Stakuu Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I’ve been dating a girl a little over a year and a half younger than me for about 3 years. She has never had a relationship before me, and I have had one 4 years ago (I’m 21) that just involved making out. She really wants to spend the rest of her life with me. Our sex life is great (well for her at least). There has been no infidelity on either side. She is cute, but very immature for her age (she looks about 15, can’t drive, does not work or go to school), and has some quirks that generally annoy me. But she is, without a doubt, the nicest person I’ve ever heard of, let of seen or met. The problem is, I don’t know how to balance the male part of my brain with the moral (or female if you will) part of my brain. I want to have sex with a lot of different women, and it’s pretty much all I can think about. I know without a doubt I could have sex with a woman one night, and not love her any less the next day (and I love her a lot!). Obviously I wouldn’t do that because I couldn’t dare keep a secret from her. Point being, she’s so incredibly nice and loving it’s insane. But she’s not the best looker (but still very cute) and her personality is verryyy immature (I find this a turnoff). But I know if I have any dignity in my soul, I should stay with her; If I broke up with her..she would die inside…like seriously. I just want to experience sex with other women, to know what it feels like. Any coping advice?
marsle85 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 You don't "cope," you let her go. She needs to grow up, and frankly- I think she's bringing you down with her. There is no excuse for her not to be driving, working or going to school. You're enabling her. Of course you want to date other people! I think you should, too.
Author Stakuu Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 You don't "cope," you let her go. She needs to grow up, and frankly- I think she's bringing you down with her. There is no excuse for her not to be driving, working or going to school. You're enabling her. Of course you want to date other people! I think you should, too. There are plenty of mental excuses why someone couldn't drive etc. Yeah she does need to grow up..but because she's afraid to drive, work, or go to school I should not love her? Are you serious? And no, I don't want to date anyone else. I just want to have sex with them.
Author Stakuu Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 You obviously don't care about the chick. You just care about hurting her feelings. It's bad to be in a relationship where you don't care about someone, even if you do care about their feelings. Break it off with her. First, find another chick, then dump your current gf. You can't keep up this relationship because I highly doubt it'll develop into anything meaningful. Get with another woman than dump your current babe. We've known each other 5 years and this relationship is pretty serious. She wants marriage down the road, and I wouldn't mind that (once she's ready). Isn't caring about hurting her feelings caring about her?
Rorschach Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 .but because she's afraid to drive, work, or go to school I should not love her? Are you serious?. YES. I was in a relationship exactly like that and it ended up being TERRIBLE, the only thing that made it last as long as it did is it was my first real relationship and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but in the end these young chicks will only drag you down. It's very important for people to go out, live on their own and pay their own bills for a good 2-3 years before getting into any serious relationships, you grow alot in these years and she will NEVER change with you. Move on man!
Author Stakuu Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 YES. I was in a relationship exactly like that and it ended up being TERRIBLE, the only thing that made it last as long as it did is it was my first real relationship and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but in the end these young chicks will only drag you down. That sounds awfully selfish to me. She will eventually grow out of these fears (as I have and am).
carhill Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Isn't caring about hurting her feelings caring about her? Do I care more or less about a dog I put down myself rather than take it to the SPCA to have them put a needle in it? OK, bad analogy Life lesson. People's feelings get hurt. Rejection sucks. Trust me, I know. Time for you to man up and make a decision, communicate it and stick to it. You may see daggers in her eyes. She may sob uncontrollably. She may show absolutely no emotion whatsoever. It doesn't matter. You have to do what is healthy for you *and* your relationship with her. What are you going to do?
Rorschach Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 That sounds awfully selfish to me. She will eventually grow out of these fears (as I have and am). No, she won't. Correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds like she doesn't support herself, if I had to guess I'd say she lives with you, but she may still live with mom. Either way until she lives on her own and takes responsibility for her own actions she is NOT going to grow up. If she lives with you she already looks at you like her support, if she lives with her mom you can bet she's thinking about moving in with you and then you'd have to pay for yourself and her with just your income. This is not a healthy relationship.
marsle85 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 There are plenty of mental excuses why someone couldn't drive etc. Yeah she does need to grow up..but because she's afraid to drive, work, or go to school I should not love her? Are you serious? And no, I don't want to date anyone else. I just want to have sex with them. Didn't say that. Your love is enabling her, whether you think it is or not. It sounds like she has formed a dependence on you (because of whatever mental problem). I can see this is difficult for you, but if you really do care about her- reread your original post... the girl deserves someone crazy about her. Good news! You can be crazy about someone, too.
Author Stakuu Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 No, caring about someone's feelings doesn't mean you genuinely care about them. You sound like you don't wanna dump her cuz you wanna be a nice guy. It has nothing to do about caring for her; it's more about making yourself look good. From what I've read, you don't care about her. Dump her. No..I don't want to dump her because I want to stay with her. She shares a ton of the same interests and is great to be around. I'm just a horny guy who wants to have sex with other women.
Author Stakuu Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 reread your original post... the girl deserves someone crazy about her. Good news! You can be crazy about someone, too. I AM crazy about her...except I want to screw other women so bad (on a completely unemotional level) that I'm losing my mind.
carhill Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 No..I don't want to dump her because I want to stay with her. She shares a ton of the same interests and is great to be around. I'm just a horny guy who wants to have sex with other women. You can't have it both ways. Life doesn't work like that. Talk to your father, please. On edit, it can work both ways....as long as she's disclosed and approves. Ask her tonight.
