daphne Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I met a guy that I initially did not give a second thought to as a potential bf. I went out because he was cute and sweet and I didn't want to reject him. I know, terrible. But then, he opened his mouth and I became attracted to him as a person. He has some of the same beliefs and values that I have. He says many of the things that I say. I'm not used to hearing myself being repeated back at me. However, he let too long of a time pass between calls (3 weeks while out of town) and I gave up and went out with another guy. When he came back, I didn't plan on seeing him again but someone told me to give him the benefit of the doubt. I've told him that I went out with the other guy, to which he became pretty upset and told me he couldn't trust me. We haven't mentioned exclusivity (which is why I brought it up.) But somewhere in his mind, I was wrong and he looked at me with a pretty judgemental air. He subtly, but deeply offended me. I haven't been intimate with either. Now he's not talking to me. I know I'll probably hear from him again, but I feel like an idiot. There's a reason that Western women don't date men from that region. The respect is one sided. I thought he would be different. He seemed so caring, attentive and emotionally available. Unlike most of the men I've dated in the past decade. I'm utterly disappointed that I went out of my comfort zone and gave something a shot only to find that there are stereotypes for a reason.
OpenGL Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 oh *gasp* it would be even more crazy if you ever thought about dating teh blacks!!!
TouchedByViolet Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 How does his ethnicity have anything to do with his behavior...?
Author daphne Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Not ethnicity at all. It's culture. They view women very differently than in the States. I cannot imagine an American guy looking at me, someone who's kind of an uptight prude, as a skank for having casually gone out on a date with another guy at the same time.
SilentVoice Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I guess I understand what you are saying but I really don't . I know many western guys who have the same mentally as what you mentioned.So if you don't agree with his ways you might as well leave it alone.
Author daphne Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 I don't agree to the insult that because I didn't do it the way he expected, I am somehow less respectable. He can't even live up to my standards in that area, so it was pretty hypocritical.
Rorschach Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I don't think it's an ethnicity thing, I know alot of white guys who would act the same way. He was probably just more into you than you were into him, in his head the relationship was further along than it was. He over reacted, but not because of his ethnicity.
Author daphne Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 No. I was really into him. I just didn't know if I could trust him because he popped out and back in. But I do sense that he was really into me. Otherwise I don't think he wouldn't have overreacted like he did. And it's not an ethnicity thing. I was explaining that it's cultural..
quankanne Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 sounds a lot more like a cultural thing to me. Same thing with Hispanic men, very possessive of their women, as compared to white guys.
amymarieca Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Sorry to say this happened, but at least you caught it early! I live in a city that is very multicultural and I too would never date a guy who is from the Middle East. It has everything to do with their beliefs on a woman's place in society and in a relationship. Unfortunately it differs way too much from my beliefs to the point where I view it as highly disrespectful. There is nothing wrong with thinking this way. It's a shame too because they are very nice people when you first meet them!
skydiveaddict Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 there is a man on this site named "Just Joe" he knows alot about mid-eastern culture, you should look him up. I myself never developed an interest in that culture. When I was in Iraq all they did was shoot bullets at me
Author daphne Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Amy, Yes. He really does seem like a nice guy. But at this point I'm super gun shy. If he can look at me with disrespect over a misunderstanding that is pretty commonplace and innocuous in the US, it can probably get worse.
Author daphne Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 When I was in Iraq all they did was shoot bullets at me lol. Well, I can understand why then. But he's definitely not from Iraq. That would be way too complicated.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I met a guy that I initially did not give a second thought to as a potential bf. I went out because he was cute and sweet and I didn't want to reject him. I know, terrible. But then, he opened his mouth and I became attracted to him as a person. He has some of the same beliefs and values that I have. He says many of the things that I say. I'm not used to hearing myself being repeated back at me. However, he let too long of a time pass between calls (3 weeks while out of town) and I gave up and went out with another guy. When he came back, I didn't plan on seeing him again but someone told me to give him the benefit of the doubt. I've told him that I went out with the other guy, to which he became pretty upset and told me he couldn't trust me. We haven't mentioned exclusivity (which is why I brought it up.) But somewhere in his mind, I was wrong and he looked at me with a pretty judgemental air. He subtly, but deeply offended me. I haven't been intimate with either. Now he's not talking to me. I know I'll probably hear from him again, but I feel like an idiot. There's a reason that Western women don't date men from that region. The respect is one sided. I thought he would be different. He seemed so caring, attentive and emotionally available. Unlike most of the men I've dated in the past decade. I'm utterly disappointed that I went out of my comfort zone and gave something a shot only to find that there are stereotypes for a reason. Don't worry, that knucklehead will be controlling you very soon. I'm sure it will be just as you want it. And who cares if you miss something authentic and sincere whilst being controlled for the duration of your choosing by a guy like you describe here?
craw Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 lol it's got nothing to do with his background, but don't bother following up with it, cause it seems like this will be your getaway excuse for any further problems in the relationship.
