minniezz Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Hi guys, I ve been dating my gf for 3 months... and like she got a lot of friends, guys and girls of course. Some of her friends kinda make me feel uncomfortable when my girl and i hang with them. There are 2 kinds of problems, the girls' problems and the guys' problems. Lets start with the girls' : They behave when im there. But when im not, they tell my gf not to take our relation too serious ( bcz i'm younger than my gf by 3 years old ) and they say it would lead to nowhere... I know they looked down on me, they think i'm immature...(and just to make this clear, im 22 and my gf is 25) And the guys' : They hit on my gf. Well like ask her out, flirt around and stuffs, my gf told me to trust her and i do but all the flirts and the txt msgs kinda make me feel not so comfortable. My situation is getting worse because im getting more and more uncomfortable with them, thats soooo annoying when you have to pretend nice to the people that you know they dont like you at all! I'm really looking forward to getting some advice from you guys. Thank you and appreciated.
phineas Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I agree with my most jaded brother in LS arms. Honestly, if your female acquaintances (I say acquaintances because real friends wouldn't hit on you when your in relationship) were hitting on you, you'd stop associating with with them right? I would. I would expect any woman I was with to do so also. Your GF doesn't apparently. bad sign.
Arasae Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I don't know.. I think the woman's female friends are more damaging than the guy friends. If her friends aren't taking him seriously, she's not going to either, most likely, unless she's REALLY into the OP. As for the guy friends.. well, I don't know what to tell you on that. I'm one of those girls who flirts with everyone, I guess. I don't even realize it. I even have a lot of lesbian friends whose girlfriends are wary of me because I'm always just so flirty without even meaning to be--and I'm about 99% hetero, so.. I don't know. Most of my guy friends have a thing for me, so they tend to flirt back (and again, I usually have no clue unless they're flat out making sexual references and/or asking me out), so it's kind of a choice between having guy friends, or not. Take her intent into the situation; if you feel like she's intentionally flirting with them, is aware of it, and okay with it, then dump her. If she's just a natural flirt, there's not too much you can do about it. =/
Pfiend101 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 how can you not realize you're flirting? Just curious.
Green Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I would most likely end up dumping this girl if I were you. First I would tell her off Big time.... Where do you get off hanging out with guy who hit on you when you have a bf... then I would say I'm tired of defending myself against your "friends" I shouldn't have to... I would defeantly PUMP her one last time as another poster put it and DUMP her big time.... Such drama and stress this girl will bring you down. Seriously If you want tell her you are just going to continue dating her until you find some one new because thats exactly what she is doing to you... then treat her like a friends with benefits while you look for a real gf... you know the type with friends that don't hit on her and put you down
marsle85 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Grow up. It's good advice. Good advice, yes. His language is in poor taste.
Arasae Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 how can you not realize you're flirting? Just curious. I don't know! My lesbian friend told me that I just seem open, happy, and very friendly--I guess this is taken to be flirting? I talk to a guy about video games I like, I'm accused of flirting. I compliment someone on his writing--again, it's flirting. I tell someone that his hair looks nice, it's flirting. I tell a guy he should read one of my favorite books, it's flirting. I guess don't know how to have a friendship with someone, and not have it come across like I want something more. It's weird. Any time I actually TRY to flirt with someone, I usually get flustered and it doesn't end well; I start forgetting words like "is" and "are" and say really stupid things. I used to wear a librarian look for this guy at work I liked, came in one day in pig tails, and when he commented, I literally said, "School girl look better." Yeah. Awkward. I just don't get it. When I notice something I like about someone, I'll say so, so maybe that's part if it? I'll use words like "rad" and "awesome sauce" and stupid little phrases like that to let them know it's cool, but I usually say it so dorky, I don't expect it to be flirty ish, but I guess it is. Whatever, it's just my personality. I don't think I'll ever understand.
Author minniezz Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Well anyone else pwease ? So ya'all really think i should break up with her and move on ?
Arasae Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 She said, "I'm one of those girls who flirts with everyone, I guess. I don't even realize it." If you flirt with everyone then you do realize it, obviously. The ONLY reason I "realize" it is because people tell me so. Lesbian friend's girlfriends get jealous, my guy friends ask me on dates and act super confused when I tell them we can hang out platonically, but nothing more, and everyone TELLS me I am. I liken it to having like spaghetti sauce on your face; the person him/herself won't have any idea, and the only reason they'll figure it out without a mirror is if someone clues them in.
Author minniezz Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Srry for late reply guys. Well, for the guys, she told me that she loved me and i can completely trust her. Well, thats what i;m trying to... To love someone means you learn to trust them because you cant be with them 24/7 right ? For the girls, yeah, i know its stupid, just like guys, his friends sometimes play a big part when it comes to making decisions, i told her "They(her girl friends) DO NOT involve in OUR RELATION!. And look at them, they are still single or playing with other guys' feeling. How can you trust them ? " And after that she seemed to understand the situation or at least i hope so. So what do i do ? Im kinda lost
Green Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Srry for late reply guys. Well, for the guys, she told me that she loved me and i can completely trust her. Well, thats what i;m trying to... To love someone means you learn to trust them because you cant be with them 24/7 right ? For the girls, yeah, i know its stupid, just like guys, his friends sometimes play a big part when it comes to making decisions, i told her "They(her girl friends) DO NOT involve in OUR RELATION!. And look at them, they are still single or playing with other guys' feeling. How can you trust them ? " And after that she seemed to understand the situation or at least i hope so. So what do i do ? Im kinda lost You should Trust in the fact that she will continue to hang out with people who both HIT ON HER and PUT YOU DOWN and that she is OK WITH THAT. You should also trust that she has NO RESPECT FOR YOU if she does these things. What do you do... You tell her "I really like you, but I can't continue to date you if you are just going to be cool with hanging with guys who HIT ON YOU and people who PUT US DOWN FOR BEING TOGATHER... SO if you want to keep doing this just know i'll be looking for a new gf."
