melissa567 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Hi Everyone, I know i've seen this story by several other women and as most of them I feel that my situation is a little different and would like some opinions. My Boyfriend and I have been together for over 6 years, we met in college were friends for about 3 months then started dating, a year and a half later we moved in together, then about a year ago we bought a house together, we have completely joint bank accounts, talk about everything, and have discussed marriage a lot. About 2 years into the relationship we used to discuss marriage all the time, we had a rough patch during year 3-4 and almost broke up, mostly because we just weren't putting as much into the relationship as we used to, since then we have both made sure to set aside time for each other and make sure to make our relationship a priority. When we bought our house his family was against it they felt we were moving too quickly and that we were too young (23 when we bought the house) to make such a big decision. During our relationship I have always been in school and just in april finished my degree but we set aside the money for my engagement ring about 6 months ago so that I wouldn't know when he was planning on buying it, (which i'm sure she if he did to humour me or if he really intends to use the money we put aside) About, 2 years ago he said he would propose within a year, then our relationship started to fall apart, which we have fixed, but now i'm getting the same story again, we will get engaged within the next year. I just don't know what to believe anymore, I truly love him, but I want a commitment, I'm just worried if I give him one more year, I'll keep giving it to him over and over again. I think about us getting engaged all the time, and I am starting to resent him that he won't tell me why he doesn't want to get engaged nor will he propose. What should I do?
Author melissa567 Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 its not that its a deal breaker I love him, but I need to know if I'm not going to get married then I'm okay with it, but I would much rather know where I stand, and understand if he doesn't want to get married because he eventually wants to leave or if he just wants to stay together forever without marriage..
FitChick Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 (edited) Bad idea to buy the house. It will be difficult to sell in this job market, so you might be in the position many divorced people are -- having to live together while you are dating. Not too many single men or women who would want to date you. Give him an ultimatum and when it passes, say you will be talking to a realtor about selling the house and does he want to buy you out? By the way, if either of you got into a serious accident or had a terrible disease, if you aren't married, the other person has no say as to your treatment or whether or not to pull the plug. Usually you aren't even allowed into the intensive care unit because that is only for close family and you aren't family. That is the main reason Sandra Bullock married Jesse after his accident. Edited May 25, 2010 by FitChick
legallyblonde289 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Bad idea to buy the house. It will be difficult to sell in this job market, so you might be in the position many divorced people are -- having to live together while you are dating. Not too many single men or women who would want to date you. Give him an ultimatum and when it passes, say you will be talking to a realtor about selling the house and does he want to buy you out? By the way, if either of you got into a serious accident or had a terrible disease, if you aren't married, the other person has no say as to your treatment or whether or not to pull the plug. Usually you aren't even allowed into the intensive care unit because that is only for close family and you aren't family. That is the main reason Sandra Bullock married Jesse after his accident. well there are other ways to deal with that other than marriage, he could execute a health care proxy naming her with authority to make those decisions...just saying
norajane Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 its not that its a deal breaker I love him, but I need to know if I'm not going to get married then I'm okay with it, but I would much rather know where I stand, and understand if he doesn't want to get married because he eventually wants to leave or if he just wants to stay together forever without marriage.. He's not going to tell you that. What would he have to gain if he told you, yeah, he's thinking he might want to one day walk out on you? Right now, he's got just about everything marriage would give him without actually being married. House, joint finances, you're there all the time. So, he really wouldn't be gaining anything by marrying you, unless it's a happier woman in his life. If I were you, I'd tell him this: I am starting to resent him that he won't tell me why he doesn't want to get engaged nor will he propose. You say it's not a deal-breaker, but you also say you think about getting engaged all the time and you're starting to resent him. I think getting married matters a lot more to you than you're willing to admit. But if he won't even discuss it and explain his thoughts, then there's no way this relationship is solid enough for a marriage in the first place.
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