Sazerac Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Why would a girl not want to go to a chain restaurant for a romantic date? Let me count the ways: 1) The noise level at said restaurants at peak times pretty much cancels out any hope of decent conversation, much less romantic interaction. Most chain restaurants cater to huge parties of people in various stages of inebriation celebrating anniversaries/birthdays/engagements/etc. with the staff bringing out cakes and doing the whole sing-song, handclapping thing every 10-20 minutes or so for various tables. I can tell you, the decibel level gets pretty high in those places. 2) If there are any kids present, expect a large amount of squalling and squealing, inversely proportionate to age. There are certain notes infants and toddlers can hit that could set Mother Teresa's teeth on edge, were that august saint still amongst the living. 3) The whole process: get seated, get your order, get it in you, get out. It's just about that romantic. You are pretty much rushed through your meal, and I would think that would send a message to the woman that the guy is interested in her in pretty much the same way. 4) I think the quality of food at said establishments has been pretty well debated in this thread--which is to say, it's greasy, heavy, and not well prepared. Truthfully, it doesn't take much to find neat, creative alternatives to the typical "restaurant row" chain fodder in most cities. Right here in my town there's a delightful restaurant that has an open dining deck out over the bayou with moss-covered cypress trees all around. Going there is an experience, not an ordeal, and the food is outstanding. Just as an example. And no, Marsle, I certainly don't think you're a bitch. Your points made much sense, and I respect you for the amount of tolerance and patience you've shown the guy. Any one that would have tried those simpering sappy phony-sounding posts with me and I'd have been out of there like there was no tomorrow. He may be a decent person but he's taking the easy road and is probably too dumb to know any different.
magda Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Well, I'm sure some women won't mind Applebees all that much. When you choose a date location you say something about your taste, etc. It's unfortunate people make statements like that but I guess I can't knock it. There's plenty of Applebees loving women to match up with those guys, i guess. Back over to the lame texts. I've had some corny stuff like that sent to me in the past, honestly I wrote the guys off as weirdos right away. That just doesn't seem normal. I figure something is wrong with them, of a fundamental nature. Potential stalker or something. Or someone just plain emotionally naive.
Els Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I would be far more put-off by the texts than the chain restaurant. TGIF is actually considered 'upscale' here though, heh.
harmfulsweetz Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 See, I always find the place someone chooses to take me on a date can sometimes indicate the level of interest he has in me. A guy with high interest in me would probably take me to a nice, little restaurant which may be cheap but is really tasty and hidden away, a guy with low level interest would take me to a chain restaurant-why put the effort in when you don't have to? I'm not saying it goes for 100% of the time, but I'd seriously rather a guy took me out for coffee than to a chain restaurant if it's to save money. I'm not proposing that people should instantly be dismissed based on their choice of venue, but I'd sincerely question whether we matched up. I like chain restaurants, but not as a first date. It's all about impressions, if you give off the impression that you put in no thought and no effort, then that is the impression that will stick. I remember once a guy who I knew as a friend, took me out on a date (I paid the lot) to a sushi restaurant. I hate sushi. I was fairly starved by leaving, and I thought, the guy could have chosen a more of a halfway house kind of thing, like somewhere in between. Thoughtless.Also, I did tell him I hated sushi, he wanted to go there anyway. I don't think it's high maintenance to expect a little thought and effort, it would be if OP was suggesting he must take her to an upscale restaurant and serve her with bottles of Cristal, she's not. Something thoughtful and even if you have a low budget, you can still do thoughtful. It's not high maintenance for a man to expect his date to dress up for the evening/day whatever, and put in effort, so why is it for the woman to expect a man to put in some thought?
malala7 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I'm totally with you. I HATE overly dramatic phrases. I don't appreciate when a guy adds more to a compliment than necessary. For example, if a guy says to me 'You are beautiful' I'm smiling, if a guy says 'You are the most beautiful creature on earth' I'm puking. I just find it so fake and exaggerated. Simple works best for me.
