aeren944 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Hey guys, I need advice on some ways I can work on to help me rebuild my self esteem. I'm completely drawing a blank. Can anyone provide any suggestions?
quankanne Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 get involved. Volunteer, learn to do something you've always been interested, just get out there and see what you like. And as you keep up with it, as you master whatever it is, you start feeling better about yourself. volunteering helps you to see that whatever gift it is you possess is needed and appreciated. it also surrounds you with people who emit positive energy, which is always an important thing to have ...
skydiveaddict Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Hey guys, I need advice on some ways I can work on to help me rebuild my self esteem. I'm completely drawing a blank. Can anyone provide any suggestions? what caused you to lose it?
Author aeren944 Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Well... my fiance and I broke up when she cheated on me about 3 weeks ago. I posted about it in the seperation forum: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t230464/ Going through a whole lot of emotions and pain right now... just trying to formulate a plan on fixing myself.
christiw Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 hi, aeren944 I can understanding your feelings. Its very difficult to get over your love but at the same time its not impossible too. If you know she has cheated you then why are you wasting your time in thinking about her. Just get involved in the activities you like. Time is the great healer man so just don't worry..You will soon get over her.
jinosbrovens Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Well as its mentioned the esteem is build-up one so that can be rebuild by means of advertising and other outside campaigns to get it more influenced.
FitChick Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 Self-esteem comes from the Self, from you, not anyone or anything outside. Your core beliefs, which form when we are small, clearly got triggered. Those are the "buttons" people push. Eliminate your negative beliefs. Try a free sample. It really helped me when my ex fiance broke off our engagement. People were rather surprised that I wasn't more devastated but the Lefkoe Method really helped me stay strong. http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free/
Art_Critic Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 Well... my fiance and I broke up when she cheated on me about 3 weeks ago. I posted about it in the seperation forum: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t230464/ Going through a whole lot of emotions and pain right now... just trying to formulate a plan on fixing myself. Time... It takes to to recover from being punched in the gut.. By the way.. if that is your son in the picture he is absolutely adorable.. you look like such a proud Dad
Author aeren944 Posted May 29, 2010 Author Posted May 29, 2010 Time... It takes to to recover from being punched in the gut.. By the way.. if that is your son in the picture he is absolutely adorable.. you look like such a proud Dad Thank you... yes, that's my son. That was back before all of this... a year ago. I felt like a proud dad then... The time part is hard, because it feels like I'm stuck in it, with no escape. I'm in some kind of despair, and its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel...
Pacman Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Hello- Sorry to hear about your fiance cheating on you. I've had a gf cheat on me and I can only imagine it'd be 10x worse the fact that you were ready to spend the rest of your life with this woman. As for rebuilding self-esteem, these are the things I've been doing which have helped me. Its been a long process and I'm still not there yet, but ill keep on going till I there. *Lifting weights - Nothing feels better than leaving the gym knowing that your body is slowly changing for the better. *Martial Arts - (I do Muay Thai, Boxing and Brazilian jiu-jutsu) It gives you a new found respect for yourself, knowing you can push yourself through the hard workout sessions. Also knowing that you have what it takes to protect yourself and your son at any given moment really helps with self-esteem *Volunteering - I volunteer at a local animal adoption centre and the feeling you get volunteering is indescribable. Also someone already posted that the people who volunteer have positive energy, this is SO true. *Try something you never thought you'd do in your lifetime. *Pick up a new hobby - guitar, painting, poem etc etc Hope that helps
CLC2008 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Horrific. That is a terrible thing to go through . Rebuilding self esteem, ah, such a difficult process. But, we will get there eventually, no short cuts unfortunately. This gives me a sense of solace: Hugs.
D-Lish Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Deal with whatever is ailing you first and foremost. Process it, feel it, deal with it but don't internalize it. Don't make her cheating your future insecurity. It's good to work on small accomplishments in order to build self esteem. Small goals add up when you gather them together. It's so easy to accept that something is wrong with us when someone cheats on us. If only we'd done this, or hadn't done that, they wouldn't have sought what is missing in us elsewhere... Such thoughts can lead to personal beliefs about ourselves that can strip a chunk out of our ego. Don't take responsibility for things that are out of your control when it comes to your break up. You can't force healing- but you can be pro-active in your healing process. Focus on small goals, because they are easier to achieve and you can attain them more often.
