latinachicka Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 My boyfriend of 3 months has a female best friend. They have been friends for about 7 years and she moved away. She is back and he is spending time with her. They write "I love you" on myspace, text, facebook, etc.. they are extremely close. He has been weird with me today and not as loving as usual. He is going out with her tonite to spend time with her, and its bugging me! he's 29, and im 30. She's his ex girlfriends younger sister. She's like 22. He tells me there are no feelings other than a strong brother/sister thing, and has even let me know they are hanging out today. The way they talk to eachother really freaks me out. He has never given me a reason to worry; ever. He is actually a very good boyfriend who shows his love, and makes sure I feel special. He tells me he loves me, and all that. I just don't know. Do I have the right to feel worried? Should I just ignore it and try to just shake off the feelings? I have went to him with my concerns once before and he laughs it off saying that if something were to happen, it would have, and that she's just a sister to him.
JohnM Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I get this all the time. My best friend is female and its completely platonic. Nothing has ever ever happened. Not even a kiss on the cheek but she is closer to me than anyone else. You need to not worry because it seems like you already trust him. Just continue that trust in him. Its a real strain on them if they think its a burden on your relationship as they will feel they cannot hang out anymore, and with a close friend from that long a time it will cause problems. The key thing here is if it were a guy you would not care one bit would you? As long as its platonic let it be.
FitChick Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Why don't you say (the next time he praises her), "Wow, she sounds really cool. Because you like her I'm sure she's great. I'd love to meet her. Why don't we invite her to come to dinner/hike/party with us sometime?" Make it about "us" and "her." Not "them" and "you" if you can spot the difference. My friend's boyfriend was living with a female roommate when they first started dating and they were very close while my friend was dating him. She made sure she became good friends with this woman and had an ally with her boyfriend. Eventually the boyfriend and my friend moved in together. They still invited her over occasionally but she moved on and dated plenty of other guys.
skydiveaddict Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I just don't know. Do I have the right to feel worried? Should I just ignore it and try to just shake off the feelings? I have went to him with my concerns once before and he laughs it off saying that if something were to happen, it would have, and that she's just a sister to him. I would think your bf would want you to come along also. I can see why you're worried. He's not being very smart about this
Lauriebell82 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Why don't you say (the next time he praises her), "Wow, she sounds really cool. Because you like her I'm sure she's great. I'd love to meet her. Why don't we invite her to come to dinner/hike/party with us sometime?" Make it about "us" and "her." Not "them" and "you" if you can spot the difference. Yeah, I agree this may be a good idea. I wouldn't be a tagalong, but suggest that you all hang out together. It would be interesting to see what her reaction to that would be. If SHE feels that he is a "brother" then she probably will have no problem having you hang out with them. Also, is she single? If she is do you have any single guy friends that you can introduce you to her? Or does your boyfriend? That way you all can double date and I also bet that she won't spend as much time with your boyfriend if she is dating someone else. Most of all though, he IS assuring you that he has no feelings for her and is telling you that he is hanging out with her. It doesn't appear that he is trying to hide anything from you, I think that would be more of a red flag. I guess you are going to have to trust him when they do hang out alone.
Krytie TV Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Do you have multiple boyfriends or just megaposting?
candymoon Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Do you have multiple boyfriends or just megaposting? LOL, yeah, I think this is also posted in the flirting and cheating forum. Maybe she didn't like our responses there?
Lauriebell82 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 LOL, yeah, I think this is also posted in the flirting and cheating forum. Maybe she didn't like our responses there? It's also in the dating section. I think she was just trying to get as many responses as possible. Any update for us, latinchicka?
Major Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 LatinaChika, all I can say is, when someone enters a serious relationship, compromise is key. I am a female, and all of my friends are male. I love the male intellect. I love how men view things. However, when I got married, the chemistry of those relationships had to change. There was no texting, or having my friend take me here or there as we had done for years. It's just a respect thing. I also had a friend, who was dating a guy and he had a female friend. Well, he had a birthday party, and my friend the actual girlfriend was excited to do something for him. Well when she called with suggestions, he had already mentioned to his best friend (the female)about his birthday, and she suggested to fly down (just idea of the distance), and host the party for him. How do you think my friend felt about that? He wasn't being mean or trying to do anything disrespectful, it just happened. You see, it wasn't her believing he would cheat on her or anything, however, when a man or woman comes into your life, as "the one" you are dating, they should hold a "special" place. The relationships with all of my male friends had to change. Quite honestly, they were doing things for me as a friend most of the time because I didn't have a boyfriend/husband. Therefore, he needs to be careful how you percieve what's going on. It can be totally innocent, however, you are the woman in his life now. Everyone needs to know that not by him saying it, but his actions. True friends understand that. I didn't lose any of my male friends. As a matter of fact, they respected me more for it.
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