RedRussian Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 You are puking when someone says it because you find yourself "fake and exaggerated" so when someone says it it jumps on you with all your insecurities child, grow up and learn to not "puke" but take peoples compliments in a mature way knowing they might be a little overstated, but only becaue he likes you and wants to impress, nothing wrong with that.
Twenty-ten Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Yup too much too soon is definitely a turn off. Doesn't matter how hot and cool he is, his hotness/coolness factor will drop if he is too much. He has to maintain a certain level of aloofness to counterbalance the sweet things he will interject intermittently otherwise it becomes heavy. But in this case I think Applebys and Ironman are the real culprits!
Ihavenoidea Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I tend to take women to ball game's or the zoo, or to a museum and sometimes the aquarium on the first date. I figure even if we dont click there is something for us to do besides just sit there and have a bad time. First impressions are great but guys go on so many first dates just to get blown off. For me with similar circumstances I'm not going to put a whole lot of effort into it, you either like me or you dont and if you are turned off over Ruby Teusdays then you arent the girl for me. I'm sure a lot of people feel similar. If you want me to put effort into it then the woman needs to show interest, once that happens I will actually try.
Star Gazer Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I sure was. How? You've already been out with this guy - says so in your OP!!
carhill Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I had someone I loved tell me this (the title of the thread) and it did turn out, in the end, that she was right.
Star Gazer Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I had someone I loved tell me this (the title of the thread) and it did turn out, in the end, that she was right. Read my mind...
carhill Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Read my mind... Topically, and my prior comment was strictly from a unique personal experience and in no way reflective of the OP personally, I do believe, when a woman says, in clear words, things about herself, her perspective and her psyche, couched in negative terms like the title of the thread, even if 'in jest', those words bear reflection. This same person also made reference to being 'damaged', 'jaded' and 'cold-hearted'. My prior 'rescuer' psyche said 'no way, you're a beautiful, caring, bla, bla person'. A healthier path is one of acceptance. I've only eaten at Applebee's once, of all places, in Vegas, and it wasn't 'on a date'.
Twenty-ten Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Oh please, we are all bitches and a-holes. Some of us more than others but we are all like that. Her question fits with everyone and for those who can't relate are probably the biggest bitches and a-holes out there.
donnamaybe Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 The over-the-top compliments would turn me off too. It smacks of insecurity. However, I wouldn't fault a guy for where he wanted to take me unless it was something like a dog fight or an equally awful event. Or McDonalds. Now THAT would bug me. lol I'm not all that big on Applebee's, but they do have really yummy drinks and appetizers.
Twenty-ten Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 The other thing is that there is no need for over the top compliments in the early stages. Compliments yes, but too much sap comes across as insincere like guys use stock comments to get into a girl's pants. We all know our worth and there is really no need for over the top super sappy comments. I much prefer a subtle but heartfelt compliment than a whole lot of meaningless sap typically used to get something. In my books, if being sensible and smart about reading people makes someone a bitch then I would wear the title proudly.
donnamaybe Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 The over-the-top compliments would turn me off too. It smacks of insecurity. However, I wouldn't fault a guy for where he wanted to take me unless it was something like a dog fight or an equally awful event. Or McDonalds. Now THAT would bug me. lol I'm not all that big on Applebee's, but they do have really yummy drinks and appetizers. Good gawd! I meant INSINCERETY! lol
Twenty-ten Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Good gawd! I meant INSINCERETY! lol Ha! But "insecurity" kind of works too. You got a two for one deal out of that one, good on ya!
donnamaybe Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Ha! But "insecurity" kind of works too. You got a two for one deal out of that one, good on ya! True, true.
malala7 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 You are puking when someone says it because you find yourself "fake and exaggerated" so when someone says it it jumps on you with all your insecurities child, grow up and learn to not "puke" but take peoples compliments in a mature way knowing they might be a little overstated, but only becaue he likes you and wants to impress, nothing wrong with that. Look, I am not a child and certainly I am not insecure. It makes me sick that people think I'm some f***ing dumb b%tch they can sweet talk too. I want someone who ompliments me for my abilities, for the way I make them feel and for being me. I do not have to be the most beautiful thing on earth to be loved and valued. The fact a guy feels he has to make me feel so special is ridiculous.
