearn for emotional connections with the man they love. If a woman has an affair, I believe she justifies it by saying, well, I fell in love. She leaves at that point. Women are obssessed with their romantic relationships; they nurture it, care for it, talk about it and nag for the improvements they want cause they need to feel it on a very intense level. When they stop nagging for change, it is a huge red flag. The guy is now relieved she's stopped complaining, but she probably has a mental suitcase packed already. When she falls in love again, she has felt disconnected for way too long, and leaves, IMHO. It's too late. I think men like a variety of sexual partners, ego stroking and intense validation, but they also like to return to the cave for a hot meal, clean clothes, see their offspring, chat up the wife, and enjoy all the extended familial and friend relationships she has nurtured for him for years. If he chooses his AP, all that goes away and now has to be recreated with a new woman. I do not believe a man willingly wants to ever leave his cave; his kingdom; the familiar aspects that make him feel grounded and admired in society. But a woman, she doesn't care so much because she's leaving for "true love." Generally, men do so much worse emotionally and physically following divorce than women do.....based on what I have read. I got to go with Spark on this. It's easier and more romantic to say I left because "I fell in love" than "I just wanted some strange dick". Look at WW's post where she talks about the OP saying he loved her and how devestated she was when the OP said he didn't love her anymore. BH doesn't have a chance, true love is too hard to fight. Edited May 25, 2010 by ComputerJock
califnan Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Who is more likely to leave a marriage, a cheating MM or a cheating MW, and why do you think so? No Statistics, or polls, please. Just your own opinion. -------------------- I vote for cheating MM .. because there are more cheating MM? ..
OWoman Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 IME it's been pretty mixed. I've known many MMs who've left their BWs - either for the OW, or just to escape unhappy Ms. I've known fewer WWs, of which some have left and some have stayed. In the case of both MMs and WWs, it seems that those whose As were "just for fun" - and who managed to keep it that way - stayed, and those who fell in love with the OP were more likely to leave the M. The presence or absence of children seems to make a difference, though, IME. MMs who have kids (who fall in love with OWs) are less likely to leave their Ms UNLESS they have previously Dd with kids. MWs who have kids (who fall in love with OMs) are more likely to leave their Ms UNLESS they have previously Dd with kids. But it's not a huge sample, so probably not representative beyond itself.
califnan Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Are you sure of that, Cal? -------------------- Yes, It's the nature of the beast .. They say men think about sex - every how many minutes? So naturally they may reach out more. ..And then there is woman. She has all those maternal instincts .. that say: I will rescue him - in addition to - I want him, I love him.. But I would think that the woman who would stray from her wifey/mother roles are more rare according to boredom, occasion, flattery.
Author JustJoe Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 Owoman, that seems to be the tricky part, having BOTH AP's in it "just for fun", and keeping it that way. Usually one or the other will form an attachment, then they're off to the races!!
califnan Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Owoman, that seems to be the tricky part, having BOTH AP's in it "just for fun", and keeping it that way. Usually one or the other will form an attachment, then they're off to the races!! -------------------- Intimacy does that .. It forms an attachment .. otherwise it is just that of using?
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