Author Stakuu Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 No, she won't. Correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds like she doesn't support herself, if I had to guess I'd say she lives with you, but she may still live with mom. Either way until she lives on her own and takes responsibility for her own actions she is NOT going to grow up. If she lives with you she already looks at you like her support, if she lives with her mom you can bet she's thinking about moving in with you and then you'd have to pay for yourself and her with just your income. This is not a healthy relationship. Many cultures have kids who don't go off to live on their own and still grow up. Using your logic, housewives who don't work and have no kids but leech of their husbands money aren't grown up? What's a healthy relationship?
marsle85 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 You can't have it both ways. Life doesn't work like that. Talk to your father, please. This made me crack up, haha. Either the relationship is good enough to hold out for, or it's not.
Rorschach Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Using your logic, housewives who don't work and have no kids but leech of their husbands money aren't grown up? Yeah pretty much, this isn't advice from somebody who doesn't know what you're going through, I was in the exact same situation until I realized rule #1 of dating is that you can't 'wait for them to change' or grow up if you want to call it that. It's not going to happen. She has no reason to grow up to be honest. Why grow up? She can not work, not drive, not go to school, take absolutely no responsibility for herself and have everything she wants (namely YOU). So as long as she still has you she has no reason to grow up at all. Nothing is going to change here.
Author Stakuu Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Wow...coming here I was expecting to find ways to cope with being a 21 year old hypersexual male who is deeply in love with his gf but still wants a sexual escape. Some of you recommend practically ruining her life so I can screw some girl I don't care about? That's sick. We have an extremely good relationship. We hide very very little. I wasn't expecting such college-age juvenile replies here.
marsle85 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Many cultures have kids who don't go off to live on their own and still grow up. Using your logic, housewives who don't work and have no kids but leech of their husbands money aren't grown up? What's a healthy relationship? No, the woman you described: "housewives that (don't work) and (have no kids) but (leech off their husband's money)" is NOT grown up? Listen, your chick has problems- alright. But don't defend her medically based limitations, and claim they are healthy, or ideal. Plus, regardless of the problem- it's likely she can improve her lifestyle SOMEHOW, via physical therapy or counseling. I'm not discounting her for having the problem, but allowing it's stagnant presence in her life. It's on her (and you for allowing it) if she doesn't work on it.
Author Stakuu Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Listen, your chick has problems- alright. But don't defend her medically based limitations, and claim they are healthy, or ideal. Everyone has problems, and she is improving them. Also, I don't recall defend her lifestyle as healthy. But to go from "I love this girl, but she doesn't have a job now" to breaking up with her is insane.
Rorschach Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 here is the situation I was in boy meets girl girl turns 18 girl moves in with boy straight from mom's house girl doesn't work/go to school/do jack to take care of anything boy leaves girl (2 years later when I just couldn't take it anymore) The only thing that could have POSSIBLY saved the relationship was kicking her out of my apartment and having her live on her own and basically go backwards from cohabitation to dating again. She was no responsible or mature enough to be in a relationship and it wasn't going to happen while I was around. You can imagine the kind of stress going from living together to dating would cause and there were enough other problems in the relationship that I just didn't care anymore. But that is one thing that could possibly make her grow up without completely destroying the relationship.
Author Stakuu Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 You really think that you're such a bigshot that dumping her will ruin her life forever? What are you God now? You think this woman worships you so much that being dumped by you would kill her? Lame. Just because you're old enough to drink a beer, doesn't mean you can control a woman's destiny. Grow up. I spent my precious time to give you good advice Mr. "21 year old hypersexual male". Deep down I don't care about you, the chick you're dating, or if you ruin her life. But quit being a wimp and make a grown decision already. It's obvious you know next to nothing about the mentality of women in general, specifically ones who are in their first love which has LASTED 5 YEARS. I don't think I'm a bigshot, but I know her, I know her very well.
hats Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Well honestly it sounds like she'd take you back if that's what you wanted. Break up on amicable terms, have sex with a bunch of girls. Maybe you'll find you like another girl more, but if not just go back and tell your girl you made a terrible mistake and would like to give it another shot.
carhill Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Some of you recommend practically ruining her life so I can screw some girl I don't care about? That's sick. F*cking other women has risks, like pregnancy and STD's. Better get her up to speed on things that can affect her. It's a great time to show how to be a mature man. The other choice (secrecy and lying) is a bit less savory, and it will remain with you for your lifetime. Hope it works out
Author Stakuu Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 F*cking other women has risks, like pregnancy and STD's. Better get her up to speed on things that can affect her. It's a great time to show how to be a mature man. The other choice (secrecy and lying) is a bit less savory, and it will remain with you for your lifetime. Hope it works out whaaaaaaa?
marsle85 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Go on a break. Get to know other girls. Either way, you'll be doing her a favor.
Author Stakuu Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Okay, Mr. 21 year old hypersexual male. Since you know more about women in general than me, what are you gonna do? It's obvious you don't have the balls to dump her or cheat on her. So that means you can continue to be hypersexual with a chick you find immature and whose looks you don't think are all that great. Either that or you can get all that hypersexuality out by watching porn. In any case, your indecision and feminine behavior is going to mess up the relationship in the future. So quit taking your anger out on me, the only guy who has ever given you good advice in your entire life. The balls to dump her? I don't want to dump her. Trust me, the porn is taken care of. My feminine behavior? You mean me not being an ass just to get laid? I'm getting the feeling you're just trolling.
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