RedRussian Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Well if he was some guy you were in to big time for ex. brad pitt to be genetic. You would be all gaga for that. You would love a man you in to big time to tell you what he is telling you, but because you are not it seems bleh ( which it is but perspective is the difference ). You would want your husband or lover you in to, to call you most beutiful woman in the world, who's moistness and warmth can not be matched even by Amazon Forrest and who's energy and maturity trumps all women here or any of his friends ever heard or seen on this planet... etc. etc. etc. It's like a guy staring at the girl on the train, he is cute, it's ok if he is not, its creepy for ex. Be honest with your self, you just not that in to him, but you like his attention so you keep him on a string instead of saying stop! with all that stuff i am not interested and never will be you just not my type. Compliments will stop but you would not like that would you. Even for a straight man compliment from a gay guy is nice or a fat chick you get the idea. And if you think you are not special so how can anyone make you feel like one? Unless inside you do feel it. Sweet talk is part of mating process, maybe we should stop giving compliments, pay for dinners, no flowers or any gifts for holidays (because it makes you feel oh so special and you hate that...)
soserious1 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Personally you ought to be grateful he's actually suggesting taking you to a restaurant and paying for your meal. From what I've seen quite a bit of what passes for "dating" these days are "hookup's" with the guy popping over to the girl's apt for some sex after he's spent his evening elsewhere. This guys texts to you could very well be saying things like "Wut up biatch? sex?" If the man's sweet talk doesn't interest you, he has still honored you by expressing interest, you need to let him know clearly but politely that you aren't interested, you can then unfriend him, unfollow him on twitter and block his texts. Btw, Applebee's makes good drinks and the appetizers while conventional aren't bad, it's a safe choice of a place to take someone new.
gypsy_nicky Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Messages like this: "Well do you think cuddling with me would put a smile on that pretty face of yours?" make. me. gag. This guy sends me nightly texts (whatever) and most of the time they make me crack up. He's even this corny in person... the other day he mentioned how he had to go through my agent to talk to me. He goes on about how I'm a "model" etc. The thing is, he knows I don't like it- I roll my eyes, and don't respond to 99% of these *lame* messages. Gosh, just a glimpse of the last week's texts: "Why are you so cute?" "Can I show you how a princess should be treated?" "Your so cute, sweet, polite, gorgeous, respectful, amazing... you have no idea how rare and special you really are". Yikes. Thing is, he wants to take me out (he said Applebees:sick:) and a movie (Ironman). None of that sounds appetizing. Maybe i'm snooty, but ordering chicken crispers doesn't sound romantic. He's a nice guy, attractive- but not MY kind of guy. There isn't enough depth. As I was writing, he just sent this: "I have missed you even more since I've been home. You're cute, funny, sweet, polite, amazing to say the least". Half of me thinks/HOPES he's trying to play me - because there has to be an excuse for this behavior. Yuck. Would I LIKE these messages if they were from someone else? Some of you may think so, but it's just not me. I can't stand Facebook comments from couples: "So and so is my eternal sunshine, I live for them". I don't even CHANGE my status on Facebook. Don't get me wrong. When I am close to someone, I'll sit on your lap, I'll hold your hand, I could kiss for hours, I'm very sweet and I love physical intimacy. I'm not afraid of that kind of closeness, but to me - simple is best. I enjoy, and appreciate "I miss you" more than "I miss you more than the sun and the stars, yadayadayada.." Who's with me? I'm not with you. Just asking: what if these lines were delivered correctly by a man you were deeply attracted to? the thing with restaurants and movies, I guess applebees is a bit el cheapo. Is he poor (student etc)? Maybe he is attractive (looks wise) but not to you personally?