Author minniezz Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 No, I don't think you should break up with her and move on. I've been saying the exact opposite the whole time. I think you should propose marriage to her and tell you wanna spend the rest of your life with her. Hey Nick. Thx for the advice. Do you think 3 months is a lil too soon for that ?
marsle85 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Hey Nick. Thx for the advice. Do you think 3 months is a lil too soon for that ? I hope i'm confused... you're not really proposing are you?
Arasae Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 A person with food on their face has it there by mistake. A person with a chipper, fun-loving personality has it on purpose. Really? So your personality is perfectly calculated and completely deliberate? That sounds like a complicated way to live, deciding precisely how you want to be so you affect people JUST so. Not to mention, there's only ever one purpose to acting certain ways. Absolutely. Everyone has ulterior motives; mine must be to flirt with everyone I see and be the center of attention, always, because my self-esteem completely rests on what others think of me and whether or not I'm sexy. Gosh. I'm so vain. But hey, if being chipper and fun-loving equals "ditzy attention-whore" in your eyes, fine by me! If you're going to fault me for it, well, that's your problem, buddy.
Author minniezz Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 No, I definitely don't think it's too soon. My folks got married within 2 months of knowing each other. I hope i'm confused... you're not really proposing are you? Thx guys for your advice. The fact is, in my situation, i really don't think i'm ready for marriage. I'm still in school and i gotta lotsa stuffs ahead. However, learning from your advice, i'm ganna give her something as a proposal to tell her how much she means to me. Is it good enough ?
marsle85 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Thx guys for your advice. The fact is, in my situation, i really don't think i'm ready for marriage. I'm still in school and i gotta lotsa stuffs ahead. However, learning from your advice, i'm ganna give her something as a proposal to tell her how much she means to me. Is it good enough ? If you have to ask "Is it good enough?" in reference to marriage, it's not. Don't propose if you're not ready.
Green Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I'm lost... he wants to propose... I thought this was a thread about not putting up with her sht any more. Seriously dude you going to put up with a gf who has friends who put u down? A girl who is just fine with having guys hit on her while she dates you.... Are you actualy thinking of marrying this girl one day... hahaha
Arasae Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 All I'm saying is you damn well know how to act, but try to lie by saying you don't. It's impossible not to know how your personality affects other people. No one can be so clueless that other people need to blatantly spell it out for them. Actually, you know what, you're right in a demented sense. I know how to act. I know how to lie about who I am. I know how to pretend I'm something I'm not because being myself makes people think that I want different things than I do. Guess what: I refuse to do that, because it's bull****, it's fake, and it's one of many things that is wrong with society. Bottom line: This is me. This is my personality. This is who I am. What you're suggesting is the thing that most people struggle with all of their lives, and that is conforming to how other people think they should be. It is possibly one of the most detrimental attitudes to people, in my opinion. BECAUSE I have been told that my personality is a flirtatious one, I know how it affects people. Yes. Got it. I'm not an idiot. I'm still not conscious of specific instances when I do it, it's completely unintentional (how dare I enjoy life as opposed to constantly thinking how something I say is going to be construed?) and more than that, much more importantly, I am genuine. If a man can't accept that part of me, then he is simply not the right person for me. That was my point to the original poster--if that's her personality, if she's not doing it intentionally for the attention, if she doesnt have THAT kind of motive where she's acting deliberately, demanding her to change that about herself is wrong, and they're simply a bad fit.
Author minniezz Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 (edited) @ Green : i'm looking for a solution. I'm just listing the solutions to pick the best one out of it... and like i said, the problem was the guys hitting on her, and well... not like she s flirting back... so... geez and now you are making me confused again Edited May 25, 2010 by minniezz
Green Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 @ Green : i'm looking for a solution. I'm just listing the solutions to pick the best one out of it... and like i said, the problem was the guys hitting on her, and well... not like she s flirting back... so... geez and now you are making me confused again It doesn't matter if she flirts back. If she is friends with and hangs out with a guy who hits on her that is not cool.
Author minniezz Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Yeah I agree. Thats why i said i hate her friends...
bolase Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 No, you're not just curious, because you know what she's saying is total b.s. She said, "I'm one of those girls who flirts with everyone, I guess. I don't even realize it." If you flirt with everyone then you do realize it, obviously. A naturally flirty woman = attention whore. There's no other explanation. While I agree you can't NOT know you're a flirt, you're wrong about the second sweeping statement Nick. Although I'm friendly I'm also super shy and act reserved in many situations. I am interested in other people...and attractive..that means I am naturally flirting with many men from their point of view. I'll accept that, although I know I am FAR from an attention whore. I can only flirt one on one where I find it easy and natural. Being a flirt because youre interested in conversation is not a bad thing. Its called charm in males! The attention whores, imo are the girls who flirt in a dumb way to get attention. Not girls like me whose flirtiness comes out once you already have their attention.
phineas Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 @ Green : i'm looking for a solution. I'm just listing the solutions to pick the best one out of it... and like i said, the problem was the guys hitting on her, and well... not like she s flirting back... so... geez and now you are making me confused again how do you know she doesn't flirt back? I mean if a woman stonewalls a guy (not flirting back) they usually leave her alone. but even so she lets them do it. Which means she enjoys the attention. Which is bad. Do what YOU want to, but your already aggravated & stressed over this. If it were me I wouldn't take this relationship seriously & just date her for fun. Don't be surprised if she winds up dumping you for one of these "guy friends" down the road though.
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