Author daphne Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 Don't worry, that knucklehead will be controlling you very soon. I'm sure it will be just as you want it. And who cares if you miss something authentic and sincere whilst being controlled for the duration of your choosing by a guy like you describe here? You're kind of a weird one, aren't you?
Author daphne Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 lol it's got nothing to do with his background, but don't bother following up with it, cause it seems like this will be your getaway excuse for any further problems in the relationship. Not excuse. It's fear...
bac Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 A girl might prefer not to tell a guy who is into her about anything sexual that involves other males. I believe there is no male of any nationality who is fine to hear that his girl had stuff with other males in her past or present. I would not even mention your future expectations related to other males. If you say a guy about another guy, he would hear/interpret your story totally different than you understand it. Perhaps, he is wrong, but there is no way to explain him the situation from your point.
IronMaiden Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 They were casually dating....he didn't call for three weeks....that, in early relationship time is about 3 CENTURIES....He sounds like the very jealous type and you are well rid of him.
brainygirl Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I've had similar things happen with western guys. I was seeing one very casually, in that I had asked about exclusivity and putting a title (dating, bf and gf) on us and he had gotten upset and backpeddled. So I went out with another guy, and the first was lighting up my emails with "you gotta be faithful to get me". Guys are babies who want the best of both worlds.
Sivok Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 (edited) For what it's worth, I'm a Syrian American and what you just mentioned really doesn't have anything to do with his ethnicity/culture/whatever, but more so a severe lack of communication. Middle easterners that abide by their culture don't really 'date'. They go through a courtship process usually chaperoned by both parties folks. The very fact he was dating you proved he was outside that premise. Also, I bet you didn't know the majority of arab cultures (not the radical saudi/etc views so readily perceived via the media) gave women equal rights to men before the US did. They don't all cover up - Miss America is a Lebanese Muslim! The more you know. I think the fact that you jumped on him about his race so quickly just shows a bit of a tastelessness on your end, not to mention the very topic of this entire thread - placing judgment on an entire group of people due to a lack of communication on his/your end. Maybe you didn't mean to deliver it so offensively, but the entire tone and title of your thread is just disconcerting and displays a lack of social depth on your end. Edited May 26, 2010 by Sivok
SarahRose Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 For what it's worth, I'm a Syrian American and what you just mentioned really doesn't have anything to do with his ethnicity/culture/whatever, but more so a severe lack of communication. Middle easterners that abide by their culture don't really 'date'. They go through a courtship process usually chaperoned by both parties folks. The very fact he was dating you proved he was outside that premise. Also, I bet you didn't know the majority of arab cultures (not the radical saudi/etc views so readily perceived via the media) gave women equal rights to men before the US did. They don't all cover up - Miss America is a Lebanese Muslim! The more you know. I think the fact that you jumped on him about his race so quickly just shows a bit of a tastelessness on your end, not to mention the very topic of this entire thread - placing judgment on an entire group of people due to a lack of communication on his/your end. Maybe you didn't mean to deliver it so offensively, but the entire tone and title of your thread is just disconcerting and displays a lack of social depth on your end. So how true is it about banging Western women and then going home and marrying a nice girl from their own culture with parental approval?
Woggle Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 So how true is it about banging Western women and then going home and marrying a nice girl from their own culture with parental approval? I know more than a few guys from other cultures who are big time players with western women but when it comes time to settle down they want a woman from their homeland who in many cases is arranged by the family.
mem11363 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I agree he was into you. I also think if he was western he would have stayed in close touch those 3 weeks. The idea that you will pine for him and sit by the phone at home and alone is a bit ridiculous. If you want exclusivity you pay attention to the other person. A western male typically gets that. As for the cultural aspect of this - simply look at professional employment demographics in the (non-Israeli) part of the middle east. Women simply don't participate in the workforce there like they do here. They are not viewed as even close to equal in most middle eastern countries with Saudi being top of the list. No. I was really into him. I just didn't know if I could trust him because he popped out and back in. But I do sense that he was really into me. Otherwise I don't think he wouldn't have overreacted like he did. And it's not an ethnicity thing. I was explaining that it's cultural..
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