Twenty-ten Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Well if he was some guy you were in to big time for ex. brad pitt to be genetic. You would be all gaga for that. You would love a man you in to big time to tell you what he is telling you, but because you are not it seems bleh ( which it is but perspective is the difference ). Not true, the fact is that a guy who is too sappy too soon turns a Brad Pitt into a George Costanza. You would want your husband or lover you in to, to call you most beutiful woman in the world, who's moistness and warmth can not be matched even by Amazon Forrest and who's energy and maturity trumps all women here or any of his friends ever heard or seen on this planet... etc. etc. etc. Yes a husband or boyfriend ABSOLUTELY there aren't enough compliments to go around the difference is that with someone you are in an established relationship the trust is there, and more importantly they have seen you in many different lights and gotten a much better idea of what you are REALLY about, so if they can still compliment you warts and all, it is a huge turn-on. Too much sap early on makes it seem like it is based on fake reasons. Be honest with your self, you just not that in to him, but you like his attention so you keep him on a string instead of saying stop! with all that stuff i am not interested and never will be you just not my type. Compliments will stop but you would not like that would you. I can honestly say I was really into guys at first but they came on so strong it turned me off. It's not about not being treated nice it is about having someone do things that simply come on TOO strong. Too much of anything is not good. think of how we train animals or children, if you want to keep a pet bored, keep their toys around for them to see all the time. If you want to keep them entertained hide their toys and re-introduce them seperately, watch that animal or child, get excited over and over again. Ever hear the song "Celebration" at a wedding or the radio? Tell me what you think when they play that song. Too much is just not good.
RedRussian Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 (edited) Yes, but it's the words that make her "puke" not the timing. She also sounds spoiled. In Soviet Russia Ironman Watches You Edited May 26, 2010 by RedRussian
Author marsle85 Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 (edited) But in this case I think Applebys and Ironman are the real culprits! hahaha, this cracked me up. How? You've already been out with this guy - says so in your OP!! No... I've hung out with him before with mutual friends, we've never been on a date before. That's why him laying out Applebee's on a silver platter kind of turned me off. I much prefer a subtle but heartfelt compliment than a whole lot of meaningless sap typically used to get something. In my books, if being sensible and smart about reading people makes someone a bitch then I would wear the title proudly. You just made my day. I think this really sums up how I was feeling. He whips out these over the top, cheesy comments and then suggests: "How does a backrub feel right now?" It makes my skin crawl! If the man's sweet talk doesn't interest you, he has still honored you by expressing interest, you need to let him know clearly but politely that you aren't interested, you can then unfriend him, unfollow him on twitter and block his texts. I think you're right. Regardless of whether i'm interested, there is no need to be rude- and I haven't given any inclination that I find it offensive... i'm approaching the board for a little vent and to gather some other opinions. Do that many people really twitter? haha I'm not with you. Just asking: what if these lines were delivered correctly by a man you were deeply attracted to? the thing with restaurants and movies, I guess applebees is a bit el cheapo. Is he poor (student etc)? Maybe he is attractive (looks wise) but not to you personally? I mentioned in a post prior that he IS a very attractive guy, and just not to me personally. I am a student, and so is he - but frankly, the money is irrelevant. I know of a ton of great places around here that are pretty cheap, and have a lot of flare. Commercial chain restaurants simply aren't romantic, or sexy. As for the lines- sure, if they were delievered by someone I loved- I'd be more understanding... but they're not. Our situation was explained in my first post pretty well... we've hung out a few times, but no official dates. He doesn't know me well enough to be this extreme, nor do I think I would really ENJOY that kind of over the top sentiment even in a committed, long term relationship. Yes, but it's the words that make her "puke" not the timing. She also sounds spoiled. Like I said, should we even be dating- or in a LTR, I probably would mind these texts less... but I know myself, and I still don't picture myself loving them even then. I'm allowed to have this opinion, I'm not a bad person for feeling this way... and it sounds like a lot of women feel the same way. I'm not spoiled for having my standards... I wouldn't be single right now if I dated every guy that wanted to take me to Applebee's. I bring a lot to the table, my dream date doesn't consist of kids drawing on paper table clothes next to me. I'm not dissing chain restaurants indefinitely. As I have mentioned, and other posters agreed- those kind of restaurants are handy before or after a movie, or on the way somewhere... not as the main event. Seriously- even if we were going DUTCH, or I was paying: I. would. not. want. to. go. there. Edited May 26, 2010 by marsle85
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