Meaplus3 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Hey guys, I need advice on some ways I can work on to help me rebuild my self esteem. I'm completely drawing a blank. Can anyone provide any suggestions? Become social. Do thing's for other's, excercise, therapy.. all good stuff. Mea:)
Author aeren944 Posted June 1, 2010 Author Posted June 1, 2010 Thank you, guys... I will try to set small goals. Someone told me to take solace in the fact that I do little things... like this morning, I went for a walk when I wanted to cry. I guess I'm supposed to put pride in that. As for being social, it's still really hard... I still want to sit in my house and cry all day. I don't have many friends, because when I was with her, she was my best friend and I didn't look elsewhere for friends. I guess I'm at the point of pure grief and depression... Am I supposed to wait for that to be over before I can force myself to be social?
reservoirdog1 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I second what PacMan said about martial arts. With something like karate, what's good is that it's usually quite structured and disciplined, with a linear and measurable advancement track that requires you to work and improve in order to progress. Each belt is like another badge of achievement and makes you feel good about yourself. A lot of the schools have affirmations and/or a "dojo kun" which you have to recite; these can seem a bit hokey at first but you're doing them with a bunch of other students who are all in the same boat as you. Plus, they're very positive. I've been doing karate for about six months, and getting started with it was one of the best decisions I've made in the last ten years.
CLC2008 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Thank you, guys... I will try to set small goals. Someone told me to take solace in the fact that I do little things... like this morning, I went for a walk when I wanted to cry. I guess I'm supposed to put pride in that. As for being social, it's still really hard... I still want to sit in my house and cry all day. I don't have many friends, because when I was with her, she was my best friend and I didn't look elsewhere for friends. I guess I'm at the point of pure grief and depression... Am I supposed to wait for that to be over before I can force myself to be social? Aeren, you went through a traumatic experience. You're suffering an extreme loss, through betrayel nonetheless. If you're truly at the point of pure grief and depression, it may be beneficial to talk to someone professionally, to help alliviate the pain and process your emotions better? Gotta deal with the stuff in the middle too while making those small strides. Find something that fits you best.
DadofTwoGirls Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Try jogging while wearing earbuds and listening to inspiring music..I find that helps and is also good for you...listen..crying feels great when you are done..everyone needs to cry:)
Author aeren944 Posted June 2, 2010 Author Posted June 2, 2010 (edited) Thanks, guys. I'm not so depressed today... today's better. I have been heeding the advice, and trying to recognize the little things that I enjoy... just a thing, here or there, that makes me happy. It's tough, but today it's been easier. I haven't started jogging, but I did start walking. It does help tremendously. And you're right, DadofTwoGirls, sometimes crying is the best thing to do. I know that very well. Like I said, I'm trying to set little goals, and trying to accept the pain and stuff, but keep it in perspective. Today, at least, that's been working. I'm thinking about the martial arts thing... but haven't come to a conclusion yet. Thanks again... Edited June 2, 2010 by aeren944
bac Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 If you have low self-esteem because of breaking up with a person and it has happened 3 wks ago, it means that you have grief now. It is normal to have grief if you lost an important person in your life. It is also normal to be depressed for several months after that. Low self-esteem is a symptom of depression related to grief. But, if you had low self-esteem in a different situation, IMO it is the best way to use affirmations to improve self-esteem.
Dreamwalker Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Personaly, I agree with what Bac said. It is normal to have grief. During a period like that, it is important to take care of your emotional self : watch inspiring movies, listen to some good music, make some gifts to yourself... Concerning the regain of your self esteem, I think that there is different technics that can help you : - For exemple, each day stand in front of a miror and acknowledge how a great mean you are. Find all the small and big things of your life that give you pride. For example, it is an evidence that you are a great dad when someone look at your picture. - As it was said before, you could also focus your mind on positive things during the day. In the Huna, the old wisdom of Hawaï, there is a concept named Ike and which says "the world is what you think it is". I write an article on my website about it and how someone can use it in his life. By focusing your mind on positive things, I really believe that it will help you. - Find your passion and go for it ! Deep inside yourself, your heart has a lot of strong desires... It is what I call the "personal legend". Find it and begin to manifest it by focusing your actions on those dreams. It will help you build a strong self-esteem because when you do what you love, you always live your life with a sense of positive pride.
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